Drops of sweats tricked down my face wetting my white shirt with moisture as I landed consecutive punches on the leather bag hanging in front of my face. The brown fabric of the bag dented slightly before popping right back up creating the perfect room for me to land another hit and with a small swing back and forth it seemed to challenge me to do the same. Tiny blotches of blood clung against the the leather, right where my knuckles came in contact with it and the wheezy pants fleeing my throat filled up the empty space.

Yesterday's incident kept echoing in my head ripping me off my composure and I couldn't help but release my frustrations through the rough blows I passed. The day omma appa died I promised to forget my old self and be someone who I should have been all along. I decided to let go of my past and forget all memories good or bad. All I wanted was to start a fresh with only one intention in my mind, that is to take my revenge.

But how could I do that when all those lost days kept coming back?

I resisted that name for a whole year. I had been calling Yoongi with that name all my life, well until last year when I stopped. Why? Because I was afraid that if I called him that, I would remember all the smiles and laughter involved with that name and that would make me forget about my mission of vengeance. I tried so hard to overlook the alienation on Yoongi's face when I addressed him so formally all this while but my act was ruined when the very word slipped out of my mouth yesterday.

The bright smile the said man flashed me upon hearing the name after so long was beyond priceless and it worth way more than my hostility but won't I be failing my parents if I did that? As a daughter, it's my responsibility to avenge their deaths. So won't I be doing them wrong if I'd just let my hatred go?

My heart clenched at the mere thought.

For the last year I'd been feeling guilty, guilty of not being able to be the daughter my parents deserved, guilty for not being strong enough, guilty for not being able to protect them. But now that I am strong, now that I have changed, why do I still feel the same?

I feel like if I don't chase my vengeance, I'd be hurting the family I lost and if I do, I'd be hurting the one I still have and the choice, it's hurting me. How do I even choose between them in the first place?

As a kid I always knew that no matter what, I'll never hurt a single soul. I'd take all the pain myself but would never let it show. When all those children in my school bullied me, hit me, abused me, I never said a single word against them, never stood up against them. Not that I couldn't have but I was afraid, that if I talk rudely to someone or push someone off their feet, their accusations of me being a monster might come true. Every time they said hurtful words to my face, I wanted so bad to punch the sick grin out of them but I clenched my fists and held back, all because I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to show them that even if I was born in a mafia, I wasn't a villain.

But what help did that even do to me? The ones that I wanted to befriend never accepted me and the family that I actually had, I never acknowledged them. They didn't even get a chance to prove to me that they weren't the villains either. I didn't give them the chance. What my classmates did to me, I did the exact same thing to my family.

And all that I'm left with now is loads and loads of remorse. Maybe I was the only villain all along?

Sometimes I wonder, even if I get my revenge, even if I kill the perpetrator that ruined our lives, what would I do after that? I don't have a family to turn to, I don't have friends to talk to. Of course I have Yoongi but the way I'm pushing him away day by day, I'm afraid it won't be long before he's out of my reach as well.

Where would I go then?

Would death be the only option left?

But what if I'm too coward to end it all?

Will I then have to keep my broken heart beating till the day the world finally decides that I am worth the peace?

That would be my reconciliation, won't it?

As a profession what my parents did was wrong, all of it was illegal but as human beings, they were always right. They stole, they robbed but they never deliberately broke someone's heart. It was all me that broke theirs. My parents only took from those who didn't even bother about what they had but I still claimed them as cruel. All I did was take them for granted and now that I don't have them anymore, I regret not telling them exactly how much I loved them.

Initially I thought that taking the revenge would prove my loyalty and love to my parents no matter where they are but now, I don't know anymore. Would omma appa want this if they were here? Was it right to hurt the family that I have for the one that I lost? Or did I end up hurting both?

I was tired of making wrong decisions in my life and for once I wanted somebody to help me through this. I needed somebody to knock on my door and ask me if I'm doing okay. I needed someone who would genuinely listen to me, lend me their time and help me out of this misery. For once I wanted to stay strong and take responsibility of my actions instead of just hiding behind the suffocating façade of Kim Brute. But where in world would I find someone like that, who would care enough to pull me out of this deep shit that I unknowingly plunged myself in? I-

My agonizing questions came to a sudden pause when a thump rang against my closed door.

"Hey, this is Jungkook, may I come in?"

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To Be Continued...