I enter the house, trying to hold my tears back. My world is literally crashing in front of me.

"Mike already left", Joyce tells me, studying a paper at the kitchen table. Hopper sits beside her, doing the same. "Yeah no I don't look for him", I mumble, pulling off my shoes. I'm trying, not to look or show them my face. "Are you okay sweets?", Joyce asks. "Yeah sure", I stumble, not even looking at them. My thoughts are cruising just around Max.

"If you say so... well actually me and Hop discovered something new", Joyce answers. I don't even listen too well, when she starts telling me a whole new story.

"Are you even listening hun?", Joyce asks. "Hm", I just agree and leave my two indignant looking parents downstairs.

I break down on my bed and start sob badly.

I barely can stand on my longboard. Even it's raining loads and my whole body is wet, I don't really care. I just kissed Eleven, but she ran away. Of course she would. I'm so fucked up, I swear no one ever would want me. But why did she kiss me first then? Ugh what the fuck, why this is all so confusing? Oh I know. She wanted to test me, but I pulled her to me and kissed her back. Now she probs will tell the whole school and they will call me a dyke again. Nice what you managed again to do, Maxine. I hate myself.

I'm so absorbed in my thoughts, that I kind of forget to look at the surrounding; so I end up losing my balance and crashing on to the road. And that doesn't even hurt for some reason.

I just lay there on the road, rain pelts down on me, beside me my skateboard. It looks so depressing lmao, but I have actually no motivation to stand up. I'm not even joking about the motivation. It's fun how love can change you and your damn mental health. I just hope a car would drive over me.

Nah. That would be too depressing.

Finally I make it to my house. I unlock the front door and enter; I wouldn't even care if Billy is going to mock or harass me or something. I pull off my shoes, when my mom pops out of the kitchen. "Sweetie!", she runs up to me. "What happened to your arms and legs?!", she asks appalled. I look at my arms; there are many little scratches (still bleeding) and grazes, same for my legs. "Maxine baby are you okay? Why aren't you wearing any rain-safe clothes? What happened at Jane's?", she bombs me with questions. She doesn't seem to see that I was crying. "I'm fine mom", I say and force a smile on my face. She scoffs and still looks confused at me. "Oh- yeah I fell off my skateboard", I add. Mom's look changes to concern. "I'm fine alright mom?", I tell her and storm upstairs and throw myself on my bed.

I practicly break down and start to cry.

Eventually, after 2 hours of sobbing, I decide to go for a shower. I force myself to get up and go to my closet. I pick a wide t-shirt, some sweatpants and underwear and make my way to the bathroom.

After I've showered and changed, I now lay under my blanket and listen the sound of the rain. I start overthinking again. What if she doesn't like me anymore? What if we never speak to each other ever again? Tears roll down my eyes.

I realize, that I miss El.

It's half past 9 pm, last time I saw her, was about 8 hours ago. Is that possible to miss someone so fast that practicly dumped you? I sigh.

I finally finished crying and I've come to some results:

-I have to speak to Joyce (and maybe Hopper) and hope they won't kick me out

-I've accepted the fact, that I fell in love with Max

-I don't regret that kiss

Alright. It's 9.37pm. Joyce must be sitting in the kitchen. I slowly get up, my usual after-crying-head-ache hitting bad. I walk downstairs and my thoughts were right. Joyce is sitting alone, at the table in the kitchen. She notices my steps and looks up from her book, that she was reading. "Hunny oh my god, what happened?", she quickly stands up and walks up to me. I guess my face looks like I cried. Well it isn't wrong after all. "Can I ... talk with you?", I just ask. "Yes of course angel!", she replies with a concerned look. "Come on, sit", she offers and pulls a chair for me. I sit and she sits infront of me. "So.. tell me. What's up with you today?", she starts.

"We broke up"

"Oh hun.. I'm so sorry... do you want to say why?"

"We both don't feel any love anymore between eachother"

"Uh huh.. I can understand. That's really upsetting. I mean you were a nice couple and it must be very hard for-"

"Joyce."

"Yeah..?"

"We're in love with someone else. It didn't really hurt to break up with Mike"

"I don't understand.. you like an other boy?"

[Tears start to roll down my cheeks]

"Oh baby no don't cry... did I say something wrong? Please tell me hunny"

"It.. it's a damn girl Joyce", I sob.

"Oh...." Now Joyce starts to cry too. That's it. I disappointed her. Good job Eleven. I hate myself so much right now.

"Oh hunny I'm so sorry", Joyce says, stands up and pulls me into a hug. I am surprised.. shouldn't she hate me? Be disgusted by me? "Of course.. I.. I fully support you angel", she mumbles. Did.. did she just say..? "You- you're not disappointed?", I ask shakily. "No! I could never be really disappointed in you Eleven. I love you baby", she says. Massive happiness and relief is spreading in my body, while I'm still hugging Joyce. "Thanks.", that's all I can bring out.

[A long hug later; they are sitting at their places again]

"So tell me, who's the lucky girl?", Joyce smiles. I look at the floor, blushing to death.

"It's Max, isn't it?", she adds. I look surprised up. "How do you know?", I ask shocked. "Oh hun. You've been hanging so often with her, all you tell us is how cool or awesome Max is, I see you guys blushing and you're so happy around her. You've been so long unhappy, before she came into your life.", Joyce tells.

"Is it really that obvious?", I ask shyly. Joyce nods and chuckles.

[2 hours pass]

I lay cuddled up in my bed, but I can't sleep at all.

Joyce supports me. I can't believe that. But nobody else will accept me, right? I mean except Mike. I'm so glad, that we worked it out and are just pure friends now. Also we support eachother and actually feel quite similar. He likes another boy, I like another girl. Max Mayfield. I think I accepted that fact now. Oh my god, I would give anything for Max being here now, spooning me.

I miss Max.

But I can forget about our relationship. She doesn't want me anyway. I ran away, she's probably mad at me and doesn't want to see me anymore.

I feel awful. But I guess that's how I pay for being so dumb. I feel my eyes getting filled with tears and cry myself to sleep.