Ashley's POV

I came out of my room and found nobody in the living room. I found Serena in the kitchen. She was sitting on the kitchen stool and doing crossword puzzle. I went up and pulled the stool to sit next to her.

"Hey, you want something sweetie?"

I smiled softly "no.. no.. I'm okay. Um. Where is David? I can't find him."

"He's helping Emily with some boxes. Rafael needs some of his stuff so she figured it is a good time to use David and get some cleaning done."

"Okay."

It was silent. I played with my fingers trying to think of something to feel the void. "did you and David talked everything out?" I didn't want to pry but that was the first thing I could think of. I felt stupid for asking such a personal question but it was too late.

"Yeah, we did. It wasn't easy for him and I get why. I'm just happy you're here with him. He's much better person cause of you." She smiled at me. She genuinely meant that.

It was quiet again. Serena got up and started organizing the ingredients for cooking. I took the newspaper and started reading it.

I got up and went outside. I sat on the back door stairs and read my horoscope. I don't believe in it but no harm in reading. You'll have difficulty expressing your thoughts to the loved ones said my horoscope. I always have difficulty expressing my emotions, it is something I've known for the longest time. No horoscope needed.

I keep thinking how different my life would've been if I hadn't made the choices that lead me here. The upside being, I wouldn't have met Aaron. The downside, I probably wouldn't have meet David either. It is funny how my wrong choice lead to the right one.

I remember the day I met David as clear as it was yesterday. It was one of the worst day in my life but it was also the day I met David. The carefree go happy guy who just happen to sit next to me. I remember thinking what a stupid grin and now, that stupid grin makes my day.

I could believe that life somehow turns around but do we ever move past from the shadows of our past? I wake up everyday hoping that my past won't traumatise me. I keep thinking that I'll have the courage to face my choices and talk about them but every day something holds me back.

You meet one person and they destroy you. They break you, leave you, and make you feel more hopeless and unwanted than ever but somehow you end up being punished. I want to trust in the goodness of the world again. I want to tell the truth, my truth but I keep holding myself back.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to feel this way but I do know that David doesn't deserve this.

"Are you okay?" I heard Serena's concerned voice.

"Yes. Yeah, just thinking about certain things."

She sat down next to me. "About David?"

"Umhm. It is all connected."

She smiled at me but didn't say anything.

"Can I ask you something, if you don't mind?" I added

"Sure"

"How did you forgive your husband? I keep thinking and I don't know.. I.. I.. how do you move forward without your past weighing you down."

"You don't forgive them, you forgive yourself. For the longest time, I kept blaming myself for loving him, for choosing to marry him but I realised that it was only hurting me. When a marriage end it feels like a lifetime has come to stop. You've to discover yourself without the shadow of your husband. It is overwhelming but you learn. I prayed and wished for happiness for myself, my kids. I can't unlove him, ever, he'll always be a part of my heart inspite of everything he did so instead I decided to love myself more. That's all there is, hope in yourself."

"What are you scared of? Loving someone again?" She asked softly.

I looked at her. She knew how I was feeling, she of all people can relate.

"I've been down this road before and it wasn't pleasant. I'm scared that if I say how I feel about David out loud it'll all become real and overwhelming for me." I laughed lightly "I'm not a easy person to be with. I've pushed him away several times but he came back every time. I want to be able to go all in and not look back, I just don't know how."

"I don't think there's a time period or process to know that. You had an entire life before you met my son and you can't deny that, you'll have to embrace it. It takes time and patience. You just have to believe in the possibility."

I nodded. Maybe it is all about time like everybody says. Maybe I'll just heal with time if I let myself believe that I'm not broken.

"Why didn't you get married again?"

"Oh boy! That's a loaded question."

"You don't have to answer it."

"No no it's fine. Well, by the time my divorce got finalized my kids were already teenagers and I was in my forties. I was barely functional as a person, let alone be someone's girlfriend. After my kids went off to college and I got some time for myself, my dad got really sick. Emily wasn't around so I stayed close to my father, took care of him. Then he left this big farm to me. I was so furious at first. I didn't know what to do until I figured out, obviously. My daughter tried to set me up with one of her college professor but it didn't work out. Emily's husband passed away and she came to live with me. I think the real reason was I always had some excuse to not let it all go. I was scared, I think I still am a little bit. It is not a nice feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I like my life. I love my children but some time even I keep thinking why didn't I take the second chance when I got one. Trust me, you don't want that."

"Mom!" I heard David yell from inside.

Serena patted my shoulder and gave me a nod before she stood up and left.