We have lost the Predacon. Darkmount has been taken over and probably destroyed. Lord Megatron has become increasingly angry. Commander Starscream keeps a close optic on me and my fellow vehicons continue to hate me. I can no longer feel the bond with my carrier, she has severed it completely, and it has left me with an empty void that pains my spark. That bond kept me going sometimes... it was a form of strength, and it had been taken away as easily as anything. Shockwave tries to keep me busy, so I do not think about it, but in the end my processor finds a way to wiggle the constant barrage of negativities and torturous thoughts, and I begin to simply not care. I scrape my armor on accident, leave deep gashes untreated, not caring that they might become infected. Shockwave always notices them, but it's not like I try to hide them, I just don't tell him. He complains in his facticious way of his, and I don't even give a smirk at what I know I find adorable, and simply irrisistable about him. Each day I seem to lose more and more of myself, draining out of this empty hole my spark has been left with. I want to cry, I want to wail, but it will get me nowhere, and only prove my weakness further. Why was I created this way? So fragile, so useless, so weak.

"(Y/D), you are distracted again."

I cursed towards myself, and started to clear up the spilled energon once more from the metal counter, the blue liquid finding it's way onto my servo. Lifting my servo up, I watched as it dripped back to the counter. Plip, Plip, each drop producing a variety of ripples that disappeared as they spanned out across the pool. I watched as my soaked appendage was pushed down, and looked over to see Shockwave's singular optic.

"Something troubles you, and you will not tell me."

"You're speaking to a defective working class vehicon," I deadpanned, "There's much that troubles me."

"Perhaps, but that did not force you to act like this in the past. I would like an explanation, and pray, make it a logical one."

There was an undertone of warning to his words, and I sighed, knowing I would not be able to escape the needed explanation. He deserved one anyway, Shockwave saved me after all.

"It's stupid," I said, "My carrier broke our bond, and the other vehicons hate me. Commander Starscream practically breathes down my neck cables waiting for me to mess up, and I fear Megatron will send me away every time he comes in."

I felt the tears come, and build up, but I refused to let them fall.

"Why do you label this as 'stupid'?" he inquired, and I glared at the scientist.

"I am a vehicon, none of this should matter to me, yes collectively we are scared of Lord Megatron, but that is more out of a fearful respect. Commander Starscream breathes down everyone's neck cables, how am I any different? And no vehicon has bonded with anyone on this war ship, not even those who have come to love each other, thinking that it will make them weak, so why does having a severed bond hurt so much?!"

The tears simply ran, tumbled and slid down my faceplate, I had no control anymore as they fell, mixing with the energon still not quite cleaned up. The sensation of a gentle servo met the back of my helm, and I was brought forward to cry on Shockwave's chassis as he wrapped his other arm behind me. His one servo moved down to my backplates, and gently soothed me with small, slow circles as I cried. Why was it so hard to keep my tears in? Why can't I be just like the others? Strong and almost fearless. I'd rather be thought of as a mindless drone than be seen as weak and helpless.

"You fail to understand that no vehicon knows the wonder of a bond," he stated monotonously, "It is said to have a feeling of fulfillment, and when that feeling is taken away, one is left empty, and alone, even if that same being is in the same proximity as you."

I sniffed, and looked up to him, my blue optics showing a mixture of sorrow and curiosity.

"H-have you bonded before?"

To late I had realized that this particular question was somewhat taboo. Asking if someone has bonded before is like asking if they had interfaced before, depending on the bond of course. A sibling bond or creator bond is very much different, but still quite private if one deems it to be.

"No," was the surprising answer, "I have not."

I bit back the urge to ask 'why', and merely nodded, deciding that this would be enough information for now.

It was silent for awhile, and I failed to notice that we had begun to sway to the soundless music that had started up in our own processors. I felt his canon shift behind me, and I wondered how he did everything with one servo.

"It is almost time for one of my experiments," he stated after a time, "I want you to be present."

"I-isn't this next one w-with a vehicon?" I asked, trying to ignore the lump that had formed in my tank.

"Yes, and I would like you to be present." he repeated, "To show them that one does not have to be necessarily strong to be useful."

I couldn't tell if I liked this idea or not, but I nodded, biting my derma after he released me. Going into the attached office of the lab, I checked over his schedule, though it was already memorized, I just needed some time to think before this experiment was put into action. All to soon I heard the pedesteps of my scientist, and he told me that the vehicon was ready. I nodded, placing the data pad on a shelf, and followed him out, finding the vehicon securely strapped to the operation table. I could tell it was a mech, and he looked to me with a mild disinterest, looking away rather lazily. It hurt, even if I couldn't see his expression.

"(Y/D), place this to the side of the vehicon's helm at this angle."

I only needed to look at the screen once to be able to know where it was I needed to place the marking tape, and found that to be quite a chore as the mech in front of me moved his helm every time I was close.

"I suggest you hurry," Shockwave stated, "We are running out of time until we have to leave for project Predacon."

"I'm sorry Shockwave, but it's rather hard..." I mumbled meekly, hearing the low chuckle of the vehicon. He was trying to get me in trouble for being unable to do my job...

Shockwave looked over, and saw my current problem and neared the drone that laid on the table, strapped down. Using his one servo, the bigger mech held the vehicon's helm steady, and I thanked him as I placed the tape where it needed to be, smoothing it out carefully so there were no air pockets. Shockwave let go, and I heard the short, and low growl from the vehicon beside me.

"I suggest you squirm as little as possible if you wish to lessen the emminent pain." Shockwave stated as he turned back to his computer, and brought up a file. I found myself smirking at his statement, barely able to contain my growing interest in this experiment. he clicked on something, and it showed a picture of a basic processor, with a few notes, as well as some crossed out bits that were obviously no longer of use.

"What's the goal?" I asked, curiosity spiking as I tried to read the text from my spot by the vehicon.

"Successful processor expansion," was his answer, "One has succeeded, though only for a short time."

I wondered which screams of horror that experiment was. there were so many I had grown numb to it all, though I could never bring myself to see what was going on.

"What went wrong?"

"Relays shorted out. Resulted in processor death."

That's certainly a problem... I began to brain-storm any ways to make it so that the relays didn't short out, knowing the processor so well as part of my studies to be a scientist alongside Shockwave, but nothing seemed to come to mind...

"Your assistance," my thoughts were interrupted, and I noted the small blade in his servo as he held it out for me to take. It was like a smaller version of the medic Knockout's saws, simple but sharp, and easily handled. I noted how well it fit in my servo, and looked to Shockwave for further instruction, "Cut just above the tape." He held the vehicon's helm down once more as he tried to desperately flinch away at my slow approach, but he was only wasting energy as I started the slow and precise cut, hearing the screams of this vehicon as a small window was made in order for us to see inside his helm, small streams of energon beginning to pool onto the medical table. Once the job was done, Shockwave let go of the thrashing vehicon mech, only to forcefully turn his helm to the side in order to look at the square now missing.

"His processor is damaged," I noted, pointing to an already severed fuse, "Are you sure you want to go through with this if his processor is damaged?"

Shockwave thought for a moment, then shook his helm.

"Continuing would be useless, do as you wish."

I was confused... what did that mean? Repair him and send him off, or offline him and throw him to the others for spare parts, as was often done in order to be able to repair so many vehicons at once.

"I-I'm afraid I don't understand..."

he looked back to me after typing a few things on his computer, antenea swiveling as he thought.

"You are wanting to become a scientist, correct?" he asked, and I nodded, "Now is your chance to continue your studies. Experiment at your own will."

For a minute I just stood there, tool in servo, blue optics shining at the possibilities... but this was a fellow vehicon, possibly my own kin... but he shuns me like everyone else. He hates me, like everyone else and would rather see me dismantled and thrown out the next air lock. Why should I care about someone who couldn't give a frag about me? Soon the atmosphere was filled with the pleads for mercy by the vehicon as I decided to test a theory that had been nawing at my processor for days now, and that was the farther away from the spark the injury would be, the lesser the pain. I soon found my theory to be slightly wrong, the worst pains, depending on how deep the wound would be, is just over the spark chamber, either way the pain would vary depending on the wound in any place. I decided I was done about ten minutes before we had to leave for project predacon, and Shockwave looked to the patchwork of scratches and deep wounds. The vehicon had fallen unconscious, and would soon offline if not treated soon.

"Your theory?" Shockwave asked.

"The farther from the spark, the lesser the pain..."

"Your findings?"

"Depends on how bad the wound is, but the most painful would be near the spark." I stated flatly, crossing my stained arms over my chassis, resulting in several streaks of energon to cover my frame. some dripped down to the floor, but I took no notice.

"An interesting concept," he admitted, then went up to the vehicon's helm, and clipped a certain wire that now bled profusely. I looked to him a little confused, but also with a mild amusement, "I prefer to keep most of my experiments secret."

I merely nodded at this, and cleaned myself up a bit in the wash rack before following Shockwave to his secret lab on Earth.