"If you leave, I ain't got nobody. I bet not catch a nigga with her. Cause in the streets nigga, we bang for our life. For you I risked everything, I feel like I payed the price" I rapped into the mic with my shirt in my other hand. Camera phones was all I saw pointed at me.

"If you ain't happy, I ain't happy. I just want make it right, Im taking 20 pills a day might overdose through the night." The crowd sung back to me. My mind instantly wandered to Ailynn. It only been a day since she left but it felt like years.

I'm rocking out onna stage but it don't even feel the same without her next to me. The shit I did, I regret it bad. Ion even kno how the hoe got pregnant when Ian even nut in ha. I think.

"Don't wanna talk cause, I don't know, I don't know how the fuck can you leave me lone?" I said pacing back and forth on stage.

"Don't wanna talk before you came, I was down. How the fuck can I live alone?"

The crowd was lit, the stage was lit but I wasn't. Guilty not even the word. Ian even touch shawty for a week. But I still ain't expect ha to find out.

After like another hour, the show ended & we was backstage for meet & greets. I knew it wasn't gon be nun but hella teenage girls so I wasn't worried.

"Mane that nigga look sad as hell" Kd said tapping Ben. They started laughing & I mugged them.

"Ain't shit funny" I said looking the other way.

"Nigga don't be mad at me cause you can't be faithful" Kd said before walking out the room.

"He right nigga. I told you that's down bad when I came inna room" Ben said following him out with the rest of the gang. The girls was sitting inna back talking to eachother.

I knew I was wrong but damn these niggas just making me feel more wrong.

I ain't felt loved in years. Not even by my own niggas. Ailynn showed me love the first day I met ha in Japan. Ever since that I craved that feeling from her again. I couldn't find her so I started fucking with random hoes hoping to find that. Still ain't feel it. But soon as I found ha, I fucked it up.

I patted my pockets for my phone. When it powered on I noticed I had a message from Ailynn. Nigga woulda thought I was The Flash how quick I clicked onnat message. But before I could read it somebody knocked onna door.

"Kentrellllll" a female voice said from behind the door. I got up to see who it was & most importantly who the fuck was calling me by my name like they know me or sum.

"Mane what the fuck you hea fa ? Youn think you ruined enough already" I said slightly raising my voice rolling my eyes at the sight of Kay.

"Don't play with me Kentrell fo I tell the world bout yo baby on the way" She said pointing down to her stomach that she was rubbing. Her stomach was poking a lil.

Out my peripheral vision I could see all the girls head turn to us.

"Mane what the fuck you want?"

"Child support. Turn me up." she said. I started laughing at how stupid this hoe was.

"Bitch if you don't get the fuck out this room ima put yo ass out myself" I could feel myself growing mad. This hoe always show up to ruin some shit. I'm already goin through enough.

"Whatever, ima take yo ass to court" she said before walking out. I slammed the door & sat down. Dumb bitch.

"Aight since ain't nobody else gon say it, I am. That ain't yo baby you dumb bitch." Aiyanna said getting up out ha seat.

"And how the fuck you pose to know ?" I said lightning up a blunt.

"I swear you so dense." Gemma added on making the rest of them laugh.

"Use your common sense. If you fucked this bitch a week ago, on your birthday. How the fuck she showing like she 3 months already?" Maj added making me sit back and think.

Aww shit. My stupid ass really sat there believing that shit too.

"Hell yeah" I said jumping up & instant smile sat on my face.

"Calm yo happy ass down. You still cheated big dawg" Reine said mugging me. "Lucky we ain't jump yo ass"

I instantly sat back down. Ian neva been scared of nobody in my life but fa some reason Reine scare the shit outta me. She just always look so serious.

After I sat back down, I grabbed my phone and clicked on the message Ailynn sent me. It was a long message.

My💚

During that last week, you treated me like a nobody. That's when I should have realized. That week, I tried to change. Closed my mouth more. Tried to be soft. Prettier. Less Awake. Abstained from mirrors. Abstained from sex. Slowly did not speak another word. I whipped my own back & asked for dominion at your feet. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for god. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know.. were you cheating on me? That you were. I respect you for not allowing yourself to touch me knowing that you had laid your hands on another woman. Even when I thought my all was enough for you, you failed to prove me right. Whatever you didn't find in me, you found in her. Is that why you were sexually attracted to her? You crossed me after you told me you would never. I don't know who to trust anymore. You were my diary but little did I know , at the same time you were ripping out the pages. I wish you the best

(before y'all get me, half of this came from the beginning of a beyonce song 😭)

I felt a tear slip down my face. Ian never cried ova no girl. Only lady I eva cried bout was my grandma. Not even my mama.

As much as I knew this was for real, Ian wan believe it. Life without her wasn't good at all. It felt good to sleep with somebody holding you.

If anything she always made me feel safe & like I could tell her anything. Now ian got nobody.

Damn.

so y'all ima do 50 chapters & then ima do a book 2 😭

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peaceeeeee