《Stay With Me Always》Twenty Nine

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"I saw the dress on my bed. Why did you get me a dress?" I asked my mother as I took a spoonful of cheesecake.

"I want you to wear it to the party."

"I've got plenty of dresses, you didn't have to get me another one."

Mom sighed and sat next to me. "It'll look good on you. I wanted to get it for you so I did."

"Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it."

Mom smiled and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

"Why did you agree to David? I didn't need a date."

"He asked first. Moreover, it is just a party. It's been a while since you had a date."

"It isn't a date."

"Okay. Not a date but still, don't ditch him."

I sighed "I can't get out of this, can I?"

My mom showed me her perfect dimpled smile and shook her head no.

"Anyway, how was work?" Mom asked

I remembered the awful day I had and started playing with the spoon. Without giving her a glance I said "It was fine"

"What happened? I can see something happened."

"It was nothing."

"Which means something. Come on, tell me."

"Nothing really.. just a client called me Mrs. Morris and mentioned Aaron."

"Oh sweetie." My mom tried to hug me but I stopped her so instead she held my hand. I don't like how mentioning my marriage makes my mother sad.

"The thing that came into my mind was one of our happy memories and then I remembered how terrible marriage it was. A failed marriage which ended in a disastrous divorce and a miserable future with nothing to look forward."

"Sweetie if there's one advice I can give you, is that don't dwell on things that you feel regret over. The regret will turn into guilt and that guilt will suffocate you. Your marriage didn't turn out perfectly but it is over now. You don't have spend your whole life restricting yourself thinking someone might come along and mention your marriage. You can not out run your past, it is always going to be there. The fact that your marriage failed is always going to be there but you're not the person you were back then, you're a completely different person who shouldn't have to carry that burden."

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The thoughts I had in mind last night came to my mind. I'm a different person and even though I'm confused and distorted about how I feel about certain things, I'm pretty certain I feel relief to have gotten out of my sad marriage. Given I'm still haunted by my memories, I can't give up on what I decided last night. I'm not gonna cry away my second chance.

"Do you I'll ever have a second chance at love again?"

My mother started at me. It was understandable considering I've asked suck questions. I never thought I would such questions but lately I feel more comfortable and wanting to ask such questions.

"I believe that if you open your heart. You'll find whatever you're looking for. It is scary to find someone who makes you happy because we're always protective of our heart. I know your heart has been broken, I know you think you're broken but you're not. You got knocked out, it is life, it happens but got back up. You just need to let your heart get back up too. You deserve love more than anyone and I'm absolutely certain you're going to find it."

I didn't know if I believed her completely but it was nice hearing those things. I snuggled close to her. I wish I could shut my mind and all the thoughts that are making me crazy. I wish I could be as optimistic as my mother is but I'm not, still it was assuring to know she has more hope than I do.

"And I said that if we're going to have breakfast might as well-" Rafael waved his hand to get my attention. "Dude, who is she?"

"Who is who?" I asked acting dumb. I was distracted my Ashley.

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My brother Rafael was visiting and we decided to have drinks and catch up. He always has interesting stories from his travel but my stupid mind kept drifting to Ashley. I couldn't help but think why was she restless today. I kept asking myself did something happen in the office that upset her. I didn't want to but I couldn't seem to get a grip.

"Oh yeah. Play dumb. We've grown up together, remember? Our moms changed our diapers together."

"Something I don't want to remember." I said sipping my whiskey.

"I know when you're all smitten and mushy. Who is she?"

"She lives in my building. Well, long story short, I met her once years ago and then somehow ended up living next door to her. She is intriguing. Can't explain."

"Is she hot?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes but that's not why I'm.. intrigued.." I trailed for the lack of better word.

"Okay. You don't have a thing for hot women anymore? Did you grow up in two days?" Rafael taunted.

"No, you dickhead. She's hot, okay? She's beautiful, in a non conventional way. Like, she hides it behind her cold bitchy personality so people don't see how fragile she is. I don't wanna talk about this."

"Why? Are you scared? Are you scared that this might turn into something real and you might have to question your own commitment? So predictable."

I groaned "it's not about me. I'm scared for her. I'm curious. I keep pushing and sometimes, I see the turmoil in her eyes and freaks me out that I might end up hurting her somehow. I wanna be close to her.. I just don't know how."

"Well considering you're here, talking about her and all your emotional feelings I can see how much hold that girl has on you." I rolled my eyes. Sometimes it is really difficult to talk to Rafael about anything serious. He sighed "look, dude, you're not a quiter. You like her, you stick with her. If you think this is real, she's worth the hardship. You've never walked away when things got difficult, this shouldn't be any different."

I nodded. It made sense which is surprising cause half of the things that come of Rafael's mouth are crap. He isn't the sharpest when it comes to feelings and emotions. I think commitment issues runs in our family.

"Now that we've discussed your girl trouble. I've to ask you for something?"

"What is it?"

"Talk about feelings, check. Give sage advice, check. Make inappropriate comments to cut the tension, check. Now, will you teach me how to braid my hair so we can finish this girl's night?" He laughed as I glared at him.

"Haha. Funny. Grow up."

He didn't listen, obviously and the color commentary continued throughout the night.

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