Liam scrambled for his phone, hands slapping across the blanket as he searched, leaving Theo grumbling in pain more than once when Liam hit him in the legs. When he finally found it he saw Mason's face blinking at him.

"Mason's calling!" Liam exclaimed. "I'm gonna, I'm gonna answer it."

"Don't tell him we're drinking." Theo slurred.

"Why?"

"Scott wouldn't like me getting his little beta drunk."

"I thought I was getting you drunk? This was...Am I not getting you drunk? Am I failing at the list?

"No you are-" Theo said far too sincerely. "You're doing a great job of getting me drunk but see. You're getting me drunk because I corrupted you." Theo said, he continued, ducking his head and dropping his voice a few decibels as he breathed in a harsh and rattling imitation of Darth Vader. "Welcome to the dark side my young Padawan pumpkin."

"Theodork has never suited you more." Liam said as seriously as he could, which was difficult when Theo had let his head drop back at the first word and laughed loud and open, even as his head clunked against the metal with an impressive crack that must have hurt.

"That's Darth Theodork to you." Theo chuckled.

"I prefer Master Theodork." Liam said.

"Well, that's kinky." Theo sang. "Might want to keep your fantasies to yourself and answer the pho-."

"Okay first of all ew, gross and secondly-" Liam swiped to answer Mason's call with a dramatic flourish that had Theo laughing again.

"Hey-Theo shut up- Heyyy!" Liam said bringing the phone to his ear.

"It's a video call dude." Mason said.

"Right." Liam hummed, taking the phone away from his ear and holding it in front of them. "There you are!" Liam grinned, waving his free hand. "Hey- hey. Dude, say hi." He scolded, Theo simply raised an eyebrow.

"I thought I was meant to be shutting up."

"Oh my..Just say Hi you dick."

"Hi you dick." Theo repeated calmly, lips wobbling in and out of a smile in a way that had Liam smothering his own laugh against his free hand.

"Are you two drunk?" Mason squeaked. Liam heard the muffled voices of the pack and the crash of footsteps as they moved to give the phone, and Liam, their undivided attention. Liam's eyes widened, turning to Theo, eyebrows raised in question. Theo puffed out his cheeks doing a strange little pout as he shook his head. Liam tipped his head back towards the phone.

"No." He said seriously, mimicking Theo's cheek puffing gesture and head shake.

"Good job." Theo praised, clapping Liam on the shoulder.

"Do you think he believes us?" Liam whispered. Or more, tried to, the actual effect was just a raspy shout.

"He's human. Humans'll believe anything." Theo said.

"Yeah..You two are totally sober." Mason said. Theo waved towards the phone as if to say 'see, told you so' only to hit it out of Liam's hands. The phone tumbled out of his grasp, hitting the metal with a clack. By the time Liam was picking it up the whole pack was crowded into the screen watching eagerly like he and Theo were a particularly interesting documentary. Derek, for once, was the only one without a frown on his face, instead, he was smirking, lips curled in amusement.

"I take it Dodo's still alive then?"

"He nicknamed Liam choir boy." Theo said, lips twisting in a grin.

"Oh wow." Stiles breathed and somehow, even with his mouth gaping open it still looked like he was smiling at the sight of a drunken Theo. "Someone needs to film this for blackma-"

"How do you get werewolves drunk?" Mason asked, turning to Derek. Liam waved at Scott as his eyebrows did a strange dance, one seemed to be amused and the other worried. Liam wasn't sure how each of Scott's eyebrows were telling a different emotion but, well, Scott had always had expressive eyebrows.

"I would never drink." Liam gasped.

"Fermentation." Theo said, sucking his cheeks in an attempt at what Liam thought was meant to be his 'I feel nothing' face but just made him look like he was trying to do Blue steel.

"Fermentation?" Scott repeated.

"Fermentation. I was trying to feed him his five a day like a good babysitter but we accidentally ate gone off apples instead of normal apples and you know...biology..fermenting..drunk." Theo finished. Once again straight-faced like he wasn't talking out of his ass. Scott seemed to finally settle on amusement,

"So apples did this?" he asked. Theo nodded.

"I just...really love apples." Liam said.

"He does." Theo said. "which is why I got him a load of apples, like an orchard, because I'm not a sith lord."

"What is happening?" Stiles asked, a hysterical bubble of laughter coming out of him. Liam thought he heard Derek saying 'really, this is the guy who almost killed you?' in a soft mutter.

"Hey! It happens. You know, the squirrels, they get drunk off pumpkins and we once had a drunk Raccoon in our garden."

"How do you know it was drunk?" Theo asked. "Did you break out the breathalyzer?"

"Don't be stupid. It was drunk texting an ex." Liam said. The two snorted in unison, heads flopping back as they laughed.

"Do you think they know neither of them is funny?" Lydia asked.

"He's not funny." Liam said jabbing a thumb at Theo and almost taking his eye out whilst doing so. "But I'm hilarious. I mean, I once met a drunk raccoon."

"Which you still haven't explained." Malia said.

"Right! So it was like, a week after Halloween and we hadn't got rid of the pumpkin yet, it was this really awesome one, I managed to do like a see-through thing you know? Where you carve it so it's just really thin but not actually cut out, so it was like a really creepy one you know? And – oh dude you know what we should do for your trick or treating! We can do Star Wars and have everyone come and we can all dress up. We can get some of the prosthetic wax stuff and turn Stiles into Jar jar Binks."

"You're going trick or treating?" Corey asked.

"Thinking about it, the Raccoon kinda sounded like Jar Jar, You know when he does the scream thing, wait, no that's the robot right? R23po."

"That's not..how can you get that name wrong?" Mason sighed. "C3PO and R2D2. It's not hard man."

"Moving on from Star Wars-" Scott said, ignoring Stiles's betrayed looked. "Are you going to tell us what was wrong with the pumpkin?"

"Nothing's wrong? I'm actually doing pretty good." Liam said.

"What?"

"He was asking 'bout the drunk raccoon dumbass." Theo laughed.

"The drunk..? Oh! Yeah! Okay so it was after Halloween and the pumpkin was still out because Mom wanted Dad to get rid of it because he promised he would but he kept forgetting after work and I just...didn't want to touch it, I mean it had gone all squishy and wrinkled and it smelt really bad so-"

Theo stood suddenly. Liam's story broke off as he eyed Theo swaying in place, hands held out to his sides like he was walking a tightrope.

"You alright?" Liam inquired squinting up at him. Theo waved a hand in a way that Liam thought might meant he was fine until Theo was throwing himself over the trucks edge in a graceless jump. He righted himself and started walking

"Where are you going?" Liam scrambled after Theo, phone dangling precariously in his fingers. "Theo, where are you going? Where is he going?! Why are you leaving?"

"I'm taking a piss stop following me!" Theo bellowed, jogging off into the trees with renewed vigour. Liam stumbled to a stop.

"Oh..Have fun."

"Dude- No." Mason cackled.

"I didn't even know pure evil could pee-"

"That doesn't make any-"

"And then this raccoon came along." Liam said, spinning on his heel with a flourish. Within moments he was settled back into the bed of the truck, struggling to kick the blanket back over him as he talked. "And so the pumpkin was still there and the raccoon was hungry and the garbage got taken like the day before so there wasn't anything else to eat so it ate the pumpkin and- Wait where'd Theo go?"

"God he's like a goldfish."

"I'm not a goldfish! I don't have gills." Liam huffed. "But can you imagine if I did? I could swim for ages."

"Yeah... sure buddy, it'd be very cool." Mason placated. "So you gonna tell us why you and Theo are getting drunk-"

"But the Racco-" Scott started.

"It just stumbled around and eventually passed out, he sent me videos. I'll show you later alright? So Li-"

"It seemed fun." Liam said, reaching for the bottle and taking another sip, the liquid burnt at his throat. "I think my taste buds are dead."

"Just wait for the hangover." Derek said. "Dodo doesn't exactly use high-quality alcohol."

"How do you know Dodo?" Liam asked.

"What or who is Dodo?" Stiles demanded.

"A crazy fire grandpa." Liam said.

"Pumpkin!" Liam's head bobbed up at the shout, smile pulling at his lips as Theo lumbered over.

"Where'd you go?"

"I'm pretty sure it's killing brain cells, not his taste buds." Malia muttered.

"Did he just call you-" Mason started.

"Say Bye. We gotta go, I made a friend-"

"He made a friend while peeing?" Corey asked, face twisting in confusion. Liam's head twisted as Theo pointed to the treeline, eyeing the girl hovering at the edge of the clearing.

"How did you-"

"She was, she got lost while peeing. We bonded."

"What-"

"Yeah, I second that." Stiles said.

"Come on." Theo urged, ignoring the question as he begun rooting through the car. He came back a moment later with two empty water bottles. Liam watched as he distributed the remaining alcohol into the plastic bottles, at least, what would fit in them. "If we're really doing the drinking thing we should do it at a bar."

"If? I thought we were already doing the drinking thing?"

"Emmie said it doesn't count until someone's done something that will make them so embarrassed they want to throw up whenever they think of it for the rest of their life."

"Who is Emmie?"

"My pee friend." Theo said, in a 'well duh' tone. He span on his heel, water bottles of booze in his hands as he strutted away.

"I actually think he scares me more now he's not evil." Stiles muttered. "I mean, Pee friend? Who even-"

"PUMPKIN! LETS HUSTLE!"

"Okay, I have to go-"

"See, there it is again! Doesn't your Mom call you Pu-"

"Have a nice night! I'll call you guys soon." Liam rushed.

"Enjoy the hangover." Derek said. Liam hung up, slipping his phone into his pocket and slid over the edge of the truck with only a little bit of trouble.

*

After Mason had found out about the supernatural and things had calmed down for five minutes he'd asked a lot of questions. He'd asked whether Mermaids were real, whether vampires were Buffy or Twilight in appearance and whether trolls really lived under bridges. When Liam answered every one of his questions with 'I don't know' Mason had taken it upon himself to tell Liam about the supernatural and for a few weeks Liam and Corey had been hard pressed to find him without the bestiary open on his phone or have a conversation without a random piece of supernatural knowledge blurted at them.

Mermaids were real but were generally native to the Ionian sea. Vampires were real but more like mosquitoes than anything, leaving a single pinprick of blood and an annoying itch for a few days but taking nowhere near enough blood to kill anyone. Trolls had gone extinct sometime around the 60's.

Mason had spent three days on Fae. Talking Liam's ear off about magic and mischief and ethereal beauty that drew you in.

The first time Emmie smiled at him he was pretty sure she was a Fae leading them to their somewhat amusing doom. She wasn't beautiful, but the way moonlight was glittering across her paper white skin and her dark eyes reflected the sparks of a lighter, making her iris's look like embers on charcoal as her lips tipped into a smile that was curled just so to make it say 'I'm gonna fuck shit up and enjoy doing it'. She'd lit her cigarette, turned, tripped over a root, hit the floor with a dull smack and laughed loud enough to scare a flock of birds from the trees.

"Believe it or not-" She said, British accent making her sound far too posh to be stumbling around the woods, meeting a peeing Theo. "I would have done that without being drunk." Liam watched as she dusted herself off and picked the cigarette off of the floor. "Right.. So we going to the pub then?" She didn't wait for an answer before she was galloping off into the trees like an overzealous puppy.

Liam had followed her wondering if Fae compelled you to follow them by looking like drunk teenaged girls about to knock themselves out in a forest. The two raced after her and despite Liam hovering near her like a worrying grandmother, ready to catch her she didn't fall again. Just talked, fast and light about how she'd panicked when she'd spotted Theo peeing and asked 'Did you hear me peeing?' Rather than screaming like any normal person would have done.

"In future, when a guy approaches you in the dark with his dick out, run away, don't invite him for a drink." Theo said.

"Duly noted." Emmie said sagely.

Emmie had led them back to an old car where two boys were waiting for her and seemed entirely unperturbed by the fact it had probably been a good fifteen minutes since she wandered away to use the bathroom and now had two more people with her. They'd just ushered them into the car and drove off, tires crunching over the dirt of the slip road.

Liam was plastered against the door, Emmie lodged between him and Theo, leaning through the center of the front seats talking up a whirlwind as they crept onto the main road and shot off toward the flashing lights of a town.

The driver dropped the four of them off at the first bar they came across and disappeared with a squeak of tires and 'don't call me to pick you up' which Emmie and her friend, Marty, laughed at and ducked into a bar with a flashing neon sign that crackled with electricity like it was going to explode at any moment.

Theo yanked Liam in after them, the three men moving to the bar while Emmie scurried off to the bathroom in the back.

"She pee's like a pregnant woman." Marty said. "You get used to it."

The bar was small, dingy, with low hanging lights that glowed a sickly yellow and a handful of people thrown about in a strange mix of truckers, old men and brooding young adults. A pool table was shoved in one corner and a foosball table in the other.

The bartender busied himself scrubbing glasses with a dirty looking rag until Emmie was sliding in between Marty and Liam with another impish grin.

"You not got anything to drink yet?" Emmie hummed looking at the empty bar before the bartender was dropping the rag and swooping over.

"You want a drink?"

"oh, Always." Emmie said. "Could I get-"

"Where are you from?" The bartender asked, leaning across the counter in a way that had no hope of not seeming creepy. Liam watched as Emmie took a half step back.

"England." She hummed.

"Wales." Marty corrected.

"I'm not welsh."

"You live in Wales."

"I moved to Wales like two months ago that doesn't make me-" She started.

"Your Mum is literally a sheep." Marty said dryly. Emmie laughed, loud and mocking as she raised her middle finger at him.

"You gonna order sweetheart?" The bartender said.

"I'm not a fan of hearts, even sweet ones." Emmie said.

"Wha-"

"Can I get four double vodka's and coke please?" She continued the bartender's eyes flickered down the bar to Theo and then to Liam, they rested on him for a moment, eyebrow-raising as he turned back to Emmie.

"Pretty sure your little friends aren't old enough."

"They are I swear. At least, we are in England and you know, the legal ages for a few things are a bit different there."

"And how old are you then?"

"I'm definitely legal." Emmie said voice sweet as honey. After a moment the bartender smiled, spinning away and moving to make their drinks.

"I'm really jealous of your boobs sometimes." Marty sighed.

"You can pee standing up, boobs have nothing on vertical peeing."

"Vertical peeing doesn't get me drinks."

*

For Liam. Marty and Emmie were the kinds of people he had to be drunk to talk to. Not because they weren't nice, but because it took being at the very least tipsy to feel he had any grasp on the conversation. Emmie spoke so fast there were moments he genuinely wondered if she had super speed and laughed like a seal honking. Marty was quieter, speaking in clipped sentences and judgemental looks that at times had Liam wondering how the two of them had ever started talking long enough to become friends.

He wasn't sure whether drinking was making him more able to understand them or if he just didn't care anymore because added all together it was strangely endearing with the way Emmie's eyes softened and her mouth snapped shut whenever Marty would string a sentence together with more than two words and Marty didn't so much laugh at the scream out witches cackle that Liam was sure even people a few towns over would be able to hear.

They'd commandeered a booth in the back of the bar, close enough to the pool table that Emmie and Marty could leave their drinks with Liam and Theo and still have to walk barely two steps to reach it. It also had the handy point of being hidden enough that Theo could add splashes of Dodo's alcohol into their own glasses.

Liam watched Theo as he turned more and more loose-limbed when he polished off his drinks. Slithering further down in his seat like a languid snake until his feet were resting on the opposite seat, the bottom of his chin barely higher than the table. He switched between listening to Emmie and Marty explain why they were in the states – a cousins wedding – and asking Liam all the dumb questions Liam had asked him in the first few weeks of the road trip. Favourite food, favourite drink, cats or dogs? He'd laughed so hard vodka had shot out of his nose when Liam had said he actually really liked cats but they hated him ever since he'd turned into a werewolf.

"Alright, next time I win I'm playing one of you." Emmie said as she set up the game for what would apparently be the final game in her and Marty's best out of three that had since turned into best out of seven.

"If you win I'll cut off my leg and give it to you." Marty said, resting his chin against the cue, a small speckling of chalk being left smudged onto his skin.

"I don't like pool." Theo said. "'s'like golf. just more holes but if anyone wants to play the little soccer thing I'm in."

"Oh my god, dude, it's football." Marty groaned. "I bet you say 'erb too don't you?"

"What do you say?"

"Herb." Emmie said.

"You sound like the queen." Liam said.

"Go fuck yourself."

"I'll take sounding like the queen if it comes with free health care." Marty said.

"I have free health care." Theo snorted. "It's called not getting hurt."

"I'm sure that's a brilliant strategy."

"Come on." Theo said, standing up and marching to the football table tucked in the other corner. "Hopefully you're better at this than you are at air hockey."

"Okay, you can't mock me for air hockey when you literally left crazy golf because you were so awful." Liam said, downing his drink before he followed Theo.

"We could turn this into a drinking game." Emmie said.

"Do we have to-" Mary started.

"What exactly are you thinking?" Theo asked.