《If》jealousy
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Padmavati is truly devastated to see Mehrunisa sleeping on a mattress on the floor. She definitely heard him coming to her room last night, which probably added to her misery even more.
"Malika..." Padmavati shakes her gently, trying to wake her up.
Mehrunisa opens her eyes in a second, she has always been a light sleeper. She looks around, ignoring Padmavati. From the view of the fully sunlit room, she understands that she missed the morning prayer and gets up from the floor to put herself together.
"Malika, please listen." She repeats. She feels beyond ashamed but she had no control over what Khilji did, same as Mehrunisa.
"Good morning to you too, Padmavati. Will you bring me breakfast?" She speaks faintly as she dries her face and moves on to washing her feet.
"It's coming... Malika, let me speak." Padmavati says, stepping closer.
"Speak as you wish, Padmavati. No need to call me with my title..." Soon you'll be having it, anyway, she thinks. She intends to lift a heavy bucket of water to fill the bathtub, as if she doesn't have dozens of servants to do that for her. Padmavati takes it from her hand quickly, slightly scolding her.
"You are pregnant, Mehrunisa. Be careful."
"And you?" She asks without hesitation. She is not able to hold her sorrow in anymore, her sleepless, red eyes tell more than words could have.
Padmavati flinches with the sound of the doors opening, her hands instinctively going to her belly in fear.
Her reflex catches Mehrunisa's eye but before she gets a chance to question it, maids enter the room with trays of food.
They prepare the most sumptous breakfast possible for Malika-i Jahan, now that Padmavati is better and Sultan is also here, seems like the head chef of the palace made the decision of giving a feast on his own, to celebrate the first child of Alauddin Khilji.
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Everyone still looks tired from yesterday but they also look excited and happy, Mehrunisa feels confused about how to react.
She hasn't told that she's pregnant to Sultan yet.
This is for Padmavati's child.
The world spins faster for a second, it feels like the ground is slipping under her feet. "I'm sorry," Mehrunisa whispers to Padmavati. "I couldn't protect you from him."
Padmavati grabs Mehrunisa's arm right when she's about to lose her balance and walks her to the grand table slowly. She is dying to tell her everything but with everyone around, it's not possible. How could she send away all these servants? They are expecting Malika to rain gold on them and after Malika, probably Khilji will do the same.
Padmavati carefully seats Mehrunisa and begs her with her eyes. "Just send them away."
Mehrunisa shakes her head, reaching for water and filling herself a cup. She takes a little sip but everything feels too much. The food, people, the things they say, the things they don't say but imply with their glances and now Padmavati, this... It's too much.
Padmavati covers Mehrunisa's silent breakdown by standing in front of her, telling everyone to leave because she is feeling unwell due to her pregnancy.
As always, questions are never asked but like answers are given, they all leave.
***
Padmavati sighs in relief, quickly turning back to Mehrunisa, sitting next to her. It takes a moment of courage but she finally says it.
"Yes, I am pregnant too."
From the way she says it, almost proudly, Mehrunisa thinks she might have lost her mind, or the illness damaged her memory of past and Khilji manipulated it last night. She thinks of many terrible possibilities but not the right one.
"I am carrying the child of my husband, not Khilji. Mehrunisa, you have to help me." Padmavati says silently, knowing Khilji might arrive anytime now to congratulate his wife. "He came into my room last night, I was so scared that I might give something away. So I made up that I was somehow poisoned in his absence. The truth is I was just experiencing morning sickness and the food they brought me didn't help at all. Later I threw up the herbal mixtures they gave me because I was fearing that it might harm the baby. Forgive me for leaving you sleepless for all these nights, I owe you for a lifetime."
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Mehrunisa looks at Padmavati in shock, trying to take in all the information. "Why would you risk both of your lives like that? You could have told me!" She raises her voice.
"Don't, please don't be mad at me." Padmavati whispers. "If someone finds out that I am carrying Ratan's child, there is no chance... He would kills us both. If not..." She says with horror clear in her eyes. Mehrunisa is still trying to take in that she is pregnant but what is even harder to see is Padmavati's fear. Her tough, fearless nature is replaced by maternal instinct, now that she has something to protect with her life, her fire of revenge that used to burn in her eyes day and night, seems to be extinguished.
"Who told everyone I am pregnant?" Mehrunisa asks, her mind still full of questions about last night.
"I did." Padmavati answers. "When he was convinced that I was poisoned, he said that he would take me with him wherever he goes... I couldn't come up with anything in the moment. After he left, I ran after him and told him that you are pregnant and I can't leave you alone."
Mehrunisa smiles bitterly. "What did he say?"
"He was happy, very happy. He didn't say anything about travelling after that." Padmavati smiles too.
***
"Sultan Alauddin Khilji" a guard announces before the doors open.
He enters the room just as glorious as his name sounds, with dozens of servants carrying crates of gold, jewellery, clothes and numerous precious gifts for his wife, Malika-i Jahan. With his eyes full of tears, he embraces Mehrunisa, releasing a heartfelt laughter that she missed to hear.
For Padmavati, his laughter touches somewhere in her heart that she didn't know it existed. It's a light touch, like feather touching skin, but it stings. She fails to confess it to herself but the feeling screams its name as it dissolves in her.
Jealousy.
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