《PROHIBITED! (Young Snape X Reader)》Chapter 11: Quidditch Match
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The rest of the week was a little awkward, between you and Severus trying to establish boundaries and James and Sirius trying to talk to you. There were a lot of things that were finally getting back to normal.. All except how you were dealing with recent events. Severus did his best trying to watch you and make sure you ate well and didn't run to the bathroom to throw it up but there was only so much he could do, especially since he wasn't in your house.
You were doing your best to go about your day the way you normally would but you simply couldn't. Things felt so dark, even though you and Severus were still friends and you knew he cared about you just as much as he did before something about not being with him changed you. It was for the best and you knew that but you couldn't get past it. You spent less than one day as his girlfriend and in that time you felt like you were walking on water. Now you felt like you messed everything up and you could barely keep your head above water. You felt like you were drowning and it was all your fault. Rationally you knew it wasn't but there was that thought in your mind and it was screaming at you every second of everyday telling you he left you and it was your fault. You hadn't had a depressive episode in a long time but you felt yourself slipping, it was only a matter of time until you fell and you felt like it was coming sooner rather than later.
"Y/N... Y/N!" Remus yelled to get your attention. You were studying during your free period for the potion you would be brewing next week. Amortentia was a particularly difficult potion and Remus wanted extra help studying.
"I asked if you were ready for the quidditch match tonight against Slytherin?" He repeated himself.
"Yeah, yeah I'm ready. Just a little nervous obviously." You chuckled.
"Don't be, you're a starter for a reason. You're obviously a good player and I think you're going to crush it."
"Thanks... I know Slytherin can play dirty. I just don't want to see anyone get hurt."
"Lucius and Regulus are your friends and they know Severus would kill them if they hurt you so I don't think you have much to worry about. Just play your best. I know you'll be great out there." Remus encouraged.
"I'll also have you out there to help me."
"Of course. It's gonna be an exciting first match of the season."
"That it will. Well I have to meet Severus for lunch, I'll see you later Remmy." You gave him a hug and started to pack up your things for when the bell rang. When the bell rang you started walking towards the exit where Severus met you.
"Hello." His deep voice sent shivers through you.
"Hey. Ready to go to lunch?"
"Very."
"Hello Severus." Remus greeted as he walked up behind you.
"Lupin." He nodded back. Remus was trying to be nicer to Severus to show him that he was trying to be a better person and as much as Severus wanted to believe it he couldn't. As soon as he made up with James and the others he would go back to being his normal self. Severus needed to see this behavior after him and the others were friends, he needed to see Remus standing up for the people they bullied, that's the only way he could find it in himself to forgive him.
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"Let's get you something to eat before the match." Severus turned back to you.
"Sounds good. See you later, Remmy." You waved to him as you and Severus left for the great hall.
"So are you excited for the match?"
"Of course, It's the first one of the season!"
"Just be careful. These games can be dangerous and Slytherins don't play fair. Oliver Jones likes to play dirty." He took both your hands. "I don't want to see you get hurt, if you do I will personally hex whoevers responsible."
You stared down as Severus caressed the back of your hands with his thumbs. He was so soft, gentle. He looked at you so lovingly and it made you want to wrap your arms around his neck and smash your lips against his. But you couldn't, you had to force yourself to stay away which hurt you more than words could express. You longed for him, to feel him, touch him, kiss him.
"I'll be careful, I promise."
"Good. I'll be watching from the Slytherin side. Cheering for you." He held your small hand in his bigger one. "Are you feeling okay? Your hands are freezing."
"I'm fine. I'll be looking for you at the game." You smiled. "Let's go have lunch, you must be hungry."
"Cissa, Lucius and Regulus will be eating with us today if that's okay."
"Of course it's okay, you know I love spending time with them. Let's go, we don't wanna keep them waiting." You pulled him with you to the table.
"We were wondering when you two would show up." Regulus spoke first.
"Sorry Sev picked me up at the library." You apologized as you sat down next to Severus and across from Narcissa.
"It's okay, we have plenty of time." Narcissa replied. Severus took your plate from in front of you and filled it with all your favorite things then placed it back in front of you.
"Try to eat all of that. You need to have your strength for the match."
"I'll try." You sighed.
"We can't wait for the match later. Me and Lucius both start so we'll be on the field with you." Regulus chimed in.
"That sounds like fun." You answered.
"Yes, we have assured Severus we will look out for you on the field. Just watch out for Oliver; he's known for targeting new players." Lucius unformed you.
"If he hurts her I'll break his neck." Severus muttered under his breath.
"I'm sure everything will be fine, you're all just over reacting. Relax, I'll be okay." You rubbed his hand with yours under the table. "It's just a game, I'm not taking it that seriously."
"I understand that but this is Slytherin we're talking about. They will do anything to put Gryffindor in their place." Lucius responded.
"Well, I'm going to go out there and play my hardest and whatever happens, happens. I really don't have control over what anyone else does out there except myself."
"Very true. Just keep an eye out, you'll have me and Lucius out there with you to watch out for you." Regulus repeated.
"Thank you guys."
"You're welcome." They smiled back at you.
"Sev, I'm done I can't eat anymore." You turned your attention to him as you moved the plate away from you.
His dark, almost black eyes stared at the plate and then back at you. You hardly ate, Severus didn't put much on your plate and you only ate a quarter of it, if that.. He understood it would take time to get back to eating normal amounts since you had relapsed back into not eating and vomiting it up if you had. He was growing more and more concerned for you as the days went on. It seemed like you were shutting yourself off, not just from him but from everyone. You weren't yourself, he knew you were taking the breakup hard. You both were but you seemed so lost, like you weren't even there. It was almost like you were in a fog, some days were better than others. Like today it seemed like you were getting better but he had no idea what you would be like tomorrow, what you would be like in an hour. You zoned in and out constantly, almost as if nothing could keep your attention no matter how interested in the subject you were or. It was concerning.
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"Try to eat a little more darling. You hardly touched your food, you need your strength for tonight."
"I can't, I don't feel well." You insisted.
"Alright, why don't we go lay down in my dorm room. You still haven't told me about your day." Severus spoke as he put his empty plate under yours.
"That sounds good, I'm tired." You nodded. The light in your eyes was fading more and more each day and it scared Snape, he feared what might happen if the light faded entirely.
"Perfect.. Why don't you start heading down? I need to talk to them for a moment." He referred toNarcissa, Lucius and Regulus.
"Okay, I'll see you down there in a few minutes." You smiled, squeezing his hand under that table and leaving to head to his dorm room. Once out of earshot he turned to his friends.
"Something is off with her. I don't think she's taking her potion but everytime I ask her she assures me she is. Regulus you know the password to the Gryffindor dorms, can you please take Narcissa and check. She should only have 5 vials of her anxiety potions left, anymore then she hasn't been taking it."
"I don't know Severus, it seems wrong to violate her privacy." Regulus cut him off.
"I know but it's for her own good. She's not herself, can't you see it. She's not acting like herself, I'm afraid she's becoming depressed.... I can't watch her go through that and do nothing. She needs our help, she just doesn't know it." He persisted.
"He's right. That's not the Y/N we know. If she is becoming depressed it's better if we find out now so we can do something about it before it's too late. Reg, I'll go into her dorm, you just need to get me into the common room." Narcissa agreed with Severus, they needed to find out what was wrong and since you wouldn't open up to them this was their last resort.
"Alright, but if she gets mad, you guys forced me and that's the story I'm sticking to because I don't agree with this." Regulus conceded.
"Severus you go back to our dorm, she's probably wondering where you are." Lucius chimed in.
"You're right, thank you guys. I appreciate it." Severus nodded and left to head to his dorm.
"Alright, let's go." Narcissa popped up from her seat at the table ready for their little mission.
"Fine. I can't believe we're doing this." Regulus got up after her.
"Are you not worried about how she's been acting?" Lucius asked.
"Of course I'm worried but I don't want to violate her privacy. It feels wrong, but it also feels wrong to do nothing."
"It's an impossible situation." Lucius commented.
"But at least by doing this we have a chance at helping her. If we sit back and do nothing she will only get worse." Narcissa finished.
"I suppose you're right." He agreed.
*********************************************
"Darling, I'm here." He knocked. It made you chuckle that he knocked on his own door before entering simply because you were in there.
"Come in." You giggled. He walked through the door with a smile on his face. It was nice to hear your laugh, he felt like he hadn't heard it in a while.
"And why are you giggling in here?" He chuckled as he walked through the door, closing it behind him.
"Because this is your room and you knocked."
"It's called being a gentleman darling. What if you were indecent?"
"What would I be changing into Severus?"
"Don't girls steal men's clothes? Like hoodies." He motioned to the hoodie he had left out.
"They do but mostly when they're dating. If you want me to rep your clothing consider this another reason for you to start trusting me. Once you do, I'll steal all your hoodies." You jumped onto his bed, waiting for him to join you. He shook his head then laid down on the bed. You scooted back and laid beside him. He didn't touch you or try to cuddle you and you stayed a decent way away from him as well. Neither one of you wanted to cross any boundaries, so you laid several inches apart facing each other. After a few minutes of looking at each other and laying in a comfortable silence you conceded and moved forward into his arms, your face buried in his chest. Cautiously he started to pet the back of your head. His scent was intoxicating. The smell of old books, coffee and herbs, most likely from the potions he brewed so often.
"Can we take a nap?" You yawned, your arms wrapped around his neck.
"We have some time before you need to get ready for the match. But only for half an hour." He mumbled into your hair.
"M'kay." You quickly dozed off, your gentle breathing relaxed him but he didn't want to sleep. No he wanted to relish in this closeness between the two of you. He didn't want to sleep through it, he wanted to feel it, experience it.
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"Okay Regulus, hurry before the Gryffindors get back from they're stupid pregame party." Narcissa rolled her eyes.
"Okay, okay. Mimbulus Mimbletonia." Regulus whispered the password. The doors opened and they snuck into your dorm room after making sure there were no Gryffindors wandering about. Lucius stayed outside and made sure no one came back while they were there.
"Alright Severus said he dorm was the second door on the right and that she keeps the potions in her desk in the first drawer." Narcissa thought out loud as Regulus followed closely behind her.
"Just hurry up, we don't have a lot of time, the match will be starting in less than half an hour and the Gryffindor team should be coming this way soon to retrieve their gear." Regulus complained.
"Hush Reggie. Her dorm is right here." Narcissa rolled her eyes. She immediately went into your desk and opened up the case with the vials in it. There were 30 vials in total but only 15 of them were used. According to Severus you were only supposed to have 5 vials left. Thinking back Narcissa realized you had not been taking your anxiety since the day you and Severus broke up over 2 weeks ago. That's when you stopped eating, then started forcing yourself to vomit and now you seemed to be falling into a depression.
"Okay you saw them, can we go now?" Regulus pushed, trying to leave before either of them got into trouble.
"Hold on." She replied irritably. She pulled your journal out of the drawer.
"No, absolutely not that is too far!" He whisper-yelled.
"The only thing I'm looking for is anything that could tell us whether she's depressed or not Regulus. What if she's self harming and we don't know it. I'll only look at the last 2 entries I promise." Narcissa insisted.
"Fine, but I will be out in the hall." He left and she started to read.
"Things feel off lately, I wish I could describe it. It's hard for me to do anything, even things I enjoy are becoming a struggle. Doing simple everyday things are a challenge, getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, showering. I've slipped into depressive episodes before but this is different. It's harder to do simple things or find motivation. Every other time this has happened I've just felt sad for a few days and it's gone away but this time it's not going away."
-Oct, 28th, 1976.
Narcissa read it to herself and her suspicions were confirmed, you had fallen into a deep depression. She closed the book and put it back in your desk with the potions case on top of it then met Regulus back out in the hallway.
"So?"
"She's depressed, very depressed. She said in her journal that she can hardly motivate herself to get out of bed, nothing is enjoyable anymore. It's bad, I don't know what to do. Do we go to McGonagall, Madame Pomfrey, Dumbledore?"
"I don't know, for now let's talk to Severus and see if he can get her to talk. Maybe if he asks her directly she will tell him what's going on and they can figure out the best way for her to receive help." Regulus suggested, as they both walked back out of the common room to where Lucius was waiting.
"How did it go?" Lucius asked, immediately putting his arm around Cissa's shoulder.
"Severus was right, she hasn't been taking her potion and she has become depressed. I read an entry from her journal, ''It's bad Luc." Narcissa sighed.
"I think the reason she's gotten so bad is because she stopped taking her anxiety potions. Doesn't anxiety often lead to depression?" Regulus asked.
"Oftentimes yes. I think that's why it was so important for her to continue to take her potion." Lucius replied.
"Severus used to sit with her while she took it everyday. He always said she hated the taste and insisted there was nothing wrong with her so if he sat with her it was less daunting. Obviously since she didn't have Severus there with her after the break up she wasn't taking it and she still isn't taking it now." Narcissa explained to them.
"Let's get out of here, the match should be starting soon."
***********************************
"Y/N, Y/N wake up." Severus whispered into your ear.
"Hmm." You groaned in your sleep.
"We need to get up. The match will be starting soon and you need to go get all your gear on and meet the team at the field."
"A few more minutes." You complained.
"Only a couple." He sigh, also not ready to let you go and continue trying to distance himself from you. After a few more minutes of you getting your bearings you finally woke up.
"I don't want to get up." You whined.
"Yes you do, you love quidditch and I know you don't want to miss the first match of the season." Severus cooed.
"The first match wasn't even supposed to be for another week. I don't know why they decided to start early this year. Halloween is 2 days away." You huffed.
"I know, I don't remember why Slughorn said we were starting the season earlier this year but you have been so excited for this all week. You don't want to miss it because you want to sleep."
"It's easier to sleep."
"I know." He moved to get out of the bed but you stopped him by grabbing his wrist.
"Please don't go."
"What's going on with you? Hm." He sat back down and opened his arms for you to crawl onto his lap. You wrapped your legs around his hips and your arms around his neck while your face was buried in his shoulder.
"I just don't want you to go. I don't wanna be alone." You mumbled into his shirt.
"You're not alone. Hey." He cupped your face. "You are not alone. I'm here, I'll always be here. Okay, I'm not going anywhere."
"I, I can't lose you." Your breaths were short and shallow, almost like you were hyperventilating.
"You won't, I promise. Breathe, you gotta breathe." He took deep breaths with you. "Tell me what's gotten into you." He pleaded with you.
"I miss you, I miss you." You cried, closing your eyes so you didn't have to look at him. The sound of a door closing quietly pulled Severus' attention away from you for a moment to see Regulus, Narcissa and Lucius standing there.
"Everything will be okay, I promise. I'm getting better and once I am where I need to be we will be together again I promise." He kissed the side of your head and rubbed your back soothingly until you calmed down. "Now, get to your dorm so you can change and I will meet you at the field in a few minutes. Okay?" He wiped your tears with the pads of his thumbs. You gave him a weak smile and little nod as you crawled off his lap. Narcissa and the others stood there with encouraging smiles on their faces.
"I'll be in the stands with Severus cheering you on as well." Narcissa hugged you.
"Thank you." You nodded at Lucius and Regulus before exiting. Once they heard the common room door shut Severus turned to them.
"Well?"
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