《Stay With Me Always》Eleven
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Ashley's POV
Even after David left, I sat there. I kept thinking about what he said or why he said it. What is this constant need of his to make me believe that everything is going to be okay. I'm rude to him, I don't talk too much, I'm always finding ways to push him away yet he somehow doesn't want to give up. He makes me want to believe that world is a better place.
I sat there for hours before getting up to get ready for lunch with Jenny. I ordered take out from her favorite restaurant and took out a nice white wine from my collection.
The door opened and relieved Jenny "Your door is unlocked. Your door is never unlocked."
"Oh maybe after.." I trailed not wanting to mention David. "Liam was here." I said instead.
"Yes, yesterday. He came by to see if David had set up." He said putting away her things.
"You knew too? Why didn't you tell me?"
She frowned "I didn't know you care. I mean, you fired the guy. Why would you want to know about his living arrangements?"
"No, obviously, I don't. It-its just that I-I-" I stumbled to find the right words but was saved by the bell. The food arrived at the right time.
We had a quiet lunch, we talked about work, the kids, Liam. Nothing about David was brought up anymore.
"You've deflected enough. Now, tell me why is there a bandage on your hand and why the hell was your door unlocked?" Jenny asked as I put away the dishes.
I sighed and drank the entire class of wine before spilling my guts. I told him about Liam visiting, shockingly meeting David, tripping and cutting my hand, panic attack, the comforting hug, the staying over and the morning.
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I think by the time I was finished she had stroke or something because her eyes were wide and mouth open.
"Woah. That's..." She trailed too, not knowing what to say.
"Yeah well, I'm trying to avoid him as much as I can but it can't seem to stick."
"Why are you avoiding him?"
"Did you not hear what I just said? He's trying to.."
"He likes you. He's trying to break your walls."
"The walls exist for a reason, Jenny"
"You deserve to be happy. You need to be happy. Your past shouldn't be the reason you hold back."
"I'm happy. I'm alright. I just.. I don't think that.. I-"
"You just wanted what you deserve and you were expecting it from a wrong guy but that doesn't mean that every guy is going to be wrong one. You deserve the best version of life more than anyone. You can't just not give it a chance."
I took the plates out for desert. This conversation was way out of my hand and was making me jumpy. I don't like talking about my past, or how my unfortunate past is making my present difficult. I spend most of days in denial and I've become accustomed to it now.
"There's good out in the world and it is worth fighting for." Jenny continue
"There's no fight left in me anymore than it was. I'm content with my life, I've made peace with this and I want it that way"
She was quiet for a while until she opened her bad and slide a old movie ticket across the counter. It was a black and white classic.
"When I first met Liam, he was this golden boy. Every teacher looked at him as if he was a star. Every girl wanted to be with him. All the boys wanted to be his friend but I was never interested in any of that. He wasn't the cliche bad boy but he acted so cool all the time. One day, I thought if I ever want to know this person, real him I'll have to detach him from his usual setting. I left this movie ticket with a note to meet me to watch the movie. Halfway into the movie, I gave up, but I didn't leave. I sat there and kept waiting because a part of me knew was worth waiting. He showed up when last ten minutes were left. That's the start." She smiled looking at that ticket. It was so beautiful was they have but I know I can't have it. I shouldn't aspire for something that is very much out of reach. I'm not that girl who believes in fairytale and magic anymore. I'm even fully sure I believe in love anymore.
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"What I'm trying to say is, I think it is really brave of you. You get up everyday, deal with everything. You are trying to live your life, trying to be happy. I'm so proud that the past didn't slow you but I also want you to have a chance at love, at relationships. I don't want you to think that just because you got dealt with a bad hand, your whole game is going to suck."
"You made a poker reference?" I laughed lightly. It was cute.
"I tried" she shrugged.
I nodded. I understood what she said, I just didn't know how to discuss it. I'm good at talking. I haven't talked about my past either, ever. I can't acknowledge everything like people do. For me everything that concerns emotions, takes time to gasp. I'm broken and I know it but what I'm bad at is fixing myself. I don't know if I want to.
"Hey, why are your parents having dinner this weekend?"
"I think it is something but I don't know. Well, you know, they miss Liam and me alot. It could also be a ploy to get us home."
She smiled "I need a break from the kids. I'm so in"
"Yeah. I'm, too."
She pulled out her phone "Come here, I'll show you my mom's new Botox surgery."
I took the desert and discussed that. We talked for hours about random. Mostly she talked and I tried to listen as my mind kept drifting to what Jenny said and David. I couldn't keep focus at all.
Do I really need to give a chance to him?
Is all I could ask myself but I came up with no legitimate answer. It was just so confusing.
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