Ashley's POV

I saw everybody sulking and my mom sitting with her hands on her head like she killed someone. It was one of most depressing things I've seen in my house. It broke my heart to see the people closest me so afraid of me, walking on eggshells because a little slip of tongue and I lose it. I'm the reason this happy family dinner turned into such a depressing scene.

I wanted to go back in time and stop this situation from spiralling. I could've reacted in a better way, I could've let it go but I did. I made my parents feel horrible about something which isn't even their fault.

David nudged me gently to get my attention. I looked at him and he gave me one of his lopsided smile. I don't why or how but that smile makes me want to do things, it somehow encourages me and at the same time irritate me. It is always so confusing with him.

I took a step forward to make room between David and I. I finally gathered the courage and spoke up.

"Is there no dessert? I feel like having dessert."

My mom finally looked up and broke into a tearful laugh. She came running to me and embrace me into a hug.

I feel like I'm homesick for a place that doesn't even exist anymore. A place where my heart is full and I'm not hurting all the time. I'm holding onto that feeling so tightly that I can't seem to accept the reality. I'm hurting the people that I love so dearly. My past, my choices, my mistake, everything is and will be mine. I can't have my mom feeling bad about missing the better times.

"I'm so sorry, mom" I whispered. She kissed me and held my hand as she made me sit next to her as we ate dessert.

Liam raised an eyebrow at David and he just shrugged with a smile. Thankfully Liam didn't interrogate anymore about it.

The aftermath wasn't as stressful as the it was before. Conversations flew happily and the room was filled with laughter. David took most of the limelight with his charming corky attitude and his stupid jokes. Some were actually worth laughing but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. In between the conversation, he would steal a glace at me, but I avoided awkward eye contact completely.

After the desserts I volunteered to wash dishes and Jenny helped it. We talked about work and kids mostly until she asked me the dreaded question.

"What's up with you and Mr. Charming out there? You seem to have a lot of tension."

The plate fell from my hand as soon as I heard her question. I had no idea what was going on. Answering something I'm completely unaware was difficult that I thought.

"Nothing. He's noisy and intruding. He's making everything his business."

"He likes you"

I glared at her and she raised her hand in surrender. I don't even want to hear stuff like this out loud or admit that it actually might be true. I can't deal with something like this and I would very much like to avoid for as long as I can.

After the dishes I came out to the living and saw my mom opening the wine David bought. She stopped as she looked at me, afraid I'll have another meltdown.

"You guys go ahead, I'm gonna get some air." And I rushed out of there before my mom feels guilty. She's allowed to enjoy the things she likes, everyone should. I shouldn't be the reason that people hold back.

I sat down on the stairs of the patio and watched the moon. It is amazing how somewhere in the world is watching it right now as well and maybe that person is happier than I am. It was a strange think to wish for but it gave me relief thinking that somewhere, someone is looking at the moon and thanking his or her wonderful life even if I'm not that person. Someone is.

I heard a click that broke my thought. I looked and saw a glass of red wine sitting beside me and David standing above it with his infectious smile. I don't how he smiles so openly, fully. I'm envious because I miss that feeling. I can never just let it go and smile like that. I'm too terrified to even smile fully without thinking about how miserable my life was or can be. It is so sad that I've forgotten to live in the present.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" I just rolled my eyes and didn't reply. "Yes, you're absolutely right. It tastes complete divine."

I didn't reply to that either which obviously forced him to sit next to me. I was again in a situation I didn't wanted to be.