lola

My eyes glimmered against the fluorescent lights of the cafe, the last contents of my latte emptied down my throat and soothed my tired bones. It was quiet inside, a few murmurs from other employees scattered around as they cleaned but other than that, the only sound was the rain outside drumming against the windows. I relished in the lateness, warmth seeping into my skin as I wrapped my coat around my body.

I looked down at the newspaper below me once more, reading an article on the pages below.

"Always reading," my eyes widened as a familiar voice speaks from the seat opposite me. "Even after a hard day of work."

Louis Tomlinson, my first love. His dark hair was damp against his forehead and a smile that dared to spell trouble laced his lips, he pulls a chair out and takes a seat before me, smelling of cigarette smoke and musk.

I didn't smile at first, but then a wide grin resumed the happiness that bubbled inside me. Somehow relieved that he was okay, he was still the hauntingly gorgeous boy I hated to love when I was seventeen years old.

"Louis," my voice was breathless as I stared into his bright eyes. "What-"

"Nice to see you too, Lola." He nodded, letting a stray hair fall over his eye and a crooked smile fall to his features. "You're as beautiful as ever."

"What are you doing here, Louis? I thought you were in New York."

Louis shrugged. "I was," his body moves with the wind outside, leaning his elbows on the table and veering closer to me. "But I came back, I actually have a few shows booked around the state."

I smile slightly. "That's great, Louis."

"Yeah," his eyes were deep, the color of the ocean on a stormy night as it readies to swallow anything in its path. "Come to my show next Friday, it's the first show of the little tour and I would love for you to come and see my new music."

I swallow a harshness inside my throat, blinking a few times. "Louis," I warn. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Why?"

I stumble over my words a little as I shift in my seat.

"Harry?" Louis says, cocking an eyebrow.

I open my mouth to speak, but Louis interrupts my thoughts. "It's been like six months Lola, I don't care anymore. I'm a different man, I've changed a lot." He shrugs and the tone of his voice makes me want to believe him, but I knew how tempered Louis could be and I knew something was off about his confession.

But I wanted to believe him, believe things could be okay.

"Okay," I smile. "One show won't be so bad, I'm sure I can work something out."

Louis lets a wide grin replace the features on his face. "Great, it's at our pub." Louis winks as he stands, letting his tattooed fingers linger on the table near my own. "Can't wait to see you there."

Louis walks away and my heart finally slows down, making me realize just how anxious I was interacting with him. I slump against my seat, staring at the spot where he slipped out, back into the haze of the rain and clouds that engulfed the town this evening. It was like my ghost was outside my body as I sat there in silence, just like when I was with Louis and my mind was a jumbled mess.

I let out a sigh, feeling my skin buzz. "Louis..."

***

"I missed you."

I cock an eyebrow. "We interacted merely a week ago."

Louis lets a smirk lace his lips. "You know what I mean." Louis pulls the cigarette from between his lips, his eyes glimmering. "No Harry?"

My stomach twists, a nervous sort of sick feeling overwhelms me and I don't even notice the objective glare I had formed on my face until I speak. "He's at a lecture."

Louis' hands raised in defense, smoke lingering around him like his shadow. "'Tis all good love, I was simply just curious."

I clear my throat, adjusting my bag. "What time does the show start?"

"Fifteen minutes, but come on in and we'll grab a drink, eh?"

I nod, smiling. We walk together into the pub and the familiar smell of beer and burnt steak overwhelms the oak walls, a sense of well-acquainted nostalgia hits me as Louis guides me to the bar across the room. The bartender, William, an older type man with a wealthy amount of facial hair and old spice cologne greets me with a knowing smile and I already feel at ease being back in this pub.

"Little Lola Davenport, what a nice surprise," he smiles pleasantly and a buzz run against my skin. "The usual?" I smile and nod, a little surprised that he remembered what I had always ordered here.

"And one for me too, Will," Louis says with a classic smile.

"Comin' right up."

The bartender walks away and Louis and I are left alone, a whirlwind of emotions circling around us. I lean against the cold platform of the bar, the wooden frame providing comfort for my nervous body. I notice Mona near the stage talking to a group of people, I assumed she knew them by the way she was laughing and talking.

"You look nice," Louis' compliment shoves my attentive gaze back to him, I give him a perplexed gaze. "I mean you always look nice, but tonight you look extra nice."

I nodded and replied with a simple thank you. This didn't feel right. His compliment made my skin buzz in discomfort and my body stiffens, usually, I'd melt from his words like a jar of honey sitting out in the sun. But now I knew what he was, I knew the man deep inside and no matter what, I knew that man still existed deep within his bones.

I wanted to tell him what he did to me, during those restless nights when I wanted to tell him how badly he ruined me. But I didn't, I simply just hoped he felt ruined too.

Our drinks were almost ready, so I planned an escape. "I'm going to use the bathroom," I announce to Louis when his eyes scan over mine, he smiles and nods before I walk away. I head straight for that small area beyond the stage, a narrow hallway that leads straight to the unisex bathroom filled with a sense of security.

I shut the door behind once I'm in, locking it and checking the latch twice. I let out a breath as I step towards the sink, leaning over the porcelain that was stained with too many drunken memories, and I stare at the girl I hoped to recognize.

It had been quite some time since I'd properly examined myself, despite the shorter length of my hair and slightly tanned skin and freckles, I was the same mess I was when Louis kissed my skin and my love grew downwards into the darkness instead of up, into the clouds and sun.

I swallow my anxiety, taking out my phone and dialing Harry's number.

After three rings, he answers. "Hey angel," he speaks roughly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," my voice gives me away. "Actually, no."

I hear shuffling in the other end of the phone. "What's wrong? Do you need me to come and get you?"

I blink away a tear that threatened deep within me, his protective tone made me crumble like a mess and I hated I loved him so damn much, so much so that this simple bluff held me down and tortured me relentlessly.

"I'm physically okay, I'm just mentally not."

Harry grows concerned. "That doesn't make me feel any better."

I sigh. "I'm at a gig."

Silence is all I hear until a sigh echoes through the speaker. "Right. I know," Harry speaks with a small tone. "Sam told me."

My brows fuse together. "He did?"

"He was concerned, that's why I told him to take you there," Harry admits and I feel my skin burn.

"Are yo-you spying on me?" I questioned in a sensitive tone, it wasn't like Harry to act so possessive. It all reminded me so much of when I was still with Louis and I hated the irony behind that, here I was at his gig and Harry was the one making my anger bubble.

"It's not like that," Harry replies. "You know all too well why I was concerned about this when he told me, you're the one who lied to me about it, don't forget that."

Harry's words itch at my skin, he was right. "So that's where our relationship is now?" I question. "Lying to each other." I leaned against the cold wall of the bathroom with an ache in my bones.

"No," his tone lessens. "We both make mistakes though."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think it was a big deal, but I knew you wo-"

"I'm sorry too."

A smile replaces the agony on my face, the rate of my heartbeat was still rapid but I ignored that sensation as I replaced images of Louis in my mind with the emerald of Harry's eyes. He made me feel like I was dripping in sweet nectar and made my skin feel like heaven when he kissed it, the softness replacing any darkness around me.

"Tell me when you're home, alright?"

"Of course," I reply before we both bid goodbye. I hang up the phone, placing it back into my pocket and exiting the bathroom with a sense of relief flooding me.

"Lola?" Mona calls my name as soon as she spots me, her frame leaning over a bar stool as she waved at me. I follow her signal and venture back to where Louis and I were moments ago, his frame still in the same spot. "Where were you?"

"Toilet," I shrug. "Is this mine?" I point to the glass on the tabletop, a red fizz inside.

"Sure is," Louis smirks.

"Louis is about to go on." Mona giggles like a child and I narrow my eyes at her as I sip my drink, her cheeks glowing.

Louis hums in annoyance before bidding us both goodbye, ascending to the stage to begin the show.

***

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-A