《airplanes(Thiam)》chapter 39: Monday Mantras
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"Stop it." Theo hummed, not even bothering to open his eyes.
"Stop what? I'm not doing anything." Liam said, running his eyes over Theo's face again like he hadn't spent the past hour memorizing it while Theo lounged in the backseat trying to sleep. The chimera's eyelids fluttered as if he were rolling his eyes behind them.
"You're being weird."
"I'm not doing anything." Liam repeated.
"You're staring."
"No, I'm not." Liam said. Theo cracked an eye open, artfully catching Liam's gaze in a judgmental look before he could turn away. "You have cotton candy on your cheek." Liam lied.
"No, I don't." Theo said easily. "Why are you staring?"
"I'm no-" Theo's eyebrows crept up. "I'm just thinking." Liam grumbled.
"And that requires you to stare at me?"
"Shut up." Liam huffed, finally turning away from Theo, he let his seat drop back, shifting onto his side so he was facing away from Theo and willing himself to just sleep. He listened to Theo as he shifted then suddenly his head was being shoved forwards, hard enough he almost headbutted the door.
"What the hell are you-" Liam hissed turning around only to see Theo dropping his leg back to the seat. "-Did you just kick me in the head?"
"I nudged you." Theo scoffed. "Why are you being weird?"
"I'm not being weird."
"You've been weird since we left the fair." Theo said. Liam let out his own scoff. Of course he was being weird. He realized he loved the idiot who apparently thought it was good decorum to kick Liam in the back of the head when he wasn't paying him enough attention. And not even in a cool way. It wasn't like they'd been fighting the bad guys and Theo had almost died, or anything that should inspire feelings and revelations. No, it had been thanks to Theo strapping a teddy in shotgun solely for the purpose of being a mildly annoying little shit.
Liam was undone by a freaking teddy and road safety.
"You're staring again." Theo said, knocking Liam out of his thought.
"I told you I'm just thinking." Liam grumbled.
"About what?" Theo asked, looking a mix of curious and concerned that left Liam's insides flipping happily. He pictured it, for a moment, about answering 'about how I love you' and then Theo screaming in disgust and throwing Liam out of the car and speeding away from the little freak who fell in love thanks to being mocked for his not even that short height. Or, he'd just look at Liam, one of those eyebrows raising 'You're a moron' looks that he did before the road trip, before he found Liam's acts of stupidity endearing. Or even worse, what if he didn't run, or look at Liam like he was insane, what if he just laughed, cruel and mocking and-
"Nothing." Liam croaked pushing himself up. "I have to go."
"You have to go?"
"I have to talk to Mason."
"Liam?" Before Theo could even finish speaking Liam was out of the car. Sprinting across the field they'd parked in like he was running away from the monster in a horror movie not his thoroughly confused boyfriend.
By the time Liam finally came to a stop he was panting, he'd passed through the fields, and the road across from it, a gas station and a small park before he finally decided he was far enough away to make the call without Theo being able to listen in. Dragging his phone out of his pocket Liam flopped back against a tree, eyes flickering to the small park he'd passed as he listened to the howling dial tone.
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"I think I'm in love with Theo." Liam said the moment Mason picked up. Mason was silent for a second, Liam could picture him blinking slowly as he tried to figure out what Liam had squeaked down the phone at him.
"You think?" Mason finally said.
"Well, No. I know I am." Liam clarified.
"So...You're freaking out again?"
"No."
"No?"
"No, and it's freaking me out."
"What?" Mason blinked.
"I'm not freaking out! Well, not about loving Theo, I was, for like thirty seconds but then I was thinking about it and it's like..it's not that much of a shock? It feels like...Like normal..i guess. I mean it's like woah what but also like oh yeah okay that makes sense. It's Theo of course I-"
"So, what are you freaking out about?"
"The fact I'm not freaking out!" Liam hissed. "I should be panicking, I should be breaking up with him and running for my life I mean it's Theo and love I've only ever loved Hayden shouldn't it be harder to fall in love with someone else after the whole first love thing? Shouldn't I still be all wounded from Hayden leaving and-"
"Dude-" Mason sighed.
"And I mean it's not like we've been dating very long shouldn't there be like a two week period at least where there's no love just like and like lust or-"
"You're so weird."
"Why does it feel normal? Why am I not freaking out?"
"Pretty sure you are freaking out." Mason said dryly.
"But not about what I should freak out about! And like, Theo will freak out if I tell him. I mean like - hi boyfriend of two minutes I know you're severely emotionally traumatized and won't have heard it since you murdered your sister and parents but I love you. - He'll hate me, or think I'm crazy, or laugh at me or run for the hills, or worse, Idaho! I've just got him to agree to stay in Beacon Hills I can't send him running now that's-"
"Theo's staying in Beacon Hills?" Mason gasped.
"Yeah, I told you this morning. That not-"
"Uh no, dude, you didn't. You said you were coming home." Mason said.
"I said we were."
"How was I meant to know you meant both of you for good? I thought he was just dropping you off!"
"IT doesn't matter right now! What matters is I'm a dumbass and I'm going to scare him away by screaming I love you in his stupid loveable face and so I need he-"
"First, You need to tell me about Idaho." Mason persisted.
"I asked him to stay. He said yes. But Mase, that's not the point. The point is things were good." Liam moaned, wishing he'd bought Anakin with him just so he could burrow his face into his soft fuzz and lament his life. "Really good and I wasn't confused or freaking out and he was coming home and now I've ruined ever-"
"I still don't get how realizing you love him ruins anything."
"Because I'm going to scare him off." Liam grumbled.
"If you really think telling him will freak him out just don't tell him?"
"Dude, have you met me? I blurt out everything, I-"
"You kept the fact you were a werewolf secret from me for like a year. I think you can hold off on saying I love you for another few days and then you'll be home and you can freak out to me in person."
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"That's your advice?" Liam scoffed. "Just don't tell him?"
"No my advice would be tell him. It's always nice to know you're loved but well, you know him better so if you really believe he'll freak out or hate you then just don't tell him."
"But-"
"It's the same as before right? Nothing's changed. It's not like you just fell in love with him it'll be you just realized. So, all the feelings are the same, you're just aware of it, so pretend you're not. Carry on as normal."
"So you're saying just ignore the problem?"
"I mean..Yeah?"
"You're spending too much time with Stiles." Liam said. Mason snorted softly.
"Look, you called me because you want my advice right?"
"I mean. Sort of? I kinda just called you because if I didn't run I might tell Theo and then things would be very bad."
"Way to make me feel unloved."
"And because I missed you and wanted your advice?" Liam added on belatedly.
"Better." Mason hummed.
"There has to be a better plan than just 'ignore it'," Liam said, picking at the grass idly.
"Well, your options are fairly limited in tell him or don't tell him so-"
"I can't tell him."
"Then don't tell him."
"But-"
"Dude. It's two in the morning. Option A or Option B this isn't difficult."
"It is-"
"Am I really going to have to come to wherever the hell you are just to slap you?"
"I'm never letting you talk to Stiles again." Liam huffed.
"Look, man. Your plans, they kinda suck-"
"Hey-"
"I'm just being honest. Like, you got kicked out of Disney world, you got Stiles and Derek to crash your road trip. You almost had Theo move to freaking Idaho. Maybe you should just trust in your Goda."
"I trust you! It's just both your options suck." Liam said emphatically.
"You said you can't tell him."
"yes."
"But you don't want to not tell him?"
"No I mean, I don't want to try and not tell him and then awkwardly blurt it out at some weirdly inappropriate time."
"Do or do not. There is no try." Mason murmured. Liam let out a pitiful groan.
"I don't know how Luke didn't punch Yoda." Liam grumbled.
"Yoda would've kicked his ass that's how." Mason said. "Look, dude, I don't know what to say. If you think it's best not to tell him then don't tell him."
"But the blurting!"
"Oh my god dude, I don't know? Tell him when he's asleep so he can't hear you? I..this isn't...I don't know what you want me to say, man. You have two options. Pick one. Carry on how you have been or take the leap and say those three little words that might make him have a mental breakdown."
"You're no help." Liam huffed. "I'm hanging up."
"Alright, love you."
"...Love you too dickhead."
"Tell Theo I love-"
"Fuck you." Liam said hanging up with a chuckle. The laugh died in Liam's throat as he looked back up and realized that being done with his phone call meant reasonably he should make his way back to Theo.
It should be simple, Mason made it sound simple, but then Mason wasn't the one who'd have to go and sleep in the car with the guy he was apparently in love with, a guy who could hear Liam's heartbeat, who could tell if he was lying. If he asked why Liam had bolted in the right way then Liam would be forced to say it, if he pried.
That's if he was still there. Liam really wouldn't blame Theo if he just drove off and left Liam to rot in the backfields of a nowhere state after he ran off into the night with no explanation like a man possessed.
And really, it was lucky Theo was such an asshole because if he hadn't been shunned for murdering people Liam was fairly sure he would have noticed he could befriend people far cooler than Liam and left Liam in the dust the day they left Beacon Hills.
He pushed himself up with a pitiful groan knowing that his brief bid for freedom had to come to an end about ten minutes ago if he ever wanted Theo to think he was sane again.
*
The walk back to the clearing took far longer than the manic sprint out of it. Liam trudged along the edges of the road with his head bowed. If he hadn't made such an embarrassingly dramatic exit he'd have called Theo to pick him up.
He'd hoped, somewhat desperately, that Theo would have just gone to sleep and Liam could join him and they could both wake up in the morning and pretend it had never happened. That idea was shot to hell the moment Liam stepped into the clearing and spotted Theo resting against the edge of the truck. Liam plodded forwards, shoulders slumped. Theo's eyes followed him the entire way across the field leaving Liam with the distinct sense he was walking like a puppet on a string, or Stiles.
"Hey." Liam said, voice tinged with guilt, like he'd went out to murder a few babies not whine to his best friend about his feelings. Theo raised an eyebrow even as he jutted his chin in a small nod of greeting. Liam cleared his throat
Please don't ask Liam thought desperately, eyeing the trucks paint job. He already knew every speck of dirt on the damn thing with how long he'd spent with it but at least it was something to do. Theo, however, didn't seem to share his interest in the car, his eyes continued to burn into the side of Liam's face.
"Thanks...for like...not following me." Liam tried, hoping that it was enough for an acknowledgment for them to be able to count it as talked about.
"I thought about it." Theo hummed, gaze finally moving from Liam's face. Liam looked up in time to watch Theo's eyes droop closed, his head tilting up towards the stars as if basking in the sun. He couldn't help but think he looked remarkably content for someone who was dating someone as weird as Liam. "But then I didn't want to risk you circling round and stealing the truck again."
"Dude that was one time!" Liam huffed. "And I just borrowed it." Theo let out a soft breath that somehow managed to sound sarcastic as his lips twitched in a smile. He cracked his eyes open again. Liam waited to be scrutinized by Theo's gaze again only it didn't come. Theo's eye's stayed on the stars, sweeping over them slowly.
"You wanna talk about it?" Theo asked softly.
"Me borrowing the truck?" Liam tried lightly.
"No, dumbass, the reason you're freaking out." Theo said.
"I'm not freaking out." Liam scoffed. Theo dropped his eyes from the sky to level him with a judgmental look. "Anymore." Liam clarified. "I just needed to talk to Mason."
"And you had to run off like the flash to do that?" Theo asked. Sounding genuinely curious, like perhaps it was some type of phone etiquette he hadn't learnt right.
"I uh-" Liam mumbled inaudibly.
"Are you okay?" Theo asked, his voice was aloof but his eyes flickered over Liam like searching for an injury, brow wrinkling in concern that made Liam's treacherous little heart do a backflip for the millionth time that evening.
"Yeah." Liam said, nodding enthusiastically. "Yeah I'm fine. I just...needed to talk to Mason but now everything's good."
"Okay." Theo said with a slow nod, eyes still trying to bore into Liam's soul. Finally, Theo blinked, concern ebbing away, or at least inching out of the foreground of Theo's mind. He didn't doubt Theo would remember and try to figure out why Liam had 'freaked out'. "So, are you going to run off again or can we sleep?" Theo asked, yanking the back door open.
"We can sleep." Liam agreed happily. Theo didn't give him a chance to move to the passenger seat, just grabbed his wrist in a grip so tight it was almost painful and yanked him into the backseat right along with him. Liam wouldn't complain. The only reason he hadn't tried crawling back there with him originally was because he was too busy freaking out about not freaking out.
Liam let Theo manhandle him until he was satisfied with how they were lying, the chimera's arm held tight around his waist in a way that Liam knew was partly due to Theo actually wanting to cuddle and partly due to the fact if he didn't keep a grip on Liam then Liam would just fall right off of the too small backseat.
There were no goodnight kisses, or talking, just Theo snuffling into the back of Liam's hair and closing his eyes to sleep like he'd been wanting to do ever since they'd parked in the field.
Liam had meant to fall asleep as well. To go back to the truck and forget all about his stupid love revelation, to ignore it like Mason suggested. However ignoring it when the scent of him and Theo had crawled into every single atom of the car after so long spent in their together was impossible, Theo's breath puffing across the nape of his neck and his hand, warming where it was curled into Liam's shirt just over his stomach didn't help in the slightest.
And so he waited, body coiled just too tight to be relaxed listening to Theo's breath praying for him to sleep.
"Hey Theo." Liam breathed. Theo stayed quiet, chest rising and falling in the same synchronized pattern that hinted sleep. "Are you asleep?" Liam asked. Again Theo didn't reply. Liam shifted, titling his head until he could just see the side of Theo's face. His hair was falling in his eyes, almost covering there but Liam could see between a couple of strands that his eyes were indeed closed. Lips parted as he breathed softly. Liam wondered how long it would be until Theo started to drool.
Liam huffed, chewing his lip as he turned his head back to stare blankly at the seat in front of him. Anakin had toppled over, body flopped down between the two front seats as if he too was sleeping. Liam felt a grin stretching across his face as he looked towards the plushie, picturing Theo frantically trying to stage the toy as sitting in the front seat only for it to keep toppling over, it's head too heavy for its body.
He wasn't sure which idea he liked more, Theo automatically buckling the teddy bear in as he put it in the seat or Theo doing it out of necessity so he could mock Liam adequately without the bear falling over and ruining it.
He knew, realistically, that Mason had been joking when he said to tell Theo in his sleep but really it seemed like a better plan than anything Liam could come up with. He'd get to say it. The urge to blurt it out would (hopefully) be diminished after he'd done it once. Happy in the knowledge that yes, he had said it before. And so Liam waited. Forcing himself to lay still and act normal as he listened for a sign that Theo had indeed fallen asleep.
"I love you." Liam said, words brushing out past his lips like a frozen wave, cutting the air off and leaving his chest seizing. He waited for something to happen, for the world to concave or Theo to jolt awake and make a mad run for it. Nothing happened, Theo was quiet behind him. Breathing even and heartbeat as steady as it had been before Liam spoke. Liam let out a rattling breath when he realized nothing was going to happen. That the words had passed soft and unnoticed. Hanging in the backseat for only his ears.
"I love you." Liam repeated, voice steadier, surer. Theo curled closer, hand tightening where it was bunched in Liam's shirt but otherwise stayed asleep. Not a single uptick in his heart. Liam grinned over at Anakin, beady eyes watching him judgmentally as if to say 'He's asleep you moron, your confession was pointless'. "Shut up." Liam huffed, glowering at the disapproving bear.
Sure, Maybe it was a cop-out. Maybe Theo didn't actually know, but Liam could already feel the tension eking out of his body without the secret being tied under his tongue. He was positive he'd have been happy to lie there for hours, saying the words over and over for only him and Anakin to hear if he hadn't been worried that Theo might wake up and actually hear him. Theo curling around him like a blanket leaving his back warm and the sound of him breathing rippling in Liam's ear like the push of the tide helped to lull him to sleep. Despite not saying the words again he could still hear them, echoing throughout his head in a constant loop, like a mantra. I love you, I love you, I love you.
*
With Theo's track record for waking him up Liam wasn't even shocked when he found himself being bought back to consciousness by Theo shoving him off of the seat so he landed in a heap between the seats.
"The fuck?" Liam croaked.
Theo blinked down at him, eyes hazy with sleep and crease lines embedded in his skin from a night of resting on the pillow looking entirely too innocent for someone who had murdered people and, more importantly, just pushed Liam off of the seat.
"You were on my arm." Theo said bluntly.
Liam heard the mantra again, slower than the night before. Quiet and sleepy, trickling through his brain as Theo scrubbed the ball of his hand over his eye and squinted over at the sunny windows like they'd personally offended him.
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