"Just tell me you love me, man." I said desperately.

She looked like she was thankin' bout what I said and kept ha face neutral. Did ha love fa me die? Was there any love hea'? I know I'm not the same nigga she fell in love with. I know I'm a lil different. I changed and maybe she don't love this new nigga in front of ha, but shit, it's still me.

"I can't." She said.

I looked at ha with tears in ma eyes. "Don't do this, man. You love me, baybeh. I know you do." I grabbed ha hands.

She bit ha lip, tryin hard not ta cry in front of me, but I seen this befo. I saw the tears in ha eyes and I knew it's because of me. "August," She gulped, muttering a "oh my god" ta haself because the tears she refused ta shed in front of me were shedding. "I don't love you anymore. I don't. Move on like you were already doing. And I'm taking my son with me, far away from you. I just can't with you anymore."

I bit his lip starin at the ground, shakin ma head. "Don't do this ta me. We a family. Don't take ma family from me. You love me, baybeh, you do. I'a do betta. I promise!"

"August, I don't. You're not the man I fell in love with. You became someone else. You're doing drugs, drinking a lot, and you brung multiple women around while my child is here. In your custody! This isn't the August I fell for."

She walked away from me to go to the dresser that held huge bags of weed, small bags of cocaine, pill bottles, and empty bottles of Hennessy and Ciroc.

"Look, Anthony! My child sees this shit and you allowed it. You never once tried to at least hide it, did you?" I shook ma head nah as she rolled ha eyes. "Of course not."

I walked up ta ha and grabbed ha waist and hugged ha tight."Baybeh, I'll stop. Just please love me. I missed you so fuckin' much. I waited so long fa you ta come back. Don't leave me again."

"I did too. Only to find out this. I–"

I shut ha up by kissin ha. I pulled ha closer, deepenin the kiss. I couldn't lie and say I didn't miss this feeling. I missed the fuck outta ha. I craved ha lips on mine. She moaned, grabbing the back of ma head. As our lips moved in sync, ma hands found their way ta ha ass. Kissin Sarah made so many feelins resurface.

"Stay with me." I said in between kisses.

I still love Sarah with all of ma heart. This is still ma love and I still wanna be with ha.

I pulled away, starin ha in the eyes. "I love you, Sarah, just please give us another chance."

She bit ha lips, removin ma hands from ha. "No."

"Why not?" I was becomin angry and I knew the shit I took earlier was going to affect my behavior later on. I fought hard against this shit, now I couldn't do shit but let this shit take over.

"Because I can't. I don't love you anymore, August."

"Why the fuck not?" I barked, shovin ha against the wall.

"August, baby you're scaring me." She cried, puttin ha hands up ta block me from comin at ha.

Ma chest heaved up and down. I pushed ha arms away befo placing ma hands on the wall on each side of ha. "So I'm fuckin baybeh na? Just a few seconds ago it was fuck me, right? You couldn't even tell me you love me, bitch, but I'm fuckin baybeh?"

She cupped ma face, "No baby it wasn't. Look I love you, August. I love you."

I grabbed ha throat, whisperin against ha ear. "Do you really? I waited years ta see you only fa you ta tell me you hate me? You hate me, bitch?"

"Baby, no. August please, I love you, okay, I love you so much." With ha hands still cuppin my face, she leaned in fa a kiss, but I kept ma hand on her neck, pushin ha back against the wall.

"I don't believe you."

My grip on ha neck got tighter. I took at glance at ha befo chokin ha out. I smiled at ha, watchin ha eyes widen.

"A-Aug." she struggled.

The more she tried ta pry ma hands from ha throat, the tighter ma grip got.

"If I cant love you, no one can. I fuckin love you, you hea me. I love you so fuckin much I'm ready ta kill both of us baybeh. Then we can finally be tagether."

"Aug, p-please." She begged, but I continued chokin ha.

Befo I knew it, she took ha last breath. She stopped shakin and strugglin against ma hands. I watched in slow motion as ha body fell limp ta the floor.

I killed ha.

I picked ha up and laid ha on the bed. I searched fa my gun, grabbin it from the Nike box in the closet. I laid still on the bed right next ta ha.

"I love you, baybeh." Keeping the cold steel pressed against ma temple, I kissed ha lips and pulled the trigger.

"Shit!" I jumped out ma sleep. I breathed in and out, calmin down my breathing.

Fuck kinda nightmare was that? That's the second one this fuckin week.

"You okay, August?" Asia asked, rubbin ha eyes.

I stared at ha, noddin ma head. "I'm good. I-I just n-need ta go fa a little drive or some shit."

"Okay." She rolled on ha side and went back ta sleep.

Goin ta the bathroom, I splashed some cold water on ma face befo brushin ma teeth. Lookin at the time, I noticed it was only 4:32 in the mawnin. Exitin ma house, I went ta the only place I found comfort at. I drove from ma place ta whea Sarah was buried at.

I shouldn't be hea, but I needed ta talk ta ha.

Sittin down in front of the tombstone. I ran ma fingers over the letters that was engraved on the stone.

"Baybeh, I had another dream about you. I don't know what these dreams tellin me but I don't like the thought of hurtin you. I would neva hurt you, let alone kill you. I–" I took a deep breath befo speakin again.

"This some weird shit, baybeh. I can't deal with that type of shit. I ain't neva felt like this. You ain't like these other females, I love you, Sarah, I really fuckin do." I sighed, "I miss you. I neva thought I would have ta do this. I'm not supposed to visit someone I planned on marryin and startin a family with at a fuckin graveyard. I proposed to you and wanted to marry you within the next five months. I was gone do a surprise wedding fa us. I know you would've loved it. I have all your favorites. Favorite flowers, food, music, hell I was gone let you hear the songs I dedicated to you. I titled it Forever and A Day and the other one was Secret. I got a few explicit ones, but it's just for our ears only, then we'll practice them in the bedroom, ya heard me." I laugh.

Sighin again as I picked at the grass. "I know I ain' seen you in a good ass minute. I've been tryin ta manage our crazy ass son." I chuckled. "Baybeh, tell me why this nigga told me he got a girlfriend. At first I ain' gone lie, a nigga was happy, but then I thought of you and I know you would've been throwin anointin oil all over that boy. I told him he was way too young and I think he was mad at me fa that."

Changin my sittin position, I leaned ma back against the cold stone, pickin up the dead flowers I planted two weeks ago.

"You need more roses, love. I gotta remind maself ta get more."

Staying in that position, I continued ta converse with ma baybeh. Lettin go of everything I had bottled up, it was like word vomit. I told ha about Asia and as soon as I did, cold wind rushed against ma skin. I knew Sarah wasn't happy about that and the situation I forced maself in tryin ta get over losin ha. I talked about Christian and his relationship with both of our moms, his uncles and aunts on ma side.

I took ma phone from out ma pocket and glanced at the time and it was goin on six o'clock.

"I gotta go, baybeh. I gotta get our son ready fa school. I love you so much, I'll see you later." I stood up, dusting off the dirt from ma pants. I stared at her name again before kissing my finger and placin my fingers on the cold stone.

Walkin ta ma car, I looked at ma phone and saw I had a few missed calls from Asia. Decidin not ta call ha back since I was already on my way home, I hopped inna car and drove back home.

Steppin inside of ma home, I was greeted by Christian, who came runnin over ta me. He do that all the time. It never fails. He use ta catch me lackin while I was in the studio and run full force ta the back of my legs, scarin the shit outta me. When he first did it, I thought it was a big ass dog comin ma way.

"Wazzam woe." He said, makin me laugh.

"What's wrong with you, man?"

He shrugged, laughin a lil. "Your friend looking for you."

"What friend?"

He motioned fa me ta lean down. I bent down ta his height as he whispered in my ear. "That fat girl."

I couldn't help but let a loud laugh come out ma mouth. "Gah damn!"

Because of ma loud laughter, Asia walked down from the upstairs. "August, why are you so loud?"

"That's the fat girl." Christian said, still whisperin.

"Nothing baybeh." I snickered, tryna contain ma loud laughter.

She shook ha head, headin towards the kitchen. "You guys are crazy."

Once she was out of sight, I bust out laughin again.

"What I say?" Christian asked.

I shook ma head, tryin ta stop laughin. "Some funny shit, na come on so you can get ready fa school."

After Christian got his self ready fa school, he grabbed his lunch and walked out the house with me behind him. Gettin inside the car, I pulled off.

"You startin or I am?" I asked.

"Um, you."

"Aight. Close ya eyes, man. Thank you, Lord fa wakin us up taday. Lord I ask that you be with Christian while he at school, protect him as he goes ta class and allow his grade ta continue to be great. Allow him to do his school work like he's doin it fa you. Fagive him of his sins and guide him in the way that he should go. In Jesus name, amen." I finished and he came in right after me.

"Thank you Jesus for waking us up and letting my daddy be safe. Be with my daddy while he working and let him make spaghetti for me when I get out of school. Jesus I love you and forgive my dad for his sin and protect him. In Jesus name, amen."

One thing I wanted ta continue with Christian was prayin. Sarah's ghost would beat me all the way up if I didn't. Every mawnin we prayed while on the way ta the school. It was our time ta bond with Jesus and also each otha.

Once he finished his prayer, I pulled up to the school's parkin lot. Gettin out the car, I began ta walk him ta his classroom.

"Aight, be good yungin. Have a good day at school, aight man?"

He nodded and gave me a hug. "Bye dad."

I watched as he walked inta class, givin his teacher a hug.

"Hi, Ms. Anderson." He said.

This nigga too fuckin friendly. I shook ma head watchin him wave and hug almost all the students in thea.

"I hope he grow outta that shit." I said turnin around ta make it back ta ma car.

Enterin ma car, I called Asia.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Do me a favor. Go ta the grocery store and buy some spaghetti shit."

"What happened to some gumbo?"

"My son wants some spaghetti when he get outta school and that's what ima cook."

"And the Daddy of the Year Award goes to August Anthony Alsina Jr." She laughed.

I chuckled, shakin ma head. "Shut the fuck up."

I'm backkkkkk.. 💚 so years have passed obviously so the ages for everyone in the story is...

Christian: 9

August: 27

Asia: 25

Simon: 22

Peter: 32

Sarah would've been: 25

Raymond: 31