R y v e r s P o v:

"How are you doing?" Jake asks, as soon as I open the door, he doesn't ask about Ensleey, he asks about me.

Makes me assume that he already knows how Ensleey's doing.

"Fine," I say, not really wanting to talk to my brother about the wreck I have found myself in.

Ensleey had ignored me when I came over, saying that I was ruining her high as she rolled her bloodshot eyes, nonetheless, I kept close by.

After she went upstairs, I gave her a few minutes before I followed her. I was a bit out of sorts when I saw her chugging more alcohol from a bottle of liquor as if it was a bottle of water.

I attempted to pry it from her to no avail of course.

"Where's Ens?"

"Chugging a bottle of liquor upstairs, where did she even get it?" I shake my head with annoyance.

He sighed and rushed as if he could actually get her to listen to him. I tried and tried and in the end, I let her have the disgusting liquor.

I knew I shouldn't, but I slowly went up the stairs and stood on the last step, eavesdropping, it was my best option, anyways.

"This band sucks,"

I heard Jake's voice first, what was he trying to do?

"Yeah well, it's all I fucking had,"

I realized one thing Ensleey swore a hell of a lot drunk.

"Can I have some?"

A few seconds passed with no words being said.

"So why are you getting drunk anyway? Thought you were passed this shit."

Passed this shit, how long has she had this problem? How long is she going to keep me in the dark? I didn't know how much longer I could take this, the secrets, the lies.

"Jake,"

"No Ens he's outta there and you can't do anything about it, doesn't mean you gotta go back to how you were when you were with him, and yes I know it's a low blow, but we both know that it never stops with one bottle,

"You will probably keep going until you end up with alcohol poisoning, or worse, and I'm not going to stand by it, you need me to book you an appointment with your therapist? I'll do that, but don't go down the rabbit hole, I know it's fucking hard to stop, to face your problems when there doesn't seem to be another outlet, but c'mon Ens me and you both know this isn't what to do."

"Just shut the hell up, Ryver's downstairs,"

"And? Don't you think he should know?"

"He'd hate me, I- I can't Jake,"

"He won't hate you for that."

"And the rest?

Her words make my head spin in circles. What was I doing being with her?

No matter how much you care for a person, some things drive you to situations you don't want to be in.

Because at the end of the day did the love I feel for Ensleey mean anything if she wasn't all in?

I don't think I can stay in a relationship, with the feelings being only one-sided.

*~*~*~*

E n s l e e y s P o v

The first thought that pops into my mind is that my head hurts a lot.

The second is that I'm hungover.

How much did I drink last night?

I briefly remember standing outside Dean and Collin's apartment, wondering where the hell I should go.

When I recalled Robbie's bar, and that one his bartenders wouldn't mind giving me drinks, for the right price.

So it wasn't hard to drink without being noticed. I took the opportunity to my advantage even though I promised myself I wouldn't drink until I blackout ever again.

Especially on days, I was taking my meds.

I always made sure I haven't taken my meds before. That doesn't mean it is smart with me off my meds for a few days, but there is no other way.

Or at least old Ensleey would have thought that.

The only positive trait of this situation is that I know that I won't make a habit of it, there is no way in hell I'm ready to go down that spiral, ever again.

Even with the thoughts only being in my head, I know that it would be easy to fall into it.

To feed into the monster that rests deep within me, begging me to let it out, and feed to its whim once more.

I won't, I promise myself a lie.

I attempt to get up.

I say attempt seriously, but of course, my head can't find the joy in facing the world.

My head is now a bowling ball resting on my head.

Messed up?

Yeah, I can see that clearly, thank you very much.

I lie back down and stare at the popcorn ceiling.

Why the hell do they even call it that?

Seriously there's gotta be a good story behind this.

Lost in thought, I almost don't notice Ryver standing by my door. I have a perfect vision of him where I am lying down.

He's here, which probably means he witnessed the shit storm of a mess I had been yesterday.

He stares at me with his green eyes like he's trying to get a good read on me.

The look in his eyes tells me that he can't understand me.

He probably hates me now, that's it.

Anyone would run if they saw me drunk, the girl I tried to bury six feet under from the universe.

He saw that me.

Why is he still here? Leaning on my door nonetheless.

"You're awake," his voice speaks hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"I-I know you didn't want me to stay but Jake had to go early, I didn't want to leave you alone,"

"Thank you, I don't really remember much of last night," I admit, I see a flash of anger in his eyes, it takes a wave over me, I again wonder what happened.

"You don't remember going to your friend's bar, and getting drunk?" He emphasizes the word friends.

"I just had a rough night,"

I know the words are all sorts of wrong, but it's too late to go back on them.

"Why don't you tell me about your rough night? What could have driven you to go to a bar that your old buddy owns when you told me you're going to your friends? To lie to me?!"

The piercing sound of his voice is captured with rage, red hot and fiery a tone that he has never used with me.

"I did go to Collin and Deans,"

"Yeah, well then why did I find you in a bar?"

"I-I" my hangover isn't helping with this disastrous conversation, but also there is no way to give it a u-turn and to go back to when I hadn't said a single word.

"You keep lying to me, or at least hiding things," his voice is eerily quiet as if a whisper of final realization.

"I'm sorry-"

"I don't need an apology Ensleey, I just want you to be honest with me for once,"

"Why does it matter so much?" I ask as I watch him pace my room, clearly trying not to lose it.

To lose his calm, the lid he has on it is slowly bubbling in anger.

It's my fault.

All my damn fault.

I can feel it slowly increasing like filling a cup of coffee, the more you pour the fuller the cup will be, and if you don't stop? It will be too much, and start leaking, causing a mess.

I have a feeling it's what was happening, someone pouring coffee fast, and sooner rather than later it will flow over top, letting the remnants of our relationship, become nothing but a scattered mess

It will be all my fault because I could've stopped the flood, but decided not to. Because in the end, I'm nothing more than a coward who's too afraid to lose the affection from a boy I couldn't help but fall deeply in love with.

"It matters because I don't want to be with someone who can't be honest with me."

"Ryver-" I can't help the tears that begin to flow. He's going to leave me.

"I can't be with a fucking lair!'' Parker's voice echoes in the living room of his frat house, tears flow at high speed, I can't control them, no matter how much I screw my eyes shut.

"P-please I love you, p-please,"

He can't leave me too, he can't.

I don't want to be alone.

"Then tell me if you touched my fucking stash!"

I did but he hadn't given me any of the good stuff in days, and I didn't think he'd notice.

I hear him taking a large gulp of the beer in his hand before the slam of it on the living room table pierces my eardrums.

"I-I did," I finally manage to slur out, "I'm sorry I love you,"

I look at his face and for a slight second, I see the old Parker.

The parker I fell in love with the only difference is his eyes didn't hold evidence of who he has become again.

They didn't hold the red demoness they do now.

"Good girl," He says before rushing to me. I know what is going to happen, but I let him have his way in the house that only has us, as my screams and pleas grow louder his actions become worse.

At least he's still with me, still promises he loves me at times.

I still matter to him.

"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" His voice goes too concerned and his earlier pacing is replaced with his rushed movements to come to me.

"You're going to break up with me aren't you?"

"Enlseey that's not what I'm saying at all, but we are having a fight we can get through this."

"How do you know we'll get through this?"

"I don't, but I hope we do, I don't want to lose you, and everything we have together."

"I don't want to lose you too."

I say, afraid he'll use my words against me, even though I know he won't.

"Is there a chance you're going, to be honest with me then?"

My nod comes straight away, though I add, "Can I have a bit more time?"

"How much more time?"

"At least two more weeks?"

That sounds like enough time to build up the courage, to be honest, to come clean fully.

"Fine, but then no more secrets?"

"Yeah no more secrets after that," for once, I'm not a complete liar, I'm going to tell him everything, about every fucked up information I can.

"Okay," he smiles, and leans in and kisses me, I want to protest that I just woke up.

But don't because this kiss is about a promise, my promise to him that there will be no more lies to hold us back.

A promise I intend to keep.

~~~~~~~~~

A u t h o r s N o t e

I just want to mention that my publishing schedule might not be as often as it once was.

I love writing and publishing though there is also so much going on right now, mainly since school started back up, and well high school sucks.

So if there isn't a chapter on my regular posting day, I am sorry for the delay, I'm trying my best to manage everything.

I might still have weekly chapters when I can but that doesn't mean that it will always be like that.

Hope you're loving the story!

And also that you keep reading.

If it isn't too much trouble please leave comments and votes.

-R.E