The problem with being an IED, Liam thought, as he sat fully dressed on the small wet floor of the bathtub, was not the getting angry part, sure, that was a bummer, but it was remembering the anger part of it. When he'd been diagnosed he'd read up about Intermittent explosive disorder occasionally, with the lights off in the dead of night as shame bloomed in his chest, deleting the internet history afterward as if he'd been looking at porn.

It had become a bit of an obsession, he'd go to bed early. Wait until he couldn't hear his parents puttering past in the hall or the front door close as his stepdad went to work and then he'd pull out his laptop and flick through google reading article after article. The little bubble of shame growing bigger every time he read the word unpredictable, or dangerous, every time his Mom and Dad would cast him nervous glances as if waiting for him to have an 'episode'.

And he hated that he knew why. That he'd remember exactly what he said or the damage he did when he'd explode. He wished it would be more like a fugue state. Where he'd come out of it confused and disorientated and not remember a single thing because then at least he could try to shift the blame. He could say I didn't know what I was doing and it wouldn't make it okay but he thought maybe the guilt would be less.

But he couldn't, because he always knew what he was doing. Felt justified in it, like he had to scream and shout and break something to keep his blood from boiling right out from his veins. It didn't feel like an overreaction. Not until later, when he'd calm down and look back on it and be back to the nervous looks and then he didn't look back with righteous fury but with a bitter tang on his tongue as he tried to stop the guilt from consuming him.

Liam swiped his wet hair out of his face, huffing a breath, water spraying from his lips as the shower continued to sweep over him.

It wasn't fair that he remembered how he got there, that he remembered every nagging little thought in his brain that would crash against one another until he had to scream to shut them up. It wasn't fair that what seemed like a perfectly justifiable reaction twenty minutes before, would suddenly make his stomach churn when he was forced to realise that to anyone else it wouldn't be.

He heard his phone, vibrating in the next room but just rested his head on his knee's breathing slow and deep. He didn't need it to calm him down anymore. He was calm, painfully so. But maybe, maybe if he just sat there long enough and stayed quiet the water would wash away the past hour. Maybe in a minute he'd blink his eyes open and find himself back on the lazy river with Theo bobbing along next to him happy and carefree and so not the same dickhead Liam had met months before.

If Liam had thought anyone would end up storming out of the argument he'd thought it would be him. Sure it would have been a bad move, Theo had all their money and he would have been left wandering Las Vegas trying to figure out how to travel a few hundred miles back to Beacon Hills but, well, it should have been him. He'd thought it would be him.

But it had been Theo. Theo who'd slammed a wad of cash onto the side before he did because apparently Theo even planned storming out better than he would have. He was sure he should be happy that Theo had left him money, that he had a way to get home. He would be, if he wanted to go home, but he didn't.

Liam dropped his head onto his knee's letting out a small sigh as he pressed his eyes closed. Hands curling around his legs, swallowing the bile threatening to creep up his throat.

Theo had left.

And Liam kept trying to tell himself that it would be okay, that Theo would come back because didn't he always? But then why would he when all that was waiting for him was Liam. Even if he did, what was Liam meant to do?

What Theo would be coming back, the one that Liam had grown used to, the one that would argue with him about History versus Biology and admit he wanted to go to water parks or would it be the Theo that the rest of the pack dealt with. The Theo who's lips would only tip in sarcastic smirks and who no one really knew past a name.

Liam wasn't sure he'd be able to be anywhere near a Theo who didn't want to be near him. Because surely Theo did want to be near him, he wouldn't have stayed as long as he had if he didn't, but if he came back. Well then either Liam would have to apologise or he was sure he'd be stuck with closed off Theo.

How was he meant to apologise though? He couldn't say 'I didn't mean anything I said' because it would be a lie, a lie Theo would be listening out for. A lot of what he said was true, was something he meant but it was also out of context. It was something he meant when he was scared, when he was angry. It was something he'd meant before he'd gotten to know Theo. They were things that came with a but.

Theo did deserve what happened to him but he didn't deserve any more suffering.

It's not fair that Brett didn't get a second chance at life and Theo did but that doesn't mean Theo doesn't deserve his second chance either, it doesn't mean Liam would switch their places if he could, because Theo was one of them now. Maybe not part of the McCall pack but he was still one of them, somehow. Liam couldn't figure out how yet.

I remembered who you really are – That's the only one Liam could believably say he didn't mean, because if anything it was the opposite, Liam was beginning to see who Theo really was without the influence of dread doctors, underneath the struggle for power. He'd just remembered who Theo was to everyone else. He wasn't the weirdo who ate his fries ends first, he was the guy who betrayed them all. The guy who was probably just sticking around so he could hurt them again.

Liam was sure Theo wasn't a good enough actor to make Liam actually care again when he was still a piece of shit. Liam remembered Theo's smiles from before hell, he remembered how they were pinched and sinister if you looked too long, he remembered how different Theo looked when he was actually happy, how his face lit up with a soft glow of pure joy. He'd changed, hell had changed him, not enough to stop him from being a snarky asshole but enough that Liam hated himself for being able to pretend it hadn't, even for an argument.

Maybe he didn't have to apologise. Maybe when - because Liam refused to say, even in his head, that it could be an if - Theo came he could just say the things that were true. He could say that he knows Theo's changed, that he's happy he's changed, that maybe Theo was joking when he'd said there was no one he'd rather be here with but Liam could say it truthfully, because maybe fighting amongst tampons and laughing at children being bested by the wave machine at a water park weren't the normal activities for a road trip but it was perfect in the most peculiar way and sure, it hadn't been what he'd thought of when he'd decided to leave Beacon Hills but it had been what he'd needed.

He could say... something, to make Theo realise that Liam did want him here, despite everything he'd said. Actually saying I want you here felt like..Like too much, like it would leave him too open.

Liam's eyes fluttered open, squinting through water at the chipped tiles on the walls as he frowned. The constant flow of the shower had turned cold leaving goosebumps creeping up along his arms.

The phone buzzed in the other room and Liam groaned moving his hands back to his head. He needed to talk to Scott. Scott who didn't like Theo, Who would ask him to pick up the stupid money Theo had left and get himself back to Beacon Hills. To leave before Theo came back.

Theo would come back, he had to, what mattered was how he came back, and when, what would be waiting for him when he did.

Liam hauled himself out of the bathtub, ignoring the pools of water he left as he stalked back into the main room. He snatched the phone from the bed as it begun to ring again. Answering it and tossing it, putting it on speaker phone and tossing it onto the bed before he started pacing, feet squelching against the carpet.

"Liam! Finally, no one's heard from you all-"

"Okay First of all!" Liam ranted, cutting Scott off. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was with Theo but in my defence I knew if you knew, you wouldn't want me to go and you'd tell me to come back and I didn't want to come back so I just..didn't mention he was there, it wasn't like I lied or anything-"

"Liam-"

"And he even told me to tell you he was with me so it wasn't him trying to screw us over again. So you can't get mad at him for this. It was my fault. He didn't even want to come, I kinda just told him he was coming. It wasn't like I planned it, I just needed out of Beacon Hills and he was there and had a car. I wouldn't have ever intentionally planned a road trip with Theo. But..." Liam groaned scrubbing his hands through his hair.

"I don't want to disappoint you." Liam admitted. "I don't want you to be angry with me but I get it, if you are. I know I screwed up but you have to know that I'm not here because Theo wants me to be here. I'm here because I need this. I was so tired and everyone was about to leave, you're all going to college and I was going to be stuck and I needed to get out, just for a little while." Liam sank down to the floor dropping his head onto the edge of his bed. The weariness clawing over him again. "You have every right to be pissed off, I won't blame you. I'll let you punch me once for every day I'm gone but please don't ask me to come home yet."

"Are you done now?" Scott asked.

"I think so." Liam sighed.

"Alright...Are you okay?"

"I want to be."

"You know, it's hard to be mad at you when you sound so pathetic." Scott said softly. Liam snorted. "I wasn't going to ask you to come home."

"You weren't?"

"No. I was going to tell you off though." Scott said. "But that was mainly because Stiles and Malia were threatening to go and find you and I thought it might calm them down to know I wasn't thrilled you were with Theo."

"He's different." Liam grumbled petulantly. "I know you guys don't see it but-"

"I see it." Scott said softly. "It's why I didn't jump in the car the moment I saw that photo. You're allowed to make your own choices Liam, and you're allowed to go on a road trip with your friend."

"Even if that friend's Theo?"

"Even then..But you should have told me." Scott pleaded. "We can't not talk to each other, miscommunication and hiding things was how Theo twisted us last time. So just..talk to us, trust us. If I thought you couldn't handle him I would have stolen the sword and sent him back the moment I saw him."

"You almost did."

"And you convinced me not to. I trust you and you're right, Theo's been helping us. He'll never be my friend, or my pack, but he's an ally." Scott said slowly like he was choosing his words. "But that doesn't mean he can't be your friend. He's different, ever since you brought him back he's-"

"Less of an asshole?"

"I was going to say more human but we can go with yours too." Scott said, Liam could hear his smile. "Just from here on out, where Theo's concerned I need full disclosure, if you can't come home yet then don't. Like I said, I understand needing a break, but let me know where you are and that you're okay."

"Full disclosure?"

"Ye-"

"He eats his fries ends first, he hates lemonade and liver, I'm wondering whether it's just food or drinks starting with L because he didn't seem very happy with the lobster once he saw it either. He loves milkshakes and drinks them obnoxiously loudly. He sings along to music sometimes. He loved star wars, but you knew that already. He's actually pretty good at sticking to the speed limit. He's a total nerd for biology and thinks it's more important than history which is just ridicu-"

"Okay...maybe less disclosure? I meant more, when he does something wrong and what you two are doing each day, not his eating habits."

"Oh..Right, yeah of course." Liam hummed, thumping his head against the bed, of course, Scott didn't want to know the stupid little details about Theo. He grimaced at the water droplets still trickling down the side of his face. "I have to go. I'll text you."

"Alright..We miss you."

"Miss you guys too, Tell everyone I said hi, and that I'm fine and please keep Stiles from-"

"Don't worry. Lydia and me agreed Stiles and Malia will not be going on a wild Beta hunt." Liam said a quick goodbye before he hung up. He shifted around the room getting into some fresh clothes and tossing his wet ones into the sink.

Liam was even more sure with his sweep through the room while trying to find clothes that didn't smell of the shop that Theo would be back, everything, even his toothbrush, was still scattered around from where they'd flung the content of his duffel out that morning to fill it with their towels and trunks. If Theo wanted his things back he'd have to come back and Liam would be waiting when he was.

*

Maybe it was a bad idea, but when Theo came back Liam needed something to ease the tension and so at the two-hour mark of Theo's angry vacation from Liam's side, Liam had walked to the closest video shop.

By the time he was back it was nearing three hours. Theo's things were still there, the room untouched from how he'd left it. Liam plunked himself down on the end of Theo's bed, not bothering to turn on the light as he tapped his finger on his leg.

Once, twice.

Liam shook out his hand, he really didn't need to be picking up Theo's nervous habit. He was coming back.

*

At hour four Liam shot a simple text off to Theo's phone saying 'I'm not leaving until you come back'. He hoped to hear Theo's phone buzzing from outside the door from where he was coming back but it didn't happen. The parking lot stayed quiet, the moon inching into the sky.

It wasn't much, but maybe it would be the nudge Theo needed to come back, he had probably just been waiting until he'd know for sure Liam would have calmed down.

That was all it was. Theo was going to come back.

*

Liam eyed the dwindling pile of money in horror. If Theo didn't come back he was pretty sure he wouldn't have enough for a bus back to beacon hills. Liam shook his head.

It didn't matter it had been five hours. Theo was coming back. Liam twitched in the dark room. All too aware of the smell of his own anxiety suffocating the room.

*

When it was nearing six hours Liam heard the crunch of tires in the car park, the hum of a familiar engine that left him deflating.

He knew he'd come back.

The truck door slammed shut so loud Liam flinched. Apparently, Theo wasn't happy about being back. Liam eyed his bed, wondering if he had enough time to dive into it and pretend to be asleep, they could talk in the morning when Theo was less pissed off.

The memories of what he'd said rushed back to him and Liam held back a small whine. Why the hell had Theo even bothered coming back for him.

Theo didn't knock before he came in, Liam hard the key sliding in the door before it was being opened. He wasn't sure how calmly opening a door could be passive aggressive but somehow Theo had managed to do it. Liam was quiet as Theo stepped into the room, he left the door open behind him, the humid Nevada air pushing inside, finally ridding the room of some of the anxious Liam smell. Liam licked his lips, eyeing Theo nervously trying to figure out where to start on an awkward apology.

"I was halfway through Arizona when I remembered what a stubborn asshole you are." Theo said, crossing his arms, eyes settled just over Liam's shoulder. "And I'm not about to have Scott come after me because I abandoned the puppy in Vegas."

"So you came back?" Liam asked. Theo's eyes finally met his, they were blank, his face pulled into a neutral expression heartbeat steady. Liam hated it. Angry Theo would have been better. He could deal with angry Theo. He understood anger. Theo's emotion repressing crap he did not get.

"Someone has to make sure you get back to Beacon Hills. Get your crap together. I'll be in the car." Theo said calmly.

"You can't seriously still be mad." Liam snorted, daring Theo to get angry, hoping for it, waiting for the facade to crack and emotions to slip through so Liam could have the conversation with Theo rather than the impassive wall he was imitating.

"Why would I be mad? I deserved it right?" Theo asked, voice silky and sweet. Face still blank, Liam grit his teeth, that wasn't meant to happen, Theo was meant to snap, he was meant to show emotion so Liam knew how he was meant to go about reconciling for what he said. "Get your stuff." Theo said, turning on his heel.

"No." Liam said petulantly. He didn't wait six hours in the dark for Theo to leave.

"Liam." Theo said. Liam's stomach twisted at the tone of his voice. It wasn't angry, or resentful, or any of the emotions Liam had been looking for. It was tired, weary. The kind of bone-deep fatigue that left Liam ordering Theo to take him out of Beacon Hills in the first place.

He'd come to escape that feeling, not to force Theo further into it.

"I'm sorry, is that what you want? Because I'll say it okay, I am so sorry about what I said, you didn't deserve all of that I panicked, I don't want to disappoint Scott and you literally killed him so of course I thought he was going to be pissed and so I was remembering all the stuff you did and I don't really think you're that person anymore and it just got so loud in my head and I got mad and then you didn't make it any better by getting mad back and then you just left and Scott called and he wasn't even pissed off that I was here with you he just wanted to know if I was okay and disappointed I didn't tell him who I was with from the start and so even Scott realises you're not the same person from before and then I realised I'd been a dick but you were gone and we may both be dramatic assholes but Arizona, really? That's not even in the right direction to go home you dumbass and so I've been sitting here for hours waiting for you to get back here and then you do and you won't even hear me out. No, okay that's total bullshit, look I don't even know why I want to be here with you because you're a pain in the ass but I still do and I don't want to go home yet, I can't stand the thought of going home yet, especially not now because this has been fun and I don't want it to end like this so do what you need to alright? Scream and hit me if you have to I get that I deserve it but just stop pretending you don't give a shit and do something and we'll work this out and then you're going to sit your ass down and shut up and we're going to watch the entire series of Star wars because I can't stop thinking that you never got to watch the last one, then we're going to get in your stupid truck and go sleep in some field because I am not sleeping on piss blankets again." Liam finished with a great gasp of air, chest heaving like he'd just run a marathon as Theo stared at him unblinking.

"Did you breathe at all while saying that?"

"I think maybe once." Liam panted, he flopped back onto the bed putting his head between his legs as dark spots danced through his vision.

"If you pass out because you talked too much I will never let you live it down." Theo said softly. Liam's eyes flicked up to him, still hovering in the doorway but his lip was turned in a slight smile.

"If you want to hold it over my head you're going to have to stay." Liam said.