The realization makes me want to recoil into myself, and tell Ryver that we are done, but instead of jumping to my first instinct which I'd honestly love to do.

I decide to stay put where I am and think, which seriously is never a great idea.

My mind doesn't know how to shut the heck up afterwards.

Though I know I can't break up with Ryver no matter how simple the thought of letting him go seems, it isn't my heart that won't let me take that route.

It would be as simple as sand slipping through your fingers to let him go, to let our relationship be dust in the wind.

But I can't for the life of me, let my feet carry me to him to say it.

I love him.

Mostly I hate myself for it.

I'm weak for a boy, who can easily shatter me, with the palm of his hand.

I go on about my day, thinking of anything and everything other than the 'L' word, so far I'm succeeding.

Other than a few random thoughts that make me feel insane I'm doing great, and am heading to the library to meet Ryver, I am excited for the date he has planned for us this Friday.

As I head into the library, I see him sitting in the corner that I recall mentioning to him I enjoy going to.

There isn't anything special about that corner other than that no one ever seems to sit there, but I still like to go there when I can.

I feel a surprising sense of warmth knowing I can now share these tiny details with Ryver.

I lean down and place a chaste kiss on his lips as I take a seat next to him.

"Ready to study?" I say with a smile.

"Of course," he says with a monotone tone, that suggests otherwise.

I know he'd rather do anything than study, but football is his life, and one grade slip and that might be over, so he always tries his hardest to keep them up.

We study for almost an hour, of course with slight interruptions, since Ryver can't keep his hands to himself, other than that he has done well.

"Ryver." We hear as we are taking steps to leave the library, Ryver turns before me, and I see a girl I'm familiar with, she's also part of the popular group.

Her heeled boots clank on the ground as she rushes towards Ryver with a flirty smile.

Yes a flirty smile, it makes me want to rip her apart.

Okay too far, the point is I don't like her, she clearly has a thing for Ryver, I won't blame him for acting on it.

She is much prettier than me, with her long tan legs, which she shows off well with her short clothing and long blonde hair.

The type of body that I will never be able to get ever again most probably.

I look at Ryver, and to my relief, he doesn't redirect a smile to her.

"You're coming to the party this Saturday?" She asks Ryver still holding the stupid smile, she doesn't even try to acknowledge me.

"Nope," He says, barely glancing at her.

"Please, c'mon," She pouts, placing her small hand on my boyfriend's shoulder, making my blood boil beyond words.

"Kiara, I've got plans with my girl," he says and directs his attention to me, with a smirk on his face, I don't react mainly because I'm a nervous wreck.

My girl.

I'm his girl.

"Oh," The bitch looks at me with disgust, "you know I'm always here if you need better company." She says finally removing her grip from his shoulder.

"I don't think I'll ever find a better company than with my girl, but thanks for assuming that there is a possibility,"

She walks after that swaying her hips for an extra effect, Ryver again doesn't even bother giving her a second of his time.

"I only ever want you," Ryver says, that doesn't ease my worry.

"Yeah know you are the only girl I ever want to fuck?" Parker slurs, as he takes a drag from Ketamine he had rolled up in a ten.

"Okay," I say, still feeling worried, even after the drag I had taken from him, she was all over him and he let her. I know it was my fault I had bailed on him, to study.

I wasn't too high yet, probably why I was thinking like this.

A part of me still believes I would do my mom proud, even though Parker has repeatedly told me they're dead and don't give a fuck about me, I still hope.

He used to reassure me that everything will be fine and that they love me, while he'd hold me to him, but I understand that he got sick of that, I can't blame him.

The words are so similar, yet so different, but I can't help but think back to that day, I give Ryver a forced smile. Hoping he doesn't see through my false facade.

"I know." I lie because no matter how much a person might say they want you, need you, it can all change in a heartbeat, how can I believe Ryver is any different?

Even if I have fallen so hard for this boy, it won't be enough to erase the doubts that live in the depth of my mind.

I believe that Ryver only wants me now but what about later?

After I open all the doors and show him the truth behind myself.

There is also a part of me that is wondering if Kiara's dirty look had more to do with something other than Ryver.

I mean even before I started dating Ryver she had always looked at me like I'm worth less than the dirt on her shoes.

Maybe there is more to it than I think.

~~~~~~~~

A u t h o r s N o t e

Thank you so much for reading!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that you would vote and comment.

-R.E