《If》tears of love

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Malika calls her maids and tells them to prepare iftar for two people, one of them being Rani Padmavati.

She wears a simple, dark green dress with little embroidery on it. She puts on light jewelries, not wanting to hear them tingle because her head already hurts horribly from the stress.

‎She makes a plain braid and puts on a few hair jewelries, waiting for Padmavati to arrive.

***

Padmavati is placed in a big room, not as big as her chambers back home, but it looks fine. She doesn't feel comfortable though, now that he has her between his walls and under his roof.

He has sympathy for her, she sees it as an obvious thing now. Maybe he has feelings beyond lust? She doesn't care even if he is madly in love with her. Him being patient for a while doesn't make him a nice person. Even if he waits for centuries, she won't want him. Never. But she has to find a way to make him think that she will, one day, she will smile at his face and desire him the way he desired her. The thought makes Padmavati sick, but she knows it's the only way to rule a man of desires.

‎She snaps back to reality as the doors open, terrified with the idea of him hearing her thoughts and coming here. Fortunately it's just a maid telling her to get ready for meeting Malika Mehrunisa.

‎She nods and puts on her dupatta, covering her wet, braided hair. She walks to Mehrunisa's chambers, great doors open up to a great view.

A huge table is set, next to the windows that sees the endless deserts and cloudless sky. As the sun sets, the dark walls of Malika's room is painted with shades of yellow and red. Her room is already lit with a thousand candles and smells like everything beautiful and lively. Luxury of her room shines even brighter with this perfect lighting.

And then she sees Malika, who looks unrelated with the room. She looks nothing like the first time Padmavati saw her. She looks so pale, so tired... It raises questions in her mind. Was she being punished for helping them escape? Is she ill? Looks like Khilji treats his captives better than he treats his wife.

"Welcome back to the Khilji Palace, Padmavati." She says, approaching her.

Padmavati slightly bows her head, not knowing what to say.

Malika walks closer to her, opening her arms. "When fate makes its irreversible moves, all we can do is embrace it."

Padmavati's sad expression slowly turns into a genuine smile and she hugs Mehrunisa, finally finding a little comfort in this foreign land.

"Thank you." She whispers as her eyes water.

Mehrunisa lets go of Padmavati and looks at her again, eyeing her up and down. "You are not hurt, right?"

"No, no... I'm fine. But you look so pale."

Mehrunisa smiles slightly, choosing not to say anything about it. "Have a seat." She says, pointing to the huge table covered with all kinds of food.

Padmavati sits opposite to Malika and they eat quietly after the evening prayer call is heard. Padmavati eats well, surprising herself. Mehrunisa eats a little but loses her appetite way too soon.

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"Did you like the food?" Malika asks kindly.

"I really liked it." She says, nodding. "If only all Khilji dynasty were hospitable as you."

"The blood that runs in your veins can't change your heart. He is what he is." Malika says with a stern voice, feeling tensed about all that she has to say.

"I prayed day and night for this madness to end. I am fasting since the day he left the palace, hoping that somehow he changes his mind." Mehrunisa took a deep breath, while she watched the stars appear as the sky darkens.

Padmavati fixed her gaze on her face, the burn in her throat making her unable to say a word, again.

"What is the point of being Malika-i Jahan when your prayers are not heard? You can rule over thousands but not the one. You can win lands but not the hearts." Mehrunisa fights back tears as her eyes stay fixed on the food she couldn't eat. "I told him that I want you to be my servant, be my company. I couldn't think of anything else when he said he could take you as a second wife."

There isn't one moment that Padmavati didn't think about taking her own life since the first day of her captivity and when she hears Khilji's idea, the urge of jumping down from the window right next to her, is almost irresistible.

She closes her eyes, reminding herself she has to be alive for her husband's revenge. It takes literally everything in her to keep calm but she manages.

"I can never thank you enough for this favour. You will be in my prayers forever. I'll be more than glad to be your company."

***

They get along well and turns out that Padmavati is the company Mehrunisa needed. After sometime, they both open up their hearts and chat like sisters who haven't seen each other in years.

A maid arrives later in the evening, interrupting their conversation abruptly. Mehrunisa eyes the girl, silently signalling her to leave but she comes closer and leans into Mehrunisa's ear, whispering a sentence. Mehrunisa looks down, feeling frustrated.

‎"I've been fasting for so long. I'll rest." She says, not looking at the maid.

‎"But it's Thursday, Malika. You must-"

‎"After the night prayer." She says, quickly. The maid does a curtsey and leaves, leaving Mehrunisa with an uncomfortable feeling.

‎Padmavati seems to understand the issue and immediately feels bad for her, the thought of Khilji raising goosebumps on her skin, again.

‎Mehrunisa gets on her feet, walking to her grand wardrobe, picking something.

"You need this more than I do."

‎She turns back to Padmavati, handing her a dagger adorned with diamonds and sapphires, the one Khilji gave to Mehrunisa after one of his biggest victories, thinking that it was a precious piece of art, just like her.

‎Padmavati examines the dagger carefully, removing its scabbard. It's perfectly sharpened and looks like a mirror. She sees her own tired eyes on it, but dreams of Khilji's blood.

‎ "What if I start by taking his loved ones?" She asks with curiousity.

‎"He loves no one but himself." Malika laughs sincerely, not taking any offence.

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"What kind of lover does this?" She says after a moment, actually considering the possibility of him having any love in his heart. ‎Her desperation hits Padmavati like a wave, because the unshed tears on Mehrunisa's eyes give away everything. She loves him. She loves him deeply, deep like an ocean, dark, cold and impossible to drain out.

‎Padmavati feels like screaming to her face that her husband is the devil himself but also sees that she probably knows this so well that she's been fasting for weeks, praying to God that he'll be less of a sinner. She can only imagine her disappointment when Mehrunisa heard her arrival.

‎"Thank you for your efforts to protect me, Mehrunisa. What a great lover you are and a honourable woman."

‎Mehrunisa forces a smile, now that she is reminded of him, it pains her to even breathe.

Padmavati leaves, hiding the dagger in her dress.

‎***

‎ Mehrunisa is getting ready, her maids showering her with jewelry and cloths. She can't stand the sound of their anklets, bangles and their stupid enthusiasm for dressing her up.

‎"Enough!" She says, stepping away from them. "He always rips clothes and breaks jewelry." She whispers to herself, not caring if they hear what she says. Every girl in harem already knows who he is.

‎She gets rid of the heavy kaftan, throwing it to a maid. She removes the gold choker that covers her bust and all the bangles on her arms. The only thing left on her is her almost see through white night gown.

‎Girls shriek in shock as they see Malika walking to the door wearing pretty much nothing. One of the maids runs next to her, blocking her way to the door.

‎"We can tell Sultan that it's not the appropriate time of the month, Malika." She says with a worried expression. "You don't look well."

‎"No, there are enough lies in this palace. Don't add one more. I'm fine." Mehrunisa says, pointing her to move away from the door.

‎"There are male guards on the way, Malika. You can't go like this."

‎She inhales from her nose with frustration, grabbing the maid's dupatta, covering her hair and chest. She picks up another huge cloth from the floor and puts it over shoulder, finally satisfying her maids.

‎She looks like a mess but she doesn't care, because Khilji doesn't either. She's just another body with a pretty face, like any other object giving him his daily dose of satisfaction. The only difference is that she owns a name.

‎Everytime she walks through a door somebody announces her, every man lowers his gaze and every woman bends. It means nothing because she can't bend Khilji's heart, or own his gazes.

‎She arrives to his chambers, but Khilji isn't there to greet her. She removes her dupatta and throws it on the bed.

‎He's probably with some other woman and already forgot that he called me, she thinks.

‎ Khilji appears with a black, embroidered kaftan, his newly-washed wet hair is in a low ponytail.

‎Who knew devil could look so good.

‎He raises his eyebrows, surprised with the way Mehrunisa looks.

‎"What happened?" He asks, not knowing how to feel.

‎"You asked for me so here I am." She says with an emotionless voice. At least she thought it was emotionless.

‎"Oh, haven't you missed me?" He doesn't know if he likes this tattered look of Mehrunisa, out of her fancy dresses and Malika vibe. Maybe she finally realized she needs nothing to beautify herself. Or maybe she is giving him a message, but Khilji thinks it as a very weak possibility since she never holds back what she wants to say.

‎"No." She says, looking at his face.

‎"No?" He walks towards her, truly interested in this condition now.

‎"I miss the young Alauddin." She whispers, tears escaping her eyes. She quickly wipes them, not looking at him but he stares at Mehrunisa.

‎Now that he understands, he grabs her arms and wraps them around his waist. He looks at Mehrunisa again, adoring the way she looks. Her feelings are so pure that he can taste it on her skin, kissing her tear stained face and lips.

‎"Mmm, Mehrunisa. These are the tears of love." He whispers in her ear.

‎"I wish my heart could turn into stone after all the things you've done." She says, slightly shaking with the intensity of her feelings and the unbearable closeness of him.

‎"But it won't." He says, caressing her hair gently. "Your heart is meant to be mine."

‎"It is." She says, finally surrendering herself to his arms. He carries her to the bed.

‎***

Khilji listened Padmavati's silent cries for nights. He kinda felt bad for her, but he also enjoyed her presence so much that her sobs became lullaby to him. He needed to hear her shaky breaths, sniffs and the little noises her lips made while she silently prayed. So when his affection for Mehrunisa died down through the night, he woke up from his sleep.

Mehrunisa was in a peaceful sleep, her hands around his chest. She looked beautiful in moon light, nothing less than perfect. Even on her closed eyes, it was written on her that she loved him. Mehrunisa had everything a man could want, she's a loyal wife and a true lover but she can't do what Padmavati does to his heart.

‎Khilji gets out of bed as silently as possible, knowing that he won't be able to sleep without Padmavati on his side.

‎He leaves the room with his nightgown, walking down the corridor that leads to Padmavati's room.

‎His bare feet make no noise as he steps, the only sound he hears is his own heartbeat. He feels his blood warming and rushing in his veins, faster than ever. He remembers when Padmavati's heart beat was very close to his, and it makes him shiver.

He defeated great armies, survived through injuries. Everything he laid his eyes on and desired, became his. He earned them. But Padmavati... He can't help but feel thankful, for the first time in forever. He puts his forehead on the door and whispers his thanks to God before stepping into their first night together.

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