She left.

It all happened so quickly, my brain hardly had time to register what was happening before she ran out the broken window, leaving me a sobbing mess as her words played over and over in my head. One moment, I was leaning against her shoulder, feeling my eyes sting as my head pulsed with the bacteria that I was fighting so hard against. The next, she was confessing her love for me and leaving.

I couldn't control my breath, it was a mix of sharp inhales and cries of internal pain. My eyes rolled shut in loss of control, at the same time feeling a hand on my forearm so I felt the slow jostle. I clutched my chest as everything became more patchy in my lucid thoughts.

"Newt, you have to get up." I heard Tommy's distant voice.

"Come on, bud. It'll be okay."

"He's losing it—we need to get the serum!"

I could hear my thrashing heartbeat in my eardrums as I hyperventilated, a wave of discomfort aching every nerve in my body. My chest was heavy and my swollen eyes couldn't process the feelings fast enough. Tommy's hand was shaking my body, trying to get me to stand. He was speaking words of reassurance about what just went down, and that would usually give me comfort and the motivation I needed to keep going. But no amount of comfort or solidarity could change the way I felt in a moment of panic such as this.

I felt the uneasiness almost as soon as she had stepped through the broken glass, it tainting my blood like the dark night shores of the beach. The painful feelings from the deepest parts of my soul mixed with the insanity that clouded my thinking conjoined me into one unavoidable panic.

What the hell? I can't do this right now, please no.

The anxiety in my mind didn't let me protest. My heart started thrashing, chest filling with so much heavy air that it felt like water and my lungs were the stretching wet balloons.

I blindly reached for Thomas' shirt, sweat coating my hairline as my discomfort grew. My hand clenched the fabric around his bicep, wet eyes gazing up to the worried expressions of my friends, something that shouldn't have made me panic more. But it did.

With a throat tightening feeling, I launched to my feet, causing Thomas to lose his balance as he stumbled back. My body threw myself onto my feet, hands flying to the back of my pounding skull. The panic started making itself more known in my mind, solid like a boulder and painful like a slow impale to the skin. I pulled my hair, trying to distract myself from the hurt. It was painful, but not enough to distract me from the rollercoaster that was only going up. I didn't know what was happening to me, why I couldn't calm myself down. My feet started pacing the debris-covered floor, I felt like I was going to be sick. Maybe I was going to puke, that would surely help me.

In a moment of desperation, I swiveled on my heel, looking back at my friends as they stared at me, unsure of what to do. My hands fell from my head as my chest heaved. I didn't know what was going on.

"What's happening to me?" I breathed, searching their faces for some kind of answer.

Gally was the one to take a step forward, only a couple feet away from me as he gripped my bicep.

"I—Just calm down, Newt, okay? Mae's gonna be fine, we just need to get to the—"

In a quick decision, I slapped his arm away from me. My fingers ached as I did it, my breathing heavy between my clenched teeth. I was falling apart slowly; chest burning, hands aching, dizziness that made my perspective all cloudy. Thoughts of losing control over my own body made me sick to my impenetrable stomach.

But the reality that I had possibly just lost her was here, that's why this was so bad.

In subtle hyperventilation, I grabbed at my chest again, the squeezing beginning to scare me even more. I was shaky, my skin burning under my uniform and combat boots. I turned around once again, not knowing how I was standing. My mind was a jumbled mess as I watched the show of the war outside, but all I saw were the past moments flooding back into my head and dancing with my darkest fears. They were playing ring around the rosy, and I was in the middle.

I rocked back and forth slightly, rubbing my eyes so hard like I was going to pop them. My teeth wouldn't unclench, maybe I was trying to break them.

"She's gonna die, she's gonna die. She's gonna die." I mumbled ever so painfully to myself, immediately regretting the words as they shot out of my mouth. It seemed like I wasn't even the one speaking them. Like I was trapped in a box as I tried to fight my way out.

I removed my hands from my eyes with a grunt, placing one on my hip and the back of the other to my mouth. I needed to stop saying that, I can't let myself say that, or it'll just make this whole weird situation worse.

"Newt, she's not gonna die. Mae's gonna be okay. But you won't be if we don't—"

"Stop it. Stop talking." I crouched down to the ground, holding my knees to my chest in the middle of this room as screams and gunfire continued outside. I kept my mouth shut, pushing it against my kneecap hard as my teeth bit the fabric. The words were shaking up my insides, trying to barrel their way out of me to add to the trauma. "Stop. Stop. Stop."

My chest was barreling up and down in need of oxygen the world didn't have for me anymore. I felt so alone even though I was crouching in a room with three people standing only a few feet away from me.

I was losing all of my control, no matter how hard I tried to fight it.

Nothing was helping.

I was going crazy.

I was going bloody insane.

"Newt! Stop it! Snap out of it! We need to go!" Two hands grasped my arms, tearing me out of my fetal position as I continued to hyperventilate.

And as soon as I had gained all of my strength, I lost it again. Minho threw my arm over his neck, Thomas doing the same with the other limb. In a rush, they stood to their feet, bringing my limp body with them as they forced me out of my panic attack, brushing off the fact that it wasn't over yet.

I was on a carousel that was spinning round and round, but instead of straddling one of the fake horses—I was stuck in the center of it. Trapped and alone, I couldn't get out. With my eyes pinched shut, I wanted to get off the ride.

I allowed myself to be carried out of the room and into the chaos outside, the air having turned orange around us, not helping my state one bit. I had no idea where they were taking me, where we were going as I felt instant sadness wash over me from being so helpless. I was totally at rock bottom, being dragged across the shard floor of the city.

An inflamed car flew past the four of us, and I let out an overwhelmed cry of surprise and pain as we all fell to the ground, my temple making hard contact with the floor. In some way, it managed to relieve some of the pain and panic that my entire body was enduring. A distraction from the built up pressure inside me.

I slammed my head on the ground again, the sickness in my stomach beginning to unravel as I repeated the action, trying to get myself through this exhausting panic attack we had no time for. I was sweating so vigorously, the air around me filled with heat and pain. My hands were rubbing my knees up and down as I brought them to my chest once again, rolling back into a fetal position on my side.

"Newt! Stop!"

Just as I lifted my head to bang it against the floor once more, a hand wedged in between, breaking the harsh contact with a rather bony one. Thomas cried out in pain as I slammed my head into his hand, the ground probably hurting something internal with the impact. Eyes flying open in realization that I had hurt him in my own dismay, he grabbed my skull.

The boy pulled me so that I was now sitting upright, back against the metal bench of a bus stop. I leaned the back of my head against it and kept my eyes pinched shut. I gripped my stomach, needing a release.

An explosion in the distance made my friends duck their heads in reflex, and for once I realized where I was and what I was doing. It felt like a horrid nightmare as I lifted my head to the sky, the rumbling catching all of our attentions. As I lolled my head, I saw a Berg in the sky—the one that was going to save us.

"That's them!" Thomas said as he crouched back down to my height, immediately grabbing my arm with the hand I hadn't slammed my head into. "We gotta go, we gotta go!"

Finding the little bit of sanity I had left in me, I shook my head, tearing his grip off me. "Go without me, man. Go—"

Feeling a strange liquid begin to rise up my throat, I turned to the side, coughing as I pinched my eyes shut once again. The action caused a pulsing pain in my poor head, and the subtle pat on my back didn't help as I coughed up my insides. Opening my eyes once again, I stared down at the black secretion on the ground, knowing even in my craziness that that wasn't normal.

I brought my shaky hand up to wipe at my chin, bones aching as I did so. The tepid feeling of my clammy skin caused me to retract, and I stared down at my blackened fingers as though they had betrayed me. My body was rejecting the virus that was so close to winning, constantly pushing me off of the tightrope I had balanced myself on so well until now.

The breaths left my lungs in short bursts, the temporary relief of panic being over as I dropped my head down to my chest again. The pressure began to build up again, the rollercoaster going faster this time. I was so incredibly fidgety and unstable, I didn't know what to do with myself as readied to knock my head against the metal behind me once again.

As though Tommy had read my thoughts, he threw his bad hand in between me and the surface. I whined, not wanting to hurt him again, but not knowing what else to do.

"Minho." His voice was soft as he spoke, and I was almost unable to hear him over my heavy breaths. "You gotta run ahead. Grab the serum. Get back to us as soon as you can."

Minho furrowed his eyebrows slowly, turning his head to look at Thomas, almost as though he was angry at the request. Through his eyes, I could tell that he didn't want to leave me in the state I was in, a crazy person who was in the muddle of an exhausting mental breakdown.

I'm such a burden, I'm just holding everyone up.

"Minho..." Thomas mumbled, begging through his distress.

"But...what about Mae? Wasn't she gonna come back and...and give—"

At the sound of her name, a wave of heartache passed through me, and I pinched my eyes shut. Clenching my hands into tight fists, I slammed them down onto the floor, needing to feel that relief only if it were for a short moment. I needed this to be over.

Tommy shook his head. "I have no idea..." He breathed, looking back at me, then at Minho. "You just need to go."

"He's right." Gally spoke up. My tired eyes shifted to him, watching as he nodded in agreement on my behalf. "I can cover."

He stood up, moving to the edge of the building we sat behind. My eyes followed him, tears pricking the corners of them as the distress and discomfort started to build up. It seemed as though everyone was leaving. All because of me. Sacrificing themselves. And I was the reason.

I'm so sorry.

Minho turned his head back to face me, and I unclenched my fist, bringing it up to clasp his hand in mine. His eyes fell into mine, and paleness washed over his face as I felt the worst I've ever been in my life. He wasted no time, grasping my fingers in his as we exchanged this moment. I could sense that my hyperventilating made him more worried, he'd never seen me in this state before.

"Thank you." I managed to say only a few words to my lifelong friend. "Thank you, Minho."

The corners of his eyes started to water, and he swallowed before scooting himself closer to me, something I didn't want as I slightly leaned backwards. I didn't want to hurt him as I was hurting myself.

But he didn't seem to mind.

"Hey," He spoke quietly, his voice somehow soothing the fire that ignited all over my body. "You just hang on. You hear me?"

I found myself nodding as he moved away, standing to his feet and moving to follow Gally as he ran into a cloud of smoke, disappearing before my eyes. My head lulled to the side as I watched them run around a corner, the darkness seeping through the cracks of my panicked state of mind.

My eyes focused on a crack a few feet away, the sounds of the dissipating city drowning out over the thumping of my heart. I huffed hot breaths as they got caught in my throat, my chest pumping out as I stayed frozen, my body refusing to do anything. Blurriness obstructed my clear view of the world, pedestrians turning into nothing but blobs as the ringing in my ears started.

Trapped, unable to control my actions, my head lifted from its place on the metal bench. I felt itchy. I had to move. Get up from this place. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I just had to.

The breaths got caught in my throat as I clutched at my stomach, wanting to scream. Release the tension in my brain. My face began to twitch as my breaths became heavier. Louder. Almost as though I was growling. Head still lulled to the side, I opened my mouth and stretched my jaw as far as it would go, snapping it shut when I felt my body being shook.

"Newt."

Echoes.

"Hey."

They were becoming louder.

"Hey! Newt!"

I was pulled back from my dazed state as Thomas screamed my name, relaxing as I lazily turned my head to him. He gripped the collar of my uniform, and my heavy breaths began to die down as I shook my head, so hopeless.

"We're gonna try this, okay?" He tried to break through to me, and I just shook my head, ignoring his protests. "We need to move. Now. Let's get you up, c'mon. Let's go..."

"No." I begged, I physically couldn't.

I couldn't.

He kept talking, tugging on my uniform as I laid on the floor, uncooperative. "No, Thomas. Stop."

"Newt, we gotta go!" His desperate cries made my chest swell. "C'mon!"

I kept shaking my head, my worst fear coming to life as I felt an undistinguishable anger flood through me, hearing his pleas. I couldn't get up.

"Tommy, stop it!" I suddenly screamed, the loudest I think I've raised my voice at anyone. He immediately stopped talking, moving an inch away as though I scared him. Immediately regretting my outburst, a huff left my parted lips, seeing his shocked state.

"I can't, Tommy. I-I'm sorry. Please don't make me." I whimpered, keeping my eyes on his, begging. I just wanted to rest. I was so tired, and my body still shook from the adrenaline of the panic attack I was on the brink of enduring once again, if I had to move, I was sure it would come back to me.

"Please, Tommy. Please."

He shook his head once. Refusing.

A destroyed breath left my blackened lips as my eyes began to tear up, why wouldn't he just listen to me? All the energy I had was completely gone. I couldn't yell at him again, I couldn't stand. My body betrayed me, brain shortly behind it.

"I won't let you... I can't leave you, Newt." He murmured, bending down, level to my height. I let out a whimper, the words touching, yet the last things I wanted to hear. "We need you, okay? She needs you."

I paused, my chest heaving with every distressed pant I took.

He was right.

My biggest fear was losing Mae. It never occurred to me that hers might be the same. She'd already lost just about everyone she cared about, and I was ready to die at the thought of me being the source of her pain. She was my angel, and I couldn't bear the thought of putting someone as pure as her in so much unimaginable emotional pain.

"Okay..." I mumbled. Lifting my head slowly, my eyes met his, and he froze, probably not expecting me to agree. "Okay." I repeated, seeing him nod.

"Alright." He started, his voice lowering with determination. "I need you to give me everything, got it? You and me, right now. Ready? Ready?"

Before I could respond, he took my arm and tugged it over his shoulder, lifting me into the air as I gave it my all to help.

"Okay..." My voice cracked from fear as I whimpered, a burning tear falling from my cheek as I planted my hand on my side, head aching as I grunted and helped Thomas bring me to my feet.

I could do this.

I just had to fight.

My body throws me down another chaotic street of the city, reaching for my gun in my pocket while racing through the crowds in zero resistance. Pure adrenaline drowned me out as I pursuit to the WICKED tower, being only a block away now.

When a shot barely missed my head, I grunted in reflex, ducking down and raising my arm to the body that stood still in the distance, gun pointed toward me. I fired one shot at the man, hoping that I hit

him—I didn't want to waste my bullets. I didn't stop running, all focus being on the path ahead of me. My finger relaxed from the trigger as I let a heavy breath go, my legs aching.

I had no idea what I was going to do, how I was going to get the serum but I knew that whatever I was going to have to do it would be worth it for the serum. My mind felt so feeble when trying to think of a strategy in such short time. I should've at least thought of something before I decided to sprint away from all of my friends, with no plan and only the weapons on my back and in my hand to rely on.

I guess now was the time to really replenish my rocky relationship with hope.

I turned another corner, WICKED being a little more than a hundred feet away from me now. I wasted no time sprinting through the small opening of pedestrians from the outside, hoping that my disguise would work as I maneuvered myself far enough away from the center of the police cars and the madness. I had no time to think. Weaving through all the people I eventually meet as I cross the war line between good and bad, my eyes bounced around for anything to give me an idea as to how I could get inside the building.

Everything in me was on red alert.

In my peripheral vision, I saw an abandoned door on the side of WICKED. The deserted entrance sparked opportunity in me, I gave no time to second guess myself as I started to sprint towards the door.

I had to act fast.

Chest aching, inhaler begging to be used, I ran as fast as I could towards the door. It was straight in front of my eyes, nobody seeming to notice as they were preoccupied. Due to my disguise, I fit in as a guard retreating back from the madness, too scared to continue. When in reality, I was the farthest thing from a WICKED guard, using all of the bravery in me to save Newt.