《Cigarette Duet (Jonah x Adam)》Chapter 8
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It was the weekend now, Saturday to be specific. Jonah had overslept, which was a blessing in disguise, since his father had left for work which meant he didn't have to deal with him until 5 P.M. Thank God, he was so tired of having to keep leaving the house. Hell, he hadn't slept in his own bed from Tuesday to Friday because of how often they were fighting. The stress of preparing the house for his mothers return, nothing was ever enough for him. She never cared about the state of the house, not as much as Mervin did. She cared more how the both of them were doing, but considering how often she was gone, he would never fully be okay. Not until he was away from that monster that he called his "father." Jonah realised that he was lost in thought, and should go ahead and get things done before his dad got home. Which involved chores, getting food, and talking to Adam. Oh God, Adam. There'd been so much tension between the two of them lately and he had no idea what. It didn't feel like bad tension, but he didn't know what kind of tension it was. They'd been spending more time with each other than ever, which he had no complaints about. Things have been...awkward, though, ever since Monday night. He found himself getting more and more flustered around him, often losing his train of thought, losing himself in his eyes. His beautiful, piercing blue eyes, brightening every time he laughed. They were even prettier underneath the moonlight, stars reflecting off his eyes, creating a deep indigo colour. They fit him so well, his perfect golden hair tied everything together. Adam didn't think his appearance was anything special, and of course he wasn't unbelievably unique at first glance, but getting to know him is an experience Jonah wouldn't trade for the world. He was beautiful, definitely one of the best looking people he had ever seen, and not just looks-wise. He was amazing at so many things. He played guitar, he could fight (much better than he could as a first year), he always managed to make Jonah's day so much better, somehow always managing to distract him from the hell-hole that was his house. He couldn't imagine his life without him, he didn't want to. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, and he'd do anything for that to happen. Jonah shook his head, not realising how distracted he had gotten. He got up quickly, grabbing his phone and heading downstairs. Luckily, since he's been spending more time at Adam's house, he's been able to eat more. Adam made damn sure of it too, not letting Jonah forget a single meal. He wasn't that hungry, just in the mood for some cereal maybe. First, he made sure to take the trash out though. He wasn't making that mistake again. Tuesday was the 2nd time that shit happened, and his dad made sure he knew how angry he was. Whatever, he thought, while making himself some food. As long as he had Adam, he didn't care. He just hoped he would call today, since he was too tired to leave the house. And there was no way in hell Adam could come over to Jonah's place. He knew his dad would yell at him, since he doesn't like Adam. He never knew why, but he didn't want Adam to face the same wrath as him. Jonah took his food back up to his room, sitting down on his bed and turning on the TV. He just needed background noise as he ate, he wasn't paying attention.
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Jonah placed the empty bowl on his bedside table, not even realising how many dishes he had piling up over there. He didn't bother with it though, he was too tired to. His whole body was sore from how much he had been moving around the past few days, and he was still covered in bruises. However, his thoughts immediately shifted as his phone buzzed, signalling a call. Excitedly, he grabbed it, confirming it was Adam who was calling. Sure, he was always excited to call Adam, but now, for some odd reason, he was more happy than ever. He pressed 'accept' and held the phone up to his ear, desperate to hear even just a breath of Adam's voice.
"Hey Jo, what's up?"
Those words set his heart racing. Jonah had no idea what had gotten into him, but everything about Adam made him so happy, especially his voice. If it weren't for basic survival needs, Adam would be all he needed to survive. It sounded cheesy as hell but it was true. Adam was his everything, the person who'd been there for him most of his life. He made going through life bearable enough, at points being the only thing keeping him alive. All he wanted was to be with Adam that very moment, but he was too tired. "Hey Adam! Nothing much, my dad's outta the house until 5, anything new with you?" He sounded desperate, probably way too excited for a normal phone call. But he didn't care, all he cared about was that he was able to talk to his best friend. He rolled over onto his stomach, probably one of the more comfortable positions for him. "Not much happening over here, besides the cat stepping on my stomach currently. I'm doing good though." Adam and Jonah both laughed at this, the cat definitely had no concept of personal space.
"So, how are you?"
"Oh...uhm.."
He didn't know how to respond, honestly. He wasn't doing too good, he was very confused about himself. He'd been questioning...things, for the longest time. He didn't want to accept anything, not because he hated it, but because that would mean that he had no chance of being loved by his father.
"Just...things, on my mind."
"You wanna talk about it? I understand if you don't but I care about you and I wanna help in any way I can."
"Actually, I do think I wanna talk about it."
"Well, take your time. I won't be going anywhere."
Jonah sat up a bit, wondering how he was gonna word this. Why was he so nervous? Adam was very open about the fact that he was both bisexual and transgender, he didn't see why he would judge. Unlike his dad, Adam understood. Adam almost always understood, and when he didn't he still didn't judge. Plus, he knew a lot more about this stuff than Jonah did. Hell, when Adam first told Jonah he was trans, Jonah was high as shit and responded "I dunno what that means, but love who you love dude." like an absolute fucking moron. Adam still brings this up from time to time, and Jonah is still embarrassed by it. But he knew better now, and now he was...questioning things.
"I uhm...well...I'm very confused...about myself. Like...you know..."
Adam laughed a bit, before clearing his throat. "No, no I don't know. Just tell me, I can't guess." Jonah chucked in response, rubbing his eyes and looking around. He was nervous to say anything, despite how illogical it was. He wiped the sweat from his forehead before continuing. "Well, basically I...I'm confused about...my sexuality. Not just that either but...well...you know. Actually, you don't but- yeah..."
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"Ohhh, I see. Can you...describe anything to me, in specific?"
"Well...uhm...I don't...I don't think I like girls. But...I think I like boys. I just...I'm not sure. I've never dated before but I don't think I'd like to date...a girl, you know. But I'd...be fine with dating a boy, that is if he liked me back. Even if I haven't dated, can I technically say that?"
"Hm, well yeah. Of course sometimes things may change but I think you know yourself more than anyone else."
"I guess so...that was the easier thing, though. I uhm...there's a term I found while I was online...and I think it fits me...but I don't remember what it was. I...I mean, I still...well, I still feel like a dude but...not always, I guess."
"Could you elaborate?"
"I can try...basically, sometimes I uh...I've gone into the bathroom, and put on my mom's makeup. I liked feeling like a girl...I guess. God this sounds so fucking stupid...sometimes I don't feel like...either, if that makes sense. Basically, it's...it's like...fluid, I guess. It changes. Fuck, I'm sorry if this sounds weird, I get it."
Adam was silent for a moment, which made Jonah nervous as hell. He started overthinking, had he done something wrong? He was about to apologise again, but Adam finally spoke. "Sorry, I had to look it up. Are you genderfluid? Is that the label you're referring to?" Jonah sighed from relief, but then he realised Adam was right. That was the label he had been talking about, the one he'd heard about a while ago. He wasn't sure if he was ready to accept that, though. It was a lot to take in. "Yeah...yeah, that's the word."
"Well, I fully support you. Seriously. I want you to be happy in your own body. No matter who or what you are."
"You do?"
"Hell yeah I do, as long as you're happy I'm happy."
"Well...in that case."
Jonah took a deep breath, before he finally spat it out.
"Adam, I'm gay, and genderfluid. I'm...thank you, thank you for accepting me."
"Heh, don't thank me, it's basic human respect."
"...God, I wish I could hug you."
He covered his mouth quickly, shocked he had even said that. He didn't mean to say that out loud. Sure, he meant it, but he didn't know how Adam would react. "Honestly, me too. Not to sound too sappy or anything, but I do." His heart skipped a beat, but he couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Too bad I'm too tired to drive to your house, I would do that."
"Boo, you're no fun!"
"Hah, if you had your own car you could do it yourself!"
"Yeah yeah, whatever. Can't believe you'd do this to your best friend!"
"Oh, so NOW who's the drama queen?"
"Oh fuck off!"
Jonah was now laughing his ass off, God he never wanted this call to end. He felt so happy talking to Adam, and nothing would EVER come close to the euphoria he felt whenever he heard his laugh.
The clock read 8:45 P.M. Jonah and Adam had ended their call hours ago but were still messaging each other over text. By now Jonah's dad was home, but since Jonah had gotten everything done he didn't have a reason to yell at him. Not a valid one, anyway. That doesn't usually stop him, but tonight it seemed to. This was enough for Jonah, honestly. As long as he was left alone, he was content. It was just him and Adam, even if he wasn't there physically. Jonah looked down at his phone once more to see another text from Adam:
"Hey, btw, is your room on the first or second floor? And do you have a window?"
This confused Jonah, considering Adam had said this out of the blue. Of course he wouldn't know, since he hadn't actually been inside his house, but still. Jonah messaged back "On the second floor, and yeah. Why?"
"Do you have a ladder by chance?"
"Uh...yes. In the shed. Again, why?"
This time Adam didn't respond, and Jonah didn't catch on. He was just confused, why would Adam need to know these things? There was a knock on Jonah's door, causing him to lose his train of thought. He put his phone down and opened the door, greeted by his dad. His heart dropped, but his dad didn't look angry. "I'm going on to get extra groceries for dinner, I'll be back in 25 minutes or so."
Jonah nodded, and his dad walked away down the hall. He closed his door again and sat back down on his bed, turning on his TV and checking his phone. Still no new messages, now he was concerned. What the hell was he planning? 10 minutes passed by, and he still hadn't responded back. Jonah looked around his room, before he heard a loud knocking at his window. He almost jumped out of his skin, looking up at the window. There, he saw Adam's grinning face, one hand on the window and one hand waving to Jonah. "ADAM?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Jonah quickly scrambled to open the window, and grabbed Adam's arm to help him inside. "What the fuck are you doing?! You're lucky my dad left to get some stuff!"
"Well, we both wanted a hug, and you said you were too tired to drive. So I walked here and thought I would..."break in" and give you one."
"Adam, you walked in the dark...just to give me a hug?"
"Yes, I did. Is that an issue?"
Jonah teared up a bit before pulling Adam into a tight hug. He never thought ANYONE would put in that effort just to cheer him up, not even Adam. But here he was, in his room, risking his own safety and fatigue just to give him a hug. Adam of course hugged back, somehow tighter than Jonah. Jonah buried his face in the crook of his neck, wrapping his arms around him as tight as he could. He wasn't nearly this emotional before but now he was, just sinking into the hug. Adam took this hint and ran his fingers through the boy's messy silver hair. He didn't want this moment to end, he felt so euphoric just feeling Adam in his arms. After staying that way for about 5 minutes, they finally pulled away and just looked at each other. Jonah didn't want Adam to leave but he knew his dad could be back at any time. Adam looked behind him at the window and back at Jonah, smiling a bit. "I guess I should get going, huh?"
"Yeah...thank you. Honestly, I didn't think I was THAT important."
"I should be offended by that! Hah, joking, but of course you're that important. You know you're all I have left anyway."
Jonah didn't know how to respond, but Adam took matters into his own hands. He grabbed Jonah's face in his hands gently, planting a soft peck on his cheek. "See ya tomorrow, Jo."
With that, Adam had left Jonah's room, leaving him still as a statue. He couldn't even compute what had just happened to him. His heart fluttered, not even knowing what to do. He slowly closed the window, heading back to his bed and sitting there.
Suddenly, he knew what he was feeling the past week.
——————
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