It's been a good four years since Christian and I saw Sarah or heard of ha. It's been hard tryin ta take care of maself and lil man, but with God all thangs are possible. Lil Man was growing up quick as hell and he almost 10 na.

He's in the fifth grade and he a straight A student, he's on the lil baseball team at his school and this nigga energetic as fuck. I tell this nigga everyday that I love him and that I'm so fuckin proud of him. I'm one proud ass father.

And yeah, I said father. I wanted ta do errythang right so I adopted him. This is na ma muthafuckin son and I couldn't be mo proud of who he was becomin.

"You can't be in this room by yaself. You gotta come out, man." I said knockin onna do'.

Today was Sarah's birthday and I can't have him by himself in that room. When Christian was just 8, on Sarah's birthday, I found him laid out on the flo' cryin and shit. I kept tryin ta calm him down, but he couldn't. I even called Asia over ta help me because I neva dealt with that befo and I noticed his breathin was getting all choppy and shit, his face was red as fuck, he was coughin then cryin and coughin again. That was also the day I found out he had asthma. With all the cryin he did he left himself literally breathless.

Took him ta the hospital, and long story short turns out lil nigga got asthma.

"I'm not. I'm about to sit and play the game in the living room."

"Aight." I watched him as he hooked his PlayStation up ta ma tv.

I noticed his mood droppin every minute as the day rolled on. I know Sarah passin was messin with his head and his life. He wanted his mama and he couldn't have ha. He spent so much time with ha that when she left him, he didn't know what to do or how ta feel. The one thang I feared is this young boy, slippin inta depression. I didn't want him ta feel how I use ta feel.

"Aye, man. You wanna do some shit taday?" I asked.

"Like what? I thought you said you didn't wanna leave today."

"I know, but we ain't hung out fa real, since the tour picked up a lil."

"Yeah," he dropped his head. "Um can we visit grandma?"

"Which one?" I asked.

After years of abusive from ha punk ass husband, Sarah's mom finally left that hoe ass nigga. It was bad ta the point whea she had ta secretly call me ta talk ta ha own grandson. He hated Sarah so much that he wanted nothing to do with her or anything that came with ha.

After Ms. Sierra moved out, she moved to Atlanta and lived with ha son Simon. Simon was protectin and hidin ha from his abusive ass father since he didn't know she left him. Na she able ta see ha grandchile as much as she want.

I know if Sarah was hea' she'd be so fuckin happy.

"My mommy's mommy."

"Aight."

We gathered our thangs befo headin out ta the car. I closed and locked the do' as I turned around I noticed Christian starin up at the sky.

Walkin over ta him, I nudge him. "She up thea. Don't worry. Y'all gon meet again, not no time soon though. I know this life shit is hard, but look at me," I grabbed his face, makin him stare at me. "Look, you got so much more life, okay. We gone make it through this. I wanna see you older and not just 12, or 13. I wanna see you at 45, 55, or even 95. God got us hea fa a reason."

He wiped his face, noddin. "Okay."

I gave him a hug. "I remember you use ta pray every time something happened. What happened?"

I pulled back and nodded fa him ta get inna car. Bucklin ourselves in, I pulled off, headin ta Simon's house.

"I don't know. I-I thought Jesus didn't love me."

"Because of ya mama?"

"Yes."

"Jesus loves you man. All throughout the Bible, it talks about how much that Man loves us. The word of God says in 1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us. He loves us and especially you."

Lettin that sink in ta him a little, I let silence overtake us.

Noddin ma head ta the music that was on, Christian started ta speak again.

"Can I pray right now?"

I nodded, "Gon head."

It was quiet at first then he started talkin ta the Lord.

"D-dear Jesus, I'm sorry for being mad at you and saying you don't love me. Lord, please forgive me for my sins. Jesus, I wanna be happy and not sad. Can you please make me smile and be happy? Lord, can you tell my mommy I said I love her. I love you, Jesus and I'm sorry. In Jesus name, amen."

"Amen."

After a few minutes, I pulled up ta Simon's house and hea come this stupid ass nigga. I laughed as he grabbed Christian out the car and gave him a big ass bear hug.

"Wazzam, nephfrew?" He said.

Christian laughed, tryna get Simon ta let him go. "You sound old."

"Shut up, lil nugget. Go say hi ta grandma."

Christian ran into the house at full speed. I guess that nigga missed his grandma.

"What up, Yung?"

"Shit, chillin. I heard about Danielle." I smirked.

"Aye man don't start that shit." He laughed.

"Nah, I told you she was a dirty bitch, did I not? Had yo ass sprung then left yo sensitive ass high and dry."

"Man, fuck on." He laughed.

"Called me cryin and shit. Oooh the dirty bitch got me fucked up. I'll kill maself." I imitated, laughin at his stupid ass. "Gone off yoself over a bitch."

"Shut up bitch." He mugged me, makin me chuckle.

"Aight, but for real, how mama doin?" I asked, gettin serious. Every since Sarah's disappearance, Sierra ain' been feelin right and when we got the news she was gone, mama damn near stopped livin.

Yeah, ha and Sarah ain' have the best relationship, but that was still ha daughta and someone she loved and cared fa.

Simon walked in on ha, passed out onna flo', rushes ha ta the hospital and they said she could've died. He didn't go inta much detail when he told me, but I knew it was somethin crazy. And every since that day, Simon been scared ta leave her alone by haself. When he goes ta work, he'll bring us ova or bring ha ova ta us.

"She good right now. Lady been gettin on ma nerves. I tried ta get some pussy last night, this lady gone introduce haself and kept the broad inna kitchen with ha, cookin. At 2 o'clock in the fuckin mawnin. Blue balls like a bitch, man.

"I woulda squared up with ha cock blockin ass."

He laughed, noddin his head. "Mane fasho. Let go inna house fo she start talkin shit."

I nodded, followin him. Once we got inside his house, mama was sittin onna chair while Christian grown ass in ha lap.

"Thea she go babyin this nigga." I mumbled shakin ma head.

"Whatchu say, baby?" She asked.

"I said hey ma." I gave ha a hug and a kiss onna cheek.

"Oh okay. How you doin, baby?" She asked.

"A lot betta, takin care of lil man takin ma mind off ma baybeh, you know." I said, but whispered the last part.

"Yeah? Well, you know she up thea in heaven smilin watchin ova y'all two. I know it's hard sometimes, but it's gonna get betta. When you feel like life not goin nowhere. There's a man named Jesus Christ who loves you and cares fa you. He'll take all y'all pains away and give you peace."

I nodded, "Amen. I heard that."

"There's some food inna kitchen if y'all hungry. I made some corned beef, cabbage, cornbread, and some peach cobbler for dessert."

I looked at Christian has he got up from his grandma's lap. I don't know what came cover him but he took off towards the kitchen.

"'Nigga what?" Simon said laughin.

"Same shit I'm thinkin. This nigga make it seem like ion feed him at home." I laughed.

"Watch y'all fuckin mouth befo I give all y'all a damn whoopin." Mama said gettin up ta go ta the kitchen with Christian.

I laughed, shakin ma head. "I'm grown, so she talkin ta you."

"Bro fuck on, I'm grown too."

I scoffed, "How? Nigga, I'm the definition of grown, if you haven't noticed. I got a job, a car, ma own house, a chile, and a fian–"

I stopped talkin once I heard the first letters of the word fiancée. I didn't have a fiancée anymore. Ma baybeh was gone.

"Bro you good?" Simon asked.

I unclenched my jaw and sighed. "Yeah. I just miss callin yo bald headed ass sister ma fiancée. I miss ha, man. I never thought we'd be like this."

"First off, ma sis ain't bald headed, alien head ass nigga. And second, man I miss ha bald headed ass too."

I couldn't even be sad fa too long, this nigga fuckin retarded.

"Fuck wrong witchu?" I laughed walkin away from him.

Me and Christian spent majority of our day with Simon and Mama. It was now goin on eight o'clock and it was a school night. So, Christian had ta get ready fa school.

"Found ya school clothes?" I asked, textin Asia.

"Yeah, I just gotta pick the perfect shoes." He smiled, rubbin his hands tagether.

"Fa what?" I laughed.

"To look good for the ladies, dad."

"Get the fuck," I screamed, laughin out loud. "Go shower, man."

He smacked his lips, "I'm serious."

Still laughin a lil, I mushed him away from me. "Gone man. Inna fuckin fifth grade talm bout lookin good fa the ladies. This nigga be around his unc too damn much."

He shook his head, headin upstairs towards his bathroom. I took a seat on the couch, scrollin through my pictures.

I came across a picture of Sarah and ma heart yearned fa ha.

"This lil ugly ass face she was makin." I shook ma head.

"August Anthony Alsina Jr. give me my lip gloss." Sarah whined, chasin me around ma backyard.

"No. You ain' bout ta put ya wet ass lips on me."

She laughed, stoppin in ha tracks. "I wasn't. I was going to give you a kiss and then put some gloss on."

"You a fuckin lie."

"August, stop playing." She begin ta whine again.

"Ion give a fuck bout you doin allat crybaby shit." I laughed, watchin ha pout.

"Please." She put ha hands on ha face, poutin ha lips out.

I took ma phone out, takin a picture on ma baybeh. "Lookin good as fuck fa daddy."

She laughed, slowly made ha way toward me. As she stood in front of me, she wrapped ha arms around ma body.

"I love you." She said kissin ma cheek, then ma nose.

"I love you too, mamas." I leaned down ta capture ha lips in a kiss.

Grabbin ha neck, I pulled ha closer. She gave me one mo peck before pullin away.

"See, I wasn't lying. Now give me my lip gloss." She smiled.

"I miss you so much, baybeh. I wish you was hea right na. Look at our boy. This nigga grown as fuck. You heard this nigga talkin bout dressin up fa the ladies? He got that shit from yo weird ass brotha." I sighed, runnin ma hands down ma face. "Why did I let this happen ta you? I hope you can forgive me fa not payin close attention ta you. Forgive me fa not doin ma best when it came ta searchin fa you. I'm so sawry, baybeh."

I was interrupted by Asia callin me. I complemented on answerin the phone or not, but I said fuck it and just answered.

"Helluh?" I answered.

"Hey baby. What are you doing?"

I sighed, "Shit, chillin."

"That's good." She cleared ha throat. "I've been thinking and I think it's time for us to be official."

"What?"

"I think it's time for us to be official. We technically are already. We talk everyday, have sex whenever we see each other, I met your kid, and–"

"You think that's good timin? I just lost ma fuckin wife–"

"It was years ago, August. She wouldn't want you to be lonely and miserable the rest of your life."

"Yes the fuck she would and I'd want the same for ha. Fuck wrong witchu bruh. I wouldn't give a fuck if it was one hundred years ago. That was ma fuckin wife." I took a deep breath, calmin maself down. "I know it was years ago, but the relationship Sarah and I shared felt like years beyond us meetin. Y'all don't undastand, that lady was ma life. I watched ha grow inta such a beautiful ass woman inside and out and fell head first in love with ha. Ha energy, ha personality, everythin had ma nose wide the fuck open. So excuse me fa not wantin move on so fuckin fast."

"August, I'm sorry." She apologized, but I wasn't hearin none of that shit.

"Yeah, aight." I hung up.

I posted the picture of Sarah ta ma Instagram with the caption sayin ❤️

💚