Heyyyy, sorry this wasn't updated for a while lol. tbh i forgot i posted this on wattpad ,,,, anw enjoy the next few chapters 👍🏼

Tsukasa watched as Rui turned his back on him and left. He kept staring at the figure slowly get smaller, until it turned a corner and disappeared. I should probably pack my stuff, He thinks.

Should... move.

Tsukasa continues to stand there. His mind tells him to move, but his feet stay planted, and his eyes blur over in a daze, not focused on anything.

He hears voices. What are they saying? They sound so far away.

"-kasa? Tsukasa?" He feels a hand touch his arm. He blinks, startled, and sees Nene looking at him.

"Oh... sorry. What were you saying?"

Her face wore that worried expression again. She opens her mouth before hesitating, probably wanting to say something, but she instead settles on, "Don't forget your things in the back."

"Oh, right," he sighs in relief. "Thank you."

Finally, he moves away and walks towards the stage.

"Tsukasa?" He hears her call.

"Hm?" He turns around to look at her as she fidgets with her hands. "You know that we care about you, right?" She asks, leaving him in a slight shock once again.

"Of course, I do," He lies. It's better than letting her worry about him. "Honestly, do you really think you need to worry about me? I'm offended." He tries to keep up his act, and it seems to work.

She sighs in annoyance. "I worried over nothing," she says, even though she's smiling a little. "I'll see you tomorrow at school?" She begins walking away.

"Yeah! See you."

He waved to her, lingering from that spot as she leaves, and watches as Emu also skips behind her. "Bye, Tsukasa! You can call me whenever!" She cries.

"Yeah, bye."

—

Tsukasa's homework had gone untouched for a while now. He's resorted to drawing silly lines in the margins of his paper, eyes blurring over once again. It's been happening a lot these past few days, as if to make up for the past ten years of him repressing himself.

He just hopes it'll go away soon.

He tries, desperately, to think about the work in front of him, but every time he lets himself think, that boy is the only thing that comes into his mind.

Rui smiling at him, smug and sarcastic as always.

Rui trying to convince him to try something new, calling him wonderful.

...And Tsukasa himself, believing him.

He groans, throwing his head back to stare at the ceiling. Coming to the conclusion that he won't get work done tonight anyway, he lazily gets up to walk to his bed, then throws himself into the blankets.

"..." He can't stop thinking about Rui today.

Specifically, how Rui was when he left. Why was he in such a hurry? He sounded a bit urgent too. Strange, because Tsukasa can remember him saying he had no plans for the rest of that day.

Why was he in a hurry to leave???

...Did he not want to be with me?

Part of his mind already knew this; he had just repressed those thoughts and pushed them away, hoping to never deal with them. But they always come back around eventually.

Maybe Rui was annoyed by his breakdown. After all, he was so excited to direct this show, why wouldn't he be irritated when Tsukasa single-handedly ruined their rehearsal, and then cut it short?

God, he grimaces. Why am I like this?

Why was he ever like this.

It's been this way for years, he's just managed to hide it from the public eye. And for good reason, too; he'd done it to prevent this exact situation.

And now, he's gone and disappointed everyone. Now they're going to leave him, or kick him out of their troop, never wanting anything to do with him-

He stops himself. Grabs a nearby pillow and holds it close to himself, trying to stifle his cries. Calm down, He chants. Nothing has happened yet.

Or at least, he hopes nothing happened.

It's quite possible that the three have been discussing what happened today without him; what if they have a separate group chat without him? It would make sense, he does do most of the talking in theirs.

The thought is enough to bring him to tears again. He doesn't think he can take it; being toyed with by those he cares about, only to learn that they didn't care so much about him. They are always picking on him, too. He tries not to think much of it, but sometimes, it hurts. He feels like they treat him differently on purpose, because they don't see him as part of their group.

I bet if I were to leave the Troupe, they'd be perfectly fine...

But he wouldn't.

—

Tsukasa was right, thinking that the three would be discussing what happened that day without him. After she went home, Nene made a group chat on Nightcord and called it "tsukasa wtf," added Emu and Rui, and started a call.

—

"Good morning." Tsukasa hears a soft voice when he opens the door to his home.

"...Nene?" He stares at her, mouth agape. "What are you doing at my house?"

"Nothing." She says, looking away. "I just thought it would be nice to go to school together. Fun to... change things up?" Her eyes dart to look at anything but his own.

"...right..."

"yes."

"Uh, should we get going..."

"Alright."

Come to think of it, we don't hang out often...

"Bye, Tsukasa!" Saki's voice comes from behind him. "See you after school!"

"Alright..." He replies to her absently.

"Hey..." She whispers. "Will you be okay? I could always tell Dad that you need a day off-"

"No!" He interjects. "I'll be okay. Don't worry about me." He smiles reassuringly. He's sure he'd be willing to put up with school today and face his friends if it means she won't think of him. She really doesn't need to waste time on him, especially when Saki has her own condition to worry about.

She frowns at him. "If you say so..."

"I'll be fine, Saki. Trust me."

"... Fine. But if anything happens-"

"I know! Geez. Shouldn't you be on your way to school now?"

"So should you. Bye, bitch."

"See you then."

He watches Saki skip away in the opposite direction from his own path with a smile. Nene looks at her, then turns to him with a face. "So... can we go now?"

"Oh! Right."

Tsukasa rushes to her side and they start walking to their school together.

Tsukasa usually walks to school quietly, but the silence is comfortable for him. Usually. When he's alone.

Now that he's with someone else, accompanied by nothing but the sound of their breathing and footsteps, Tsukasa feels like he has to say something. The silence consumes them both.

"So, uh... why did you want to walk with me today?"

"No reason."

"Oh, okay." He finishes.

God, this is awkward...

This time, Nene speaks up. "So how are you feeling this morning?"

"Uh- fine?" He tries to answer in a way that he knows people do.

"Okay, good."

He nods. "And you?"

"Fine."

Tsukasa can feel some irritation growing on him. But then again, he and Nene never hand out when it's just them two. They'd bumped into each other, sure, but it was never like this; those times, they had something to talk about, their reasons for being where they were.

This time, they had no reason to talk, or even a reason to meet up at all.

...Unless there was, on her part.

He finds himself asking her, "What is this?"

"...huh?"

"What are you- do you guys feel bad for me, or something?"

"What-?"

"Ugh," he rolls his eyes at her. "You don't have to go out of your way to be nice to me because I did something stupid."

He knows he shouldn't be picking a fight. After all, Nene felt bad for him and went out of her way to spend time with him this morning.

He can't help but feel just a bit pissed at it, though. She's usually a bit rude, in a friendly way. Why does she suddenly talk to him like he's... fragile, or something.

Once again, It's all too familiar.

"Tsukasa, none of that is true-"

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"You guys are just making fun of me, aren't you? The way you always do."

"What?! No!" He can see her start to get fed up with him as well. She takes a deep breath and sighs. "We're just worried about you. Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Because you shouldn't be!" He laughs. "I'm perfectly fine!"

"Yeah, you sure seem fine."

"I am! Really!" He starts to speak louder and more exclamatory to demonstrate. "I feel perfectly normal! What happened yesterday was a one-off thing, trust me!"

"Tsukasa," She started sounding worried again. "It's okay that you felt that way, and clearly you had been feeling that way for a while. It's okay to admit it."

"I wouldn't need to admit anything, because nothing is wrong."

"God!" She hisses. "Why is it so hard for you to just admit that you're anxious?! It's okay to not feel happy and confident all the time, you know! Hell, I hardly have days where I feel that way!"

"That's different-"

"How is it different."

"You... you're-"

"What?! What is it that makes my situation so different from yours?"

He feels himself get hot with anger, but it seems to die down a little at the expense of the tears that start to grow in his eyes.

"The difference is that you actually matter!"

Nene freezes.

"You can act. You can dance. You can sing really well. You're also good at operating that robot. I've tried to figure out it's controls, but they're complicated. You're good in school, too. You're... an irreplaceable member of the group."

Of all the things that Nene had ever thought she'd hear from him, this definitely wasn't it.

"So are you-"

"No! I'm not. The only thing I have going for me is being the lead, and you know it. Don't try to lie to me."

What good am I, if I'm not always able to be that person?

A momentary silence in response, then she tries to talk to him again.

"Tsukasa. I-"

Her response is interrupted by the school bell. Somehow they'd gotten there faster than they thought.

Tsukasa breathes a sigh of relief. At least for now, he can avoid where this conversation is going.

"I need to go to home room."

Nene sighs, looking down at her hands. "Me too..."

Another uncomfortable silence.

"Tsukasa..."

"...hm."

"I'll see you at PXL?"

"...See you."