This life, it's not so bad. I guess.

I'm in the back of the Town Car, headed to Sebastian's home. He'd been apologetic that he couldn't pick me up himself, but because he'd been traveling all week — and because he's hosting this party, he'd needed to be at home to supervise the caterers. His weird and frosty maid-slash-assistant named Lena couldn't handle it all herself, apparently.

This will be my first visit to Sebastian's house. It feels like this is a milestone in our relationship, if that's what you call whatever it is we're doing. Until now, I always got the impression that he liked to be seen with me in public.

Being the woman on his arm at his own house is a step more serious. I'm not sure how to feel about it, but I have no choice.

The truth is, my brother's getting the help he needs. And I haven't even had to sleep with Sebastian. He's been nothing but a gentleman, that little, slightly unpleasant caress in the car when I feel asleep notwithstanding. There's no reason for me to complain about anything.

Yes, he likes to show me off. Yes, he's older. Yes, I'm a kept woman.

No choice, remember?

The glittering high rises of downtown Miami whiz by as we drive to Coral Gables. Sebastian lives in the nicest section of the entire region, just off Miracle Mile. He'd mentioned that it was a historic Mediterranean house near the country club.

Because it's Saturday night, all of the traffic's headed to the beach, and we're going in the opposite direction. It doesn't take long for us to arrive, and I'm a little shocked at how huge the place is. The home itself is cream colored stucco with red barrel tiles on the roof, majestic palm trees outside and ornate iron scrollwork near the windows.

When the driver lets me out, I started to feel my gut churn. Even in all of my days going to parties with Griffin, I'd never been in a house this big. To call it a house isn't even accurate — this is a mansion.

Before I even take two steps to the front door, Sebastian emerges.

He says my name and looks so joyful that I can't help but smile. When my anger at the entire situation isn't front and center, I actually like him, I suppose. I don't love him, I'm not particularly attracted to him, but I can't hate him because he's saving Ash's life.

This is my life now, and I might as well try to enjoy it. Things could be a lot worse.

He's wearing a tuxedo. "Hi. Wow. Look at you. I'm glad you told me to dress formal."

"I'm glad you like." He slips his arm around my waist. I don't cringe every time he touches me now.

"You look amazing. Come. I wanted you to arrive earlier than the other guests. I have a gift for you."

He steers me inside, and down a hall I see a buzz of activity in what looks like the kitchen. I spy Lena's close-cropped, blonde head. "I'll give you the official tour in a minute. First, your gift."

We're in what seems to be a living room, a space so large that it's making me dizzy. The furniture is dark wood and heavy, and the tile floor is polished like a freshly groomed skating rink. I fear I might slip.

Sebastian scoops a long box off the coffee table. It's black velvet, wrapped with a white bow. My heart starts to pound. I know this will be an extravagant and expensive gift, and it makes me uncomfortable.

I force myself to stand close to him while I open it. He's looking at me with those intense eyes, grinning.

I pull the ribbon and open the box. Inside is a pair of drop earrings in a perfect robin's egg blue set in silver. They're tastefully stunning, and not at all what I expected. Somehow, this makes me like him a little more.

"Sebastian, you didn't have to." I glance up at him. "I...Gosh. Thank you. They're so unusual. That color is the purest blue I've ever seen. I'd like to wear them tonight."

He looks incredibly pleased when I plop down on a nearby leather sofa and begin taking out my fake diamonds.

"While I was in Arizona this week at that conference, I saw these. I knew I had to buy them for you. They're from a famous turquoise mine." He takes the box from my hand and removes one earring. "Let me help."

I scoot closer to him and he brushes a tendril of hair away from my neck. Gently, he inserts the earring into the hole in my ear. "This is called Sleeping Beauty turquoise. Apparently it's a highly sought after stone because it's such a clear color, and it has no veins."

I attach the other earring to my lobe.

"Gorgeous," he says. "There's a mirror over here."

He stands and extends his hand. I follow him to the far wall of the vast living room, where a large, full length-mirror in a dark wood frame is resting against the floor. I shift my head back and forth.

"They really are amazing. Thank you." I step back and smooth an invisible wrinkle on my dress.

He's standing behind me, smiling. He spans his hands around my waist, and when he presses his lips to the spot behind my ear, I freeze inside.

"You're gorgeous, Juliette. I'm so lucky to have you." His voice is barely above a whisper. My eyes meeting his in the mirror.

I feel a pang of guilt, and that howling sadness returns.

The party, while not awful, seems like work. Without Sebastian saying a word, I know I'm expected to stay by his side, smile, and make small talk.

I'm decoration, just like the large vases filled with the riotously orange bird of paradise tropical flowers, or the modern art that seems to grace walls in every room. Sebastian enjoys abstract art with violent colors and works by some Russian painter who seems to only paint young, half-naked women. The guests at the party seem impressed that he owns so many paintings of the Russian's work.

For some reason, I'd expected to see the same people we'd shared the Sunday with on the yacht. But this is a different crowd, and by the first hour, I've forgotten everyone's names. It's a parade of people. Unlike men on the yachts, these guys are even older, and most don't have younger wives or girlfriends.

Or, if they do, they didn't bring them tonight. While on my way back from the bathroom, I snatch another miniscule cup of shrimp cocktail from a waiter and wolf it down. God, that's tasty. For some reason, I'm starving tonight, in a way that I haven't been in months. I'd think I was pregnant, except I haven't had sex and I'm on the pill. While making my way to Sebastian, who's holding court by the pool outside, I eat two mini quiches while studying everyone.

The crowd is mostly doctors and people who work at companies that I've never heard of. At one lull in conversation, when Sebastian flags me down. He's holding two glasses of champagne.

"Do all of these people work in the same industry? Medicine? Health care?" I ask.

He hands me a flute and nods. "They're mostly executives from pharmaceutical companies."

"Oh. Hunh. I never imagined that doctors would get to know people like that, executives."

He puts his hand on my lower back and chuckles. "Doctors prescribe lots and lots of pills and make lots and lots of money for the pharma companies. We all benefit." He paused, then gazed over my shoulder. "Come, my dear. The governor's just arrived."

Hours later, the guests are gone and Sebastian's outside, saying goodbye to the caterers. I'm in the living room on the sofa, exhausted. Who knew it would be so tiring to stand around with a bunch of adults and smile? My feet ache, and I've kicked my heels off. The leather sofa is buttery soft, and I'm tipsy and tired enough that I could stretch out and snooze right here.

It's the most drained I've felt in a while. Still, the party wasn't bad. A little boring, nothing exciting, no loud, throbbing music like I'm used to. And unlike parties I'd been to with Griffin, this place isn't a mess afterward. It looks just as clean as it did when I arrived.

Just when I'm contemplating whether there are any mini eclairs left, Sebastian comes in. He sinks next to me on the sofa with a satisfied sigh.

"I think that went well, didn't you?" He asks. It's surprising, because he's never asked my opinion on anything before.

"I did. People loved the food. I overheard them talking about it."

"Well, we raised enough money for the governor's campaign, so that's all that matters. We exceeded his wildest expectations."

I shift my body so my feet are tucked under me, and I'm angled toward him. "That's what this was for? The governor?"

"Yes. I'm a longtime supporter of him, and he's got an uphill battle for re-election this year."

He launches into an explanation of Florida politics, the governor's opponent, and why it's important for doctors to support him. When he says the word insurance, my eyelids start to tug downward, and my head softly falls against the leather cushion. I jerk upright.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry. I'm incredibly sleepy."

Sebastian inches closer, and cups my jaw in his hand. He studies me with a look of pure lust in his eyes. My heart speeds up, and suddenly I'm not so tired anymore.

"Juliette, may I kiss you?" His voice is hoarse.

I've been waiting for this moment for weeks, and here we are.. I think about all of the powerful people he'd introduced me to this evening. All of the money. All of the gifts.

What if I say no? An image of Ash in his hospital bed, his angular face, sallow against the white pillow, pops into my mind.

I hate this, being powerless. But it won't be forever.

I have to keep telling myself that.

I nod once, a small, unsure movement of my head. As he comes closer, I shut my eyes, trying to banish the memories of my first kiss with Griffin. He touches his lips to mine, softly, so soft that I'm shocked. I'd assumed he'd be a hard kisser. Dominant.

The kiss is almost chaste. It doesn't last long, and he pulls back with a sharp inhale. He lets go of my face and rests his hand next to his leg, balling his fingers into a fist. His eyes, normally sardonic and amused, look wild.

It's as if he's trying to exert great control over himself.

"My dear, I think I'm going to take you home now. Is that all right with you? I'll drive you."

Oh thank God. My eyes snap open and I blink. "Um, sure. Sure."

He's looking at me with that easy, slightly arrogant grin he usually wears. He squeezes my leg. "I'll bring around the car. You grab your shoes and purse, okay, liebling?"

Dazed, I nod. I gather my things and stuff my feet into my uncomfortable heels, trying to process what just happened. I just kissed a man other than Griffin. A deep hole of fiery guilt opens up in my stomach.

I meet Sebastian outside, where he's pulled his Mercedes to the front door. All the way home, an awkward silence fills the car. It's not like I know him well enough to talk about the kiss, and I'm certainly not going to tell him that I feel weird about kissing a man other than my dead drug dealer boyfriend.

Also, something else bothers me. It's strange how he wanted me out of his house so quickly. Had I done something wrong? Part of me doesn't care, but for some reason, it rings an alarm bell inside my brain. What was that about?

At my condo, he walks me to the elevator, as he always does. "Juliette, thank you for being with me tonight. You're more of a blessing to me than you know."

I muster a smile. "I had a great time. And thank you for the beautiful earrings."

He takes my face gently in his hands. "I know you're probably confused at what happened at my house. And why I didn't ask you to stay."

A noise escapes from my throat, one that could be interpreted as a yes.

"I don't think you're ready for that, my dear. I'm hoping you will be, soon. But not yet. Don't think I'm angry or that I'm not attracted to you. You're perfect. Okay?"

"Um, okay." I swallow, acutely aware how my mouth tastes like alcohol.

He kisses me on the cheek and the elevator arrives. As I walk through my front door, a sense of dread settles over me.

It wasn't bad, the kiss. As kisses go, it was okay. Nowhere near as pleasurable as kissing Griffin, though. I didn't feel that ache, that pull in my stomach when I touched my lips to Griffin's. Even the memory of kissing him sends warm tingles through me. I try not to think about that too much, because of the sadness that follows.

Ugh. Poor Sebastian. Maybe he sensed that I wasn't that into the kiss. I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings. He's not a terrible person. It would be so much easier if I desired him as much as he desires me.

If only I could will myself to fall in love with him. He's kind and generous. Maybe a little arrogant, and too eager to show off his young girlfriend, but I guess I can deal with that. He's successful, politically connected, socially acceptable. I don't have to worry about him getting busted by the feds or shot by a rival drug dealer. It's obvious that he wants to make me the center of his world.

So why can't I turn off my love for Griffin?

____