Ashley's POV

Waking up wasn't difficult at all considering I spend the entire night looking at my phone and waiting for David to call. He never called neither did he return home. I did however get a message from Layla informing me that David was staying with her.

I decided it would be best if I explain myself. I was awful to David and I completely ruined his proposal. It was my mistake and I should own up to it rather than hiding.

I got out of the dress I was wearing last night and took a quick shower. I kept thinking about the events that unfold. The cold water helps me get rid of all the stress and I was more determined now. I got dressed in a tank top and a pair of jeans and took off to see David.

The drive didn't help. It made me more tense and anxious. I felt at loss again. I was terrified of how he would react to the things I've to say.

I parked my car in front of Layla's house and stepped out. I took a deep breath and rang the bell. After some seconds of wait, Layla opened the door and looked at me intensely. She smiled and nodded at me. I knew she was aware of what had happened but thankfully she didn't say anything to me.

"He's in the guest room" she pointed towards the room and left. I took a deep breath and walked towards it.

I softly knocked on the door and waited for his response. He groaned from the other side "Not now Layla. Later, please"

I could sense his disorientated self. I cleared my throat and spoke "It's me" I was barely audible but I knew he heard it because I heard the door unlock.

With a few seconds to gather me, I entered his room. He was sitting on his bed but wasn't looking at me. He was still in yesterday's clothes which meant he didn't sleep either.

I sat down next to him. It was so strange, the silence was so uncomfortable and unbecoming.

"Hi.," I whispered.

His lips twitch forming a smile I think, I wasn't sure. He looked up and then he turned to face me. He took my hands in his and I finally relaxed a little bit.

"I'm sorry," he said

I pulled away "What?"

"I said I'm sorry" he frowned at my reaction

"Why? Why are you sorry?"

"Because I was being selfish. I wanted the proposal and the moment to be so special that I went all out. I completely overlooked the fact that you've had all of it and you don't have a pleasant experience. It was wrong of me to just ambush you. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life-"

"Please stop it"

He tried holding my hand again but I didn't let him. I was so guilty and him being understanding didn't help the cause.

"You're making this so difficult for me. I can't do this" I said

"What are you talking about?" He came closer to me. "Ashley, look at me" he smiled and put his lips on mine. It was an assurance kiss, I knew that but for me, it felt like the calm before the storm hits and I lose everything. I kissed him back with equal passion. I wanted to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can. "Whatever it is, I love you, remember that?"

"I love you too. It is important that you remember it more than I do."

"Enough with the puzzles. What's happening?"

"I want you to come with me. There's something that needs to be done."

"Okay then, let's go."

We finally left for the place that would turn our relationship upside down. I drove to the destination and strangely David was quiet. I guess he was anxious as well to know what more is left.

I finally pulled over and got out of the car. I took the flowers I brought and walked over to the destination.

David looked around and frowned "this is the place you wanted me to bring?"

I placed the flowers and looked at the stone in front of me.

Richard Walker

Always loved and cherished

It was quiet until he broke the silence "you had a-a son?"

"Um. No. I could've had" I said in a really low tone. This place, this name, all just brings back the guilt and regret. He didn't say anything, he just keeps looking at me waiting for me to complete the story "I was pregnant once. It was before Aaron was locked away. I-I wasn't strong enough to be a mother so without telling anybody I-um got an abortion. I was ashamed and felt so irrelevant that I had to give up my kid because I was scared of his father."

"It was a boy?" He asked

I chuckled sadly "I actually don't know, never went that far ahead. Richard was the first name I thought of when I found out I was going to have a kid. I was barely holding on on my own and having a kid together would've made the situation so much more complicated. I couldn't do it"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was scared and ashamed. This decision just proves how weak and pathetic I was. I-I didn't want you to look at me differently. I've lived with this guilt my whole life I-"

He cut me off "I've never judged you or looked at you differently-"

"Yes I know but-"

"No, no, I've always been transparent with you. There has been nothing that could push me away because I've so much faith in you but you seem to cling on your past too hard. You don't believe in me"

I shook my head "that's not true"

"I asked you to marry me in front of our friends and family because I love you and I wanted everybody to know that, you included but ran away because you couldn't tell me about this. You didn't believe that I would understand this, that even though I wasn't there with you I would understand your impossible situation. I don't care what you had to do to survive, you're so much stronger now and that's all that matters. You survive, that matters to me. I want a future with you but you seem to keep returning to your past to find some excuse to not take the big leap."

I held his hand "David, listen to me, I'm sorry, okay? I love you and I do believe you. I-I-" I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to reassure him because I was doubting myself too.

"I need some time. I can't be here, with you, it's- I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your baby too. I just.. have to go" he removed his hand and walked away.

I knew I should have stopped him but I didn't want to because I didn't have the right answers. He was right, I was responsible for this and I should bear the consequences of it.

I sat down by the grave and put the flowers on them. I don't come here much, they remind me of the worst period of my life and I try to avoid recalling it but at the same time, I feel guilty for not visiting.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so so so sorry. I miss you" a tear rolled down my cheek. I hated myself so much at that moment. My fear and my insecurities ruined my relationship. It's like I can't seem to let go of my past and the mistakes I've made. I myself can't seem to keep myself happy.

I was walking away but a part of me just wanted her to stop me. It felt like I was losing everything but at the same time, I couldn't look at her without hurting. Being around just kept reminding me how little faith she has in me and it was devastating.

After that day I drove straight up to my mom. I couldn't even live in the same city as her, I needed a break. Layla was furious that I didn't inform her but I couldn't care less. My mom has been very generous and patient which is appreciated because I haven't been the best house guest.

In all honesty, being away from Ashley sucks. I miss her too much. Every morning around sunrise she would poke me in my feet. At first, it pissed me because it woke me up while she sleeps soundly but soon I realized what it was about. She would poke me for reassurance that I was still there. Over time I've become so used to it that I miss that poking.

"You're thinking about her. Just give her a call. It's been four days" my mom said as she sat down next to me.

"No. Are you tired of me, already?"

"You're my kid. I'm never going to be tired of you but I'm tired of seeing you like this. You look miserable"

I leaned back "Yeah... it's complicated, mom"

"What isn't? Talk to me"

I was hesitant but I do want to talk. I have been racking my brain and nothing was helping, maybe talking to my mother would. I narrated the whole story to her. It felt a little lighter.

"So? You're upset because..?"

"I'm not upset. I'm pissed"

"You look upset"

"Fine, I'm a little upset because she rejected my proposal"

"Okay, and you are pissed she got an abortion years ago?"

"What? No, I don't care about that. It was her choice. I'm pissed because she didn't trust me enough to share that with me. You know her company is named after her son. I must've asked a thousand times about what is the story behind the name and she never said a word. I want a future with her, a life but we can't have that if every single day I'm wondering what next thing is going to pop up."

She sighed "I understand, honey. I'm sorry that both of you are hurting but relationships are tough. It is even tougher when you've failed earlier. She is strong now but she was weak once and I could tell how much it terrifies her that she might become that person again. It-"

"I'm not going to do what her ex-husband did to her. Not in my worst nightmares would I ever hurt her like that"

"Yes, but knowing something doesn't mean that you can't fear it. She's aware that you are not that person. She knows you won't hurt her but she has been burnt before so every decision for her is ten times more difficult. When your dad left me, I wanted to protect myself from everyone. I was even scared to love you and Layla. I was protective of my heart all of a sudden. I feared that you guys might leave me too. It's not easy to make peace with your past. She is trying, though. She did tell you. Sooner rather than later."

I took my mom's hand "you never told me about how you felt after dad left"

"I didn't want you to feel like you were responsible because you weren't. Just like, Ashley isn't. You are upset and pissed, I get that. Go fight with her. Don't just give up and go radio silent. Just say it, shout it, whatever but don't turn your back on your feelings."

"I don't know, mom. I just-it feels like I'm insignificant. I don't know how to explain" I rubbed my eyes. I was feeling so out of place. None of the events in the past week made any sense to me.

"She took you to a place where she was most vulnerable. She showed the worst part of herself because you are significant to her. We always want the people we love to see the best parts of ourselves but risked it because you're worth it to her." My mom got up and put her hand on my shoulder "it is not always fifty-fifty contribution. Sometimes, you gotta do a little more for a little longer for the person you love to feel completely safe and loved. That is what relationships are, efforts and patience because, at the end of the day, that is the person you want by your side. Just go to her" she left. She was right about one thing. There is nobody else I would want by my side except Ashley no matter what.