^^Madeleine Lee

"I came from school early that day because I wasn't feeling well... And I heard some noises from his room... When I went inside, I saw him struggling as his body hung with a rope around his neck." She went silent for a second as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I went to him screaming and tried to help him but I couldn't... I wasn't strong enough and couldn't reach him. Then his body went still... Lifeless..."

"Maddie you don't have to-"

"I called my mom crying like a baby and she came running, but it was too late. He was dead... And I watched him dangling there on my knees. If I was just powerful enough... I could have saved him."

"You were just a kid." My voice cracked as I controlled my whimpers.

"He lied to me... He told me he would be with me forever but when things got a little rough he left me... He said he loved me but does someone who loves you leave you like that?"

I shook my head, sobbing, and hugged her tightly.

"Ma-Maddie... I'm so sorry, I didn't know."

"The bright fairy world I used to see became black and white." She sniffed and cleared her face with the back of her hand.

"I didn't even shed a tear at his funeral and the remaining blacked out. My mom took me to a therapist." She scrunched her face. "And that a**hole wasn't helping just wasting our money, so after a few months I told my mom I was alright and there wasn't any need."

"How was your mom handling it?" I sniffed.

"Busy with her work." She scoffed. "As usual, and that made me angrier. The kids at my previous school irritated me a lot and I beat them up to let my anger out." She let out a dry laugh. "According to my f**k old therapist, I became unstable. So my mom got me homeschooled till junior high but there I also got into fights with boys who used to tease me and she had to move from our hometown to here."

"And then you met Jordan," I remembered Jordan telling me about meeting Madeleine.

"Yeah..." She chuckled. "He was a stupid, actually still a stupid guy and stubborn as hell. I gave him a really hard time, but he didn't give up and somehow I liked him, so we became friends."

"When did you cut yourself?" I asked in a low voice. She pulled her sleeve up and ran her fingers over the scar, over her arm.

"One day I got beaten by a few boys in junior high and I felt numb... The physical pain overcomes the pain inside of me and an idea came to my mind." She cleared her throat. "Whenever my feelings get overwhelmed, I cut myself and it made me forget about the grief inside of me."

"How often do you do it?"

"I'm not mad enough to do it regularly." She cracked up, but I remained silent. "Oh come on Lilly, stop being gloomy."

"I can't believe you're making a joke out of this," I said deadpan.

"Well, that's what I do... When I can't handle the situation, I make jokes or fight people, and when my feelings get too overwhelming to control..." She glanced at her scares. "I do this, but don't worry, I don't do it anymore." She beamed.

"That ones look new." I pointed at the long scratch and the skin was still red, showing it was done recently.

"I did it before you came raiding me." She growled.

"Why?" I asked in a low voice.

"Because..." She gulped. "I felt seriously terrible for stopping you from going out with Drew. Last night you looked so happy and it made me guilty that I was trying to control you and coming between your happiness..."

"Oh, Maddie." I hugged her tightly. "You were just looking out for me."

"But what I did was wrong." She mumbled, putting her head on my shoulder.

"No, it wasn't." I shook my head. "Looking out for your friend is a good thing, and I'm thankful to you, you care so much about me."

"Don't." She grumbled and got out of my arms, standing up from the bed. "Don't do this."

"I'm not lying Maddie, look at me." She looked at me when I got up and clasped her face in my hands. "I'm genuinely glad, and there was nothing wrong with what you did for me."

Gulping, she nodded her head and sighed. "Alright."

"Did you..." I let go of her face. "Did you go to someone for help?"

"For what?" She frowned.

"Maddie. What you're doing to yourself is not normal. You need to get some help." I said, careful not to infuriate her.

"Lilly." She burst out laughing. "I told you I'm not mad."

"Getting help doesn't mean you're mad."

"I'm fine by myself." She patted my shoulder.

"Alright... Then how about Jordan-"

"No way!" She shrieked. "Don't even think about telling him. He'll trip!" My eyes bugged out.

Don't tell me...

"Maddie... Does anyone else know about this?"

She snorted. "Of course, not. What do you think I'll go around telling everyone that 'Hey guys, I'm Maddie Lee and I cut myself when I can't control my feelings'? Bulls*t."

"But-"

"Don't please." She put her hands on my shoulder and looked deep into my eyes with her brown ones. "Don't mention this to anyone."

"Maddie-"

"I only told you this because you wouldn't let it slide and I trust you enough that you will not snitch on me."

"You need to tell someone-"

"No." she sternly said.

My eyes darted between hers and I saw how frightened she was. I couldn't force her to tell anyone about this because it's something she's not comfortable telling anyone, and it scared me she might hurt herself more.

Madeleine was a grown-up, but now looking at her made me feel like the little girl who saw her father struggling was still trapped inside and a wrong move could lead to something worse.

"I'll not tell anyone on one condition." I declared.

She darted her eyes between mine, thinking over it. "Shoot."

"Promise me you won't do it again."

"Lilly-"

"Promise me, Maddie, and I won't tell anyone." She licked her lips, letting go of me, and looked around.

"Fine." She sighed.

"Swear."

"I swear on my life." She crossed her heart and gave me her sweetest smile. "I won't do it again."

I pray she keeps her promise.

~•~ • ~•~ • ~•~

"Earth to Lillian." Tiana snapped her fingers in front of me, getting me out of my zone. "What's with the face?"

"You look constipated," Brittany muttered, pouring drinks into the cups.

"I'm just tired," I mumbled, placing the cups on the tray for everyone.

"I feel sad." Tiana sighed, picking a cup and filling it with water. "We are leaving tomorrow morning."

"What are you doing?" Brittany eyed her.

"I'm not in the mood to drink." She shrugged.

"The breaks are over and it's time to get back to our real lives," Brittany said, picking up the tray of cups.

"It sucks." Tiana scowled, following Brittany. "Come on, Lilly."

"Yeah..." I walked with them towards the bonfire.

It was our last night at the beach house and the boys set up a bonfire in the middle of the beach. They placed log-shaped benched in a circle and lit a fire in the center. We were done with dinner and now everyone was enjoying the night.

I glimpsed up at the dark sky covered with a layer of sparkling tiny stars. The full moon lit the sky and illuminated the ocean. The waves were slower, and it felt like the ocean was depressed, just like I was from inside.

I stopped near the bonfire and watched Brittany and Tiana passing the cups to everyone. Toby and Ben were sitting together and seemed in their world. Beside them was David and Tiana took a seat beside him. David whispered something in her ear and she rolled her eyes as she tried to control her grin, but failed.

Brittany extended a cup in front of Andrew, who was staring at the fire absently. She nudged him and he took the cup, frowning, and thanked her. Nate, who was furiously typing on his phone with a smile on his face, took a cup and Brittany sat next to him. Jordan and Madeleine were playing games on their phones while Chloe and Louis were laughing as Louis read Chloe's palm.

All of them looked carefree from the outside like they didn't have any worry in the world, but deep down, every one of them was fighting, some for themselves, some with their demons. My eyes wandered over the group again.

The Clichés were all so engrossed with their own secrets and trying to hide them; that they didn't even see the change in others' behavior.

They have been friends for a very long time, but all of them were hiding things from each other. If they only share their secrets, a lot could change for them... And for the better.

"Lilly." My eyes darted to Chloe as she waved at me. "Why are you standing there? Come and sit."

Nodding my head, I took the space between Nate and Andrew. I gave Andrew a smile on my left and took a sip of the drink. I was so out of my zone the whole day that I didn't get to talk to Andrew at all.

"Are you mad at me?" Andrew asked out of the blue, making me choke on my drink.

"What? No." I coughed and turned to him.

He rubbed my back to calm me down, but it did the opposite as my heartbeat sped up.

"You've been acting weird all day." He frowned, and I looked into his painful blue eyes. "And we didn't talk after what happened yesterday. I texted you too, but you didn't reply, so I thought maybe you didn't like it-"

"I liked it, Andrew." Cutting him off, I smiled at him. "I really liked it." Madeleine's situation diverted me and I forgot to open the texts.

"Really?" His face lit up.

"Very much." I giggled.

He was thinking the same thing as me.

"Why were you distant the whole day?" His brows furrowed.

"I just... It's our last day..." I trailed off, darting my eyes down to the sand.

"Just that?" He chuckled and plopped his arm around me. "It's not like it's our last day on earth." He tapped my nose, making me scrunch it. "Where is my cheerful Lillian?"

My?

Heat crawled up my neck, and that made Andrew laugh. "God, you're so cute."

"Stop it," I grumbled, covering my face.

"No..." He took my hand and grinned. "You're the cutest little thing I've ever met."

My whole body became warm and fuzzy. Whenever I'm with him, I forget about my surroundings and all the secrets and tension I carry with me. Andrew made me feel different emotions that I've never experienced in my life before and it made me feel better again.

"Now this is new," Nate said from my right, cutting our moment. "Andrew and Lillian flirting."

"Why don't you pay attention to your phone instead of us, Geek." Andrew drew me closer to him in a possessive way. "Or better yet, go inside that thing."

"Aren't you getting overprotective?" Nate smirked, watching his arm around me.

"None of your business," Andrew growled and something in his voice made me think he was...

Jealous?

"If you're afraid that I'll take her away from you, then you don't have to worry about it." Nate winked at me. "We're just friends, right Lilly?"

Before I could open my mouth to say something, Andrew spoke.

"I'm warning you, Geek. Next time I won't ask."

"Woah Casanova chill." He put his hands in surrender and chuckled. "I'm just messing with you."

"Stop doing it before I break your pretty face," Andrew growled.

"Don't talk to him like that." I frowned and turned my head towards him.

"What?" He scoffed, letting go of me. "Are you defending him?"

"He's just teasing you. Don't threaten him."

"You're joking, right?" He looked at me, horrified.

"What-"

"You know what." He cut me off and got up. "I'm calling it a night." He chugged the drink and scrunched the empty cup, glaring at Nate, then walked away.

"What happened to him?" Nate asked as we watched him.

"No idea," I shrugged in confusion.

"You better go after him." I turned my head towards Brittany, who was looking at her phone. "He's like a little girl who whines when he gets scolded."

I glanced back at Andrew, who was walking on the beach to the other side, and I wondered what was going on in his head.

~•~ • ~•~ • ~•~

F**k.

F**k.

F**K!

Cursing myself, I kicked the sand as I walked away from the bonfire. Since yesterday after our kiss, I didn't get to talk to Lillian. I thought maybe she didn't like it and regretted it after it happened, which made my stomach clench. I couldn't sleep last night and all night I kept thinking about her sweet lips.

I've kissed a lot of girls that I couldn't even count, but with her, it was different. Even though it was just a small peck but just a little taste of her lips made me already addicted to her and I want that again more than ever.

The whole day I kept wondering and finding a way to talk to her but couldn't. But when finally, when we were having a peaceful moment alone, Spencer had to ruin it. And, of course, Lillian defended him. After all, he was the guy she used to like, and that thought made me pause.

What if she still likes him?

That f**king Geek! I'll kill him someday if I get a chance. With my bare hands, I'll clasp his neck and will deliberately squeeze it till he slowly die-

"Andrew!"

I halted in steps when I heard her sweet voice.

"A-Andrew." She heaved as I heard her taking deep breaths.

"What?" I crossed my arms around my chest, not turning toward her.

"What just happened back there?" She inquired.

"Like you don't know." I scoffed.

"I actually don't." She stepped in front of me with a cute frown on her face. "Can you explain to me?"

"He interrupted our moment and instead of getting angry with him. You scolded me." I huffed.

"I..." She bit her lips, trying to hide her amused expression, but failed miserably.

"Are you making fun of me?" I squinted my eyes at her.

"No... I just..." She cleared her throat. "You're so cute."

"Don't think saying that will tell you off the hook, young lady." I whirled my face as I tried to hide my flushed face.

"Are you jealous, Andrew?"

"Pft! Me? Of that Geek?" I snorted. "Over my dead body."

"Then why are acting weird?"

"Because I know you like him." I blurted, and when her eyes widened, I knew my suspicion was right. "So you do like him."

"Who told you that?"

"I guessed it." I shrugged, and her face scrunched in confusion. "First, I thought you liked Ben, but when he confirmed that wasn't the case. I remembered I saw you flirting with Nate a lot of times. Like at the Forbes Birthday party when you both were in the kitchen and we were blushing like crazy and then at the soccer match when he was painting your cheeks." I gritted my teeth at that thought.

I still recall that day crystal clearly. At that time I didn't even like Lillian but still when I saw her eyes closed while Nate drew the colors over her cheeks with his fingers made something stir inside me.

"Um... I'm going to be honest with you, Andrew." She ducked her head and adjusted her glasses. I noticed she did that whenever she was nervous. "I did like Nate."

"Aha! I knew it!" I pointed at her and then felt my heart drop. "Then why did you tell me you like me and go on the date-"

"Will you let me finish?" She snapped her eyes at me, making me shut my mouth.

"Go ahead."

"I used to like Nate. He's a nice guy and wasn't a player like you. He is a logical choice."

"Of course he is." I scoffed, crossing my arms again.

"But then I fell out of it." She whispered.

"If he was so safe a choice, then why?" I frowned.

"Because I got distracted by you." She answered, looking into my eyes. "I don't know how, but when you entered my life, I didn't pay attention to him and you took over my brain. All the time I kept thinking about you and no one else."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "But when you rejected me-"

"It wasn't because of Nate." She sighed. "I was over him a long time ago and I said no to you because I was thinking about myself and to keep myself save from a heartbreak."

"Then how?"

"I noticed you were more than just a player. You care so much about your friends and family. I've seen how good you were with Abigail and your mother and AJ, and that melted my heart." She finished holding my gaze, making butterflies grow in my stomach. "It took me a while to realize it, but my feelings for you grew every time you took care of me."

"That means you don't like that Geek?" I asked for confirmation again.

Giggling, she took a step toward me. "No. I don't like that Geek. I like you, Casanova."

A huge grin took over my face. "And you're over him?"

She nodded and bit her lip. "He never made me feel the way you do."

"How do I make you feel?" I whispered, putting my hands over her waist and pulling her closer.

She gulped and put her hands over my shoulder, darting her eyes between my eyes and lips. "You made me feel warm..." She got on her tiptoes, brushing her lips against mine. "Safe."

"Hmm..." I nuzzled our noses. "And?"

"And whenever I'm close to you, my heart beats so fast, like I'm about to have a heart attack."

Chuckling, I kissed her left cheek and caressed my lips up to her ear. "You and you medical metaphors. I love them." A smirk took over my face when I felt her shiver under my touch.

"Yeah?"

Nodding my head, I buried my face into her shoulder, hugging her, and mumbled. "Yeah."

"That means you're not angry anymore?" She asked, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"If you promise me, you won't defend him again."

"I can't do that." She sighed.

"Why?" I frowned.

"Because I can't let you threaten anyone, whether it's him or anyone else."

"Of course, you're Miss goody-two-shoes." I teased her.

"But I can promise you something else." She exclaimed and my ears perked up.

"And what is that?" I asked, pulling back a little so I could see her face.

"That I'll always be honest about my feeling to you so there won't be any need for you to get jealous." She put her hand on my right cheek and gave me her sweetest smile.

"I adore the first part, but as I said, I'm not jealous." I scoffed.

"Right." She giggled.

"You need to stop giggling like that."

"Or else what?" She raised her amused eyebrows at me.

"Or else I'll do this." I pecked her lips, making her eyes go wide. "What do you say?" I smirked.

"I don't mind." She mumbled, and my heart began drumming in my ears.

"Are you sure you're the same nerdy, shy girl I met at the starting of the year?" I asked. "Because you seem bold right now."

"Don't blame me." She shrugged. "You make me feel different."

"Different in what sense?" I raised my brow.

"Different in a good sense." She answered, and I grinned.

"Great," I murmured, glancing at her lip. "So, there is no one else you like?"

"No... And that's the reason you are my first kiss."

"I'm what?" My head jerked back.

She bit her lip, averting her gaze. "You heard me. I'm not repeating it."

"But I want to hear it again." I grabbed her chin and looked into her gorgeous green eyes. "Please."

"You are my first kiss, Andrew." She whispered, and I smacked my lips against hers.

For a second she went still but recover her shock quickly and kissed me back. Interlacing my fingers in her hair, I pulled her closer to me as I kissed her deeply, and a thought crossed my mind.

And hopefully the last.

~•~ • ~•~ • ~•~