I awoke thrashing on the medical berth as Shockwave tried to calm me down. My optics began to focus, and I looked around. There were a few cords attached to my helm, I could feel them shaking as I looked to a computer, what I saw being televised from it.

"Wh-what just-"

Fatigue hit me like a wave, and I found myself falling forward into Shockwave as he caught me with his arm.

"A simple theory," he stated, disconnecting me from whatever mechanism he had created, "the results were... unexpected."

"Y-you experimented, on me?"

He was silent before answering 'no', and I doubted this severely. He said he would only experiment on me if I had broke his trust. How could I have possibly broken his trust?

"I wanted to see your true mental state," he explained, and for some reason I listened, "the easiest way to do that is to access one's procesor when their gaurd is the lowest."

"When I was in recharge," I closed my optics as I let my helm rest on him.

"I wanted to ensure that the event of my possible offlining did not have a lasting effect on you... I now see that there is more at play in your processor, and your spark."

I sighed, now knowing that he was just worried, and did what he knew best in order to try and understand what it was that was going through my processor. He'll be the death of me, though if it comes by his servos, I do not think I would mind.

"Yeah, well," I sat back up, "Can't really do much there..."

He was quiet for another good minute as he stared at me, and I refused to look up at him, knowing that I'll see the grey shadow of his death from the dream. His intentions were sweet, but I'm afraid it may have only worsened my current mental state.

I sighed, excusing myself to get some proper recharge, sliding off of the berth, but Shockwave wouldn't allow me to go past him.

"Not until you let me repair you."

I looked down at myself, and found several deep scars from thrashing so badly when I woke up from the horrid night-terror that now plagued me. I can still recall Prime's steady aim as I sat with Shockwave's helm close against me. As I replayed the horrid scene I felt the tears want to spill, and the mech that took care of me wiped what tears decided to break through the barrier I tried to keep raised.

"I regret my actions," he stated, cupping my cheekplate, "Will you accept my apology?"

I scoffed, then nodded as I let the tears fall. Shockwave allowed me to lay my helm on his chassis, and I took comfort in the fact that he loved me enough to go to such lengths in order to try and understand what I feel. I wish I knew what he was feeling...

"Shockwave," I sniffed, wiping the last of my tears away, "wh-what are you feeling?"

It was a rather vague question when you thought about it, but we had no bond, so how was I to know? What I do know is that he will most likely try to dodge the question if I ask him about being his chosen sparkmate. He did before, and I feel even more tired then the first time, so he would easily be able to make me follow orders. I became worried as he gave me no answer, and I once again refused to look up at him. I felt his servo run up and down my backplates, always a gentle feeling that I melted into, a form of relief, mixed with euphoria, and safety.

"Perhaps... regret..." he stopped there.

"Nothing more?" I asked.

"I am not accustomed to revealing what it is I often keep hidden," Shockwave stated, and I chuckled.

"No kidding."

He poked me in my side, hard enough to hurt, but not to leave a scratch, and I giggled at the antics he displayed. Only I know of these capabilities of mischievousness, caring and worry. I was trusted with these secrets, and I keep them under my unsaid yet sacred oath to him.

"But," my undivided attention was brought back to him as he wanted to continue, "If I were to be honest, I would say that I feel..." I became entranced by the swiveling of his antenea, and I reached up to touch them, one twitching as my servo came into contact with it, but soon I was able to fidgit and play with them, careful not to hurt the sensitive pieces that clung to his helm, "Loved."

I smiled, and brought my servo to the side of his helm, looking into the red optic that I could no longer see as lifeless and grey. I could only see it's ebbing and growing glow that I have become so familiar with, and the nightmare seemed to disappear from my memory.

"I do to," I admitted, and stood at the tips of my pedes in order to plant a soft kiss to the side of his helm, only to squeak as he picked me up, my legs dangling over the side of his canon.

"Is this beneficial to your goal?"

I giggled at this, nodding as I kissed his helm softly.

I don't need two servos to hold me. I don't need a pair of derma to kiss, nor two optics to stair into fondly. One is enough for me. Knockout can get fragged.