"What are you doing? Why can't you just let it go!" I asked with irritation lace evidently.

"I'm just here to give you this glass of wine. I know how much you like it, or liked it and I felt you should have it."

"What are you, my life coach now? Guiding me to face my fears and all. Do you've a crap speech ready to motivate me how this is supposed to change my life, my perspective and all that?" I knew I was being bitter but he just wouldn't let go.

"Okay. Mean girl. I don't even know about your fear, let alone lecture you to face it. I don't know the story, remember?" I glared at him and he sighed "I heard how you enjoyed red wine and I got you a glass. No bigger lesson here. I just want you to enjoy it."

"Did you understand nothing from all that happened an hour ago? Do you really not get it?"

"Your little meltdown? I got it, alright but you're fine now. I'm not asking you to do it like you're my puppy or something. I just thought that you should have the option if you do decide to embrace your fear" he gave me his cocky smile as he used my words against me.

"I don't drink anymore, I don't care anymore and I don't understand why you do. Why are you doing this?"

"Do what?"

"Pushing me. Pushing me all the time. Making me angry, intruding in my life so much."

"I know you think that but that's not true. I'm not pushing you, I'm giving you an option to do things you want do because you're too scared to do. You're too young to be scared. As far as intruding go, I'm not exactly doing a great job at that as you know I know nothing about your life. I'm not trying to do anything, I'm making the best of the situation. You like wine, I got you wine. You drink, not drink is your choice. I just made sure you looked at the glass while you make it."

"That's interfering."

"That's being considerate. Humans do that. You wouldn't know" he smiled at me but I rolled my eyes. He gets on nerves.

"I'll leave you, okay?" I gave him a little nod and he got up but stopped before leaving to say something. "You can push all you want, sometimes people do come back."

I wanted him to say explain me why he said that or how people come back. Why does he keep coming back? I had so many things I wanted him to tell me so I won't feel so restless around him but I know it would mean letting him in, which I can't do. I can't open my heart and my soul. I don't even know if I have one anymore.

He makes me so ruffled. I can't think straight when I'm around him. All my notions, my anxieties, my fears, everything flares in his presence yet I feel myself wanting to be around him. He's dangerous territory but for some twisted reason, it feels safe. Sometimes I want to talk to him, not just sitting and talking but have a meaningful conversation. I haven't had this problem before. Everything about him drives me nuts and yet no matter how much I stay away, I'm somehow always close to him.

My eyes were fixed on the glass of wine right next to me. What if I'm ready to face my fear but I'm just never given the choice? What if it is not the memory that haunt me, it is the fact that I might enjoy it again? What if I'm scared of being normal again? My kept asking all the different questions but I had no answer. I never thought about it. I wasn't given the choice to.

I picked up the glass and held it. It reminded me of the times I was happy, when I used to find the simple pleasures in ordinary things. As I held the glass and let the strong oaky fragrance take me over I felt a similar feeling.

I was somehow back in time where I used to be in love with myself. I wasn't burdened with the decisions of my past or had to live through bad experiences. I was happy without worrying about the next big problem. It was such a comforting feeling.

I took one sip of the wine he praised so much and in that little sip I knew why. The fruity taste that lingers with the apparent weight in my mouth with crisp proved was just as great as David described. I smiled feeling proud as to how I can still identify a good red wine. It was one of hobbies, I was happy I still had it in me.

I put the glass down after one sip. I like the feeling, I was enjoying it and I wasn't going to push my luck and ruin it. It was a big huge step to my recovery. Some might also say this was nothing but for me, it was huge. For the first time I did something I wanted to do without thinking about what happened in my past.

A part of me wanted to run back into that house and tell David that. I didn't know why but I felt this sudden urge to share something this amazing with him. I wanted to thank him but I didn't. I didn't go. I was aware if I take one step towards him, I'll not be able to hold back. I'm pushing him away for a reason and I can't just give him and bring into the mess that my life is. He deserves better. He doesn't deserve someone as broken as I am.