《Slow Poison》CHAPTER 34

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Nicole's delicate blue eyes gaze at me as I hover above her. She seems exactly as an epitome of beauty to me, lying naked beneath me. If I had even an ounce of self-control in me, then I would have stayed glued in this position and stared back at her delicious body, drinking her in solely with my eyes. But fuck, I don't have that in me because my body right now is yearning to touch her. I want to meander my hands over her glistening skin. I want to kiss her, tease her, and devour her the way no one has ever done before. I want to do all those things that would please her, and I fucking can't wait anymore.

I want to show her how insanely she is affecting me. Because right now, she looks so fucking sexy that I might lose my fucking mind by simply looking at her. She peers at me through her lashes, her pink lips quivering. Fuck! Her chest heaves unevenly and my eyes fall on her breasts. I think I can literally feast on those soft nipples. I lower my head to her chest as her perfect breasts beg me to give some sweet attention to them. Fuck! I can't wait now. Without wasting a second, I start showing her my expertness. She whimpers in pleasure when I kiss her body, not leaving a single piece of her milky skin.

Her soft mouthwatering boobs bounce back, hitting my chest as I go inside her slowly. Her eyes roll back in bliss as my hands worship her body. She has the sexiest body that I have ever seen. I don't know why she was not confident about it at the start. I have to admit that she surely has the body of a goddess with the desired measure of curves at perfect places. It seems like I could spend my entire day kissing her sweet body and still I won't get tired.

She moans my name softly, blowing my mind with her seductive voice. Fuck! I want to repeat it again and again. I want to memorize everything, her kisses, her moans, and the way she calls my name. I want my mind to record the ravishing image of her coming undone before my eyes so I can keep it with me forever.

My mind recollects the visuals of last night. Nicole looked so fucking gorgeous that just the thought of her sexy body sends bolts of pleasure to my cock. I would want to make her come again and again. I snuggle more into the pillow, thinking about what we did yesterday. I can't believe I had sex with Nicole. It was just too magical! I hope I am not dreaming about it. No...it wasn't a dream. It was all real. Fucking real! Yesterday she claimed my heart with everything. There is no denial in it that I am fucking hers now and she is so fucking mine.

Nicole is mine. Only mine.

I squint and open my eyes as scorching sun rays hit my face. I shift on the bed with my hand, searching for Nicole next to me. But to my surprise, I find it empty. What the hell? I look around, instantly sitting up on the bed. But Nicole is nowhere to be seen. Where is Nicole? Was I really with Nicole last night? Oh shit! Was I having a wet dream? I instantly look down at myself. Thank fuck! I am naked. It means I wasn't dreaming or else it would have been so fucking embarrassing.

So did I have sex with Nicole? If yes, then where is she? What if it's not the case? What if I didn't have sex with her? Wait! Oh....no...no....was I drunk last night? But I don't feel like having a hangover. Did..I...Did I end up in a hotel room with some random chick? Fuck no! I immediately look around to confirm where I am. Thank god! It's my room.

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I am pretty much sure that I wasn't drunk. I try to reminisce about the events of last night. I remember going to Peter's party. I remember watching Nicole, dancing with her, kissing her, and ending up here in my room. Yes, I remember being with Nicole. The way she reacted to my touches, the way she responded to my kisses, the way she moaned my name, I remember every single thing. How could I remember every detail if it was a dream? Sure it was not. I even remember how hesitant she was while mentioning to me that she was a virgin. Fuck! I feel so lucky to be the first man that she had sex with. How did it happen? I don't know why, but I want to be the only man with whom she haves sex for the rest of her life. Because in any case, I am not going to allow any other man to touch her.

I grab a set of boxers and sweatpants from the closet. Getting into them, I make my way to the washroom. I peek inside slightly, opening it ajar, and find it to be empty too. Where could she go? Is she in her room? I saunter towards her room, but to my astonishment, I find that she isn't there either. As it's already morning, I think she must be downstairs, maybe in the kitchen. What if she isn't there too? Fuck! Now I am freaking out! I grab a shirt immediately from my room and pull it over me as I hurry down. What if she isn't in the house? What if she left? What if something happened to her? Shit! I hope she isn't in any danger. When I am descending the stair, I hear a distant sniffing. What the fuck? I frown and walk towards the direction from which it is coming.

When I reach the living room, I see Nicole sitting on the floor. Her back is leaned on the couch; she is sitting hugging her knees with her head down. What the fuck? What happened to her? I am already panicking, looking at her current state. My mind begins thinking about all the bad things unconsciously. Is she alright? I notice that she has wrapped a duvet around her. I hear her sniffing again, which confirms that she is the one who is crying. What the hell? Why is Nicole crying? I hurry towards her instantly.

"Nicole?!!!" I call her while rushing towards her, but she doesn't lift her head to glance at me as I hear her sobbing intensifying. Fuck! She is really crying! What did the hell happen? She is terrifying me now. I approach her slowly, I feel so helpless not knowing the reason behind her sobbing. It is frustrating to see her like this. What should I do?

I reach in front of her as my gaze wavers over her timid form. Shit! Her shoulders tremble as she cries uncontrollably. My face grows serious looking at her and my jaws clench in anger thinking about the reason that had led to her in this state. I am not going to spare whatever or whoever is behind this.

"Nicole? What happened?" I ask her, leaning in front of her, but she doesn't seem to acknowledge my presence as she keeps crying. Fuck! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Why is she not answering? I run my fingers through my hair in frustration and look around, not knowing what to do. This is bad! Come on, Christopher, do something. You can't just stand here doing nothing while Nicole is dissolving into tears right in front of you.

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After what feels like ages, Nicole raises her head to meet my gaze. I immediately search through her face, trying to figure traces of any injury. Thank god! She is fine. My vision then slowly settles on her eyes as I look at her. I see her eyes being bloodshot and puffy as big fat tears roll from them. Fuck! She looks really in awful shape. I curl my fists in anger, looking down at her sobbing figure. I am going to destroy that bloody thing that has bothered her this terribly!

"What the hell, Nicole? Why are you crying?" I sprint forward quickly to touch her, but to my shock, she moves away from me. Shit! Why is she behaving like this? My forehead creases in confusion as I kneel before her. Am I the reason behind her crying? But what did I do? Oh, god! Please help me! Nicole's silence is just killing me. I feel like I would definitely go crazy if Nicole wouldn't utter a single word. Why is she doing this? How would I know what her problem is if she wouldn't talk?

I shake my head, trying to calm myself. Calm down, Christopher! You have to be patient. Yes, I should be patient with her because I don't know what she is going through. I don't know what has led her to break down like this. I take a deep breath as I speak. "What is wrong, Nicole?" I ask her trying to sound composed however desperation is still evident in my tone.

The way she flinched back just now indicates to me that maybe I am the reason behind her being in this state. Fuck! What did I do? Did I do something last night? Shit! Did I hurt her? Or it's something else? Oh, god! But how would I know what exactly I did if she wouldn't talk to me? Why can't we wake up like normal people do after having amazing sex? Why is it always complicated with us? We had mind-blowing sex last night and here in the morning; I find her crying and I don't even know the reason behind it.

Last night she just seemed fine to me. Then what happened now? I don't want to say it, but now I understand why people say women are difficult to keep up with. Because you would never know what exactly is going through their minds. I must say that it's really hard to read a woman's mind, I've realized it now. Is she having some kind of mood swings? Did she have her periods? Fuck! What if she is in pain? Or was I too rough with her? Should I take her to a doctor? Fuck Christopher! You have to get her to talk with you.

"Why are you crying, Nicole? Please tell me." I move a little closer to her, trying to get her attention. I am just so desperate to know what's the reason behind her crying. She doesn't let a single word out of her mouth, which makes me hell more nervous. Shit! What the hell is going on?

My eyes flicker over her face again, attempting to get a hint of her problem. "Did I...Did I do something?" I stammer, asking her. I am freaking out so much that I don't know what to do?

"Did I hurt you last night?" I question her, looking down with my face painted with embarrassment.

She stares at me with a blank face, and my anxiety doubles up with her lifeless expression. Maybe I did hurt her, and she doesn't want to confess that to me. Fuck! I should have known this before. It was her first time and I should have known to be gentle with her. Shit! Now I feel like slapping myself for causing her pain.

How could I be so stupid to not realize this before? "I am so fucking sorry, Nicole. I was trying to be slow..." I give her an apologetic look as I plead to her. "But I don't know when I got carried away...." I sigh, running my fingers through my hair in annoyance.

"I am sorry, Nicole. Please talk to me, baby. Please." My shoulders sag in defeat, asking her again. I look down with vexation taking over me as I feel incapable of doing anything. I am feeling like shit right now.

"You didn't do anything." I hear Nicole's soft voice after a moment, and I avert my gaze immediately back to her. Thank god! She finally said something.

"Then why are you crying?" My voice blows with exasperation.

She looks at me for a moment. Her face appears bright red with tears streaming down her cheeks. She slowly pulls her hand from the duvet and wipes her tears.

"You wouldn't understand.." She whispers sniffing.

"I wouldn't understand if you wouldn't tell me, Nicole. Please tell me. What is wrong? You are scaring me now." I say, pinching the bridge of my nose. Jesus! Why is she acting like a kid? Why can't she just tell me what have I done?

"Please, Cole. Why are you crying? Please tell me.."

She looks at me, wiping her eyes again with the back of her hand. "I am crying....I am crying because I am disappointed with myself."

Her ocean-blue eyes gleam unusually with tears brimming in them. "I am disappointed with myself because....because I let you win." She lets it out in between her hiccups.

"What?" I question her back, looking astonished by her statement.

"Yes...You heard me right. You won this game, Christopher. You fucking won." I stare back at her, completely stunned by her reply. She closes her eyes for a while and when she opens them again, I see pure hatred filled in them. What is she talking about?

"What do you mean?" I blurt in confusion. Why does she suddenly look so angry?

"You got what you wanted." She sneers condescendingly as a malicious look takes over her face.

"You got your revenge, right? It was the prime reason why you came back into my life again. Isn't it?" She spats on my face furiously. What? I stare back at her with a dumbfounded expression, not being able to comprehend what she is saying.

"You wanted revenge because your fucking ego couldn't take it when I escaped from your grip." Her infuriated voice echoes in the room and I shift a bit taken aback by the tone she is using right now.

"So you decided to hunt me down and get your revenge." I flinch back, hearing her accusation. What the hell is she saying?

"And you got it. You got it by taking my fucking virginity." My heart breaks into a million pieces the moment I register what she is trying to imply. Her words seem to pierce painfully through my soul. Is this what she thinks about me? I can't believe she thought so low of me. Does she think that I used her body to get some kind of revenge? How could she think of me like that? I admit that I am a bad guy, and I have done a lot of nasty shit, but I would never use a woman like that. I would never do that.

But how would I make her believe it? I am just so dejected by Nicole's impeachment that I don't have any hope of defending myself. What the fuck, Christopher? You can't give up like that. You need to fight; you have to fight if you want to have her in your life. Remember that you are a gangster Christopher and you haven't exactly done some great deeds to gain her trust. In fact, you have done the opposite of it. You have hurt her with your words and actions. So you have to make it up to her now. Women have delicate hearts, they prioritize emotions before everything else. You have to gain her trust first to make her believe you. And the only way you can do that is by expressing your feelings to her.

"You were fucking smart enough to get me into your trap so I would beg myself for it and you wouldn't be at blame..." I shut my eyes, taking all her allegations as she throws them one after other at me. After a moment when it looks like she is done, she looks away. I take a deep breath and begin.

"Nicole.."

"Don't fucking say my name...." She snarls angrily and I look at her in horror.

"I can't believe I begged you to fuck me..." She whispers slowly, not looking at me as if she is talking to herself. She closes her eyes for a nearly short time as if it's painful for her to admit what she is going to say next.

"But you know what? As much as I hate to admit it, but I have to say that I don't fucking regret it.." She glances at me with a disgusted look. The moment she says that, my eyes snap back at her in surprise, grasping the words that have just left her mouth.

"Yes, Christopher. I fucking don't regret losing my virginity to you..because...because..." It seems like she wants to complete her sentence, but she lets it trail off, appearing extremely disheartened. And I feel absolutely guilty for causing her this pain. Why do I always hurt her like this? I am so fucking mad at myself for making her suffer through this.

"Why am I telling you....you wouldn't understand. How do I expect you to understand? How would a mobster know about feelings?" She says letting out a humorless chuckle with her eyes looking still puffy.

"Just leave Christopher, please..." She says, shaking her head violently as if she is trying to erase the memories of last night.

"I don't wanna see your face. Just leave." Her voice sounds strained.

"No.. I won't.." I look back at her saying that. She glances at me in bewilderment. Maybe she expected me to leave her the moment she said those things.

"If I leave now, I would never be able to tell you what I want to..." She cuts me off before I can speak what I was intending to tell her. Fuck!

"Christopher, I don't want to talk, please.."

"Nicole, listen to me.." I protest, ignoring the fact that she is persistent in her decision to not listen to me.

"Just go away, Chris.." She says, her body begins to shake as tears again roll down her cheeks. Fuck! Why is she making this so hard for me? But I am not going to give up.

"Nicole, don't shut me out please.." I plead to her, inching closer to her.

"Christopher, leave..." She directs sternly.

"No.." I retort. I am not backing off in any case.

"Why?" She gives me a baffled expression.

"I fucking can't leave you like this.."

"WHY THE FUCK NOT??" She screams, losing her patience as her nose flares in anger.

"BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE YOU!!?" I yell on top of my lungs to match her tone in return. Nicole looks at me with her eyes wide open. The anger fades away from her face as she looks at me with absolute consternation, not believing my words.

I close my eyes and exhale deeply. When I open them, my eyes shine, reflecting the same pain that Nicole is going through. "Yes. I like you Nicole and I am not lying." I mumble to her softly, sounding utterly frustrated.

"This wasn't a game, Cole. Trust me, please." She looks at me with an unsure expression as her lips part a little in utter shock. I want to touch her and comfort her but I am afraid that she would push me so I keep my hands to myself.

"I was drawn to you since I laid eyes on you the first day when my men brought you to me," I tell her with my voice booming with confidence as I gaze at her.

"And it wasn't just your beauty....there was something more in you which pulled me...towards you. That day when you were standing in front of me, there was something extremely magical and pure radiating from you. I don't know why?" I look away for a moment, remembering it back. "I was drawn to your simplicity. The innocence with which you were looking at me...it was something beyond my explanation...I don't know why but the moment I laid eyes on you I felt like keeping you with me forever...I know I was always the bad guy. The ruthless and heartless devil, but the moment I saw you I felt like I got my angel. Yes, Nicole. At that moment this devil in me got his angel in you."

Nicole doesn't say anything and I take it as a signal to keep going.

"The dedication with which you treated Josh was incredible. And my respect for you got bigger when you stood to do all of it even when you weren't a doctor...I don't know if you had knowledge or not, but I was looking at you the entire time when you were removing the bullet...You were amazing Nicole.....I never felt like this for anyone like I felt for you....." I look back at her expecting her to know what I am trying to say.

"I wanted you to stay a little longer with me...I don't know why I was being a selfish asshole. But then I thought it would look creepy to you...because I was a stranger and above all, you had been kidnapped by me. So I made an excuse about letting you free once Josh was back to his normal state. It was just an excuse to make you stay a little longer..." My eyes scan her face to get any hint of emotion, but I am disappointed when she just stares at me blankly.

"But then the next day when it was time to let you go...I didn't show up, and it surely was a dick move. But I couldn't gather the courage in myself because I didn't want to see you leave..." I sigh.

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