May 30, 2018

Jonah stepped out of the car that had picked him up from the airport, calling a, "Thank you!" to the driver he had already paid. The car pulled away from the curb, leaving him to look at the row of buildings in front of him.

Unsure of exactly where he was, he took a left and started making his way down the sidewalk.

He was searching for a certain coffee shop, more specifically, the one Eliska had described to him several times as her favorite place to get coffee in her hometown in Southern Indiana.

Esther, of course, had everything to do with him being in Indiana at all. It was Eliska's birthday, and she absolutely insisted that it was necessary for him to cut his time with his family short to go surprise and visit her. He was hesitant, but Esther convinced him that her eighteenth was too important to miss.

The building came into view. That was when he realized he was nervous. Despite himself, he took a deep breath, pulled the door of the shop open, and stepped inside.

His eyes swept over the space. At first glance, he thought she wasn't there, and that he would have to use her address that she had given him two weeks before when he was planning to send her something for her birthday, but then he saw her.

Her hair was pulled back and she was leaning on one elbow over the book that was lying flat on the table. He walked over, attempting to compose himself, and set the present he was holding down in front of her.

"Hey, stranger," he said.

She raised her head and did a double take before a gorgeous, genuine smile appeared on her face. She stood quickly, their arms immediately wrapping each other up in a hug.

"What are you doing here?" she said, voice laced with obvious elation.

"Surprising you; I know you've been missing me."

She scoffed lightly, pulling away from him, but did not take her hands off his arms.

"Aren't you supposed to be visiting your family?" she asked. Her eyes widened. "Jonah Marais, you did not leave them to be here."

He just raised an eyebrow at her. She hit him in the chest.

"You did, you little stink."

"You're too important," he said. That was effective in making her shut up and sit down.

He slid into the seat across from her, pushing the package he had brought towards her.

She glanced at it and then back at him, her shoulders drooping, and her head falling to one side.

"Jonah," she mumbled, as if saying, you shouldn't have gotten me anything.

"Open it," he said, smiling gently.

She did, pulling off the wrapping paper to reveal every single one of John Green's books.

John Green held a special place in her heart. She saw the author with nothing but pure and utter respect because as a reader, she was able to enjoy every single work he created. He wrote with a style that was unlike any other; he wrote simply and authentically. The lives of the characters in his books weren't cliché, they didn't fall over each other in love, something terrible—just to thicken the plot—didn't occur every other chapter, and she appreciated that more than she could put into words.

"Stop it," she exclaimed, looking them all over, eyes dancing. Finally, she returned her attention to the boy who was watching her with evident amusement.

"Happy eighteenth, El."

"Thank you," she said, shaking her head. "You're too much, you know that?"

He shot her another smile, glancing at their surroundings to confirm that several other people were present in the small cafe.

"I think," he started slowly, earning a wary expression from her, "that you need to be sung happy birthday."

"Jonah," her tone threatening, "don't—"

He opened his mouth, turning over his shoulder, but she reached over the table and squeezed his forearm, effectively shutting him up.

"Don't you dare," she warned.

He grinned. She truly was beautiful.

***

The day passed in an array of conversation, playful banter, and laughter. Morning easily melted into afternoon, as if no time had passed at all. Only when the afternoon sun started to shine through the coffee shop's large front window did Eliska realize what time it was.

"Got to get home." She started packing her books into her bag.

Jonah shifted in his seat, not knowing if this was his time to depart and go to the hotel room he had booked himself in town and wait to see her again until the next day.

He watched her stand up.

"Well, come on," she said, "you're coming too."

***

Eliska proved to be very persuasive about Jonah going with her to have dinner with her family. He didn't want to overstay his welcome—"I haven't even met your parents yet!"—and didn't want to take away from the day that was solely for her, but she kept saying it was no problem at all and assured him her parents would respond in the same way.

Turns out, she was right. Her parents were as carefree and understanding as her, her mom hugging him once she realized he was the boy El had been talking to for weeks. Her dad shook his hand with apparent acceptance. Her younger brother gave him a high five, which he guessed was the best response he could receive from a six year old that he just met.

They all insisted that he stay for dinner, and after even more convincing, he consented.

***

Jonah and Eliska walked side by side towards what she had told him weeks before was her favorite place at home: the woods. They were behind her house, and she had loved them for as long as she could remember.

"I used to come out here when my dad was gone, before I was old enough to go with him," she said as they reached a slight incline in their walk. "I would go to the top of this hill and pretend that if I took a book and read long enough, when I walked back home, he would be there."

Jonah glanced at her as she shrugged.

"Of course, it didn't ever work like that, but I didn't really stop doing it until I was old enough to—"

Her foot caught on a root that was hidden by the shadows of approaching darkness and sprawled her out, face-first, on the forest floor. Jonah made a sporadic move to catch her, but she was already down, laughing. It could be described more as cackling, really, and it was so contagiously loud that he couldn't help but laugh with her.

She gasped out her next words.

"I hate this freaking—" she stumbled again while trying to get up, throwing her into another fit that racked her entire body.

She rolled over on her back in the dirt and leaves, only encouraged to spiral into another round by how Jonah was reacting. He had his hands on his knees, leaning over and trying to breathe properly because his sides were aching and his head was pounding because the girl below him had resorted to snorting with laughter.

It took them several minutes to recover, but eventually, Jonah helped her up, still chuckling when he saw dried leaves attached to her jacket and hair. He brushed a few of them off, she shook her head, and they continued walking.

They finally reached the peak of the hill and sat together on the ground.

They began talking, their conversation taking a more serious turn as the sun sank below the horizon.

"I love what I'm doing," he said. "I love my career. I love my best friends, and the fans, and everyone that we get to meet. It's like... I get to do everything that I ever wanted to do. It just feels like a lot of responsibility at times, I guess."

She hummed, understanding, nodding her head.

"The public is practically watching every move you make. Everything you do is out in front for praise or for judgment. But that's just part of what we do, and it's alright."

Eliska stared at the last beams of light streaking across the sky for awhile.

"What's it like? Having all those... memories behind you?"

He thought for a moment.

"It's like... chaos. A blur of good and bad moments—mostly good, honestly—with the guys and my family. We've had so many opportunities to perform and grow as a group and as a result we've visited so many places, met so many people. It's... insane. It's insane."

She didn't respond. He looked to his right, making out the outline of her face in the dimming light. She seemed to be deep in thought, so he waited a few moments before speaking up.

"You okay?" he said softly.

She blinked, as if coming back to where they were sitting, and nodded once, staying silent a little longer.

"I've just been thinking a lot lately that... you know, some people have really good lives. And some people have really bad lives. Others have good lives with bad stuff in between, and still others have bad lives with good stuff in between—and everyone has something going on. Everyone's dealing with something, whether it be internally or with their family or friends. Whatever."

She startled wringing her hands together, her gaze remaining far away.

"I... don't. I don't deal with... depression. Or anxiety, or... self image issues. My parents aren't divorced. They don't fight, they've never cheated on each other. As a family, we're financially stable. There's no drugs. Or alcohol. And nothing's ever happened. There's never been a fire or a car crash or illness, I'm not failing school or being bullied or hated on straight to my face, and—and I—"

She had gotten caught up in what she was saying and halted abruptly by throwing her hands up in the air.

After that, she waited a very long time, to the point where Jonah was getting concerned.

"So many people connect with others through what they've experienced," she finally said, softly. "Hardships, they... cause you to need someone. To need them to be there for you in the midst of whatever is going on in your life. And that person you need, it gives them a reason to make sure you're okay."

She raised a hand to rub her right temple.

"I've never been through anything like that and I just don't know how anyone could ever—"

She paused, and it seemed as if she had stopped herself again. He watched her as best he could in the darkness, confusion and worry washing over him.

She took a deep breath.

"I sound so awful right now," she said, voice suddenly under control. "Absolutely terrible, like I'm—complaining about how bad my life is or—something stupidly dramatic like that. I don't mean it like that, I just...."

A few moments silence stood between them before she muttered, "Sorry," as if she had to excuse herself for sharing how she felt.

Jonah stared at her, but she couldn't see him. He didn't know what to say, too many words in his head coming to absolutely nothing.

They were already sitting close enough that they were touching, but he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest anyway. He didn't know what to say, and he knew she was finished, so as the air turned cooler and night enveloped them, silence was enough.

Reading, hotel rooms, and school. That was it. That was all she felt she was.

What Jonah didn't know was that she had just shared her biggest insecurity with him.

What he didn't know was that he was the first person she had ever told.