There are trees all around and I am running searching for something. No matter how fast I run, I can’t find it. How can I find it if I myself don’t know what it is?

Suddenly the land came to an end and I am standing on the edge of the cliff. I don’t know whether someone pushed me or I slipped, but I was falling into a large abyss from the cliff.

And with a jerk I opened my eyes to find myself looking at the ceiling. Thank god, it was just a dream.

I tried to get up only to feel my legs are bound?

I looked at my side, to see his face so close to me that I can feel his breath on my face. I immediately turned and lifted my head to see his hand on my stomach and my both arms holding his hand and his right leg on my both legs.

In short, we are hugging each other. I tried to wiggle sso that I can come out of his hold, but just then someone knocked the door.

God.

And before I can even move, he opened his eyes and looked at me confused. And then looked at the door listening to the sound.

It would be too awkward to close my eyes.

He groaned at the knocking on the door and then snuggled into me more. I am so bewildered that I laid as stiff as a stick. Didn’t he realise that we are hugging?

And when the knocking didn’t subside, he shook his head irritatingly and shouted, “I am coming, I am coming" and then left me and went to open the door.

I let out a breathe that I didn’t know I was holding. I immediately sat up to see Kavya talking to him at the door. He then shut the door and bolted it. My heart started beating wildly. He turned to me, gave a big smile, “Good morning", he wished me cheerfully.

I was still in a daze and didn’t wish him back.

“It’s kavya. There is some emergency at the main branch. I need to go. Can I use the washroom first?” he asked as if nothing happened.

“Yes, sir", I replied still in a daze.

He again smiled at me, “Thank you" and then went toward the closet. He stopped again and turned to me,

“It might take time for me in the main branch, so I cannot pick you up to work. Can you go by yourself?”

“Yes, sir"

I hid my face in my hands as soon as he went into the washroom.

What the hell happened just now?

And why he is so casual about it as if we did this numerous times?

May be he was too sleepy to realise what happened?

Or may be he acted normal to reduce the awkwardness?

I just sat there on the bed while he was in the washroom. It has an attached dressing area so there is no fear of anyone coming naked. Thank god for that.

He came out all ready in a sky blue shirt tucked in a grey formal pant. He went to the study table to get some documents and went to the door to leave but stopped and came back to me, kissed my forehead and said, “bye" and left.

I sat on the bed with an open mouth.

Did he just?

What the hell happened?

Why is he behaving like this suddenly?

Please someone stop my heart. It feels as if it will come out of my ribcage.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

And you know what the worst thing is?

His kiss on forehead.

Not on lips. It would just mean lust. I would understand that. It’s not rocket science. A man and woman staying in the same room, lying on same bed. There would be some spark no doubt.

Forehead kiss is too much commitment right now. That is what bothering me the most. It meant that he is ready for a long commitment. This I cannot handle.

And on top of that there is this stupid date. I don’t want to go with him alone.

Ugghhh!!!!

Why me?

I started to get ready for hospital begrudgingly. I have a long surgery today and I cannot afford to have these silly distractions.

After my productive thinking in the shower, I decided it would be best for both of us to not be near to each other. I mean at least untill we talk with Sharanya. Then we can decide what will happen to this marriage. Right?

Why is everything so complicated?

Yes. That would be best for three of us.

It’s almost three and half months since our marriage, so it’s about time she returned from her shoot. I don’t want to give him hope and destroy it.

No.

That came out wrong.

I don’t want to give myself hope and destroy it later.

Yes. This is correct.

So the next two days I tried to avoid him. Keyword: tried. I mean it is difficult to avoid a person with whom you travel to and fro to work together, work on the same cases, work under the same professor, living in the same room. I don’t know whether he got the memo or not.

You might think it would be good to sit and talk everything openly. It’s more difficult than you think. What would you tell?

That we will talk with Sharanya first and if she agrees, we will continue this marriage, otherwise we will get seperated?

Telling that means admitting indirectly that I too want the relationship. And if Sharanaya disagrees? Would it be wise to ask him to sacrifice his life when he knows that I too want this marriage?

It would be like giving a hungry person just a small bite of delicious food and snatching it back.

So it’s better to shut my mouth and make him think like I am not interested in him. That way he won’t get hurt and move on quickly.

No matter what will happen someone is bound to hurt among the three of us. This is the best way to have minimum damage to him.

You can all blame me as much as you want. I am just trying not hurt anyone anymore including myself.

Sid is very busy these days. It’s become very difficult to get a hold on him. I desperately need someone to talk to about this. He is the one who can look at this without any prejudice.

Currently I am sitting with my books open in the residents' room. I told Arjun sir that I need to complete writing paper for the journal along with Nidhi, and that I will come home evening. He left to the main branch due to some work.

The entire week I tried to avoid him as much as possible. And finally our off day came. Even though I hoped that he will forget about it, his mom reminded him yesterday that she made the reservations in the restaurant.

When I reached home late, he already slept. I went directly to have a shower and went to sleep.

As soon as I laid down he immediately held my waist and pulled me into a hug.

“It’s been a very hectic week. I wasn’t able to talk with you properly. Which movie do you want to go tomorrow?” he asked me as he snuggled into me.

Why is he doing this to me?

Why is he crossing the lines now that it is almost time for Sharanya to come back?

“I...umm....sir-"

“Arjun. My name is Arjun"

I know. This is the nth time you are telling me. Can’t you understand that I don’t want to get close to you?

“I know what you think Anu. It was difficult at first to read you, but now I can say what you are thinking. You think I don’t know that you are avoiding me? You think I don’t know that you too like me?”

I snapped my head at him. It’s a mistake. His face is too close to me. His gaze traveled to my lips and my eyes and then to my lips and my eyes again.

Why is it so hot in here?

“ I know that no matter how much you like me, you will never act on it without Sharanya’s permission and knowing her she will never accept us. I know she is your priority. I also know that it’s time for her to come back. Once she comes back you will leave, so I don’t want to waste whatever little time we have. “ He told me softly.

I looked at him.

“I am offering you a deal now. No strings attached. Just be with me until we separate. Let’s date until we get divorced. And when the time comes for you to leave, I will let you leave without any drama.” He continued.

“I...I"

“You don’t have to reply now. Think and let me know tomorrow.“

Saying that he snuggled more into me and slept.

I, on the other hand didn’t slept at all.