Listen to "Young and Beautiful" by Lana del Rey.

I stared at James as he typed on his keyboard, pen between his lips and green eyes focused on the laptop screen. The plate of spaghetti resting on my lap half way empty.

"Eat up." He urged placing the pen by the table. "Try the sauce and salad." James advised as he leaned on the sofa.

"It looks really good." I reached for the pan placed a top the table. "I need to get over the fact that you're an excellent cook."

"Living alone has forced me to resort to certain measures. It was either learning to cook or diabetes." He chuckled. I nodded, impressed.

I took another bite and resumed listening to music on James's ipod. I ate in silence as James proceeded with working. He already finished his own meal and approved that I eat mine sitting next to him. He often jokes about me being in an abusive relationship with food.

Its been three days since securing residence at James's apartment. He made sure the doctor attended to me each day to be certain my health was improving and returning back to normal. I refrained from protesting.

At first, I aimed to be far from here. Mostly because I was scared of commiting the same mistake of sleeping with James.

However, James promised to keep his distance until the day I was healthy enough to depart this place. He's standing up to his words so far. Thats one of the reasons I choose to remain.

The other reason is quite obvious. I can't let Lucy, Callum and William see me in this current state. I'm surprised they haven't looked for me but I guess it's probably for the best.

The last thing I need is being confronted and forced to reveal the incidence with Merissa. William won't hesitate to judge and remind that he warned me about everything. I can visualize the dissappointement. I'm not ready to face that.

James is also another reason I can't leave. I don't understand it but whenever James is near the whispers in the distance don't rise to the surface.

I'd been terrified that the past would hunt me and continue to torment me repeatedly. Thankfully, James wouldn't let me out of his sight.

James wants to be aware of what happened to me. I sense he's waiting for my complete recovery so he'd bring up the subject.

I don't wish to open up. What Merissa and Emily did to me cracked open the closed wounds and paved a way for the demons of the past to torture me.

"There's fresh milk in the fridge." James offered as he kept scrolling.

"Apple juice?" I asked instead. The litres of milk I've consumed so far is way over the top.

"In those bags." He pointed at the packaging at the kitchen counter. I stood up from the sofa and walked to the island. I folded the sleeves of James's hoodie and ravaged the bag in search for my favorite juice.

"Evans says hey." He mentioned when I sat next to him by the coach again. "He's the only person aside from doctor Larry who knows you're with me. I had to tell him so you wouldn't get fired." James glanced at me and ruffled my hair playfully.

I lightly slapped his hand away. "Stop it."

He chuckled.

"Thank you, that job means alot to me." It's true. Both I and mother depend on the income. I paid the attorney half the service money but I must finish the rest if mum is to be realised in two months time. I can't afford getting fired.

"Try to recover Lisa. That job and those classes you're missing won't wait on you forever." He insisted.

I sighed. The semester's almost ending and midterms are coming.

"Drink up." He took the glass of juice from my hand to feed me.

No point fighting James. I'd never win.

I downed the warm liquid and wiped my mouth.

"Doctor Larry suggests you see a therapist. He insists those panic attacks are results of trauma. And you seem reluctant to speak to me about anything so perhaps a psychologist might help." He closed his laptop and moved closer to me.

"I won't force you into opening up but a therapist is a trained professional suited for these sorts of things. It's a safe space and nothing leaves a therapy room." James continued.

My lips twitched forming a frown.

James palmed my cheeks and placed his head above mine.

"Whatever happened, we can solve it together. Why can't you trust me?"

I stayed silent. I wish I could confide in someone but James doesn't feel like the right person.

This isn't just about the issue with Merissa and William and my mother or the guilt for cheating on Callum. The petranizing past has been threatening to creep on me for years now. And somehow everything that has happened in the last three months has triggered those memories and scars to roar back to life inside me.

"The people who did this to you Betty, this stands as abuse." James refered to the fading injuries that roamed my body. "They've harmed you terribly and should be held accountable for their actions." He added slowly.

I closed my eyes when his gaze became too intense.

"I can't." I confessed while sucking in a breathe. "Am not ready for this James."

"And when?" He caressed my cheeks. "You must face this eventually. For how long will you be succumb to trauma and anxiety? I'm not the right person to guide you on self recovery but a medical professional can get you through this. And I won't leave your side if you choose to start therapy." He convinced.

"I need more time." I placed my hands on top his that covered my cheeks.

Gratitude. I'm so grateful that James has been incredibly patient with me. More patient that I expected him to be.

Even when I'd clinge to him each night because of fear, James holds down his crawling desires just so I can sleep peacefully. I couldn't remain alone in a room for longer than a minute and he'd let me tag along almost everywhere.

The first time I was in the shower alone, I had a panic attack and run out the bathroom. I felt so suffocated by the sounds and overwhelming presence of shadows. James offered to accompany me since then. It's hard for him to see me naked and not take me. I notice how he clenches his teeth every time he's in there with me. James has remained true.

"Fine, its your decision to make and not anyone else's." He assured.

I hugged him, burying my face against his broad shoulder. James wrapped his secure arms around me and planted a chaste kiss on my forehead.

I let it fall. My heart.

If only.

If only the ghosts of the former years would stay buried forever. I faced so much and fought so hard to move on and forget what they all did to me. But fortune is fickle and life grows cruel and corrupt. Don't I deserve happiness? Am I really unworthy of love? Sure, I made mistakes. But am only human with flesh and bones.

I've suffered my entire life. Struggled and battled to belong in my own home. Guess that wasn't really in the cards for me, to be a normal child and grow up into a proper young woman. I've been strapped away my innocence and I honestly don't see how to rid myself from that circle and it's unfair. Why? Why should it be me? I tried to be right. But my efforts have been crowned as pointless.

And when I fell into the wrong path, it's becomes entirely my fault. May be If I had a parent to teach me, or someone to raise me with love and care and affection, to protect me when I faced abuse and assault, then perhaps I wouldn't be so desperate for love. Perhaps I'd learn to cry on the safest shoulders and seek the better shelter. Perhaps I won't have turned out this way. Ended up lost and broken and empty.

But what do I have?

Absolutely nothing.

And that's apparently my fault too.

"Am sorry." I heard James say above my hair.

"What?" I gulped in confusion.

"For hurting you before and pressing you in corners." He said dryly and mustering to tighten his hold around me. "I assumed the worst and trusted my eyes instead of what I truly knew about you. I shouldn't have accused you of sleeping with other men in the first place while I constantly hid you in the dark. You didn't deserve that."

I lifted my head from his shoulder and stared at him shocked.

He rolled his head back and then faced me again.

"These past few days of you being near made me realise something." He trailed his hands above my shoulders. "The way I treated you was wrong and I see that now. And I'm not sure about anything anymore at this point. But witnessing you hurting has felt intolerable and aching. I've never ...." He sighed averting his eyes.

"I never apologized to anyone before so.." he breathed. "Not sure it works this way." He nervously chuckled.

Before I could say anything, I heard the door open and someone budging in the apartment while talking in haste.

My gaze shifted from James to the tall figure facing us from the door.

"James, we should inform the police and file a missing persons report because......" He stopped mumbling once registering it was me plastered in James's arms.

Callum....

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