i'm not in fox form.........oh thank fuck. i sit up with a mad head ache, my head feels like it's going to split open, i look around and see Aidan and Nathan with pups laying on them, they turn and look at me, "hay, your finally awake!" Aidan whispers.

"what happened?!" i ask, panic rushing through me, the pups are snoring lightly, theres loads of them, like..... loads of them, this is impossible...

"you slept through the whole pregnancy, Jack said it happe-" i jump up and scream....

i sit up quickly with a shout and look around to see Nathan and Aidan on the chair at the other end of the room, no pups anywhere, i look down at my hands and see that i'm shaking in panic, i stand up quietly, not to wake the twins up and i walk out of the room door, i walk over to the counter and the lady looks up, "what day is it today?" i ask softly and she smiles.

"Saturday!" she says quietly. it's three days after my birthday....

"th-th-thankyou!" i stutter and she gives me a worried look.

"is everything okay?" she asks and i slowly turn away.

"i don't know!" i say simply, i walk towards the room again and i see Jack.

"oh, your awake!" he smiles lightly.

"what happend?" i ask and he smiles.

"the injection i gave you, it was a wolf dosage, not a fox, so it knocked you out for two days!" he says nervously, "but you didn't shift, so it's looking good!" he says and i feel myself go pale, feeling a sudden sickness, "Red?" he asks and i stumble slightly.

"i feel sick!" I mumble as i go back into the room and into the bathroom, throwing up into the bowl. i groan out at the pain it caused as i sit back, leaning against the wall.

"Raden baby?" i hear one of the twins call and i just look at the ceiling, my body hurting badly, "hay!" i look up and see one of the twins, i can't recognise which one he is, "your not pregnant!" he says joyfully and i feel a great loss as i feel myself start to panic as the other comes in, i can't tell them apart....why can't i tell them apart?

my heart rate picks up, does this mean i killed my pups, they killed my pups, the babies i could of had, my babies.... i scream in panic as i stand up quickly.....

everything snaps black, everything around me black, i hear a distant murmer somewhere, i don't know who.....was i dreaming? i open my eyes slowly, seeing Aidan and Nathan sat next to me on the bed in conversation when they see me, "hay!" they both say and i just look at them, my heart hurting, my breathing shallow......i'm so confused, am i awake? or is this another dream?

"i'm i awake, or is this another dream?" i ask them and narrow my eyes, my voice sounds more....real.

they both look at me worriedly, "no... your awake, what do you mean by that?" Aidan asks, i can tell them apart...i can't be dreaming anymore.

"what happened?" i ask distantly, my mind running a million miles per hour and not one of the thoughts i understand...

"well, you didn't shift... Jack has taken a test, he should be coming through in a bit to tell us!" Nathan explains. i nod, feeling my head go slightly lighter.

"he said even though you didn't shift, the near shift you had could have still triggered the pregnancy, so theres still a chance you are, it's just slimmer!" i look up at the ceiling.....oh, so it was a choice....this is annother dream, right? the dreams were my reaction to the two possibilities, even tho they both were me freaking out so.... was that supposed to narrow shit down for me? yeah, worked perfectly.......do i want more kids......yeah, i do, but not when i still have nine to look after and school to finish, i still have to take some exams to finish seems as that got cut short for me..

the door swings open and the doctor walks in, "your all fine, it's negative!" he says with a smile and i don't know wether to be relieved or not...... what do it think of this? "is that not a smile?" they look at me but i just stare dead at the ceiling.

"Raden?" Aidan says softly and i just stand up and walk out of the room, they both follow on but i just keep walking, when i get out of the infermery i go to the kitchen, trying to find mum, or Derak, or dad, i need to talk to someone who's not closely to connected to this.

"Raden?" Nathan calls but i just keep searching the room frantically.

"what are you looking for?" Aidan asks and i being to breath heavy.

"where is everyone?!" i ask searching the room.

"what do you mean?" Nathan asks and i freeze, turning to them.

"this is another dream, i can't find anyone!" I say and i begin to run upstairs.

"what the fuck?!" I hear Aidan say with slight panic of his own, i walk into the babies room and don't see them there, i look down at the crib and begin to walk backwards.......this isn''t real, i need to get out.......how do i get out?! "Raden, they are all outside in the garden!" Aidan says to me and i look to him, "what's going on?!" he asks, putting his hand to my head, "your heating up, Raden!" he says, his voice full with worry and panic as i budge past him.

i rush out of the house and stand by the entrance, looking across the garden to see mum, dad and Derak fussing over the babies.....my puppies.......my puppies... i let out a breath, my heart calming down and look down at the ground when i feel a pair of arms wrap around me, "little red?" Nathan asks and i just look down, "what's wrong?" he asks and i let out another breath.

"i don't know, i-i need to talk to someone!" i say, turning back around and walking towards the door.

"what do you mean? were right here-"

"no, not you two, someone who's not involved with any of this, someone with an honest opinon, you two have biast opinions-" i turn and look at them, "because i'm your two's mate and the kids, yours, you have a biast opinion..." i am genually panicking about this, i don't know if i should be happy or sad about it, the dreams just fucked me up big style, "i can't talk to mum or dad or Derak because there outside, i can't talk to you two because your my mates-" my breathing picks up and i don't know what to do, "who do i talk to?!" i panic, feeling myself crumble as i go dizzy with a headache.

"Raden, just calm down, everything is okay!" they say, holding their arms around me, "I think the injection he gave you is just having side effects-"

"no, no-" i push them away, the door opens and i turn to see Lin.

"hi, how are you all?!" i walk up to her and she goes slightly worried, "what's wrong?!"

"i don't know, i'm confused, i don't know wether i should panic, be happy, be scared, relived, i don't know what to think, everythin-"

"woah, woah, calm down!" she puts her hands on my shoulders and then looks over my shoulders, "can you two explain what's going on?" she asks turning back to me, "and while they do, i need you to breath, calm down, you won't be able to think while your panicking!" she says and i do that. they explain everything that happened as she takes us through to the living room where she sits me down, Aidan and Nathan next to me as she sit's in front of me, "alright-" she whispers, i feel like i just survived a hurricane. Nathan gets up and opens the windows, making the air around us thinner and i feel less like i'm suffocating, "so, what were the other dreams, can you explain them?" i take a deep breath as i begin to explain the two dreams i had while asleep, "you panicked in both?" she asks and i nod, "and why do you think you had these dreams?" she asks and i bring my knees to my chest, putting my head on my knees.

"i don't know!" i whimper as Nathan and Aidan rub my back.

"you need to stay calm okay, and have a quiet think, without panicking, is there any possible reason you could think of?" she asks and i shrug.

"i don't know, thats the reason, i don't know what to think about having more pups!" i sob into my knees and she places her hand on my hand, "i was panicking about it, panicking like i didn't want it, but i did want it, i was scared that i did want it, but i panicked because i didn't!" i sob some more and she sighs.

"well, i'm not a professional, but do you think that maybe you want them in the futur, not now and the fact that you were so close to it happening again that it just mixed things up a bit for you?" she asks.

"that's what i thought!" i whisper and she smiles.

"yes, but sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else, those dreams were just your subconcious mind reacting to everything that was going off, your subconcious mind panicking over a situation that confused it!" she says and i let out a breath. she places her hand on my head and sighs, "well, your deffinatly getting cooler, i think you just need to relax, and i don't just mean rest but a nice relaxing day of doing nothing!" she says and i like the sound of that, "it's normal to feel a bit of loss when your told that your not gonna be pregnant, it's a natural thing so don't worry too much about it!" she says softly, "when your mind clears up you'll be able to sort everything out!" she says softly and i nod, wiping my eyes, "has anyone told you your very dramatic fox?" she asks and i shrug.

"maybe!" i mumble and she breaths a laugh.

"everything will come with time, don't think to much about it all!" she smiles and i nod, "okay?" she asks and i nod, "now how about we get some drinks and go outside to join the others?" she asks and i sigh, nodding.