Heyyyy guess who updated lmao. i'm finally feeling able to write this so it should b done soon anw enjoy

Tsukasa was relieved when he managed to get through the day without Emu breaking into their school to bother him again. Unfortunately for him, it did not rain that day, and their scheduled practice was still on. Every glance of the clock or checking of his phone raised his anxieties, knowing he couldn't simply act like they were all ignoring it for much longer. For as much as Tsukasa constantly reminds his friends to address their issues and talk about them together, he didn't really expect to be the one who had to do the sharing.

Which surely is a silly thing to think. Did he really think he could just continue seeing the other three constantly and not expect his unresolved issues to bubble up someday?

Yes, yes he did.

As he's packing his things into his bag, Tsukasa thinks about the last time he had opened up to someone.

He only vaguely recalls snippets of what happened, or how he felt. Not that he ever remembers much of anything nowadays, anyway. All that's clear to him was that it was between him and his parents, and it had ended with them yelling at him for being selfish. Since then, he's gradually learned to hold back his concerns. After all, no good change will happen and he'll just cause stress for everyone else.

But then, his crazy director told him to always let him know if he was uncomfortable doing something. He assumed it was simply a formality, so he always said yes to whatever he asked of him. Even if it was overwhelming, or sounded like it wouldn't be a very good experience... for the senses.

What if Rui was genuinely asking him if he was okay with it? Despite the assumptions people make about him, Rui cares deeply about the well-being of his friends and would never want to put them in any real danger. Maybe if Tsukasa had just told him what he wasn't comfortable with, he wouldn't have had such an embarrassing breakdown yesterday.

He can't help but think about Rui's feelings now. After what happened with their Halloween show, Tsukasa tried to reassure him that he wanted to be under Rui's direction, no matter how abstract it may be; he told him that he knew his own limits and would properly communicate when they were bothered.

And just with a simple mistake, all of his words then seem to have lost all meaning. What could Rui be thinking about Tsukasa now? He's broken his promises and betrayed his best friend... There's no way he's not annoyed with him in some way.

—

Rui thinks back to the time before he met Tsukasa.

It's all far too fresh in his mind; he's only been in this troupe for a few months, after all, yet he already feels quite at home in their little group. To be able to write plays with Nene again was already more than he could ask for, and yet he's been blessed with such a wonderful group of friends that he never thought he'd need.

They're always willing to try out his ideas, and they're able to talk about their collective passions for hours on end. Rui was excited enough to talk about his love for theatre without judgement, but to get a response is a whole other experience. They all have a collective habit of losing track of time when they're too deep in a conversation.

Rui smiles at the thought. He never would have hoped this would happen to him; it was too good to be true. And yet, for the past few months, that was real life.

...

Rui understood that his ideas were often extremely abstract and many were hesitant to try them out. Not that he blamed them ever; he knew he was different than other people and had come to peace with it. He knew that he'd need to communicate what he wanted to do with his friends and make sure that they were also comfortable with it. Before every rehearsal, Rui would ask each member how their day was and how they were feeling. Whenever he wants to try something new, He'll ask the actors how they feel about it.

One of them in particular never knew how to say no.

Every single idea Rui could possibly have was immediately met with a 'yes' from Tsukasa. Rui was overjoyed at first; after all, Tsukasa was just as weird and silly as him. His ambitious nature left no surprise.

After a while, though, his enthusiasm turned to concern. As much as he appreciates Tsukasa, there's just absolutely no way he's okay with every single thing. There's gotta be something that would tick him off or gross him out. Even after he was injured during their Halloween rehearsal, he was excited to jump back into the fray and completely disregarded the fear of that happening again. He started being more thorough and consistent in asking for his sentiments, asking three times, "are you absolutely sure you're okay with this?" every time they tried something new. Again and again, the answer was "yes." And so, Rui must've gotten tired of having this thought in the front of his mind, and eventually kept it as an occasional fleeting thought.

Rui quickly came to regret putting this thought in the back of his mind, though, as he watched his friend curl in on himself and cry.

His first thought at the time was that he had never seen Tsukasa look so... small. The man was loud, obnoxious, and always desired to be the center of attention. To watch him avert his eyes from others, slouching as he wiped his tears, felt completely foreign. It was terrifying. After getting so comfortable with his usual Tsukasa, he had no idea how to approach this side of him.

His second thoughts, after the panic had settled and Tsukasa was more present, were thoughts consisting of his time in middle and elementary school. All his attempts at making friends, being around people, met with the same judgemental looks and giggles.

"Oh don't talk to him, just look away, haha."

"Why is he looking at us? That's creepy."

"Aye, he's coming over here, stop laughing!"

They weren't so dissimilar, in Rui's opinion; both he and his classmates tried to change themselves for the sake of those around them. Whenever he talked to these same people up front it was always a different story. "Hey, Rui! How are you!" "Do you need anything?"

He assumed it was something to do with politeness; his mom once told him after all, that people act differently sometimes just out of formality. So, he tried not to think about it.

This changed after he overheard some of them saying something. He can't remember what it was exaclty...

"...I dunno, he's just so creepy.. I don't wanna know what would happen if I said no to him."

...

Those same words repeat in his head constantly today.

"I don't wanna say no to him, it's scary."

Such was the sentiment of multiple classmates of his throughout his lifetime. It can't be all that surprising that it would be the same for Tsukasa.

This whole time, what if Tsukasa was just... so grossed out with him? What if he believed he'd rather take his chances getting a concussion than saying no to Rui? He'd rather go up against hunks of metal than the one who created them, the one who is the same flesh species as him?

Is he that weird?

Is he that repulsive?

He stops feeling, or seeing, or hearing. He drifts into those old familiar thoughts, as they seem to lull him to sleep. This feeling as also familiar. He hadn't felt such dreaminess in a while, but it's quite a welcome embrace.

Until he gets slapped quite harshly on the arm.

He mutters an "ow," and after blinking a bit he finally looks up to see Nene glaring at him.

"What was that for?"

"We need to go soon. You were taking too long. Let's go."

He sighs. Of course. Practice. "Okay, just let me-"

She's already walking away. "I think Emu is waiting for me outside. I'll see you at PXL."

And with that, she closes the door and leaves.

He hears her footsteps grow quieter, and lets his internal frustration fester.

She knows what she did, leaving him here by himself as she went with Emu.

She knows they made it a rule to walk with at least one other person when they rehearsed after school, just in case it got too dark.

She knows that Tsukasa is still in the school somewhere, and as per their rule, he had to walk with him.

He groans, laughing slightly as he looks up and stretches.

He knew he had to confront this eventually...

Sure would be nice to avoid it a bit longer, though.