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"Hey, Cece?"

"What's up?"

"McKenzie is going to come over for a little while before she goes into work tonight."

Celine peeped around the corner. "You don't have to tell me when Kenz is coming, she's always welcome. I don't know how many times I have to say that."

"I know I know, but this is your house so I don't want to just have my sister barging in. It's just a respect thing."

"I get it. Isn't it the first day of summer break for you guys. Y'all just gonna spend it in the house?"

I shrugged and nodded. "Yea, just starting it off a little simple I guess. With you around now, I'm sure we'll have hella fun nights."

"True shit." She chuckled. "I'm bout to head to work now though. I should be home around 8 tonight, if anything changes, I'll text you."

"Alrighty. Have a good day."

"You too, boo."

And with that, she headed out the front door.

Since the incident had happened a few weeks ago, I decided it was best for me to leave home. I didn't want to be around my mom, my aunt, my uncle, Angel or Amere. Luckily for me, Kenz was the only one that honestly had no idea about the situation so I was still able to be hang out with my sister.

Celine has been amazing enough to let me stay with her for as long as I needed. She has an extra room in her apartment and she was quick to offer it to me.

I've been here rent free, too, so I've felt like such a burden on her. In a fit of hurt and anger, I ended up texting my boss that I wanted to quit.

I don't know why, I just did.

On the bright side, though, I start my new job next weekend at a summer camp. I'm pretty excited because I've really been wanting to dip my toes in the water and work with kids.

Celine didn't mind at all- at least she said and acted like she didn't which I appreciated more than anything. Especially right now.

Since that night, I haven't spoken to either of them except for Kenz and Avi. I had no reason to be upset with either of them, but I didn't talk to Avi as much.

I try to avoid as much drama as I can right now and I'm scared she might just hit me up one day with some more news that I can't handle.

My mom has obviously reached out to me, I don't care to put in any effort to respond much. I'll say hi and let her know that I'm okay, but I don't indulge in much more conversation that. Don't get me wrong, it kills me every day and night, but she wasn't thinking about my feelings when she chose to keep such big secrets away from me like that, so I try not to let it bother me too much.

At the end of the day, that's my mom, I love her more than anything in this world, and I know eventually I will get over how I'm feeling and talk to her, but right now is not the moment.

She knows that.

As for Angel and Amere, I've blocked them on everything possible. I blocked their numbers, their social medias, and I made sure they have no idea of my whereabouts. Kenz and I have a clear understanding that she doesn't entertain conversations with them when they are about me, and she doesn't tell them anything about me.

My phone buzzed against the nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Hey, sis. I'm outside, come open the door. I have goodiesssss."

"Comingggg girllllll."

Hanging up the phone, I placed it back on the nightstand and headed downstairs to the front door to let McKenzie in. Sure enough, she stood there with bags of snacks.

"Hi, baaaaabe."

After giving her a hug, I grabbed some of the bags and helped her inside.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Kenz pouted.

"We just seen each other three days ago, but I miss you too."

"I know, but it's so different with you not being at home. When are you coming baaaack?"

I chuckled. "I don't know, sis. Whenever I feel ready, I guess."

"Guess who asked about you."

"I already know."

"He misses you, girl." She sighed. "He misses you a lot. On the real, he has not been the same Angel since that night."

"I knooow. You tell me every day."

"I don't mean to bring it up all the time, but damn. I just really wish shit didn't go down the way it did. I miss you, ma misses you, Angel misses you, Amere misses you. Everybody misses you, I miss us. I miss seeing you every damn day, I miss all the double dates, I miss us fighting each other over make-up and bullshit."

I felt myself getting emotional which I knew was what McKenzie wanted. That's what everyone's been wanting out of me, but since that night, I've felt cold to everything. Nothing phases me anymore, as if my feelings were completely shut off after that night. It didn't worry me, I liked being like this.

I worried a lot less about anyone other than me. I loved it to be honest.

"We'll be back together eventually. Whether it's there or at my own place."

"Are you really planning on never coming back home, Audri?"

I shrugged. "I'm not planning on it, but if it doesn't happen then it just doesn't happen. It won't phase me."

"That's the problem."

"What?"

"Nothing's been phasing you lately. You quit your job, you left home, you broke up with Angel, you don't really talk to anyone except me and Celine, you stay in this room every damn day. It's not healthy, not for you. I don't know who you've been lately, but it hasn't been Audriana Rumi Ibanez."

"You have no idea what I went through and what I'm still going through so, please, leave it alone."

She scoffed. "You're right, I don't know what you went through but remember who you're talking to. Remember what I've been through. I've been numb before, I've been broken for, I've been hurt before, I've been scarred- you of all people know that. I know what you're feeling when it feels like you have no one on your side, and you can't believe most of the people closest to you kept something from you like that. Hell, I just found out about a long-lost sibling too. There's just different ways to go about things, and sometimes, some battles just aren't worth the fight nor are they worth losing important people over."

"Okay."

Sighing, she decided it was best to change the subject.

Thank, God.

"So... are you excited to start your new job?"

"I am. I'm ready to see if this is something I really want to do or not. I just feel like my passion has changed and I want to know if it's just temporary, or if it's really my purpose, you know?"

"Yea, I know what you mean. I'm glad I quit my job too, but now I don't know where to go from here."

"I told you to pray about it, ask God about it, and he'll show you."

"I have been, but it's not working."

"You have to be patient. God works on his time, not ours. Maybe it's not the right time, just relax sis."

Kenz shook her head. "I just feel really useless at the moment. Like, I'm not doing shit. I have no source of income right now."

"And that's okay. Maybe you need this break just to get yourself back together. You see what happened; you ended up being able to bring all your grades up just in time for the end of the semester. You never know what you can wake up to tomorrow. Let life do it's thing, and just let it flow."

"You hear that? Just let it flow... Audri."

"I am, McKenzie."

...

...

"So what's new on Netlfix?"

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Instead of replying, I laid my phone down on my chest and fell backwards onto the bed.

This entire time, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew I wanted nothing more than to ignore the people that hurt me, I thought I knew about how I wanted to go about this shit, but now... I don't know.

McKenzie might have actually, finally hit a nerve with me this time.

Something in me really wanted to talk to my mom. I don't know, I just feel like we both deserve it.

Deciding not to think too much about it, I requested an Uber before I changed my mind. It's been a while since I felt any type of emotions about this situation so I needed to take advantage of the moment.

Quickly.

I no longer had my house key to get in the front door because I threw it out of Cece's car window and into Miami traffic out of a fit of anger so I had to knock on the door to get in.

But it took me a minute.

It took me a minute to build up the courage to stand there and knock on the door, it took me a minute to realize what the fuck I was doing, it took me a minute to understand that I was about to see my mom after not seeing her since she hurt me and I stormed out.

It took me a minute, but I did it.

I knocked.

And I waited.

I waited for what felt like 20 minutes from how fast my heart was racing, but was probably only about 10 seconds.

"H-hi."

I could tell by the look on my mom's face that she wanted to smile, she wanted to cry, she wanted to hug me and tell how much she's missed me.

But she didn't.

"Hey, Audriana. Are you here to get more clothes?"

"No. I'm actually here to uh- to talk."

"To me?"

I nodded. "Can I come in?"

"Of course you can. Whether you like it or not, this is still your home."

Not saying anything, I just walked past her and into the dining room. I don't know why I looked around as if anything would be different because I knew it wouldn't be.

"I just made some tea if you want some?"

"No, I'm okay. I actually just ate and stuff before I came over here. Thank you though."

"Of course." She poured herself a cup, her back towards me. "I've really missed you, Rumi."

"I know. I've missed you, too."

Without saying anything, she nodded, turning towards me with a sad smile. "So, what's up? How have you been? I know you text me to tell me you're okay, but are you really?"

"I'm as okay as I will be at the moment. I'm living, I have a roof over my head, clothes to eat and a shirt on my back so, yea, I'm okay. How about you? How have you been?"

"I've been going. Life has been really different since everything that happened, but I understand it all that's why I let you be. I could have been up your butt about it, I could have tracked you down at Celine's house and had the cops bring you home since you are still underage, but I didn't. I let you have your space because I know you needed it."

"I appreciate that." I thanked her honestly. "But how did you know I was at Celine's place?"

She chuckled. "You're still my daughter, Ru. I know you and your friends... and Celine told me."

"I'm gonna kill her." I joked, easing the nerves and tension that was suffocating us right now. "But on a serious note, ma, I want to talk."

"That's understandable."

Sighing, I tried to gather my thoughts. "I guess... I don't know. I guess I just want to know what happened for me to have siblings that are all so close in age to me if you and dad have been married for 20 plus years, and why were they kept a secret from me. They obviously knew each other and they knew me, but why didn't I know them?"

"Honestly, as horrible as this may sound, your dad didn't want you to know about them because he didn't want you knowing that he stepped out on our marriage. Not once- and not just the three times that resulted in your siblings- but quite a few times. He didn't want you knowing that I forgave him over and over because he never wanted you to do what I did. He never wanted you to grow up thinking it was okay to do as I did for him. He didn't want you to settle."

As an instinct, my eyebrows furrowed together, and I felt my blood starting to boil but I did my best to hide my anger because this wasn't the time for it.

"So he believed that making me live a lie was more important than allowing me to know my siblings?" I scoffed. "And you agreed?"

"No, not at all."

"So then why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I loved and still do love your dad more than anything so whatever he wanted to do, I supported it. It wasn't smart and I knew that, but the only reason I have for my actions is that I love him."

"You didn't think I would ever find out?"

She sipped her tea. "I knew eventually you would, I just didn't expect it to be like this. When I found out it was your siblings that had done that to you, I spoke to them and their mothers and told them that I didn't want you involved in any of their mess after that. I didn't want anymore hurt and pain on you, especially not at that moment."

"Oh so you were in contact with these people?"

"I was, and I still am. I have been since I found out that your dad had cheated on me. Their mothers and I are actually pretty good friends, I don't speak to the kids much but I help them out when I can. Well, I helped them out. I don't do much helping anymore."

"Help with what exactly?"

"As I said, I never liked the decisions your dad made. He slept with these women, created these kids and then decided he didn't want to take care of them or be there for them. I did not like that at all so I basically stepped up and did his job."

Again, I felt myself getting angry, but, again, I did my best to cover it up. "Why were you doing a grown man's job?"

"Like I said, all I can really say is that I love him. I love him." She shrugged and I could see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "What more can I say than that?"

"I'm sorry, ma. I'm not trying to make you cry I just... I don't get it. I don't like it, and I wish I would have known because I feel like I could have helped you or tried my best to do so. I just wish I could ask him why... why he did that to you, why he did that to us, why he did that to himself."

She took a really long breath before tears started falling from her eyes and racing down her cheeks.

"You okay, ma?"

"Yea, uh, just maybe... maybe uh, maybe you can ask him why."

"We're going to visit his grave soon?"

"N-no. Not like that, ju-"

"Honestly, I don't even want to try to talk to him right now. If he was here, I would be super upset with him not just for what he did to you, but what he did to me and my siblings. For all I know, they could have been trying to take me down because of him."

"He is here."

If my heart hadn't shattered and broken enough in the past month, it was doing it once again. My heart dropped, broke, and shattered all at once.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Your dad's not dead. He's still alive, Rumi."

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