: you bury me / when you love someone so much that you wouldn't be able to live without them, that you'd rather them bury you then to bury them

🌙

[esmeralda's pov/age 20]

i sit under the willow tree

next the cold house on the

top of the hill. the hill made

of ashes and concrete, the

hill next to the graveyard.

BUT IT DOESN'T

KNOW THAT MY

MIND HAS MORE

BODIES, JUST YET

TO BE BURIED.

{i've never managed to bury

dead versions of me}

she is 10 and auburn is 4

they are still children

trying to chase happiness

but she is already

dead inside.

she is 10 and auburn is 4

they are hiding under the

bed, where they thought

monsters lived. because,

because they were terrified,

but they thought that

maybe their parents would

be scared of those monster

too. so they hid there,

and she told her

brother that one day

he'll learn how to live.

BUT NO ESME, YOU LIED.

this house means nothing

to me. i am never alone:

their voices follow me

everywhere i go. i am

never alone, never alone.

the moon glows bright

against the paper thin

blade in my white hand,

criss crossed with scars

the moon shines brighter

than the gleam in my eyes

I HAVE ALWAYS

BEEN DEAD INSIDE

AND I DON'T KNOW

HOW IT'S POSSIBLE

TO FEEL EVEN

MORE DEAD THAN

I ALREADY AM

BUT THAT'S WHAT

I FEEL RIGHT NOW.

{i've never managed to bury

the corpse of my heart}

she is 13 and auburn is 7

they are at the airport

with the sun spilling

through the glass and

flecking her young face

with the ancient eyes

and broken heart on

her sleeve

she is 13 and auburn is 7

and she is going to

boarding school and

when she looks at her

brother she sees herself

and it breaks her

heart but she doesn't

know how to save him

'cuz she was never saved

BUT OH ESME, YOU TRIED.

there is a hole by the tree,

a hole i had scratched

into the ground with a coin

for years and today, today

it is 6ft deep.

today i will fall into the

grave i dug for myself.

TODAY I WILL

BURY ME AND

THE CORPSE OF

A HEART INSIDE

MY CHEST.

{i've never had enough

courage to bury myself}

she is 19 and auburn is 12

they are miles away

and their hearts are

as far away as nebulas

and dimensions

she is 19 and auburn is 12

she has began to cut

herself to pieces and

auburn has begun to

visit the cliff over

the ocean. they

haven't talked for

years but they are

still hurting together.

AND OH ESME, YOU CRIED

small circles of blood erupt

from the tip of the knife.

i dig deeper, trying to feel

something, but i never do.

i mark stars and messages

to auburn over my wrists,

the only one i've ever

loved. not anyone else,

not even myself. i mark

words he will never see,

and neither will he this

imperfect body. i slice

my veins for him, the

only one i would kill for

but at the end i chose

to die for me and if i had

more time i'd hate myself

for it but this is the last

day of my life and i'm

happier than i've ever been.

all over my corpse it's

written: auburn, i will bury

me before you do, my love

my blood is warm on my

skin and i realize the way

it burns. the way my life

had burned away. life.

i'm alive. i'm alive,

i don't want to be alive.

i draw x's and galaxies

over my skin, wondering

if they'll turn into scars

when i'm in my grave.

{i've never had the courage to

bury my knife in my heart}

the knife grows heavy in

her hand, and with the last

strands of her life she

flings it into her chest.

🌙

there's something cold lodged in my chest

so cold

so cold

s o c o l d

s

o

c

o

l

c

my name is esmeralda

my name is

my name

my

(what is my name?)