Present day...

I did it.

Two of some of the worst things a person could possibly do to another aside from murder.

I got involved with someone's boyfriend possibly sabotaging a relationship.

I cheated on my own boyfriend with his best friend.

I'm officially a monster.

I'm beyond ashamed of myself. I'm dissappointed in my lack of self control, dignity and conscious. I acted upon desire and lust and claimed it was blindness.

I was currently inside the bathroom, under the shower, feeling miserable and guilty for deceiving a person like Callum.

An hour ago, I attempted to study at the library. That plan went to hell when I failed to stop the aching in my chest. Never in my life have I felt so wrong. I've wronged Callum, Merissa and mostly myself.

How did I get here? What was I thinking?

No.

I wasn't thinking. As usual whenever James is around. His presence prevents me from making the right decisions. He manipulates me and uses the knowledge he has of my body to paralyse my thoughts until the only thing left in my head is him and the pleasure he can give me.

When did I come to that? There was a time I didn't give sex a single thought. I did not understand it so I never let my thoughts stray to it.

Look at me now. Everytime James crosses my mind the idea of physical contact with him pops in my head. I can't even control it. Much less stop it.

And before I can even think straight, I'm underneath him, naked, exposed to his desires, unraveling and letting myself be consumed by him.

What on Earth is wrong with me? Why can't I be in control when I'm around him?

I've always been in control of my life. I worked hard to attain a scholarship at NYU so I could live here in New York, so I could take charge of my life and finally be a mature young woman. To live my American dream.

However the past two months have been beyond confusing for me. I'm no longer in control of anything. I can't even comprehend the events that have taken place in that short period of time. I did things I never thought I'll do. I went against things I believed in like trust, loyalty and love.

"Betty how did this happen?" I asked myself.

I got into an affair with James Andrew Scott. I lowered myself for him. I gave myself to him without considering anything or anyone else. I was selfish and shameless. I went as far as working in a club for money. I deceived the people I cared about and didn't hesitate . I cheated on Callum.

I've failed to take charge of anything. I'm out of control, I don't have anything handled.

Callum is such a good person. He has been so kind and understanding with me that I wonder why he even gives me his time. He never wronged me purposely and yet I go behind his back and let James (his best friend) do what he wishes with my body and I dare enjoy it. I cheat on him after only three days of agreeing to be his girlfriend.

I have to stay away from James. I need to stay away from him.

He is the reason why everything is so complicated for me. He is the reason I'm guilty right now. James is the reason I'm ashamed of myself.

To every question (why?) James is my (because).

If I listened to William from the very beginning and stayed miles away from James then none of this would have happened. I lost my virtue and I'm losing a friend because of him. William won't even talk to me.

I can't let James get close to me again. I won't let him get close.

This Affair is now starting to affect innocent people.

William was right. I'm ruining everything.

I can't let things get further than this. I must try harder to forget him. Harder than I ever tried to do anything else in my life. If I don't take charge of my emotions and my body, I'll lose more than I already have.

After an hour of self loathing and drowning myself in pity, I got out of the shower.

I took a clean towel and wrapped it loosely around my body. I sat on the bathroom counter and just stared at the floor.

I don't know for how long I did that before I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

Must be Lucy.

"Give me a minute." I told her and stood up. I tied my messy wet hair in a bun and splashed some water on my face. My eyes were a little puffy and skin paler than usual. I hope she won't take notice of it.

I opened the bathroom door.

And my heart sunk.

"You weren't expecting to see me I've released." James said plainly. "No need to look so dissappointed though.

I wish it was Lucy behind that door.

"Leave." I tried to shut the door but he blocked it with his foot.

"Like how you left me early in the morning after spending the night with me?" He raised a brow. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stop you from wasting hours contradicting yourself for things you couldn't control."

I frowned. Why does he enjoy making things so hard for me?

"Last night was a mistake. It can't happen again. " I said to him. "I won't let that happen again."

He chuckled lightly and leaned on the door frame. He was wearing full black. Something he doesn't do often.

"There you go again. Always in denial." He stated. "When will you admit the fact that you can't bare to be far from me?"

The way he sounded so sure again. So certain that I'm bound to be tied to his side with a leash. As a side piece. The girl he meets in the dark.

No more.

"Why hurt yourself like this? Look at how puffy your pretty eyes are and how drained you appear. Stop pushing me away. You need me to make you feel better." He claimed.

Nonsense. A bunch of nonsense.

"I need you to leave James." I was being serious. "Callum doesn't deserve this. He has been good to me and ...."

"You don't even know him." James interrupted. "You've known him for less than a month, stop building such high expectations."

"Atleast he has the decency to go about this the right way. You on the other hand cheat on your girlfriend and don't bother to feel any guilt. He isn't like you." I defended.

"He ain't better than anyone else. Neither are you. So stop pinning me as the bad guy." He said calmly. "You and I are both equally judged in this matter. I cheated on Merissa and you cheated on Callum. "

How dare he?

"Get out of here." I took a step closer. "I have nothing more to say to you." I stood inches away from him and held the door.

"As I said, I'm not going anywhere." He smirked.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I ranted. "You don't know how this is affecting me. Infact you don't even care. All you care about is having someone to fuck when Merissa isn't there to quench your thirst. You are so selfish."

He was still calm and composed. Way too relaxed.

"Selfish? You're one to talk. I'm not the only selfish one here Elisabeth. " He reminded. "You appeared to enjoy it just as much when I fucked you senseless. You loved it when I pounded into you. Are you forgetting how you moaned my name? Or how you begged me to fuck you harder? The screams you made when I handled you so properly."

I was breathing heavily. He took a step forward.

"I can sense how my words are beginning to affect you. How your legs are pressed so tightly together for relief. You crave me and I know it." He was too close.

I took a step back and he took another forward entering the bathroom.

"Those goosebumps growing on your skin are clear evidence of how my presence here makes your stomach curl."

He wasn't wrong.

His warm palms held my exposed shoulders. I willed to pull away but my legs failed to move.

As per usual, my body is stronger than my mind and subconscious.

His finger left trails around my arms and a shiver run through me.

"James.." I breathed. "We can't do this again. Please."

"Yes we can." He charmed. "We can do whatever we want. And right now, you want me inside of you. And I want to bury myself deep in between your legs."

I held his hand when he reached for my towel to stop him from going further. Bells of warning were ringing in my head urging me to stop and save myself from him.

"No.." I weakly whispered. The attempt was pitiful. My enter being longed for those fingers to touch me everywhere. For those lips to trail my body and claim me. I already lost this fight from the start.

"Don't resist." He said above my lips. "I want you just as much as you want me." His tongue licked the skin of my cheek and my breathe caught.

How he managed to do it, I don't know. But somehow the guilt that choked me earlier was so far fetched I could barely feel it. It was so far away. Almost gone.

I shook my head to deny his affection but also leaned into him disagreeing with my thoughts.

James took that as a sign to wrap his arms around my waist.

His lips were soon sucking on my trembling ones with dominance and I surrendered to the inevitable. It was a hungry clash of mouth and tongue, the wetness and the sound of our lips tasting each other was too familiar and good to ignore. I could sense his eagerness from the roughness of the contact. From the way his teeth nibbled on my bottom lip and from the way his strong hands roamed my back drawing me closer.

"I'm the only one who can make you feel this way." He assured.

He took the towel from my body and I remained naked and exposed against him with minimal protest.

I was panting and quivering from the feeling of his hands caressing every sensitive part he could reach as he explored the inside of my mouth with his tongue.

His hands roamed my smooth back, between my thighs, my breasts and the skin of my stomach. He knew the parts so well almost like he learned the language of my body better than anyone could.

I failed to do much, he barely let me touch him. My hands were pressed to my sides as he did as he pleased and I couldn't complain. Everything felt wonderful and so good.

We were burning up at that point. And when his mouth sucked perfectly on my neck the area between my legs began to feel the familiar sensitivite sensation. A feeling I knew well, arousal. I needed relief as the wet cool trail of silk began to flow from my warm opening.

"You can't escape me." He growled as he turned me around so my back lay on his chest. I could feel his erection growing as it pressed on my behind.

I bit my lip when James's hand settled between my legs. "This part warms for me.." He said while pressing his fingers against the wetness and I moaned.

I was beginning to sweat, it was so hot.

He walked us to the counter slowly and bent me half way over it. My naked back was a few inches away from his clothed chest that I could feel the heat that radiated from his body.

I lost sense at that point. My body won over my guilty conscious and there was no going back.

"James I need you closer."

I wanted to reach out and help take off his pants but he pressed me on the counter. I could hear the buckling of his pants and a condom being unwrapped.

"James..close the..." I tried to speak but he entered his fingers in my mouth to silence me.

"It'll be quick." He positioned himself behind me.

He must have sensed my concerns . If someone walked in on us doing this(Lucy or William), it would be a disaster.

My toes curled as I sucked on his fingers. I don't know why but the feeling of his fingers against my tongue is so arousing and I love the way they settle perfectly between my lips.

I gasped when he thrusted into me so suddenly and I trembled when his length penetrated me strongly.

I was barely adjusting to his size and he was already pounding hard in and out of me. I moaned around his fingers and he held my hip tightly with his free hand.

"You like that don't you?" He kissed my shoulder.

I couldn't speak as I enjoyed the feeling of him moving roughly in between my walls. The pleasure was so intensified that I found it foreign. The way he grabbed my body, pressing his incredible weight on me pleased me so much. I felt claimed and that raised my arousal.

He removed his fingers from my lips and gripped my hair instead. He lifted my head so I could view us in the mirror as we coupled.

I could see how his muscles flexed, the sweat on his forehead and the lust in his eyes as he looked at me from the mirror.

"You look so sexy this way." He groaned in pleasure as he tightened his grip on my hair. His other hand still holding my hips tightly.

Tears streamed on my cheeks as he thrusted deeper and harder inside of me, shivers run through me as I felt every inch of his erect hard crotch sliding in and out of my sex. I wanted to scream and moan louder but I didn't want anyone to hear us. The walls aren't thick enough to swallow the noise.

His hold on me was strong, too strong that it was almost painful. It hurt but it felt better than it hurt.

It hurt so good. If that makes sense.

It was some what humiliating to watch myself being fucked like this. My whole body was drenched in sweat, my lips parted as drool flowed on them and my eyes were so lidded.

"Don't be embarrassed. I enjoy seeing you like this. Shutter beneath me." He licked my ear, our eyes locking from the glass and that raised our connection.

My cheeks were flushed.

He looked wild and hungry. Hungry for me and everything I could offer. It drove me insane to see him like that. Completely emersed in pleasure as I was.

I held tightly to the ends of counter as my stomach tightened and my eyes rolled back. My insides quevered as a wave of pleasure hit me. James was aiming at that bundle of nerves deep inside me that made me lose my mind.

I couldn't hold down the moans any longer.

"Ngh......Ahh." the sounds echoed in the bathroom and encouraged James to thrust faster. I could barely stand from how weak my legs were getting. James held my waist in between his arms to keep me from falling as he penetrated my wetness.

I couldn't even ask for more because he was giving it all to me. And we were still in the same position.

"Oh.... yes." My eyes shut when I got closer to the edge. I felt my walls dripping wet and covering his dick as he made me see stars. I was burning with passion and covered in heat as I felt my core burning with each copulation. "Yes...yes..yes.." more tears fell from my eyes.

"Open your eyes. I want you to see your face as you cum for me." He demanded and I fought to keep them open.

I felt so embarrassed by this but I also enjoyed it. Because I could also see James's pleasure. His eyes were darker and dilated and wild as he abused my insides so sweetly.

It tasted amazing when he did this to me.

I came undone from the intense climax. I was trembling so hard that my legs gave out and James had to press me flat on the counter to keep on pounding into me.

Fuck, my mouth watered as my whole body vibrated with an intensity that had me crying from just how much this burned. My wet walls quenched, sucking him inside me and he growled from the tightness, "Fuck." He came into the condom. I love that sound.

After the high my senses returned to me. I stared at James in silence.

What have I done?