conan gray "the other side" references

in this poem

the wind meets your hair like a lover

weaving through it with threads of

⠀⠀⠀⠀autumn sky and

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀mid-november

autumn is the death of summer

for summer loved winter so much

to give up clementine sunsets and

dream scented lavender meadows

for

⠀⠀summer would let

⠀⠀winter kill it slowly

"do you go there often?"

your voice is wavy lines in concrete

molded by rain and bitter sunlight

flecked with gravelandhoney and

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀whispers

⠀⠀⠀⠀of "iloveyougoodbye"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀between the

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀lines

[will our lives get better when we

make it to the other s-i-d-e]

maybe in another universe we could

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀be

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀happy

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀in our own wonderland

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀maybe maybe maybe maybe

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀maybe maybe maybe maybe

"i come three times in a while, (to

cry my soul out to water the trees

and sky and to reminisce

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ reminisce

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ reminisce)

to clean the greenhouse glass

and sit at the piano (remembering

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀everything)"

your empty eyes are stained with

explosions of color that will never

root themselves into your mind

i see a f⠀⠀⠀u⠀⠀⠀r

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀l⠀⠀⠀r⠀⠀⠀y

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of emotions

trying to make it

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀to the surface

"to remember the time when we were

y⠀/⠀o⠀/⠀u⠀/⠀n⠀/⠀g

when the world treated us like children"

you say softly

i nod and i look you in the eye and for

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a second

i become part of you

your eyes are

w⠀nd⠀rl⠀nd⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

o⠀ e⠀ a⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

and i am alice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

iama1ice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

iama1ice⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

and i want to drown with you

the greenhouse glass shines like a

lighthouse

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀inthedistance

an epitome of mystery

enshrouded by an ocean of deciduous

and evergreen

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀trees

-[ 🍂 ]-

the piano legs swirled with rusted

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀gold

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀swirls

its sides like bottomless pieces of

s

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀k

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀y

the top covered with tattered green

lace worn and faded from the times

⠀⠀⠀i dipped it into a nearby stream

to get rid of the dust and memories

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀it collected

winter jasmine climb up rusted grids

scraping against the glass roof

tired of trying to reach the sky

⠀⠀⠀toofarbeyond

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀theireach

a row of 5 pansy pots line the base

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of the piano

like rainbows kissing ebony darkness

outside, summer continues to die

and autumn fades little by little

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀a

⠀e v e r y

shades of flame coral aureolin

citrus sunshine gold russet ginger

shades of flame as autumn burns

and burns and burnsandburns and

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀b⠀u⠀r⠀n⠀s

burnsssssssssssssss

and when november kisses october

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀good(bad)bye

the flames will retreat into white ashes

"do you play?" a smile dangles on

your lips

like

a balloon hanging on to the edge

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of a cloud

or a small child clinging to his

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀mother's legs

"i've sure tried,"

your eyes don't leave mine as you

lift the piano's lid

revealing black and white streaks

that make rainbow colored music

i stand behind you as you sit down

and with delicate intensity, you press

a note into the keyboard

your fingertips dance like raindrops

colliding into the earth like planets

and stars who couldn't resist each

other's gravity gravity gravity gravity

the music curls around

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀my existence

growing primroses

spotting lilac grass

blue balloons kiss the green clouds

then falling down

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀down

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀d

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀w

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀n

d-d-d-d-d-downnnnnnnnn

"did you like that song?" you ask softly

i hadn't realized it had ended

"yes," i say "(i loved it),"

"i composed it," your smile almost

seems to reach your eyes

"it was (the most) beautiful (thing

i've ever ever ever heard in my life)"

"i could play summer by joe hasaishi,

would you like me to play it with me?"

"i told you, i don't know how to-"

amusement tinges your eyes and you

say "sit down,"

you step over the chair as i get in it

i place my unskilled hands on the

k⠀e⠀y⠀b⠀o⠀a⠀r⠀d

you lean

c⠀l⠀⠀o⠀⠀⠀s⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀e⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀r

c⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀l⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀o⠀⠀⠀s⠀⠀e⠀r

and then you are so close that we

are breathing the same air and your

arms rest on my shoulders and your

fingers cover mine and electricity

fills my veins and your presence

condenses the air into my lungs

into liquid concrete

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀and i can't

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀breathe-

and then our fingers become one

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀pair of hands

and the music is part of me

part of me⠀part of me⠀part of me

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀part of me

part⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀of⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀me

and i gasp as the memories explode

"roselin," she says, "rosie,

the seasons come and go like

versions of you

and i miss you

yet i want to know the future you"

mother's eyes are the colore of the

seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

so blwue

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀blueblueblueblueblueblue

the wind blew

i am five years old today

"i want it to be summer all year long

yet i miss dancing in rosy spring rain

and i always crave shades of flame

and pastel blue september skies"

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀she says softly

i don't know half the words she says

i am mesmerized by her face

i imagine dancing over the hill of her

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀nose

and

jumping the fweckles on her cheeks

like lily pads

flying over her eyes far and weeeeee

her cheeks had begun to turn hollow

recently

her skin pale

but she's always the pwettiest girl i know

mama starts playing the piano

her fingers brushing the keyboard

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀like summer rain

and i want to taste the music

i thought it'd taste like

cotton candy clouds

and chrysanthemum swaying in

the wildflower scented breeze

"when you grow older, take care of

this piano, rosie?" mama said softly

i hadn't realized the song had ended

"promise me, roselin," there is urgency

in mama's voice and im so frightened

because adults are never this scared

and if mama is this afraid-

before i can answer i am falling

falling

falling

falling

falling forward through folds of time

and then

i am crying and i feel arms around me

arms like cotton candy clouds and

chrysanthemum petals and i see

your face through the tears and

you hold me and hold me and hold

me and holdme and holdmeandhold

meandholdme as i crycrycrycrycrycry

my tears drench your gray jean jacket

you're keeping me from drowning

and you tell me it was just a memory

and that everything is going to be alright

and we both know that you're lying but

its enough for me

enough for me

enough for me that you care enough to lie