The dress that I brought from Becky this morning lies on the bed in front of me as I stare at it mindlessly. My eyes are still puffy from all the crying I did. Yesterday, as soon as I reached home, I called Sam to let him know I was okay even though I wasn't. I know he would be worried about me, after what happened in the clinic. However, I even promised him that I would call him once I get home, so I did. And since then, I had been doing nothing but thinking about what happened between Christopher and me in the clinic. It keeps replaying again and again. Christopher's words ring in my head continuously, and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to erase their traces from my mind. Since yesterday I am unable to think about anything else, then what Christopher said.

I don't know why I am stressing myself so much by thinking about it. It should not bother me this much. I shouldn't care what Christopher thinks about me. He is not my friend, and nor do I know him properly. Then why do I care about his opinion? Why do I feel so bad about it? When I have accepted it as a fact that I don't care about him then why do I feel so disturbed? Despite everything I try to reason, I can't deny that I am extremely hurt by what he said. I don't know if I am hurt by the words he used for me or I am hurt because it came from him. Nicole, he is a criminal. What else could you expect from him?

But why do I feel so? Why do I care about what he thinks? Why am I disappointed by his behavior? Why do I keep expectations from him? Shit! Do... I like him? Shut up, Nicole! No, you don't like him. How can you like a man who doesn't even know how to respect a woman? Yeah, that's right! I don't like him.

But then again, my inner conscience hits me hard. Who are you trying to fool, Nicole? Who are you trying to give these lame excuses? Fucking hypocrite! Okay, maybe I am trying hard to convince myself that I don't like him when I know that the fact is otherwise. Since yesterday, I have been waiting for Christopher to get back home. See, now I am contradicting my own statement. I said that I don't like him, then why do I care if he is back home or not? What the heck is wrong with me? Why am I not clear about how I feel? Why am I expecting him to be back when I have nothing to do with him? Maybe it's because somewhere in the corner of my heart I feel like he would come and apologize to me. But I know I am being delusional. Why would he apologize? If he would have thought about how bad I would have felt by his words, he wouldn't have said those things in the first place. I am sure he would have probably forgotten about it by now.

But the question is, even if he apologizes, will I be able to forgive him? Will I be able to forget what he said? Oh, stop it, Nicole! Stop victimizing yourself. You can't blame everything on him. You are equally guilty for what happened to you. What? Okay, maybe that's right, I accept it. I know that somewhat I am responsible for triggering this anger in him. He can't be blamed solely for what he said. My stupidity too has to be blamed along with it. I should have kept my behavior in check. I am ashamed of my uncivilized actions. Despite that, it doesn't justify what he said.

But somewhere I feel he was right. We could have been good friends if I agreed to him that day when he asked, but no, I had to go all stupid and deny his offered friendship. I start ignoring him out of nowhere, and then I freaking kissed him. That's really foolish! What the heck I was thinking while doing that? Why did I do so?

Accept it, Nicole. You kissed him because you do have feelings for him. It's just so simple. Why are you afraid of admitting it? Why are you running from reality?

No, that's not true! I shake my head in denial and look back at the dress, trying to get my concentration on something else. It's a simple strapless white gown with black stripes down each side. It's simple yet sexy, with a side leg slit. I have never been a fan of extravagance, and this dress seemed to be perfect for me. When I went to Becky's house earlier, she showed me a lot of fancy party wear, but I settled with this because I am always drawn towards simplicity. And simplicity itself is a kind of elegance. When I went there, by looking at my face, Becky immediately noticed that something was wrong with me, however, I tried to cover it up well by saying that I was just tired by working, staying up all night. She wasn't satisfied with my answer, but then I diverted her attention to the reason why I came to her house. I told her about Peter's party.

She was excited more than me when she heard it. I asked her for a long dress because I don't usually buy gowns, so I didn't have one for such an occasion. Apart from that, Becky has a better collection of clothes than me. She also insisted that she would do my makeup, but I simply denied it because I wasn't in a mood for it. I am just so tired that I want this day to end already.

I don't even feel like going to this party. I just want to sleep and forget everything, but I can't do that. Every time I think about changing my plan, Peter's smiling face comes in front of me. I can't disappoint him like this. I remember how happy he was when I told him that I would come. I have promised him, and I can't let him down now. That's what friendship is about. I don't have many friends, but the few ones that I have, I always make sure to be thankful to them. But after whatever Christopher said, I don't know if I would be able to act normally around Peter.

As I am in between a storm of thoughts swirling through my mind, I hear a knock on my room's door. I quickly jump out of the bed and hide the dress in the closet. I don't know why I did so. I get back and sit again on the bed. There is silence for a moment, and then again there is a knock.

I don't make any move to open it. I know who is on the other side. I feel like I want to see him, but at the same time, I don't want to speak to him. What the hell? Why am I like this? And then I hear his voice.

"Open the door, Nicole. I know you are in there."

The moment I hear his voice, a sense of relief runs through my body, I look at the door but again I don't step down to open it.

"I wouldn't take long, Nicole. I just need a minute. Please." He says in a strained voice this time.

I think for a minute and then walk towards the door. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not. I take a deep breath and open the door to see Christopher standing. I take in his appearance. He looks tired with his reddened eyes; it looks like he hasn't slept last night. As our eyes meet, he delivers a small smile to me. But I instantly look away, not returning it. His smile fades, seeing that as he speaks.

"Can I come in?" He asks nervously. I look at him and step aside, making way for him.

He gets in and then turns to face me. He looks really sad and I wonder if he is here to apologize. Does he feel the same pain that I am feeling? Did he realize his mistake? I don't say anything and an awkward silence lingers between us.

Then he clears his throat. "I don't know how to start...." His weary eyes search mine as he says. "I don't know what to say, Nicole.."

I stare at him blankly as he looks down. "I..I want to apologize, Nicole." When he lifts his gaze, I see his eyes filled with regret. "I am so glad that you let me in or else this guilt over my chest would have killed me."

"I am so sorry, Nicole." He apologizes. "I shouldn't have said those things. I am really sorry. I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness or compassion. I just want you to hear me out...." He sighs and then continues. "I never really meant a single word of what I said." His face looks completely dejected as he closes his eyes for a moment. It appears as if his stings of conscience aren't allowing him to look at me.

When he opens his eyes again, he runs his fingers over his hair in frustration. "I was so angry at the moment that I didn't have the knowledge of what shit I was saying." He shakes his head, looking disappointed by himself. I just listen to him standing there without uttering a single word.

"I was really mad when I looked..." He stops before completing the sentence and I see a hint of anger building inside him, but he sucks it up and says. "That doesn't matter now. I don't know why I am even explaining." He chuckles sadly.

"Nothing could justify what I said, but still I want you to believe that I am really shameful for saying those things to you."

"I am sorry, Nicole." His voice comes out laced with grief. I just keep staring at him. I don't know why I am not able to speak anything.

He looks towards the window as if he is trying to recollect a memory. His shoulders sag as he says. "I have been brought up in an environment where people have no filters in their mouths." He looks at me now. "I was raised by a mobster and I grew up between criminals." He drawls. The sadness in his eyes is evident as he speaks. His tone suggests to me that he had been through a painful past. No one comes with a tag of a gangster at birth. There would have been some reason why he turned up like this. Suddenly I feel bad for him. I feel like telling him that it's okay. I want to get closer to him and comfort him, but I don't do it appearing to be frozen at my place.

"So manners and antiquities tend to be left out in our dictionary. We don't know where to start and when to stop." He utters in defeat as I stare at him. And then I see him moving closer to me.

He now stands in front of me. "But you know what? I have always tried to watch my words when I was with you. I wanted to behave nicely....when I was near you. I've tried to control my language whenever I was with you... I wanted to be a better person...." I notice a different shine in his eyes as he says that.

"Only for you...." He lets it trail off and I. As he says that I feel a lump forming in my throat. My eyes begin to fill with tears, but I try hard not to show them to him.

"It's just that when I am angry, I don't know what I am saying or I am doing." He shakes his head again, proceeding.

"I am not trying to defend what I did. I am just saying that I accept my mistake and I am truly ashamed of it."

"Even if Peter was your boyfriend, I had no right to make such disgusting allegations on you." He says with honesty.

"Peter is just my friend..." I blurt. It's the first thing that I have said since he came in. I don't know, but I felt the need to clarify to him.

He looks a little surprised by my sudden reaction, but then he states sadly. "It's okay. You don't have to give me clarification."

He says nothing after it and my eyes fall on his hands. There are bandages over his knuckles. What happened to him? Why didn't I notice this before?

"What happened to your hands?" I question him, moving closer.

"Nothing...I deserved this for how I treated you yesterday." He scoffs looking at them.

"You did that to yourself?" I ask him in disbelief. He doesn't answer, confirming what I asked. As I am looking at his bandages, I don't notice that he is staring at the red mark on my hand. It isn't a big one. Just a slight mark resulted from his tight grip yesterday. I awkwardly shift back when I see him watching it, but he catches me before I can move any further. His remorseful eyes gaze at it as he takes my arm into his hand. He touches it lightly and suddenly I feel tingles over my skin. His fingers brush over it, and then he leans down to place a light kiss on it. I close my eyes for a minute savoring the soothing effect of his lips on my skin and when I open them I find his gloomy grey eyes staring back at me.

"I am sorry, Nicole. If you want, you can slap me a thousand times." He says touching the place on my hand again. His face crumples with embarrassment. "Because I totally deserve it."

"I would never want to hurt you intentionally or unintentionally." He whispers. "Please...Nicole."

"It's okay," I return, pulling my hand back awkwardly from his. I look away hesitantly.

He looks at it for a minute and then his jaw clench in anger.

"No, it's not okay. I can't believe I did this..." He says in frustration. "I am a fucking criminal. I am a freaking monster, Nicole." He growls and I look back at him in horror.

There is a pause for a moment, and then he lets out a humorless chuckle. "I guess it's in my destiny. God doesn't want me to change. He doesn't want me to be good."

"What? what are you saying?" I furrow my eyebrows in confusion, listening to him.

"The time has come for you to get rid of me." He mutters, looking straight into my eyes.

"What do you mean?" I blurt instantly. What is he talking about?

"You remember the time when I said I'll let you go once I'll find the man who tried to kidnap you? He reminds me.

I immediately nod at him in response.

"I found about him." He announces sternly.

"Who was it?" I ask curiously.

"Just an old acquaintance who wanted revenge from me for not being helpful to him. He got to know that you were living with me so he thought he could use you for that purpose." He states with an expressionless face.

I try to grasp the information that he gave. So it had nothing to do with me? That man tried to kidnap me so he could use me to get revenge on Christopher. That's fucking disgusting!

"What did you do with him?" I ask him after a minute.

"Do I even have to answer that? I am sure you know it." He says flashing one of his typical smirks.

I stare at him in distrust. I am sure shock would be evident on my face. Did he kill him? Of course, Nicole! It isn't a big thing for him. That's what his profession is about, and he meant exactly the same.

"You..kill..killed him?" I stutter, asking him. I ask it, even though I already know the answer.

"You don't have to worry about it, Nicole. You just have to know that they have been taken care of." He assures. "You are safe now."

I highly doubt it. After all, I don't trust him after how he lied about letting me go the first time. Is he playing with me or is he telling the truth? I look at him, trying to search for any lie. But all I could see is the sincerity in his eyes.

"You are free now. You don't have to force yourself to live with me anymore. You can go back to your home." He offers a melancholic smile to me, and unknowingly it feels like my heart is breaking. He then looks away and I hear him whisper.

"That's what my punishment is...."

His gaze then diverts back to me and he mentions. "It's already late or else I would have dropped you today."

"But tomorrow, without any delay, I'll make sure you reach your home. I'll even help you with your packing." He says trying to mask up the sorrow in his tone.

I stare at him in shock. I can't believe what he said. Did he just say that I can go back home? I had been waiting for this moment for such a long time, and it has finally come now. I am free now. I don't have to live here anymore. I should be happy about it, but the truth is I am not. I am not happy because I don't want to go back. In a short period of time, this house has become my home and I don't want to leave it. I have been too comfortable living here and I know the real reason behind it. I loved staying here not only because of this house but also because of Christopher. I don't want to leave and I have to admit that it's most importantly because I like Christopher. Yes, I fucking like him. What the hell? I can't believe I have finally accepted the truth. I know I can't keep on denying it anymore.

After not getting a response from me, he looks at the clock on the wall and says. "Oh sorry, I'll let you sleep now." He takes a step towards the door and then looks back as if he forgot to say something. He looks at me hesitantly as he reaches for his back pocket and fetches a tiny box.

"Oh...I forgot to give you this." He tells me and I raise an eyebrow at him.

"This might look stupid. But I got this for you." He says handing it to me nervously. I look at it and see it's a little box covered with shiny wrapping paper.

"A small parting gift from me." He says this time flashing a genuine smile.

"Thank you," I say, looking at the box with a smile curving on my lips.

"Goodnight, Cole." He says and then leaves the room. My eyes then fall back on the little box in my hand. Did Christopher actually buy it for me? What could be inside it? I am really curious to know. I unwrap it immediately and a little brown box appears into view before me. I open it to find a little key chain. The key chain has a cute fluffy teddy bear. The bear is wearing a hat and holding a red heart in its hands, which reads 'I am sorry'. It is so darn adorable!

It looks so cute that I keep staring at it. I never expected something like this from Christopher. I never expected him to get a gift for me, even if it's a small one. I appreciate his attempt to mend things. Even if I am still mad at him for what he did yet I feel like I could forgive him. I couldn't say that I would forget what he said, but everybody deserves a chance to correct their mistakes. And what he did wasn't a big mistake which can't be forgiven. I have seen worse than this. I have seen people doing terribly wrong things and not apologizing for it. At least it was just words that he used. But the good thing is he realized his mistake and I am happy about it. I could definitely accept his apology if he truly feels remorse for it. I have seen that regret in his eyes. And it made me believe that he was apologizing to me with his whole heart.

With that thought in my mind, I quickly run out of the room and go to his room. I knock on the door and wait, but Christopher doesn't open it. After not getting any response, I get in and look around to find the room empty. Where is he?

I rush immediately towards the window and I am met with disappointment when I see his car isn't parked there.

It means he left.

A/N:

Please let me know your thoughts about this chapter. Peter's party is coming up next. XD

Please do vote and comment.

Thank you for reading!

Janny❤