《Stay With Me Always》Fourteen
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I was sitting on our couch drinking red wine and thinking about our last fight. Our fights are becoming more rough and loud lately. I don't know if it is his work or something else but he is always in a mood, ready to lash out.
I poured myself another glass. I'm a huge nerd when it comes to red wine. I like to collect every bottle I could get my hands on. I like to have them, know about them. I'm even a wine club member that serves exclusive red wine from all over the world.
I was lost in my thoughts I didn't saw my husband come in. He removed his jacket and I got up picking my glass and my bottle. I was going to put it away when he bumped into me and the remaining wine in my glasses spilled all over him.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" He snapped.
I ran to the kitchen and picked up some napkins and started dabbing the stain. It was bad. I could see how furious he was.
"This is one of my office shirts. You idiot, what did you do! Sitting around, sipping wine without any care in the world. Do you even care about me? How my day was? Or you were just waiting to pour your stupid goddamn wines. You're such a ungrateful wife."
"It was an accident. I didn't mean to-"
"YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO? IS THAT WHAT WILL FIX ALL OF THIS. YOU'RE A SLOB WHO IS SITTING AROUND ALL DAY AND THINKING SHE'S THE QUEEN. I GOT AN IDEA FOR YOU, I'LL TACKLE THE PROBLEM FROM THE ROOTS"
I couldn't register what was happening. As he furiously walked away, I followed him. We were in celery and he went straight to my red wine collection.
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Before words could escape my mouth, the disaster had begun. He started throwing my bottles one by one and I flinched every time. My happiness, my passion, my leisure time, nothing matter.
He kept breaking them and I stood there quietly as I watched him destroy the thing I cherish so much. I've always talked to him about how I would like a vineyard for myself but nothing mattered in that moment. One mistake by me and he ruined something so precious to me. I tried saying sorry but I was invisible to him.
This wasn't love, or anger, this was revenge. I did something to him so he had to retaliate. He just wanted to hurt me in any way he could think of. I was starting at him and he wasn't the man I married.
He picked a bottle screw of one of the broken bottles. He took my hand and placed it in my palm "Goodnight, sweetheart." And walked away. We didn't talk, I didn't get to explain or ask why he would do something like that.
I picked up the broken pieces as I cleaned up. I didn't realize I was crying, tears seem to be flowing uncontrollably. I didn't know what I was supposed to do but I did know I'll never have the same feeling about red wine ever again.
"Ashley..." David's voice broke my thoughts.
I opened my eyes and saw him sitting next to me. My eyes were blurry with the tears but I could still see those beautiful eyes on me trying to understand me. The last thing I wanted was for him to see me like this. I'm miserable and broken, I don't want him to think I'm some damsel in distress trying to be saved.
"You ran out. That's not how you face problems" he broke the silence.
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"You don't get to tell me how to face problems. I'm fine."
"You're not fine, okay? You're sitting here, crying and your parents are panicking inside. I get your marriage is touchy subject but your mom didn't mean to hurt you. She just mea-"
"Did I ask for your advice? No. I don't want your opinion. Yes, my marriage was a disaster. Thanks to my mom, you know it as well. Now leave me alone." I went back to closing my eyes and counting my breaths to get control of myself.
"I get it. I'm not talking about your marriage. I figured it was something messy and I don't want to know until you want to tell me but this is about your folks. They love you, they're going crazy in there. Your mom is a mess. She blames herself for you running."
I snapped my eyes open and glared at him. "You're unbelievable. For the last time, IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS. Why don't you for once in your life not interfere in someone else's life and go live yours. It is my life. I can handle it. If I needed your smart expertise, I would've asked you myself. Just leave me alone"
He got up to leave but stopped for one second "You know a mother carries its child's heart. You think you're hurting, she's hurting even more. Her heart stops as well every time you feel pain." And he left.
I didn't know why but I wanted him to stay and say more. He always has a way of saying the things that hit me like a rock. He makes me wonder things. He makes me want to think about things I don't want to. He doesn't realized how his words, or his presence effect me. I try to keep a tough facade to keep him away but he still gets to me. His words keep playing in my head in repeat. His words hit me right where it hurt the most. I hate him for being right.
He was right. It wasn't my mother's fault that my marriage was a failure and I still can't get past it. She wasn't trying to hurt me, she was just trying to talk about the good times we once had. They worry about me as it, I can't have them blame themselves for my issues. It isn't fair to my parents.
My mom has been a constant support and I love her so much. I'm not very good with the normal emotions anymore. I can't communicate like I used to but none of that is my mom's fault. She didn't hurt, my past is hurting me. I'm still letting my past control my life. I'm the one who should be at fault. I'm the one who's a living breathing mess.
I got up and turned around to see David standing by the backyard entrance. He was waiting for me. I walked upto him, he smiled at me but I didn't say anything. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to say. He was right but I can never say that out loud. I can never thank him. I can never let him him.
I entered the house and he followed behind. Even though I couldn't see him I knew his eyes were fixed on me and he had a faint smile knowing he was right.
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