"Baby, get up." Asia said.

"I'm up, what's wrong?" I asked, moving onta ma side ta see ha face. I looked at the alarm clock and noticed it was only like 3:40 in the morning.

"Christian's crying in his room."

I rushed out the bed ta go check on ma yungin. Soon as I got ta his do', I knocked then walked in. I sighed, watching him hold onta the picture of Sarah. He held on ta the picture like it was really ha and the sight saddened me.

"I miss you, mommy." He cried.

"Come hea, lil man." I sat down next to him, pulling him closer ta me. I let him cry in ma shoulder. I jus wanted ta be hea fa him. I know he needs Sarah, but I'm all he got besides ma family and Simon, who moved out of New Awlins.

"I miss ha too, but we gotta be strong. They gone find ha, aight? She good." I tried to think of something Sarah would say, but I couldn't.

"I want my mommy!" He cried.

I finally thought of something ta quiet him a lil. I pulled out ma phone and went straight ta my videos. I scrolled until I found what I was lookin fa.

It was a video I took of Sarah and Christian two days befo I proposed.

"Baybeh," I called out, makin Sarah and Christian turn they heads.

"What bro?" She answered.

"Say somethin ta Snapchat."

"Something." She replied, wavin me off.

"Damn hater. Aye, lil man, say wazzam ta Snapchat."

I zoomed in on his face as he walked closer ta the camera. Once he got too close, he did some type of old school pose and smiled in the camera.

"Wazzam, blood." He said, making Sarah slowly turn ha head towards us.

"Anthony." She said.

"I ain't do nothin."

I tried ta quickly get up ta run away, but she moved way too far and ran and smacked ma phone out ma hand.

The video ended with ha smacking the phone and the phone smackin the flo'.

Christian wipes his tears, laughing at the video. "My mommy hit you."

"She did, didn't she. Abusive ass."

I went ta another video of us.

"Do the stanky leg, aye do the stanky leg." Sarah and Christian was playing these old ass dance songs, tryna out dance each other.

"I got one!" Lil man yelled, takin Sarah's phone ta change the song. Once I heard the familiar beat, I shook ma head.

"It's turbo time, let's work it, work it," Sarah sang along, puttin ha hands on ha knees, lowkey throwin that ass.

I bit ma lip, smirkin. They didn't know I was recording them fa ma lil instagram and ma Snapchat. I needed the whole world ta see these niggas.

Christian screamed, pointing at Sarah. "You messed up, I won!"

She laughed, "No I didn't, shut up."

"Daddy–I mean Aug, you saw my mommy mess up?"

I smiled. "Yeah I did."

"Hold up, you recording?"

I quickly stopped recordin, savin the video ya ma gallery and begin ta record another video. "Man nah. Y'all ain't nothin ta record, lame."

Who you calling lame?" Sarah said.

"Youu, baybeh." I sang, makin ha blush.

"Shut up."

"You gone make me?"

She smirked, squintin ha eyes at me. "You are recording ain't chu? You don't even act like this unless you are."

"Act like what?" I challenged ha befo the video ran out.

"You try to act all tough and rough, but when the cameras off, you be cuddled up with a teddy bear that smells like me."

"Oh!" I frowned. "That's supposed to be classified information." I quickly stopped recordin befo she say some more embarrassin shit.

"I called you daddy." Christian said.

"I know and I don't mind. I been with ya mama fa a year and some months, when I accepted ha ta be ma fiancée, I also accepted you ta be ma son. I wouldn't be a man if I just date ya mama and not take care of the both of y'all."

He didn't say anything, he just played with his fingers noddin.

"I might not be ya real real daddy, but I love you like you ma real real son. And durin this time, I know you need me, ya heard me? So ima be hea, I gotchu." I hugged him, kissing the top of his head.

"I love you too." He whispered, slowly fallin asleep.

I lifted him up, puttin him in his bed. Hopefully, he can be straight fa the rest of the day. I debatin on lettin him stay home from school because of how he's feelin. I don't want him in school if he feelin like this.

I know he missed ha and shit, I missed ha too, but we gotta keep movin on. Not movin on away from ha, but with life. Even though I wanna stop this world from rotatin until I get ma baybeh, but I can't. There's no tellin whea she at and who she with.

I shut his room door and went back ta ma room. I had to find a different room in ma house because I just didn't feel right having some broad in the bed whea Sarah and I use to lay our heads. The smell of ha was all around the room and I can't replace that, plus the Sarah scented teddy bear is still thea and I don't want anyone messin with that. Anyways, I picked the room right across from Christian.

"Is he okay?" Asia asked, as I sat down on the bed.

"Yeah fa the most part. He just need some rest and reassurance." I said not really wantin ta talk.

"August," she called out. "Are you okay?"

"It's not about me right na, I gotta make sho he straight, you know what I'm saying and that's all that matters."

"August, I'm only asking you because I care. I know this is a very rough time for the both of you, but let me in. With you being there for Christian, who's gonna be there for you?" She asked, takin ma hand in hers.

"Man, God got me."

"Aug–"

"Goodnight Asia." I cut her off. I didn't wanna continue ta hea ha talk bout this. I lost my fiancée, Christian lost his mama. I can always find another woman ta propose ta. Christian ain' gone find another mama. So I don't need anyone ta have ma back, especially if ya name ain't Sarah Jeanie Marshall.

"Alsina!" She said takin the covers off me.

I sigh, rubbing down ma face. "What, man?"

"Stop shutting me out. I'm trying to be here for you and comfort you in a time like this. Don't continue to shut me out and ignore me because you feel as if you need to hid your emotions."

"I'm just tryna sleep, you bout ta piss me off."

"I don't give a fuck. August I truly care for you, I'm just trying to make sure you're alright. It's depressing and sad to see you like this. You hardly ever smile or laugh." She began to breakdown. "You know I lost my brother to depression. I watched him not smile, not laugh, no life whatsoever and due to the fact that he felt like he had no one, I lost my baby brother to suicide. August, just please talk to me. I don't wanna lose you too."

She turned away from me to fix ha face. I sighed again, gettin off the bed and walked ova ta ha. Once I faced ha, I gave ha a hug.

"My bad. I ain' mean fa you to cry or for these feelings ta come back in you. It's been a tough year fa me and lil man and I ain' use ta fallin back on anybody but Sarah. I preciate you fa lettin me know multiple times that you hea fa a nigga. I need it."

She sniffled, wiping the rest of ha tears. "It's okay. I just don't like see sadness in someone's eyes. Losing my brother made me so sensitive about depression and sadness. He's the main reason why I became a psychiatrist."

"Thank you."

She gave me a hug, squeezin me tight. "You're welcome. Let's get some sleep now."

"I been tryna do that fa the damn longest." I said, makin ha chuckle.

"Shut up."

"Dad, your phone ringing." Christian said.

I looked at the contact name and saw ChaCha callin.

I stopped cookin ma gumbo and answered the phone.

"Wazzam Ch–" I was cut off by the sound of ha cryin. "ChaCha?"

"August, I'm so sawry." She cried, makin me confused.

"Fa what? What's goin on? The kids okay?"

"Sarah. S-she on the news and they said–"

I already knew what the rest of the sentence was gone say and I could feel my body shake.

I smacked ma lips, shakin ma head. "Man, nah."

"Aug, they said she died from drug overdose."

I sighed, leanin down on ta the table. "Say swea. Please tell me you bullshittin. Not ma baby, dawg. She wasn't even inta that shit. She couldn't even stand the smell of some fuckin weed."

"I'm so sawry."

"Da–"

"Turn the tv on and go ta the news." I said. Befo jumpin the gun and shuttin down, I needed ta see if it's truth. I know ChaCha wouldn't lie ta me, I just needed confirmation.

Keepin the tv muted, I looked at the headlines and saw what I was lookin fa.

Turnin the news off, I went ta tmz and says the same thing.

"Fuck Sarah." I mumbled.

I dropped ma head, prayin that this was a fuck up dream. I picked ma head up, lookin down at my yungin starin at me with his big eyes.

I didn't wanna cry in front of him, but my feelins said otherwise. I slouched down on ta the table and cried.

I was cryin fa Christian because I know he'll neva see his mama again. The one person he was cryin fa, he'll neva see again. Someone who birthed him and gave him life. She made sure he had everythang he needed. She was such a good as mama and ta know he'll neva feel ha live again, fuckin me up.

I'm cryin fa maself too because I know the future I planned out with ha and ta well neva fulfilled that, breaks me.

My fiancée was gone. The love of ma life was gone. My baybeh ain't hea no mo.

"August," ChaCha called out.

"I gotta call you back." I hung up turnin ma phone off. I didn't need anyone callin or textin me right na.

I just needed ta be with my son.

"You okay?" Christian asked.

Decidin ta tell him the truth and what's fa real goin on, I shook ma head.

"My mommy gone?" He asked, tears wellin up in his tears.

I stood in ma knees, pulling him inta ma arms. "I'm sawry, man. I'm so sawry."

"I want ma mommy!" He cried.

"I know, I know. I want ha too."

I held on ta him as if ma life depended on it. This was all I got na. I'd feel like a bum ass nigga ta abandon him in a time like this. He needed somebody and I was that somebody. Sarah would haunt me everyday if I left Christian ta fend fa himself.

"I love you, man." I kissed his forehead as he continued ta shed more tears.

😭🥴