《Love is the Drug》Past Sins

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I pull the car into the first open space and turn to Juliette. Panic is radiating off her skin, and she hasn't taken her eyes off Ashton.

I address her in a low voice. "You're going to walk inside, okay? I'll handle your brother."

She nods and glances at me. "Will you call me later? Or text?"

I squeeze her hand, which is moist with perspiration. "Of course."

By the time I get out of the car and reach in the back for her bag, Ash is at the front of the car, on the sidewalk between the parking lot and the apartment building. I walk around the back of the car and open Juliette's door, ignoring her brother.

"Ash. Long time no see." I attempt a smile, and I realize it's coming off more like a smirk.

"What the fuck are you doing with my sister?"

Juliette slides out of the car, her smooth legs a split-second distraction for my eyes.

"Talk later," she whispers, taking the bag out of my hands. She pauses and stares at me, then leans up to kiss me on the cheek.

"Where have you been all weekend? With him? What the hell is this, Juliette?"

"What does it look like?" Making an indignant snorting noise and curling her upper lip, she walks quickly past him. As afraid as she looked in the car, now she's all piss and vinegar. She's an indignant, annoyed, dismissive sister. I've been on the receiving end of that treatment from Zoe.

Ash's eyes follow her to the stairs leading to the apartment, then he angles his body at me, his jaw hard.

"Stay the fuck away from her, man."

I hold up my hands. "Easy."

He closes his eyes and inhales, his hands balling into fists at his side. The last thing I want is to get into a brawl with Ash.

"What are you doing with her? What gives you the right to sweep in here with your Porsche and seduce my little sister? Christ, Griff. When I said years ago that I wanted nothing to do with you, I meant it. And that goes for Juliette, too."

I lean against the passenger door and slide the sunglasses off my face.

"Your sister's eighteen. And being an older brother myself, I understand your concern. But I have no intention of hurting her. Quite the opposite, in fact."

He paces, hands still in tight fists. He's about three feet away, as if he can't bring himself to get any closer to me. "I should fucking punch you."

"Come on, bro. Let's just put the past behind us. I care for her. A lot."

"Oh, you want to make her one of your regular whores? Someone you can take out and throw money at and fuck whenever you desire?" A sneer crosses his lips. "Or are you thinking you'll get her a job at some club somewhere so she can help you sell your drugs?"

I roll my eyes. Over the years, I've structured my life to avoid scrutiny and unwanted attention. Would he call the cops on me? Tell them I sell drugs? I doubt it, since he's likely pretty anti-cop at this point, given his protest history. Even if he did, it would be difficult to prove. Plus, I have excellent lawyers at my disposal, guys who have bought a hit or two from me over the years. And Zoe and I can easily pass our money off as a windfall from our mother's family, who were rich in Argentina.

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Well, rich a few decades ago.

"I'm not the kid you knew in high school, Ash."

He huffs out a breath. "Oh yeah? Then how'd you afford that?" He points at the car.

"None of your damned business. Just like it's none of your business what happens between me and Juliette." I slip my glasses back on. "Since I respect her, I'll tell you this because I know you love her. I'll never do anything to hurt her. Ever. I adore her more than you know."

I take a step away from the car and I see his fist flying through the air, coming right at my face. He's too slow, and I duck.

"Jesus Christ, Ash." My gym routine's paying off because I pivot away, ready to strike. But that little bit of exertion has made Ashton cough so hard that I frown and put my fists down. He sounds like shit, and I can't punch him. It's a little surprising how slow he is, since he'd been a pretty good soccer player in school. But I guess being an activist isn't the most physically demanding line of work.

He catches his breath with a defeated expression on his face, and yet his chin is high and his chest is thrust out. "Stay away from her, Griff. I mean it. She doesn't need to get mixed up with you. Even if you're not still selling, you live a fast life. I've heard about you. Heard about your parties and your clubs and bullshit. It's a fucking shame, is what it is. You used to have a soul."

"Why is it a shame? Because I make money? Because I'm not fighting for some cause like you? I was too busy fighting for myself and for Zoe. You know that. And you abandoned both of us. I don't know who you hurt more. Me or Zoe." My voice softens, because even though he tried to hit me, I still love the guy. Always will. "You can fix that now, you know. She might forgive you if you called."

At the mention of her name he winces. "I feel the same now as I did then. You're morally bankrupt, and so is she. I just wish I'd told someone back then. Cops or the school. I was too afraid back then." His voice is hoarse.

I take a step toward him. "I never understood that. Why were you afraid of me? I wasn't violent back then. Not to you."

His top lip curls, probably in disgust. "What you did back then was fucked up. You sold drugs. To teenagers."

And to some of the school staff. But I wasn't going to let loose that little piece of information. Not now.

"You never got it, did you? You never understood how Zoe and I felt. Our mom died, our dad went to prison. We were alone. Orphans, you dick. If I'd done what you'd suggested back then, we would've been split up and put in foster care. Do you know what would've happened to Zoe in foster care? Do you? A beautiful fifteen-year-old girl? You're smart enough to understand, now that you know how the world works."

He glares at me, but there's a flicker of something in his eyes. Recognition? Awareness?

"Would you have followed the rules had it been you and Juliette? If you knew she'd be in danger of God knows what? I did what I had to. And by the way, Zoe just graduated from UF with a master's in business. She's smart as hell. You'd be proud of her."

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He looks at me with flared nostrils, and I spot a vein in his temple throbbing. I've hit a nerve. Mentioning Zoe has made him even more pissed.

"I'll do what it takes now to make sure my sister's safe. And that means keeping her away from you. I know you'll destroy Juliette. She's a dreamer. She's got no idea what you're all about."

I let out a bitter chuckle as I walk to the driver's side and open the door. "We'll see about that. She's old enough to make her own decisions. And she's smarter than the two of us put together."

A heaviness settles in my chest as I fire up the car.

I back out and roar off, my mind racing. I'm mostly thinking about the last time I had a conversation with Ashton, back in high school.

It was back in the apartment I'd rented for me and Zoe, a real suburban shithole. It wasn't the safest place — there were more than a few gangbangers living with their moms in the building — but the landlord didn't care about anything but cash. And I figured that if I could get the gangbangers on my side by cutting them a deal on Molly, they'd keep us relatively safe.

"What the hell is this place?" Ash said one afternoon. It was January, the first week back to school from winter break, when the Florida air was dry and perfect. Christmas had sucked, mostly because we'd left our childhood home.

"Why couldn't you have stayed in your old house? Or come to live with me?"

I grabbed a Mountain Dew and tossed one to Ash. Zoe was on the sofa, playing a video game.

"The feds were going to seize my dad's house sooner or later. So we had to get out before they did, and before the state child welfare assholes came after us."

Ash's lips pressed into a slash. "You two could've stayed with me."

I shook my head."We didn't want to get you and your mom involved. Plus there's no room at your place, not with you and your sister."

Ash sank next to Zoe on the sofa and she shot him a little goofy smile. Normally I wouldn't be crazy about my fifteen-year-old sister having a crush on a guy, but it was Ash. He was my best friend, and besides, I had enough problems as it was. Like graduating from high school, paying for my first semester of college and evading cops and the DEA.

"I don't get it, though. Why don't you just let the state take care of you? Or what about your uncle? I thought you said your uncle in Ohio was going to help."

I sprawled in the green recliner, the one that was left behind by the former tenants. It smelled like a mixture of mold and wet feet but I didn't give a shit. "He helped by signing the lease for us here."

Ash grimaced. "I just don't understand how you're doing this, or why. How are you paying for this? Is your uncle giving you money? Your dad?"

"What the fuck is this? Twenty questions?"

There was an explosion on the TV screen and Zoe swore. She fumbled at the controls, then shot me an alarmed look. We hadn't yet told Ash what we were doing.

"What?" Ash said, staring at Zoe. She swallowed and guilt was written on her face.

"What?" he repeated.

"I think we can tell him, Griff," she said softly.

Christ.

"Tell me what?"

"Nothing." I pretended to study the soda can.

"No, tell me. C'mon."

I sighed. "My dad left us a little money in a secret account in a bank in Grand Cayman."

"Cool. So that's how you're paying for this. At least he didn't leave you totally hanging when he went to prison."

Zoe put her hand on Ash's knee."Well, not exactly. We've spent most of it. So Griff, well, Griff and I, we decided to make money in another way."

Fuuuck. Ash frowned and I shut my eyes. I could kill Zoe.

"Zoe, stop," I said softly.

"No. Don't stop. How are you making money?" Ash's voice was brittle. "Tell me."

I opened my eyes to find Ash studying me with wary eyes.

"I heard something around school. About you selling molly to a couple of kids. Is that true?" he asked.

I clenched my jaw so hard that my teeth ached. But I refused to answer.

"It's fucking true, isn't it? I told someone you'd never do that. Is it true? Zoe, tell me, dammit."

They're staring at each other. He's glaring at her and her eyes are glassy.

"Please don't tell anyone. It's the only way we can survive, Ash. You're the only one we've told."

"I don't like this," he said softly, tucking a strand of her purple hair behind her ear. "I don't like it at all. You could get in a lot of trouble."

"You don't have to like it." My voice was clipped and I hauled myself to my feet. "It's how we're doing things for now. It's easy money, I can pay for college in the fall and I can save for Zoe's school too. It's not like I'm selling fucking cocaine, Ash. It's a few pills to people who want to dance all night to some shitty music. I've figured out how to do it safely."

"But it's illegal," he yelled.

"Lots of shit is illegal." I downed my soda. "What the government did to my dad, how they set him up and then indicted him, that should have been illegal. Selling some pills to some ravers isn't all that bad in the scheme of things."

"None of that gives you the right to be a drug dealer." He turned to Zoe. "And I can't believe you'd go along with this."

She let out a strangled groan. "I don't want to be separated from Griffin. Or you. I don't want to go into foster care. All I want is to study and stay here. Finish school."

"Come live with me. I'll convince my mom." Leaning in, he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs.

"No, Ash. She stays with me. She's my sister and my responsibility. I'm taking care of her. Christ, don't worry. This is only temporary."

Ash stood up, looking stunned. "I...I don't know. I can't condone this."

I blew out a breath. "So what are you doing to do? Tell the cops?"

He shook his head. "You know I love you guys too much to do that. Cops are bastards. I don't want to see you get in trouble. Selling a couple of times, fine. But if it's going toe a regular thing, I can't be around you. I need to decide if I can be friends with you if I don't respect what you're doing. You know how I feel about drugs."

"Ash, just because your dad snorted a few lines and left your family doesn't mean I'm a bad person."

"He snorted lines and beat my mom while she was pregnant with Juliette. I saw her with a black eye, eight months pregnant. Him leaving was the best thing that happened."

I sighed. "This is nothing like that. We don't take drugs." I pointed at Zoe and then me. "C'mon, man. We've been friends for years. Don't let this get in between us."

He looked like he was going to throw up. Shaking his head, he walked out of the apartment, slamming the door.

Zoe, who'd taken our father's conviction harder than I had, burst into hysterical tears. I went to her, and wrapped my arms around her thin shoulders, pulling her close.

"Don't worry. He'll be okay. He just needs time to process. We're gonna get through this," I promised her. "And if he doesn't, fuck him. It's me and you against everyone. We'll come out of this stronger. Trust me."

The memory of that day makes me sweat as I drive home.

What will Ash do now? Will he persuade Juliette not to see me? The idea of losing her sends little stabs of pains into my gut. An image of her sleeping in my arms this morning pops into my mind. How the filtered sunlight coming in from the window illuminated her skin, making her look like a goddess. I'd kissed her forehead, and how she'd let out a little coo in response.

I'd practically stopped breathing when she did that.

"Can you kiss me awake every morning?" she'd murmured, throwing a leg over mine.

"If you'll let me," I'd said. And I meant it.

How has this girl worked her way into my heart so fast? Why now? Why her? And if we're going to be together, how can I convince Ash to give us his blessing?

____

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