I sat outside quietly admiring the beauty of the place. I always liked it after dawn. It is quiet and you can see the clear sky, something you don't get to see much in the city.

I was avoiding my mom and Ashley. My mom kept bumping into me on purpose so she could talk to me and Ashley, well, I screwed up.

I never want to remember that horrible fight I had with my mother ages ago but for some reason my mind kept drifting there.

I didn't know someone could drink this much. I was so hammered. It is a miracle I could come home. I had such a weird day, I broke up with my girlfriend. Atleast i think I did and then I met this mysterious woman in a park. She had something about her, She was sad and that concerned me somehow.

I spend the entire day convincing she is just an ordinary person but I've seemed to have stuck on her. I drank myself to death to just get over today, meeting her, thinking about her. It is exhausting honestly.

I tried unlocking the door but I was drunk and it was dark. I dropped my keys. I bend down to get my keys but my mother opened the door instead so I walked past her.

"Where were you?" She asked.

We're not exactly in talking terms but it is Layla's wedding week and we've to be civil for her sake.

"Out."

"You're drunk and it is way past midnight."

I scoffed "I didn't know I had a curfew. Why do you even care?"

"I'm your mother. Why do I care?" She raised her voice. It was hurting my head "I care because you're my son and I see how you're wasting your life away."

"Oh really? You're doing your mother routine. You've no idea what I'm doing with my life so spare me your judgement."

"Ofcourse I'm aware. You dont tell me anything. You don't talk to me unless you've to."

"You did you really forget what you did? You're questioning my lifestyle? The woman who herself was finding answers at the bottom on a bottle. Just because you've your shit together now doesn't erase the past."

She sighed "I was angry at your father. I didn't mean-"

"SO AM I" I yelled "I'm angry too. You cannot deal with any crisis using your head. You wanna share stuff now? Well, guess what? You're a little too late."

She laughed "I tried with you. I've been trying to make up for those god awful years but nothing seems to effect you. You've completely stopped caring and for one minute I thought maybe Layla's wedding will give us another chance but here you are, drunk and disoriented. I keep forgetting that you're your father's son. You wanna hurt me for a mistake just like he did. It is afterall his blood running through your veins."

She put the glass of water and aspirin on the table. "If there's any part of you that remembers I'm your mother, I hope you come to talk to me. I'm sorry for what I did in the past but at one point, you gotta let go of be bitter forever. It is your choice."

We've in odds for a really long time but my mother never said anything about my father. She always admitted her mistakes and kept quiet. This is the first time she said something so hurtful, which was hurtful for her as well. It shows how much pain she is in. It also shows the kind of man I've become.

I've become my father. The man who hurt my mom and us and left to live his life in freedom. I'm too running away from things and hurting people in the process. I might not realize it but no different than him and if I don't get a grip, I'm gonna lose everybody I care about.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and it broke my thoughts. Ashley smiled at me and sat beside me. She took my hand in her hand and gently rubbed it. It was nice.

"Ashley, I-I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel the way I did. I wasn't trying to hurt you, I would never do that. I was overwhelmed and blindsided by the situation. I haven't seen or heard about my father in so many years that I forgot he even existed. I've blocked every memory of him and today he was standing in my mother's home asking my mother to give him a chance."

I felt more guilty. I should've been there for her.

"I understand. Atleast now I do, I should've been there for you. It is my fault as well. I didn't try to think beyond myself, I didn't comprehend how difficult this situation is for you. You don't have to apologize."

I sighed. I honestly did not expect this. I thought she'll lose it on me as she should. What I did is no way justified. I was so lucky to have her by my side.

"What should I do? He wants to talk to me. I can see my mom wants me to talk to him. She says I need closure. You tell, what is the right solution?"

"You know I can't tell you that. It is not my decision to make but I do know that you're struggling because you already know what you want to do but you're scared of it becoming real. I just want you to know, I'm here with you. Whatever you decide. I'll be right by your side." She gave my hand a squeeze.

I've spent my entire life blaming my father and convincing myself that I don't need an explanation from him. Every time I've thought about him I've imagined him as the man who abandoned his family.

"I don't even know what to ask anymore. It's been a long time." I whispered.

Ashley put her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around my arm and pulled me closer "Why not start with the easy on. Whatever feels the easiest, ask that and make your way upto the difficult ones."

"Will you go with me?"

"You want me to go? Are you sure you don't need privacy?" Ashley asked. Honestly, I wanted her there. I wanted someone real to me close to me as I try and understand why my father left. I nodded "then I'll be there with you."

We're supposed to meet my father today. I don't think I've ever been this nervous or tense about anything in life until now. I don't even know what I want to ask or if I care.

My dad wanted us to meet by this lake we went fishing a quiet a few times when we used to come for vacation away from the city.

Ashley's presence has somehow helped me get a grip. If it were upto me, I would've ruined everything in seconds. I was so angry and pissed at my parents.

I saw my dad standing by the lake. I was frozen, I couldn't move. Ashley touched my arm gently and gave me a small smile. It was all the courage I needed.

I walked upto my father while Ashley stopped at a considerable distance. I could tell she wanted me to have some space. She gave me a reassuring nod.

"You came." My father whispered

"Why did you choose this place?"

"Don't you remember? Some of our best memories are at this place." He smiled

"I remember alright, it is surprising you do too. After ages of absence, a little walk down the memory lane is going to fix your mistakes. That what you thought would happen?" I was already all worked up.

"David, I can't.. I can't even begin to imagine what you went through after I left. I'm not trying to play with your emotions, I just want to apologize."

A humorless laugh escaped me. "Don't you think you're a little late for that? You left to live your happily ever after with someone else and didn't bother to look back. Guess what? We didn't wait either. Nothing you say to me is ever going to change what I feel about you."

"It wasn't happily ever after. I didn't want to leave you kids.. the circumstances.. I never wanted things to go so badly." I could see the sadness in his eyes but it meant nothing to me. His big explaination is that circumstances were never right? Layla and I spent so many years without a father because the circumstances were never right?

"I don't care what you want or what you say. It was long over. You need to leave, just like you did before, and not turn around to see the damage, clear?" I turned to leave but I stopped and turned towards him "don't you dare go knocking Layla's door. She has a stable life with kids. The last thing she needs is a long lost father trying to make amends. You feel guilty, go to some church and confess. There's nothing here for you."

"She's my daughter, you know. You can not stop me. If she wants to hear me out, I don't need your permission."

I groaned. "what is your problem? Did we interfere in your perfect little life? No, then why the hell are you back ruining our lives again? This is not a tv show where you explain your actions with some rehearsed set of dialogues and everything is forgiven."

"I know I broke your heart-"

"YOU BROKE MY MOTHER." I yelled. I couldn't control it anymore. Every time this man spoke about how he understood the damage he had done, it made me furious. He can't even begin to understand the trauma that he caused on our family with his actions. "You don't know. You'll never know because you didn't come back to apologize on time. I saw what you put my mother through, she cried herself to sleep. Because of you, I blamed her too. For the longest time I thought it was my mother's fault that you left. It was until I saw you married the woman you cheated with and moved. No explaination, no apologies, nothing. You completely forgot that you left a life behind you. Your kids, they depended on you and you just left them hanging to live your merry life. I don't care what you say now, you're not getting another chance at ruining any more of our lives. We're doing really well without you. That's exactly how it should be."

"I asked your mother to marry me when I was twenty years old." He said. I was walking away but Ashley put her hand on my chest and stopped me. I turned towards him, again. "I was so in love with her, I didn't want to lose her so I asked her to marry me. Your grandfather was furious with the idea of his daughter marrying so young but we did it anyway. I loved her so much, for so long that when I realized, I was falling out of love with her I did the worst possible thing I could think of. I didn't have the courage to confront the feeling of inadequacy I was feeling that I ended up hurting her. I did the one thing that guaranteed she'll hate me for the rest of time. It just felt easier to live with the blame than accepting that I didn't love her anymore. I wasn't trying to break her heart, I wasn't trying to break our family. My intention was not to cause pain. I was a coward who couldn't handle the reality. No amount of sorry can fix that, I know that but I need to say things out loud once. I'm responsible for destroying your childhood, for taking away our family and I'm so sorry for that."

I stood there. I could see the stray tears and the regret plastered on his face. I wish it were easy, I wish I could just say it is all okay and be done with this but I can't. The more I stand and listen to him talk about the choices he made, the more abandoned I feel.

"I can't." I whispered to Ashley.

Ashley nodded. She understood how difficult this was turning out to be for me.

She walked upto my father. "I'm Ashley, David's girlfriend. I.. I don't think this is helping. I'm sorry, we're leaving. It was nice meeting you, sir."

"I can understand. Please take care of my son."

Hearing him call me son made me more furious. He does not have the right to call me that. He made that perfectly clear when he walked out.

The entire way back home I was quiet. Ashley didn't push me either. She respected my need for space and didn't bother me. I kept thinking about my mom. I know we've had our issues but I couldn't help but wonder how unfair I was towards her. Hindsight being twenty twenty, I wasn't exactly the best son.