"For me I kinda love it when we spend time

You gimme the best time

Me nave no doubt bout you

Suh tell me why you still uncertain?"

~OPEN (Stalk Ashley)

°~°~°

Bernice tried calling Kenyatta for most of the week. There was no way of him being sure what she would be calling him for, and though curiosity struck him, he avoided answering. Even as he laid in bed Bae watched his best friend with a disapproving stare as he allowed the phone to ring.

“At times I want to purple nurple you but it would feel like sexual harassment.” He spat out nudging the bed to shake and pull Ken’s attention to him.

Annoyed, the intersexed man narrowed his eyes at the Asian, “fuck you, Bae.”

“Answer the fucking phone. She’s calling for a reason, so will you stop acting stupid. She likes you. She’s beautiful and calling your phone nonstop since you left. What is wrong with you? If Leanna—”

Ken sucked his teeth at that, “well, answer the fucking phone if Leanna calls you. I won’t stop you. She called me an it by the way. And thank you for telling her I was born deformed.”

“Dude, relax. You weren’t born deformed. I would be stoked to be born with a vagina as well as my penis and maybe a pair of boobs. I could understand the female body better. I have to please women off what I read or pick up on how they react. You have the boobs and the sensitivity with it and you kinda look like a girl, so girls open up to you easier and trust you easier. I get the general men ain’t shit mantra thrown in my face daily and all I want is someone to like me. Be honest, when’s the last time you heard of me in a serious relationship?”

Silence.

“Two years, Kenyatta. Two. Everyone’s scared of a broken heart. Girls are becoming lesbians these days. They don’t want the bad boy Asian with a heart of gold and heavenly dick game. They woman women in touch with their emotional side, woman who knows their bodies and shit.”

Ken laughed at this, “you’re self pitying now. I am the least emotionally in tuned person and I don’t know what it’s like to have a vagina. I can only tell you it feels and taste good.”

Bae blinked at that forgetting the point he was going to make then fanned off his best friend, “answer the fucking hot Jamaican woman. If not for yourself, answer for her and her kid. That kid loves you. Just listen to what she has to say and stop being damaged and dense.”

“If she calls again.” Ken grumbled but he thought to himself that maybe she wouldn’t ring him anymore.

The phone rang again though.

***

Depression had a funny way of creeping up on people. It had a very merciless sneak to it. A person could just experience a small waver of sadness and just as the second saddening thought reoccurs, the thought process becomes never ending. It sank its claws into Bernice for the passed couple days.

If it wasn’t her taking care of Aiden, she wouldn’t move out the bed. And whilst Aiden gradually got better, she slowly became immobile.

By weekend, Aiden became the one more concerned about his mother. He would find himself in her bed, cuddling her as she did him and despite him not being permitted to use the stove, he would bring his snacks to his mother, or the food she prepared for him for her to eat. She refused everything and boy did Aiden worry.

“Mamma?”

“Yeah, baby?” she answered not taking away her nose from her favourite shirt of Giovanni’s, she remained snuggled in bed, wrapped from neck to toe.

The sight made Aiden want to sulk. She looked so sad over a man who didn’t even call her—his pregnant wife—to see if she was doing okay. Aiden didn’t have to ask, he knew the ass didn’t. Yet here she was missing him.

“May I invite Kenya over?”

“Anything you want, baby. Tell him I said hi.”

Not paying mind to the pronoun used, Aiden left the room and called Kenya. As soon as he got answered he spoke, “mummy’s depressed and I don’t know what to do. Singing to her doesn’t cheer her up like it usually does, she doesn’t eat and she’s pregnant. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like when she’s not happy. I asked her if I could call you over and she said yes and I should tell you hi. So that means she’s not uncomfortable with your secret, right? So could you come please? I’ll stay in the east wing or my bedroom until you two have the adult talk. I’m eight. I can only do so much. Please, don’t say no. You promised you’d be here for mi mamma too.”

Silence.

“Please, Kenyatta?”

“… I’ll be over in a bit.”

Relieved, Aiden wiped his stray tear and nodded, “thank you. Thank you so much.”

***

Ken came to see Aiden by the window, legs up on the sill and dressed back into a lawn chair he carried in from the back yard. A laugh erupted from Ken seeing that, it made him look like he was on curfew and was in for a hell of a scolding. But the smile on Aiden’s face assured him that wasn’t the case.

He got let in as soon as he got to the door then tackled into a tight hug from Aiden that he returned.

“You brought pizza?” Aiden asked eyes wide as he took in the items in his hands.

Nodding Ken gave him the smallest bag, “this one is all yours. I’m gonna try and have your mom eat this with me.”

Aiden grabbed the back then locked the door behind him, “you’re awesome. She’s in her room. Go. Go.”

Taking the commander, Ken went opposite direction to Aiden. He wasn’t sure if he could get Miss White to eat, but he would try. If not, he didn’t know what he could do. He wondered if he should bring up what happened earlier that week too, or maybe not. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. Going with the flow would be a much better option. If it didn’t come up naturally, he wouldn’t force it at all. Getting Bernice in a better mood would be best after all.

So when he finally got to her bedroom, he tossed away all thought about himself and knocked on her door. When she responded with a soft come in he made sure to close the door behind him go straight to the side of her bed.

“I brought you pizza.” He told her pulling out two soda and placing them on the side table, “and ginger beer. I brought enough for two. So if you’d like my company then you can let me know.”

Bernice peeked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrow cocked in question, “why when I called you never answered?”

“Sorry… my pessimist took over. Would you talk to me now?” he asked taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Bernice slowly pushed herself to sit up against her stack of pillows and wrapped her arms around herself, “why mi fi talk to you now and yuh did a ignore me?”

Frowning, Ken pulled the pizza box from the Domino’s bag and gently pushed it towards her, “you could take my share?” he tried but when Niecy rolled her eyes and him, he sighed, “I’m sorry. I’m use to rejection. I honestly, don’t want it anymore, but I guess I’ll have to live with the fact that I’m bound to get rejected a few more times before…”

“Before what?” she asked finally taking the pizza box from his grasp and opening it. A smile graced her lips when she saw the pineapple and pepperoni toppings, “how did you—”

Smiling softly, Ken pulled out another item from the pizza bag, “I kinda checked your Wikipedia when I couldn’t stop thinking about you during the stay-away… I’m sorry I never picked up any of your calls.”

“At least you came here.” She whispered as she took a slice into her hand and brought it to her lips, “I called Giovanni and all he did was curse because he kept seeing homeless people in his clothes. He hasn’t even asked about Aiden or how I’m doing carrying his other child.”

Ken watched as she ate and smiled at that, he then placed the pint of ice cream beside her along with a spoon, “maybe Vanilla ice cream can fill in?”

“Replace ice cream with you and you’re correct. I just needed company. I don’t think I should talk to Aiden about his father in a negative light any further. He already hates him and I think it’s my fault.”

Ken shook his head at that, “no, he did that to himself. Trust me, you can tell a kid so many things about their parents and they don’t listen to shit. They’ll only react to what they receive. At least that’s how I was growing up. Didn’t start hating my dad until I witness him beating my mom.”

“Weird thing is my mother use to beat my father. He kept it to himself though cause the first time him talk bout it them laugh after him and call him pussy.”

“Mommy never talked about it because people warned her.” He countered, not touching even a slice of the pizza as yet.

Bernice on the other hand had just reached her third slice and paused mid bite, “you don’t want any?”

“Not really, I ate a bit earlier today. And pizza isn’t what I’m hungry for right now.” He told her honestly then licked his lips looking at her, “how are you feeling? Has the baby been moving?”

Nodding, Bernice placed the pizza slice back into the box and closed it. After placing it unto her side table she took up the ice cream and began eating it, “she only started moving in the beginning of this month. She’s moving right now, but you’ll gave to place close close attention to feel it. Place you hand right here.” She instructed taking Ken’s hand to rest near the underside of her belly, “let me know if you feel it.”

“… I don’t—. Wait, I feel a little something.” He smiled in amazement, “that was so faint.”

Bernice smiled nodding, “feels like butterflies for me. Affi brace mi self fi heartburn and them something deh now. Aiden gave me plenty. By the sixth month mi basically live in a the hospital. Probably why Gio nuh so excited fi a next baby.”

“Are you excited?” Ken asked scooting closer to her with his hand gently gliding across her belly.

As his caressing soothed her belly, she smiled with a nod, “yea. I always wanted a big family. I want to have at least three more. But realistically speaking They might not be for Giovanni. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah?”

“Yea. Him much care and at this point if my own son tell me leave his father, I might as well.” A small chuckle erupted from her remembering a conversation she had earlier with son that week, “you know Aiden said and I quote mummy don’t worry I told Kenya to search for a male version of her to love you and make you happy.” She recited scooping a thick amount of ice cream unto her spoon, but she frowned when it all fell on her chest, “so you find any male version of you for me yet?”

That made a sting at Ken’s hopes, and though his eyes followed the ice cream trail down her bosom, he tore his gaze away from it with a shake of his head, “no. I didn’t look. Sorry.”

“It wouldn’t make sense if you did. You’re already a man.” Her words left with a n evident smile as her finger wiped up the milk from her breasts and licked it clean.

The smacking of her lips pulled Ken’s attention though, “do you see me as one?... Fuck.” He muttered realizing the leak that spotted her silk nighty just at her right nipple.

“As long as that’s how you see yourself.” Bernice responded and placed her hand over his that still remained on her belly, “if you prefer being a he or she, I have no issue. Gender is just a societal thing if you think about it. I really don’t care. It isn’t important unless you want it to be.”

“So when you saw me… masturbating.” He pointed his with his eyes still trained on her printing and leaking nipple as he licked his lips, “you weren’t disgusted.”

Bernice shook her head, “why should I be appalled by something that could have me screaming from pleasure, Ken?”

“Sound like wise words.” He licked his lips again and lifted his eyes to see the pregnant woman licking the last of the ice cream from her finger again, “so, that time we kissed… you don’t regret it?”

“Depends.” She sighed leaning closer to him and intertwining their fingers, “could you refresh my memory first?”

Ken took a deep breath at that and nodded. Not a second more past before his lips met with hers, tasting the vanilla milk on her plump skin. His hand slid to her throat and slightly pressed against her veins having the lady moan out into the kiss.

“Add tongue, please.” She begged him.

And just when she thought he’d give her what she wanted, he pulled away, “whenever I finally use my tongue, I want to use it on your pussy too. I’d rather not do that with Aiden down stairs and probably busting in at a moments notice.”

“Please?” Bernice tried with a small pout.

She only gained a chuckle from Ken as he licked his lips though, “maybe next time. You gonna eat anymore?”

“No.” her pout deepened as she looked to her fiddling fingers.

Sighing, Ken tilted her chin to have her look at him, “I shouldn’t… but I really like you, Miss White… and honestly, I only see this ending with me getting hurt.”

“I—”

“Don’t.” he cut her off and ran his hand through his hair, “don’t tell me you won’t.”

Niecy sighed at that and shook her head. Almost like a fragile piece of glass, she cradled Ken’s face between her palm and pulled him in for a soft kiss, she fought her own urge to gift her tongue and softly sucked on his lower lip, “when you kiss me.” She whispered between in the kiss then pressed her forehead against his, “I don’t think about him. I think about you. I love Giovanni, but I’m understanding that even if he loves me, it’s not a love I deserve. I’m too good a person… too good a woman and a mother for what he does… but I understand. I won’t force you.” Bernice sighed, “but could I ask you one favour?”

“What?” he asked.

She took a deep, yet shaky breath as she felt her eyes sting with tears, “could you hold me for a while? I want to see something.”

“Okay.”

That day Ken cuddled up behind Miss White, he spooned her and wrapped his arms around her and allowed his lips to delicately peck her bare shoulder. He whispered words in her ears too, words he longed to tell a woman he would fall in love with, but he said it all in a tongue she never understood. He told her how beautiful she was, he told her how perfect a soul she was and how a woman like her was made as a blessing he wish he could have completely and utterly for himself… he told her he wanted to love her without feeling stupid. He whispered to her how could he admit to himself that he loved her already? Until he eventually uttered the three words.

She never understood a thing he said, but as he held her, she smiled and her body melted into a warmth as she felt a blanket of safety engulf her. In a matter of minutes, Miss White fell asleep and as to follow suit, Ken succumbed to a sleep as well.

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