Listen to "fine line" by Harry Styles.

I was staring at the white ceiling in my darkened room with that same empty feeling in my heart. I'd gotten used to it a long time ago___the void that so happens to be among the things that keep me awake at night. I laid on bed, listening to the ticking of my wall clock and counting seconds as they turned to minutes and the minutes into hours.

It's taken me a while to realise that I have a terrible habit of overlooking important details. I tend to walk past them and forget to hold on and appreciate those things when I have to and only when I need to do so.

My childhood.

I didn't really allow myself to cherish those moments where my family was actually a complete happy one. And now there's nothing and nobody left to hold.

My dreams.

They're all gone now. I can't even recognize myself anymore. What am I even doing in New York? I should be in London. I used to love criminal law and now I'm here doing this. Tech? Sure I'm excellent at it but I'm driven by the idea of justice. I threw it all away when mum died and now I can't even grasp the identity of who I used to be.

Emotions.

I was once driven with emotions. I felt things and did what I felt deeply for. But there is this hollow shell inside of me now and it's killing me slow. When I lost my mother.......my family, that version of myself that loved the world, that part of me died. I felt nothing.

What is a man without emotion?

Betty made me feel. It wasn't just the great intensity of our physical attraction that made my hormones run wilder than they ever did with any other woman, she made me want somebody. She made me want her. And I never wanted for anybody since the crisis but then I wanted her. When I was with her that part of me that was buried under thick walls wanted to climb to the surface.

She made me happy.

God....... She made me dream of a future where I'm not alone, even though I only ever allowed myself to think of that for just a mere second and brush it off.

Elisabeth wasn't just a girl that I enjoyed sleeping with. I actually enjoyed other things like staring at her beautiful face when she sleeps or seeing her fluster by my touch. I wanted to claim her. And she'd let me and that drove me insane.

She catalysed my mind to race.

And now I don't have that either.

Again... I never held on. Now she has another man to do the things that I wasn't alive enough to do.

"If you keep staying up late contemplating and thinking intensely the way you are doing everyday...James ...then you'll lose your mind." I heard April's concerned voice from the now open door.

"Ever heard of knock before you enter?" I didn't avert my gaze as I addressed her.

"I'm technically still outside though."

"What do you want April?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"And so?" I questioned while taking in her appearance. As usual, she wore my t-shirt despite having her own clothes. Her long wavey hair was messy and falling to her slim shoulders and her eyes were just as wild. Her small feet bare and legs left in the open.

"I decided to come and give you company because I'm a sympathetic human being." She smiled and waved her hand in a silly fashion.

"Please go back to your room."

"Why would I want to do that while I can just sleep here with you?"

She can't be serious right now.

"I never said I needed your company." I uttered, my voice sounded dry and I scratched my throat. It stung in ways I didn't like at all.

"You were drinking again." She mentioned upon noticing my sly struggles. "That's gonna kill your throat James, and your liver too. It's getting way too excessive. You do this every night."

"Could you kindly leave me alone? I don't wish to hear whatever comment you have on my drinking habits."

"There plenty of other things you can do aside from getting wasted and I know you're well aware of that. Far more relaxing, energizing, intense activities that will help you forget about what troubles your mind." She spoke sensually. Her words hinting on something else I couldn't help but notice. "Your body needs it James."

"I never asked for your calculated advice." I mouthed, choosing to push those adrenaline thoughts aside.

"But I'm offering it anyways." She reproached, the dim light of the room allowed me to see her biting the side of her crimson lip.

"I know what you are trying to do April? It's a ridiculous and also bad idea. I'd suggest you leave before attempting to do things you'd regret."

She took further steps into the room, her hands delicately touching the hem of my t-shirt that barely covered her small curved cleavage. "I regret nothing since coming to New York. Whatever I do next is either the best decision I've ever made or the start of an adventure. I'm tired of pretending to want to be just your friend."

April never hinted on anything before. In a matter of fact, she's only ever kept her swifty hands to herself. But something about how she walked into the room while looking at me with a different eye, the way she talked, the glistering of her pale green orbs even in the shadows made me realise something.

"Since when have you been thinking about this?" I had to ask while I watched her get deeper.

"Since I first laid eyes on you in Orlando." April never flushed before infront of me. But as she got closer to my bed, her cheeks shined a pinkish hue almost as though she glowed. She seemed more youthful than she usually allows, it reminded me of her age. But then her mind, why does she manage to come up with the most ridiculous ideas? And then She's pushy, almost needy.

"You truly are a child." I scoffed dismissively.

"I'm eighteen." She announced as though I didn't know that already.

"Exactly my point." I brushed her off. "Leave."

"Don't push me away." She almost whined again. "You can't keep isolating yourself it's gonna hurt you."

I'm sure now that there's nothing I'd ever say to April, no matter how rude, that will ever offend her. She doesn't have a single bone of shame. She just says whatever she thinks is right and does things that make no sense. Like running away from home and moving to New York with a stranger.

"You'll die early."

"What?" She stared at me, confused.

"You're too reckless." I continued. "Never thinking anything through and that's dangerous."

"I'm not a naive little girl. I can very well take care of myself and sooner than later you'll realize I'm a woman."

I fear April actually believes the words coming out her mouth. "We'll see eventually." I nodded my head. There's no point in keeping up that conversation. She'll never shut up about it if I just disagree again.

"You can see right now." Her tone was softer but slightly demanding. "Take a peak."

"What's gotten into you?"

She sighed sadly, "No James....What's gotten into you? That should be the question. Ever since Tennessee you've turned into this other person. I know what happened was a blow for you but Elisabeth is moving on. And you are here, drinking yourself to sleep every night, drowning that mind in work for hours on end, thinking about that woman while she's out there falling in love with someone else. You deserve some peace regardless what you did in the past."

"Do you want me to throw you out?" I asked calmly. "Because I can do that right now."

"That's not going to make me shut up. If Betty gets to have her man, then you can have your fun too." Her voice lowered, smoothened as she touched my bed. "There's nothing wrong with you moving on too. You don't owe Elisabeth any loyalty because there's nothing between you two anymore. On the other hand, I'm right here , reachable. There's nothing stopping you but yourself."

"I can't believe I'm even hearing this right now from you." I said. "So all this time....."

"Yes..... Exactly that. All this time I've seen you differently from how you have been seeing me. I guess I'm good at hiding." She continued instead. "It doesn't have to be as complicated as you make it. We can do whatever we want."

"Things don't work like that." I told her the truth. "It's never that simple."

She lightly gripped the sheets, her feet still on the tiled floor as she leaned on the bed. "The world is how you make it. That much I've found out for myself. I'm not asking for much, just for you to give up control for once. It won't hurt you James. It's actually liberating."

"I'm good." I rejected. "But thanks for offering."

April's lips curved into a smile. She wasn't at all offended. In a matter of fact the glow of her eyes grew. Almost as through accepting a challenge as her smile turned into a smirk. "You know where to find me. My doors are always opened for you." She finished and turned around heading for the door.

Before exiting she faced me one last time. "Good night James."

"Good night April."

____________

Callum together with three of the company's managing directors were examining the blue prints that had arrived from the architects assigned for the HIO project. I, Adrian and the company's lawyers and attorneys dealt with the budget skim.

The plan was to renovate mother's textile industry plants in kentucky prior the new investors demands. The management team is getting bigger, stokes are rising, production has maximized, employees are flooding and customers are buying. There's great need for expansion and the current infrastructure can't withstand the drastic change.

So here we are.

Dealing with 60% of everything for the past five hours.

We're currently at a confress hall discussing the best print and convenient budget to work with. The meeting is going great so far except for the part that I'm exhausted and can barely keep my eyes opened.

"Are you alright?" Adrian elbowed me while speaking in a low voice, keen on maintaining the harmony of the conference meeting. "Seems as though someone didn't have some good night sleep again."

"Can you not distract me right now?"

Adrian adjusted his glasses as he flipped the bank statement files, "Noticed you've been out of it since returning from Malibu."

"Seriously? This isn't the place to talk about stuff that don't involve LBE." I replied while gazing the busy lawyers at the table.

"When are we gonna talk about anything if you're always preoccupied and won't even spend time with us outside of work?"

"Don't start right now."

"Who's the girl you are living with and why is she there anyways?" He inquired.

"Helping out a friend."

"Since when? You've always hated living with people. What's so special about her. Are you involved with her?"

For christ sake!

"There's nothing special about her and I'm not interested in that girl. Now can you please stop?"

"I'm just curious." He said slowly.

"And why is that?"

"Because the last time I checked, you and Callum were keeping from me the truth that both of you were fucking the same chick. Who so happens to be the same hooker from strip tease. You were on each other's neck for her too."

I clenched my fists, also wondering how he knew about that. "She wasn't a hooker."

Adrian scoffed,"That's exactly how Callum said it. With that look on his face as though referring to her as a hooker was mismatched. She worked at a strip club. I paid her to sleep with callum. How isn't she a hooker?!"

"Like I said, this isn't the place to talk about it." I repeated, choosing to avoid confrontation infront of mother's staff.

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