Dear Diary,

Almost two months have gone by since the night Sam Ulley found Bella in the woods, and the Cullens left town. Bella has slipped into a state of depression where she spends most of her time outside of school sitting in her room, facing the woods. The last place she saw him. At school, she sits at the Cullens' table, as if waiting for them to reappear in the cafeteria. For the first two weeks, I sat with Bella in silence, but my presence did nothing to soothe her broken heart. Eventually, I moved back to our usual table. Angela and the guys are worried about Bella as much as I am - Edward leaving her practically destroyed the light in her. I can't say if Jessica's worried; she seems to be pleased that the Cullens are gone. Angela and I came to the conclusion Jessica was jealous that Edward chose Bella as his girlfriend, even though she claims she's not.

I don't know how to help my best friend, and it kills me to see her like this - devoid of emotion during the day, while hurting and screaming at night. I can hear her from my house; it wakes me up and I rush over to help Charlie calm her back down. The dreamcatcher Jacob gave her for her birthday doesn't seem to be chasing away the nightmares.

Speaking of Jacob, I can't believe it's also been almost two months since the first time I hung out at his house. So much has happened between us; I confronted him about the conversation with Sam in his backyard when we got to the beach. He explained that Sam and his friends are next in line to take over the tribal council, when their parents and grandparents retire. Sam was trying to convince Jacob to take Billy's place when the time came, even though Jacob expressed he wasn't interested multiple times. Living up to the expectations of others wasn't his strong suit, Jacob had said jokingly. His eyes were pained, though, as if the pressure of following in his dad's footsteps was weighing him down. All I could do was hold his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze before he broke the somber mood by throwing me over his shoulder and rushing into the water, both of us laughing. Since then, we've been practically inseparable. Even his friends grew used to seeing us together - I think they're happy to see him with someone other than them.

Tonight is Halloween and I'm going over to La Push (no surprise there, right?) - Jacob invited me to the tribe's Halloween party. He asked a couple of weeks ago, and of course, I had to say yes - he had asked me right in the middle of the bakery and Mom overheard, practically speaking for me as she told Jacob I wouldn't miss it for the world. She thinks it will be good for me to go out and have fun; I think she's hoping something will happen between us. I have spent pretty much the last month hanging out with Jacob in La Push since we hung out in his garage. It's easy to be around him. Plus, she can see how stressed I am about Bella. How can I not be? I feel guilty for making friends with Jacob and his friends while she's going through this. Shouldn't I be there for her the most? This whole mess is complicated.

I have to get ready soon, Jacob and Billy will be here soon. Jacob thought it would be funny to go as Little Red Riding Hood and the Big, Bad Wolf. Billy agreed it would be hilarious to see Jacob dressed in a ridiculous wolf costume. And Mom can't wait to take photos of the two of us... maybe I should go hide her camera.

Dear Diary,

Bella seems to be getting worse instead of better. Last Thursday was Thanksgiving, and she didn't come out of her room once. I took a plate to her and she barely glanced at it, let alone touch it. Charlie hosted Thanksgiving dinner at his house, even though it was kind of crammed, just because he couldn't bear the thought of leaving Bella alone, and honestly who could blame him? It was nice though, being surrounded by the people we care about.

Jacob and Billy were there, along with Harry and his family. His daughter, Leah, is the same age as me, and we hit it off the bat. She's tough, but she's funny. I can tell we're going to be friends for a long time. Her little brother, Seth, reminds me of Jacob - if I didn't know any better, I would've thought they were brothers! Their personalities are similar, and their smiles are a near match when it comes to the warmth and lopsided.

Sue and Mom hit it off too - they spent most of the evening drinking wine and swapping everything from childhood stories to recipes. I think it made Charlie feel better, knowing Mom was making friends; I saw him smile at the sight of them more than once. Billy seemed to have the same thought because he caught me watching Charlie and winked, a knowing smile on his face. I'm glad Mom has a friend here; she spends too much time fussing over me. Now she can fuss over Sue.

Speaking of Mom, I really need to start looking for her Christmas present. It has to be perfect. Maybe I'll ask Jacob or Leah to come with me this week. Hmm, maybe I'll get them presents too.

Dear Diary,

Mom's letting me have a New Year's Eve party tonight! I'm really excited because all of my friends are coming! Well, everyone except for Bella. She still won't talk to anyone. I wish I could get a hold of Edward or any of the Cullens, for that matter. Make him realize he needs to come back or have them drag him back here. If I could, I'd probably punch him in his face...

I can't think about that. So I'll think about Christmas instead. Mom offered to host it at our house since Charlie hosted Thanksgiving. It was definitely a lot more spacious.

Leah and I went Christmas shopping together as a deal to help each other pick out a gift for our moms. Leah found a pretty turquoise necklace at the bookstore in Port Angeles where Bella bought the Quileute book. Sue loved it, tearing up as Leah helped fasten it around her neck. She said it reminded her of a similar necklace her mother used to wear when she was a kid (Imagine the look of surprise on their faces when I gave Leah a matching one! I had seen it when Leah was paying for hers and knew it would be a special present).

After we found Sue's present, we ended up finding the perfect present for Mom - a Quileute dreamcatcher for the bakery. Since spending time with Sue in La Push, Mom had developed a fascination for the Quileute history. The tribe was happy to have someone so willing to learn about them, that they offered Mom and I an honorary spot among them. I think a lot of that had to do with Sue since non-Quileute members are hardly granted access to the tribe's histories and legends if it ever happens. Mom was over the moon when she found out. I think she was equally excited when she unwrapped the dreamcatcher on Christmas. Even Billy complimented on how beautiful it looked.

Mom and I got new fishing rods for Charlie and Billy - their faces lit up like a Christmas tree when they opened their gifts. Charlie was surprised that Mom remembered him talking about needing a new rod soon after the reel on his previous one fell off.

After everyone had opened their presents and dispersed into conversations, Jacob walked through the back door from checking on Bella. There was snow sticking to his hair, dissolving into water droplets as he shook off the cold. I grabbed his gift and met him in the kitchen, away from everyone else. He smiled when he saw the box and reached into his coat pocket, withdrawing a small box of his own. We sat down at the counter island, and he opened his first. It was a pocket knife, with a wolf carved into the handle. "For your whittling," I told him, thinking about a conversation we had in his garage a few months ago. "Your turn," Jacob beamed, nodding to my box.

I carefully lifted the lid off and gasped - inside was a silver necklace with a tiny wolf dangling from the chain. I told him it was beautiful, and he clasped it around my neck before telling me he carved the wolf himself.

I haven't taken the necklace off since, other than to shower. It's the most thoughtful present anyone has ever given me besides my mom. As I look back on this past year, I can honestly say that I'm grateful that we moved to Forks and that Jacob is a part of my life. Even if we're only meant to be friends.

Angela's here to help get ready for the party, so I won't have time to write anymore tonight. Goodbye, 2005!

Dear Diary,

I think Bella is finally coming back to us. At lunch, she sat at our table and even asked if we wanted to go see a movie Friday night. Jessica and I were the only ones who were available, but that's okay with me - I'm just happy to see Bella outside of her room.

Jacob has been a little distant lately, and I don't know what's going on. We were okay at my New Year's Eve party. I think maybe he's feeling guilty about spending so much time with me because he still has a crush on Bella. Maybe he's conflicted? Angela thinks Jacob may have a crush on me too, and that's why he's distancing himself from me, to think. I probably should give him some space just in case. I can't lose his friendship now.