See? I can keep ... Sometimes!

Hope you enjoy!

Yours, Dear J

I took on more than I could handle, I knew that, but ever since I met his family, this constant feeling had been nagging me.

A feeling to protect.

But protect who? Brandon? Myself?

"Seriously, calm down." Markus' words seemed so far away from me at this point; I couldn't even take them seriously.

"Are you saying that to Erika, or yourself?" Stella asked, pulling his other hand away from constantly pulling on his tie and settling it atop her light blue velvet-clad thigh, as she sat on the bar stool next to him, inside the Venue.

We were one of the same; Markus couldn't fool anyone, either. He was worried. Not just for the athlete he admired, but for me as well.

"The boys will handle this like they always do," said Riley, Malcolm's girlfriend. "Right?"

She turned to look at him, hiding the worry in her voice behind a warm smile. Instead of answering, Malcolm kissed her cheek, pulling her towards him, as he enveloved her body in his arms.

"You know it, love," he said, settling his chin on top of her head.

Unlike the first time we arrived to such an event, this time Malcolm was waiting for us right by the door, with Riley by his side. Their matching dark attire a stark contrast to the marble white walls, indicating to the lavish interior of the Venue.

Conversation was easy, as Markus and Malcolm connected through their mutual love of superheroes. Their newfound bromance was short-lived, though, when they started antagonizing one another when an important argument arose; Marvel versus DC.

While the boys talked, we connected with Riley. It was easy to like her, as she told us about her and Malcolm's relationship; it seemed like Brandon wasn't the only one who tried to push the person he had feelings for away. But their love prevailed either way, once she managed to tear those walls down.

The night seemed promising, as her bubbly personality made me almost forget about the rumor I heard. And as we entered the grand Venue, the interior took my breath away.

The marble façade made justice to the lavish golden interior. Grand stairs caused the people to part before they met again in the middle, while marble white columns held the foyer elegantly.

Each step caused more butterflies to erupt in my stomach, the click-clack of my heels matching my rapidly beating heart; any second now, and I could be in his arms.

The gold surrounding us melted into a graceful blue, and as the people shifted, the guests became more exclusive.

Cooler lights enveloped us, the strong beat accommodating, as we walked our way through the fans and media goliaths, until we reached the VIP area. Here the crowds were scarce, and the music was different. Instead of the up tune beats a DJ created in the vestibule, an arrangement of saxophone and base surrounded the guests, hinting to a different type of audience. We couldn't see the musicians, but we knew they were there.

A new sense of anxiety overtook me, as I felt out of place. I didn't appreciate this new sense of knowledge; knowing people were there, but never actually seeing them.

Knowing I was being watched, but never meeting the eyes of those causing my back to become heavy.

I wondered if this was how trapped animals felt like.

I wondered if this was how Brandon felt; out of place, always watched. Trapped.

Our small group of friends was spotted by Mia, followed by Viviana. They were both beautiful, but Viviana's sophisticated attire was more prominent than anyone else we met tonight.

She looked like she belonged. With no doubt, I knew, the woman was more accustomed to this way of life, more than anything else.

"Look who's here." The music was loud, but I heard her loud and clear, as she came close, cornering me, while Mia greeted the others.

"It's nice to see you too, Mrs. King."

"I see you're still around," she said, twirling the drink in her crystal martini-glass.

"I was invited." I tried to hide my sarcasm behind a smile.

"Of course, you were..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not the first to leech on him, after all of his accomplishments. I don't know why he keeps you around."

For a moment, I was reminded of that woman, the beautiful PR, during the party after Brandon's return to the ring; of his past. I knew she wasn't the only one.

But I wasn't trying to catch or keep his attention. It wasn't about attention; it was never about money or status.

We were different.

Him and I... we were meant to find each other. Somehow, somewhere in my soul, I truly felt it.

We were meant to find each other.

"Staying away from him was your choice. But it will never be mine."

Not wanting our conversation to escalate, I tried to move away, but her grip on my wrist stopped me; she was stronger than she looked.

"Child... you think you're irreplaceable?"

"I know you're looking out for him. I know that your words come from a place of distorted love, but I assure you... I am strong enough. Strong enough to never leave his side. Even when he thinks he knows what's best for me, as long as we have feelings for each other, I won't ever abandon him because shit got scary."

"You might think you're doing it for him, but how is he going to handle it if anything happens to you?" Her words were like a slap to the face, a mere wake-up call. "It will break him, to know, he could protect you, but chose to stay with you instead."

We were staring each other down, as I let her words settle in.

By now we gained the attention of our small group, and I felt their questioning stares on both of us.

"You're wrong! Staying away would only hurt more... I'd rather fight beside him, than that bitter agony."

Her gaze leveled with my own, before she turned on her heel.

"Hope you won't regret your words," she said with her back to me, already leaving. "Because the damage is already done. And it's because of you."

The moment she was gone, I felt Stella's gentle hand take mine in hers. Funny how my wrist was still pulsing, even after she left.

I could hear them all; Stella asking if I was okay, Markus' seething words, and Mia's pleading ones, as she apologized for her mother's behavior. But I was so far away right now. Lost in my thoughts, I ravaged through my brain, desperately trying to find a logical answer explaining her words.

I didn't have to search for long; people were already talking.

And the chaos ensued from the conversation between three men, not too far away from us. They were talking nonchalantly, enjoying a round of whiskey, while their words created havoc for all of us.

"I hope Inkles has a way of keeping this on the low."

"I wouldn't be surprised if King's initial strike was a fluke tainted with the good ol' substance, to be honest."

"Still... the timing is not in our favor, and whoever leaked this, will get in trouble."

"I don't think the committee will take matters lightly," said the first one again.

It couldn't be.

No!

Were those words exchanged between teenagers, actually holding some truth to them?

Brandon would never fall down that spiral. Not ever again.

But a couple of thoughtless words could be ruinous. For him, his family, his career. Everything he built could burn to the ground, because of a good scripted scenario.

Needing some clarity, Markus demanded some answers. No one wanted to spoil the night, but this was more important than a flimsy party.

And just as I thought, Malcolm already knew.

While the rest of us were prepared to put on a fight, Malcolm was his same calm and collected self. His words must have been settling for Riley, but they did nothing to ease my mind.

The only one who could, was him.

I had to find him. I couldn't stay still for much longer.

I needed to see him.

"Excuse me, for a while," I said, trying to seem composed.

"Where are you going?" Stella's worried eyes met my own.

"I just need some air."

Instead of air, I wondered deeper into the establishment. The blues became a deeper color, indigo and purple lights made everything seem cooler, but seemed so unflattering against my emerald green-clad body.

Another reminder I didn't belong here.

But it wasn't me who was the problem, no. I knew that now.

Out there, most of the MMA fans loved him. In here, he was surrounded by not only his fans, but also corrupted and the vilest type of people.

I was glad I wasn't a part of this. And Brandon, the man I came to love and cherish, didn't belong here either. He was merely trapped, desperately looking for a way out.

But in this jungle, it seemed almost impossible to find him. Granted, nothing was on my side, since my phone was dead. I could go back, find the others again, but I wasn't ready for that yet. The only oasis, was the bar in the middle of all the chaos, as I settled on the leather stool, hands itching to rub my face in frustration, when the bartender settled a flute of champagne in front of me.

"Another one."

Jax's voice pulled me out of my reverie, as he met my eyes for a brief moment, before taking the drink the bartender left after seconds in front for him.

"Did you find Stella and Markus? They're also--" The saddened expression in his eyes made me stop.

"You heard," I said, a heavy sigh leaving my lips.

"That fucking name will always follow me around," he said over the rim of his glass.

Regret filled me instantly. It was probably the first time Stella and Markus heard anything about Jax' family name. Of course they had questions. I had questions.

I downed my first drink, when the bartender pushed a second one. "You seemed like you needed one more," he said as an explanation, when my questioning eyes found his, but I accepted it gladly.

"He doesn't hate you," I spoke over the rim of my glass, not turning towards Jax.

"Good to know at least he doesn't," he said, swirling the golden liquid in his glass.

"I don't either," I teased him back, trying to lighten both our moods.

"I know."

His lips turning upwards for a millisecond, before a heavy sigh left his lips.

"Ariana's back." His voice sounded defeated, and a pained chuckle left his lips, when I turned towards him with wide eyes.

"And?" I knew he was still hurting and, even though we had our little quarrel, I wanted to be there for him, if he'd let me.

"She wants nothing to do with me."

"I'm sorry..." I said, stealing another glimpse of his glum face.

"Yeah... let's drink to that."

Just when I was about to down another flute of strong liquor, someone clutched my wrist, stopping the glass from ever meeting my lips.

"Listen... I don't know what's her deal, but just know I am in your corner." I was met with Mia's pleading eyes; an imitation of the ones I was craving all night.

"Well... No reason to dwell on mommy dearest's distaste for me," I said under my breath, a scoff leaving Jax' lips, as he almost chocked on his drink.

"God, how many of these have you had?"

"Not enough." My words brought another chuckle out of him, nodding his head in approval.

"Just ignore her. That's what I've been doing for the past couple of years, and I turned out fine."

"Are you fine, though?" I asked her, half not realizing the implications of my words; the other half of me didn't care.

She rolled her eyes, ignoring what I was implying, before she continued.

"Besides, Brandon's so in love with you, I doubt anything could come between you two. So... Yeah."

At that, I felt tears stinging the corners of my eyes. I refused to rub them, not wanting to look like a beat-up monster with smudged mascara under my eyes, so I hugged her close to me instead.

It was odd, since she was taller than me; the heels didn't help my case either. But it wasn't uncomfortable. She was warm in a King-type of way.

"Hey..." She said, awkwardly.

"I promise to take care of you... and treat you nicer than all the other interns, when you join us at the hospital."

"Oh, I wouldn't wish that on anybody," Jax joked from beside me, and I ignored the urge to smack his beautiful face.

"Wait... how do you know you'll be my resident?"

She pulled away to look at me, wide eyes almost pleading with mine. I was about to tease her further, when I saw Viviana once more at the opposite corner of the sumptuous room.

"Oh, you can count on that," I winked, before downing the last flute on top of the bar still waiting for me.

"I'm not sure if I should be relieved or terrified right now."

"Well then... let's find out," were my last words to her, before I took off, close behind where Viviana was heading.

She was the reason for my most recent torment, and she deserved to hear a fraction of it. At least that was how my half-intoxicated brain reasoned.

I was discreet, blending in with the other guests, while I tried not to fall on my face on these heels.

Who said alcohol and heels were a clever idea?

Scrubs and slippers, on the other hand... now that was my cup of tea.

Useless thoughts unraveled my usual deeper ones, in my pursue to catch up to her, when I realized she wasn't alone. She was accompanied by three men to another part of the venue; the same three who were talking about the new rumor surrounding Brandon's alleged drug use.

Fury spread through my veins, making me see red with each step I took, before I realized, I was actually encompassed in red.

I took a look around me, noticing how the cool tones of the grand VIP area narrowed down. The change was slow at first, barely visible to the other guests, if they didn't know to look for it. But before long, I was surrounded by mirrors. Mirrors that were soon turned red, all thanks to the eye-burning strength of the red LED lights at the top of the ceiling.

It was maddening, as I tried to keep up with Viviana and not lose her down this maze. The blood pumped through my veins in new speeds, making an upcoming headache linger at the back of my head, but I pushed through it, as I prayed, to everything holy, that I wouldn't lose her.

Turn after turn, I was sure not many people knew about this part of the Venue. Still, trying to remain unseen, I kept my steps light, always a couple of feet away from them, but that proved to be my utter downfall.

Cause just after another sharp turn at a corner, I lost her.

I was only met with my own terrified reflection, as I spanned around to make sense of this place. But looking around, I realized I had no idea where I was or where I came from myself.

Like freezing water falling over me, I came down from my alcohol-induced-high.

And as the red mirrors were becoming claustrophobic, only two words circled around my mind:

Que cazzo!

Aaaaand we take deep breaths, cause.... woah!

If you made it, a round of applause for you. And you! And , cause you're an , and that was another or something!

Seeing as it is a , and a sunny one at that, I'll go on and to be , while I try to study for exams. 'til you , am I right? ;)

Try to take care of yourself. At least don't forget to !! You know, for hydration and stuff...

upcoming (27th May)or Saturday (assuming I get my to do list done, by then!)

Yours,

~ Dear Joanna