"Wake up." I feel someone shaking me.

"Ensleey c'mon."

"Ensleey get up!" I hear a yell and I jerk awake, I rub my eyes groggily to see a very tired looking Jake, his brown hair messier then usual, wearing the same clothes from yesterday. The smell of the pot still lingering.

"Ens you have school. So get the hell up!" He yells the last part, he knows I'm not a morning person, and when he begin to yell I know he doesn't have a single ounce of patience to give me.

"What time is it?" I ask still barely awake, rubbing my eyes groggily.

"7:48." He says glancing at his phone I jump up quickly.

"Finally I knocked some sense in you!" I glare at him. "Go get dressed I'll drop you off."

Once I'm off the couch he pushes me in the direction of the closet that I leave some of my clothes for occasions like this.

Once I'm dressed I rush to Jake, who luckily showered, he hands my pills.

I always keep some here just incase, and then he proceeds to drive me to school.

Even though I have car, I enjoy when Jake drives me. We're almost there when I realize I haven't asked how he is.

"So now that you're sober how you holding up."

"Im alive." He jokes, but my eyes go wide. "Not like that, I'm joking."

Im still panicked. "It's not funny Jake."

"Ens I didn't mean it like that you know that I'm fine, okay?" he says staring at me then back to the road. "Do you want me to stop the car."

"Im okay." I reassure him, he nods and we don't speak of it again.

Once I'm out his car I look back at him. "If you need me call me."

"Same to you." He says as I close the door and give him a small smile.

*~*~*~*~*

As I'm walking in the hall looking at text from aunt Lilly saying that she would be back tomorrow. I don't see the backpack on the floor.

So of course I close my eyes waiting for the impact of my fall, I don't fall someone caught me.

Whoever this lovely human being I should thank for saving me from a great injury.

Maybe thats a tad bit dramatic.

"Ensleey are you okay?"

Why am I not surprised its Ryver, I always run into him.

Why? Is the question thats always in the front of my mind.

I realize that I'm still in his arms, so I attempt to get up I wobble trying regain my balance then I fall on my ass.

Real smooth Ens!

Ryver is now in front of me. I can see his feet, he has nice shoes, black converses to be exact, when I look up I see Ryver's hand extending towards me.

I take it and he pulls me up. my small hand gets enclosed within his hand which is larger then mine. He has nice hands.

Is that weird to say?

Most probably, but I am never said I wasn't weird.

"Thanks." I say flustered.

I don't ever get flustered.

"Sorry my bag was on the floor." Ryver says.

"Its okay." I attempt a smile.

God I cant think properly when he looks at me the way he's looking at me in this moment. I look down and see my hand still in his he looks down at the same moment, I begin to remove my hand, but he pulls it back.

"What the hell is this?" he says his voice angry.

"What?" I say trying to pull my hand back, but he tighten his grip.

Not too much force to hurt me, but enough for not be able to move it out of his grasp.

I look back down to see what he's talking about.

Shit I forgot about those.

Those being the marks I made on my arm last year. Which probably will never fade. I should regret harming myself, but how could I? When pain and alcohol are the only thing keeping me sane. Well not like I can do it anymore, with Jake and all my other friends, and aunt Lilly making sure I don't get near any sharp object.

"N-Nothing." I say.

"Ensleey this doesn't look like nothing."

I pull my hand away this time I mange to get out of his tight grasp.

I have no clue what angered me, maybe it's that he cares.

Why would anyone care for me?

Especially people like Ryver Webb.

Why would anyone want to talk to me?

Maybe he doesn't and he feels sorry for me.

Probably.

He doesn't know me, I don't want him to know me.

Knowing me it could lead me believe he cares, caring could lead straight be betrayal, and i'll have deal with the collateral damage.

I don't want that again.

A million unnecessary thoughts are currently swarming my head like a storm I finally mange to choke out something coming off as a yell. "Just leave me alone from now on!" I try to keep my tears in. "Just please leave me alone."

I run to the bathroom, and go to one of the stalls, and cry.

I'm so weak.

I look in my bag for the water bottle that I always keep alcohol in and drink it all in a matter of seconds.

I shouldn't drink but its the only thing keeping me some way sane. I need more.

I try to force the thoughts to the back of my mind.

I can't. I don't drink as often as I used, I never drink enough to get drunk, sometimes I let it slide, but I haven't waken up confused about the past events, or with blasting headache in awhile. One thing is for certain is I can't go back to the black hole of darkness.

As much as I want to leave school early, I also can't do that Jake drove me and calling any of my friends isn't a good idea. They would ask questions.

Trying to sort through my thoughts, I'm sure i'm in the wrong.

In my defence it's never smart to let people in.

It took me months to let the few friends I have in, I doubt its good idea too let Ryver see the crazy sides of me.

Even feeling bad about what I said, I think if he hates me its better then him wanting to be my friend.