It's been over three months since we've been moved to the behavioral centre . Things are actually going pretty well , and I'm more calm .

During extra mural activity times , Genna offers one on one sessions . Which is where I go when I don't want to watch Donny paint or Isabella and Anthony all lovey dovey .

And at the moment that's exactly what we're doing . Talking about me . I learned that she is also a therapist , therapist therapist . You get me?

"And what exactly angered you about their affair?" She asks, her voice seems to be calm , it's as gentle as a seedlet struggling it's way up from the fertile soil that is its mother .

"What angered me was that it was with her you know ." I ask , being as honest as I can .

"Why exactly ?" I've come to learn that 'exactly' is her favourite therapist word .

"I dont know ." I say , although my heart tells me that I lying .

"You do know Cassandra . Tell me , or better yet . Close your eyes and speak , speak as though I'm not here . Do you get what I'm trying to say?" She asks . I nod and I do as she says .

"I guess it's because Kayla is exactly like the person I wanted to be like . She's blond , she ambitious, she has no care in the world , she wears these skimpy clothes and they actually look good on her . She's who I want to be , confident . I've wanted to be like that since I was in high school." I blurt out honestly .

"So , Cassandra do you realise that you have self acceptance issues . You dont like you for who you are . And there's so much to like about you." She says .

"Really ?" I ask through a clogged throat, the bile that's rising up in my throat threatening to choke me to death .

"Yes , you're beautiful. The most stunning convict and person I've ever laid my eyes on . I mean when I first saw you , I thought a model was arrested . " she says then chuckles .

"Your sarcasm is really funny , you are pretty and you're intelligent. And who says you need to wear skimpy clothes, the way you dress is awesome . I've seen your pictures on magazines , you are hot . So dont worry about that . But I can help you with self acceptance.

Another touchie subject is Jason . Why do you still love him? " she asks .

And the bile that was slowly going down now rises so high that no words can escape , my eyes pool out and my cheeks dampen like a swamp .

Our sessions always end like this , she asks something I cant answer and I end up in tears . She gives me tissues and then she postpones the question for the next session .

And on cue she hands me the box of tissues that is always on the right arm of her chair.

"Well postpone this question for the next session. " she says . And on cue she looks at her wrist . Well it's time for me to go .

"Well it's time for me to go." She says . I nod waiting for her to leave . But unlike she did for the past three months she looks me directly in the eye .

"Your homework is to get home and practise thinking about him without shedding a single tear . And until you've succeeded with that , I will not even say his name ." She says , emphasizing the 'his' so I know who she's talking about.

I nod , she gives me a hug the way she always does and then I walk out . It's almost lunch time .

During lunch I sit alone because Isabella and Anthony are dating. Surprisingly today , Isabella sits with me .

"Cassiey I messed up . I messed up real bad . " she says .

Let me guess, she didnt ask Genna to buy her mascara and she and Anthony are going for dinner at the rooftop movie center .

"What's wrong?" I say nonchalantly.

"I wasnt completely honest with Anthony . I have a child back at home." She says , sweat trickling at her forehead and tears in her eyes. She's definitely telling the truth.

"Wait what?" I try saying in my mind but instead I say out loud .

"I have a child , a girl . She's 12 she lives with my mother . Her name is Jennifer . I couldn't tell Anthony because he'd think badly of me .

I mean what kind of a mother would leave a child for prison . All because she's greedy for her husband's money . I took away her father Cassiey . And then I left .

I cant imagine him still loving me . I dont know what to do Cassiey ,what should I do?" She says all so fast , I trust to slow her down with my hands but she just wont stop.

And as if her speaking fast is not making it hard to hear enough, her accent seems to thicken when she's panicking .

"Woah , Isa . Calm down . You need to tell Anthony the truth." I say . Her eyebrows scrunch together in confusion and her frown deepens . Her tears are falling on her cheeks .

"Are you out of you mind . Where do I start?" She asks.

"Easy , tell him exactly what you told me . If I could understand why you couldn't tell him then he will too . And if he's a real one , he'll understand too . " I say then throw my food into my mouth .

She nods then walks right to Anthony's table. I watch the little transaction and it becomes too much . Tears fall onto my sand which . I look down .

"Hey dick head." Someone says .

I look up , not before wipping the tears away. Its Ace .

"What do you want ?." I ask him . He smirks .

"Just wanted to tell you how ugly you are . " he says . Then he looks into my eyes. New tears are forming .

I stand and run to my room. I can feel him hot on my heels . I close the door .

Dang it , I forgot to lock .

He barges in , he looks at me . Fear lacing his eyes .

"What's wrong Cassandra?" He asks . " Is it something I said?" He continues .

" Yes its something you said . You called me ugly , as if I dont already know that I am ." I say .

"But , you know that's how we play. I wont ever call it to your face again . I'm sorry , I was just playing with you." He says.

He's right . But I'm not about to tell him .

"Get the fuck out of my room!" I yell .

He doesn't budge. I kick him off my bed . Then I stand up and drag his limp body from the floor out my bedroom .

The I slam the door on his retrieving face . Dont forget to lock! I say to my self as I lock .

"And dont you fucking come back here!" I scream . I dont know whether he's still out there or whether he even heard me or not .