I tell Juliette everything. It takes a while, because she pauses to cry and ask questions. And I have to stop talking so I can kiss her. To touch her hair. To stare at her like she's a lush desert oasis, after I've been without water for months. Part of me is afraid she's not real, as if she'll disappear at any second.

Like when she snuggles into the crook of my arm and her hand skims my chest.

"I don't get it. Why couldn't you call or email me while you were in the hospital?"

It's the part of the story when I was moved to the rehab wing, and I tuck her hair behind her ear. Details about Zoe and Willem are still to come, and I'm worried how she'll react to what I'll have to do in the coming weeks. "At first I was so confused and out of it on pain pills that I didn't know up from down."

"I hate that you went through all this."

She begins to sniffle and I kiss her forehead. "Hey, I survived, that's what's important, right? When I was moved to the rehab wing, I was more lucid. I tried contacting you. Your phone was disconnected. Your email bounced. I even called the condo building and asked for you."

She sighs. "A few days after we heard the news that you died — God, I hate even saying those words — Vee said I needed to move out of your condo and change my cell number and email because the DEA might investigate. She changed her accounts, too. We were both pretty paranoid back then."

"That's what I figured. How's Vee?" I'm wondering if she'll explain the prostitution arrests. I'm dying to ask but I can tell she's eager for me to continue with my story. And part of me doesn't care what happened while I was gone. I'm back, and things will quickly return to normal.

Juliette rolls her eyes. "Long story. Let's finish with yours first. She'll be ecstatic you're back. We live together now."

I press my lips to her cheek. "I know."

"How?"

"Dylan made some calls for me."

She inhales a thin breath. "Hmm. Okay. Back to you. Is the DEA or whoever after you?"

"The DEA?" I shrug. "As far as I can tell, no. I met with my lawyer this morning. A couple of years ago I gave him instructions on what to do if I died, but those were contingent on Zoe being around. When he couldn't find her, he did nothing, just paid my bills and kept everything going. He was about to hire a private detective to find her."

She shakes her head, as if in disbelief. "I feel like you're leaving a lot out. Where's Zoe? Is she okay? Why didn't she call me or Ash? When did you get back? Why didn't you come find me right away? Why did you call your lawyer before me? Why aren't we at your condo?"

"Angel, I'm getting there. So much has happened and it's crazy complicated. I'm not at the condo because I needed to see my lawyer first, to make sure the house wasn't under surveillance. We'll be moving back in tomorrow."

"We? You and me?" She bolts upright, holding a sheet over her chest. There's confusion in her tone.

"Of course. We. If you want."

"Of course I want to."

With a little grin, she leans down to touch her nose to mine. That leads to five minutes of slow kissing. I could kiss her for the rest of the week, not have sex, and be the happiest man on Earth.

"We'll stay here tonight and go back to my condo tomorrow. I'm waiting on a call, though. I might end up meeting a guy tonight for some business."

She wriggles out of my arms. "Meeting a guy? That kinda sounds like what you used to do before. I don't know if I like it." Her eyes narrow.

"Come here." I open my arms and she nestles in again. "I haven't gotten to that part yet. I think you'll understand when I explain."

I continue on with the story. When I speak everything aloud it sounds off-the-chain insane. Like a TV show.

Juliette gasps. "They kidnapped Zoe?"

"Yep."

"How...When..." She shuts her eyes. "Jesus. Ash is going to be pissed and relieved, and ... I don't even know. It's so insane."

Fuck. Ash. I hadn't asked about him yet. "How's he doing?"

"He's okay. Better. He's weak because he had to go through chemo before he gets a stem cell transplant. That's happening soon. But doctors are, ah, optimistic." She licks her lips. "I'm sorry that I used all that money in the safety deposit box. I gave it to him. To pay for treatment."

Another fat tear rolls down her cheek, and I wipe it away. "Why are you apologizing? I left it for you to use. I'm glad I could help Ash. It's the best use of that cash. Does he need more? I still have access to the offshore accounts."

She starts to cry again, and shakes her head. I pull her into my body and hold her. This is the most emotional conversation I've ever had in my life.

After shuddering in a breath and wiping her nose on a tissue, Juliette blows out a breath. Red blotches have bloomed on her cheeks, accentuating a sharpness of her bones that wasn't there before.

"Are you eating?" I ask softly, running a thumb across her jaw.

"I've lost some weight. Stress." She shrugs, like it's no big deal.

But it is. I can't believe the consequences of my decisions...

"Griffin. Keep going. Is Zoe okay? When will they let her go?"

I've been thinking about this moment, what I'll tell Juliette. I've been honest with her so far, telling her all about the deal in Amsterdam (what I recall, at least).

But I don't want her involved with what I have to do to free Zoe. I need to keep my explanation honest, yet superficial. "The guy who has Zoe wants me to broker a deal with someone here in Miami."

Juliette's body stiffens. "Someone? So you're basically going back to your old business? Selling molly?"

"Not exactly. No. It's not that."

"What is it, then? Cocaine?"

I shake my head. "Not cocaine. Not heroin. It's something specific and different and most important, it's only a one-time thing. My involvement will end quick, I hope."

"I don't like it. It sounds dangerous just from the way you're talking about it. Why can't you go to the DEA or whatever and tell them what's going on? Interpol? The FBI? Wouldn't they help you with Zoe?"

"I've thought about it. Thought about it hard on the flight back home. But I risk prison time if I go to the feds. They'd start looking into my business, and my lawyer says there's already a chance that me showing up alive is going to ring some alarm bells. I'm trying to lay low."

"Yeah, how did that work? Weren't you worried about coming back into the country with the passport of a dead man?"

I run my hands over my face. "I traveled to Amsterdam and back with a fake passport."

She stares at me, horrified. "My God. This gets worse by the second. This is serious shit, Griffin."

My jaw clenches, and I nod twice.

"So you're going to live under a different name now?"

"I don't know. My top priority is Zoe. Honestly, I want to get her home, have the lawyer sell off my assets and maybe leave the country. With you. Start over somewhere else. Costa Rica. Mallorca. Thailand. Live a peaceful life somewhere."

Why is she looking so serious? Does this mean she doesn't want a future?

"I don't know what to think," she says slowly.

"If I talk to the feds and they end up putting me in prison, that would kill Zoe, if I went away like our dad. I worry that they might also charge her, too, for being involved. It's not like she's a perfect victim. She was in Amsterdam to sell drugs. Just like I was."

"It might also kill me if you went to prison." She puts her hands over her face and I think she's crying again. When she takes them away, I see her eyes are dry. "Do you have to go back to Europe? Or go anywhere for this deal?"

I stroke her face. "No. I'm staying right here. The guy I need to talk to is here in Miami."

"You've already arranged a meeting?"

"I've called him. As soon as he'll meet with me, I can start planning everything. It could all be resolved soon, if he agrees."

"And if he doesn't?"

I shrug. "I think there's a good chance he will. He knows my dad."

She frowns. "He does? Who is he? Have I met him?"

"Angel...these are details you don't need to know. You don't know him, he's older."

She lets out a strangled growl. "Goddamn it, Griffin. I'm so sick of being kept in the dark. Why can't you be honest with me? Don't you owe me that, considering I thought you were dead for the last four months?"

She's been swearing a lot. Before, she never swore. And her voice has an edgy, bitter tone. Her gaze is both angry and anxious.

"I'm not lying to you. But you don't need to know this level of detail. This is my business. Let it go."

"Your business." She snorts. "Your business almost fucking destroyed me."

"I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry I am for putting you through this." I shut my eyes. "I'm in deep shit, Juliette. I'm trying to get through this, get Zoe back, so we can all live regular, normal, boring lives. Once this is over, you and I can leave. We can live wherever you want. Bring Ashton and Zoe, if they want. This whole situation is my fault. Don't think an hour passes that I don't feel guilty about Zoe. About you. Hell, about Ash, and how he's had to go through treatment without Zoe. All because of my greed."

She leans back, against the white, tufted velvet headboard. I reach for her hand, and her eyes close.

"When I thought you died, I could barely get out of bed."

Am I losing her? Is this where she draws the line? Have I put her through too much, pushed her too far?

Despite the warm Miami breeze coming through the screened door to the patio, a chill goes through me. It's the third time in the past few months I've been this scared. The first was when I was in the induced coma. The second was when I found out Zoe had been kidnapped.

And now. The possibility that Juliette might walk away because of my insane life is crushing. If she does, it's all on me. Honestly, could I blame her?

I nuzzle her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"I managed to go to class and pass exams in December. But just barely." Her eyes are still closed and her voice is strained. As if she's trying not to yell. "And then I got angry. I've been so fucking angry at you, Griffin. For leaving me. And now you're back, I'm still angry. But I love you more than is humanly possible, I think. Right now I hate you and love you and I just want everything to be good again."

She's trying not to cry, and failing. When she opens her eyes, the irises are so bright green that my heart hurts.

"Everything's so fucked." The corners of her mouth droops and another pang of guilt shoots into my gut.

"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm trying to un-fuck it."

She nods and rubs her lips together.

"Angel. I love you. I dreamed about you when I was in a coma. You helped me recover. I almost lost you because of my stupid decisions. Can you forgive me? Please?"

She nods and opens her eyes. "I think so. I'll try. Because I love you too. I don't know if I can handle much more, though. I know you went through hell, and that kills me. I went through hell, too. More than you know."

We stare at each other. We're like two skeletons with hollowed-out eyes. Is she going to tell me about the prostitution charge? Will I have to draw it out of her?

"Seeing you like this makes me hurt, Griffin. You're still beautiful, but you're also different. You're harder and thinner and all the changes scare me. I fear that you've changed into a different man."

"You've changed, too," I say softly.

She nods. "I have. I'm not the innocent little Julie from Kendall anymore. I grew up these past few months."

I reach for her hand and bring it to my lips. "You're my Juliette, no matter what. You always will be. I just hope you can forgive me. We'll get back to where we were."

"I'm not sure I want that, exactly. I want the love, but I don't want the danger. Or the lifestyle."

"We won't have any of that. Just us. Our love. We'll be something even better. Together. I promise."

Rubbing her lips together, she looks to the ceiling. "Griffin?"

I kiss the palm of her hand. "Yeah?"

"I have to tell you something that happened while you were gone."

Why does her voice sound so strained, like she's keeping a tight grip on all her emotions?

____