MAJOR TW FOR: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, VOMITTING, OVERDOSE

Morning arose with a beautiful fiery red, contrasting the cold environment. Sunshine slit through the blinds, creating a sunkissed vision across the dark room. The clock read 8:22 A.M., marking the early hours of the morning. Adam slowly opened his eyes, greeted by the waves of the sun filling his vision. He propped himself up on his side with his arms, looking around. The night before was a complete blur, besides what Jonah had told him. He looked to his left and noticed Jonah fast asleep, gripping onto his arm. In between the two of them was...well, the other Jonah. The uh...cat version. He'd have to think of a different name for it for sure. Maybe Jonah has a middle name...Adam sat up in bed staring at the floor, not wanting to move much in fear of waking Jonah up. Poor Jonah had been up since 12 A.M. and didn't go back to sleep until 4 A.M. He carefully stood up, taking this opportunity to grab the camera (that Jonah had left by accident the last time he was over) and snap a photo of Jonah and the cat. He put the camera down and left the photo on the table to develop. He left the room as quiet as he could, making sure to grab his phone in case he needed it. Adam made his way down the hall and to the bathroom to freshen himself up for the day. As he was finishing up and grabbing his clothes from the dryer, his phone began to ring. He checked and it was...Evelin? Why was she calling at this hour? His trembling hand picked up the phone as he flipped it open and accepted the call.

"Hey...is there something wrong, Eve?"

"Adam, we need to talk but I don't want you to have to hear it over the phone. Are you free today? Preferably as soon as possible?"

"Shit- Uhm, kinda, but if you mean a meetup, I still don't have a car."

"It's...it's fine, I can pick you up. Are you free at the moment, so that we can just get this over with?"

"...yeah, yeah I should have at least another hour or so."

"Good, I'll swing by in a bit. Please don't stress yourself over this, Adam. I know you're prone to panic, just remember; deep breaths. I'll be there in a few."

"Yeah...got it. Thanks, Eve..."

"I'll see you soon. Bye."

"See ya..."

Adam hung up so fucking fast and just sat against the bathroom door, wearing nothing but his binder and pajama pants. His eyes began to water as his heart pounded loudly and painfully in his chest. He hadn't even gotten his day started and he was already a mess. After a few minutes he slowly got up and went to grab his hoodie quickly, not even bothering to put a shirt over it. Adam left the bathroom and decided to just sit on the porch until Evelin had arrived.

Jonah awoke in the mostly empty bed, excluding himself and the cat. He rubbed the exhaustion out of his eyes, looking at the clock. 11:34 A.M. He'd overslept a bit, damnit. Jonah shuffled out of the bed, stretching before it finally clicked that Adam wasn't in the bed. Or the room, for that matter. Thoughts racing, he quickly left the room to look for Adam. He wasn't in the hallway, or the bathroom. He checked the kitchen, not there. Living room, not there either. He opened the front door, and Adam still wasn't there. He wasn't ANYWHERE to be found. Jonah began to freak out, thinking the worst. His mind filled with awful things, as he looked around for anything that may have shown where he went. He glanced on the couch in the living room and noticed a piece of paper folded up. He grabbed it quickly and unfolded it, revealing it was a note.

"Hey Jo,

If you wake up and I'm still not here, I'm sorry. Just had to meet up with Evelin to discuss some things. I think this is it, she's probably gonna break up with me. Hah. If you're hungry, help yourself to anything in the fridge or cabinets. Your clothes are in the room, on my dresser. The cat should still have some food, so you don't have to worry about that.

-Adam"

Jonah's tension went away as he sighed a breath of relief. Then, the second sentence hit him like a brick. Shit, is he okay? He hoped that they would be okay, he'd hate to see either of them hurt. He and Evelin were, ironically, a good couple. What happened? He placed the note down and tried to slow his breathing down a bit, heading back to the room quickly to change into his clothes, and then going to grab water from the kitchen. The cat had made its way from Adam's room, rubbing up on Jonah's leg. He reached down to pet it, picking it up and heading to the living room. He set the cat down on the couch before sitting down as well, just waiting for Adam's return. His heart was beating fast as he waited, it felt like hours but it had only been 10 minutes. He was so dazed that he didn't hear the car in the driveway pulling up, and leaving not even 30 seconds later. What did bring him out of his daze, though, was the sound of the front door unlocking. His head snapped around to look at the door, as it slowly opened and Adam walked inside. "Adam, holy shit dude I was worried sick! Are you alright? I saw your note, is everything okay?..." Jonah jumped up off the couch and went over to Adam who just looked at him with a mostly blank face. However, he still picked up a hint of...something.

"Adam?... Are you oka-"

"What the FUCK do you think, Jonah?! No, I'm not fucking okay."

He was taken aback at this reaction. Adam had never really yelled at him like that before. "Shit dude...I'm so sor-"

"Just shut up. It's done and over with. I just wanna be left alone."

Jonah just stood there dumbfounded. He had no idea what the fuck to say. This...this hurt more than anything his dad had put him through. His only friend was upset, heartbroken. And he didn't want him around...this had never happened before. Jonah quickly mumbled an apology of sorts before grabbing his keys out of his pocket. Adam turned around, now with a confused look on his face. "What are you-"

"I'm sorry, dude. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Shit- Jonah, that's not-"

"I'm sorry."

Jonah left the house quickly, not even caring that he'd forgotten his camera again. He quickly got into his car and left. The whole drive back to his house he'd spent crying. He felt so fucking heartbroken, he felt like HE had done something wrong. He didn't want to leave Adam alone, but that's what he wanted right? He could barely comprehend the road ahead of him and didn't care to. He didn't care if his dad was still mad at him, that would hurt a lot less than not being able to help his hurting friend.

His heart ached as he could see his house approaching in the distance. He slowed the car down as he approached, eventually pulling into the driveway. He took the keys out of the ignition and just sat back in his seat, tears streaming down his face. Jonah knew his dad would try and talk to him as soon as he walked in, so he wiped away his tear stained face and took a deep breath. He exited the vehicle and slowly approached his door, unlocking it and stepping inside. He looked around and didn't see his father anywhere. He made his way upstairs to his room and went inside, shutting the door behind him. Surprisingly, this time his father didn't break anything. He walked over to his bed and flopped down, laying on his stomach with his head buried in his pillows. Tears once again made their way down his face, stinging the still-formed bruises. He mastered how to cry quietly so his father wouldn't hear, which came in handy right now. He sobbed for what had felt like hours, just waiting for it to stop. Everything hurt. His head, his chest, his face, his arms, his legs, his heart. His eyes burned from crying but he just couldn't stop. It felt like his world was slowly being consumed with agony, everyone and everything had betrayed him and he had nothing. He was nothing. He was nothing to anyone. He really had nothing left. No reason. No one would miss him if he was gone, right? He really couldn't take it anymore. It hurt too much. It was too much. He grabbed his notebook from underneath his bed, tearing a page out. He grabbed his special red pen and began scribbling. He didn't know what else to do. There wasn't anything else left for him. I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry Adam. I'm sorry dad. Once he was done, he looked over to his nightstand. There was a bottle of aspirin, which he used for his frequent migraines. As he put away the pen and placed the note on his bed, he grabbed the bottle and looked at it. He looked at all the labels. His chest pounded as he slowly twisted open the lid, pouring a handful into his palm. Jonah didn't exactly know how many he had, but it was way more than the safe dose, that was for sure. His breathing was shaking and uneven, taking a deep breath before lifting his palm up to his mouth. He let the pills fall into his mouth, swallowing them as much as he could. He looked down, tears clouding his vision. His phone began buzzing like crazy. Not like a call, but as if someone were sending him multiple messages. He picked it up slowly, he wasn't sure why but he did. They were all texts from Adam.

"Jonah? Are you okay?"

"Jonah I fucked up I'm so sorry"

"Jonah please answer me"

"Jonah tell me youre safe please"

"Jonah?"

"Jonah I'm shaking please respond I'm terrified."

"Jonah just answer me I'm begging you you can hate me but at least answer me so I know youre ok"

"Jonah?"

"Please"

Jonah quickly came to his senses and realised what the fuck he had just done. Quickly, he ran to his bathroom and sat on the floor. He began heaving, trying to get all of the medicine out of his system before it was too late. After a minute or two, he finally got himself to throw up. His throat burned, his stomach ached, and throughout his body was an indescribable pain that he couldn't even pinpoint how much it hurt if he was asked. He sat there for a minute or two longer, he couldn't move. His entire body hurt. He finally grabbed onto the nearby sink and lifted himself up. He flushed the toilet so no one would see what was in there. Hopefully, he would be okay. He looked at himself in the mirror, and, God, he looked like a mess. His hair was messy and all over the place, his eyes were red and puffy, his face was puffed up and still bruised, now also decorated with tears. He wiped his face on his sleeve and took a few deep breaths before leaving the bathroom. On his way back to his room, he ran into his dad. He didn't flinch this time, he was too tired to care what would happen to him. Mervin looked Jonah up and down, with a slight glare in his eye. Obviously, to no one's surprise, he was still pissed at Jonah. However, he didn't yell at him, or hit him. "Your moms coming home in April." Jonah just nodded, and they both walked past each other. The tension was so thick you could cut it, but he didn't care. Jonah went back to his room and sat on his bed. He grabbed the note he had written and ripped it up. Throwing away the pieces, he then grabbed his phone. There were a few more texts of the same nature from Adam, finally prompting Jonah to reply back. He didn't know what to say, honestly. He just wanted to hug Adam, he wanted everything to be okay. All Jonah ended up replying with was "it's okay. im ok. itll be ok." He closed his phone, put away his notebook and pen, and just laid down. His eyes slowly shut, despite his protests against his brain. He was tired. No amount of sleep would ever bring back his energy after this. He gave up fighting against it and closed his eyes. He fell asleep, knowing he'd just end up back at square one. Hurting and alone.

Adam had been crying the whole day. Evelin and him had broken up. They agreed to stay friends, since they worked better that way, but it didn't make it hurt any less. He still loved her, he still wanted to be with her, but he knew it would never work out. They just...didn't have enough in common. And then...God, why was he so stupid? Why did he take it out on Jonah? Now he really was alone. All that was there was him and the cat. The worst part was that they had broken up the day before Valentine's day. He'd never been big on consumerist holidays like that, but it just made it sting a bit more. He was alone again, as he always was. He was laying down, flat on his back and staring at the ceiling. He'd thrown his hoodie to the side, he looked like a mess. His hair was messy, his eyes red, and he was barely dressed. Just his binder and sweatpants. The cat was next to him, music filled the air as his radio played. He tried to drown out the thoughts, trying to ignore what he had just done. He was waiting, waiting so much for any response from Jonah. He probably wouldn't get one, since he had hurt him. He didn't deserve a response, anyway. The sound of his phone buzzing was like music to his ears, more so than the background noise that was the radio. He grabbed his phone quickly, checking that it was from Jonah. It was, which made Adam so fucking happy. He'd never been this happy to receive a text from Jonah. Well, that was a lie, but he'd never been so relieved to. He was okay, that's all that mattered. He held his phone close to his chest and sighed. He slowly wiped the tears from his eyes and relaxed his shoulders a bit.

He'd remembered the conversation him and Jonah had yesterday, about how Jonah thought he wasn't attractive to anyone. Besides how much of a lie he knew that was, he still wanted to do something special for his friend on Valentine's Day. He hated that day, whenever they ramped up the prices for ridiculous shit. Every year his school had done this ridiculous thing where you could anonymously have a valentine delivered to someone. You'd pay a buck and they would deliver it to the person of your choosing during the last class of the day. He thought it was the stupidest shit ever, but they ran until the last lunch period on Monday, which was Valentine's Day itself. He still had some time, and thought he owed Jonah something. It was more so of a fact than a thought, but whatever. He walked over to his dresser and grabbed a dollar out of his wallet. He glanced to his right and noticed the photo he had left to develop, had finally developed. He picked it up and shook it a bit, looking at the photo. Earlier that morning, Jonah and the cat were both asleep, sunkissed by the beautiful outside lights. Tears brimmed his eyes as he held the picture close to him, realising how much he absolutely wanted to keep this photo forever. He opened his wallet and stuck the photo in there, smiling to himself. It was only about 5 in the afternoon, but he didn't care. He was exhausted as he rummaged for a shirt. He took off his binder and put a shirt over himself, rubbing his eyes. He sat down next to the cat on the bed, stroking its fur gently. He laid down and turned off his lamp, closing his eyes and praying tomorrow would go well.

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